In honor of the multiple text chats I have going on regarding The Cruel Prince, this open thread goes out to our book boyfriends/girlfriends. Tell us all about yours, or, as usual, feel free to post about anything you like.

BOOK REPORT for The Glass Spare by Lauren DeStefano

Cover Story: Nice Menagerie
Drinking Buddy: Cautious
Testosterone Estrogen Level: The Gloves are Off
Talky Talk: On Repeat
Bonus Factor: Steampunk
Anti-Bonus Factor: Stockholm Syndrome
Bromance Status: On to Glory

Cover Story: Nice Menagerie

A beautiful, very detailed glass sculpture that has a lot to do with the story. It was so eye-catching I never noticed it until I sat down to write this review. The amber on black colors don't catch the eye.

The Deal:

Fifteen-year-old Wilhelmina 'Wil' Heidle is fourth in line to her steampunky kingdom's throne, and the only girl. Knowing she'll never be more than a spare heir to the king, she excels as a spy for her father and a procurement agent for Gerdie, her sickly next-older brother. Wil takes after her mother, the queen: she has the soul of a wanderer, wanting to ditch castle life and see the world.

There are strange rumors about Wil, that she and her mother survived her birth under strange circumstances, that Wil was born under a curse, that she has evil within herself. All nonsense

Until one night, when Wil and Gerdie get in a rough spot in town. And Wil realizes she has developed the ability to transform any living thing into glasslike precious jewels. After throwing the ruby shards of their attacker into the river, the siblings realize no one must ever know of this. War is coming and Wil's father and their power-hungry middle brother would want to turn her into a horrible weapon or assassin. Wil takes to wearing gloves while Gerdie desperately tries to find a cure.

But one fatal evening Wil makes a mistake. A tragedy happens. And Wil must flee the kingdom. Everyone thinks she's dead. Her only hope is a wizard who lives in the enemy kingdom. But before she can make contact, Wil is waylaid by revolutionary Loom and his--wife? girlfriend? friend with benefits?--Zay, who are determined to use Wil's curse to their own ends. What's a princess to do?

Drinking Buddy: Cautious

Wil and two of her brothers were exactly the sort of people I'd like to have in my corner, all cagey and smart and ruthless. On the other hand, she did have a bit of a Pollyanna vibe when it came to her gift. Hey, if someone's trying to kidnap you, it's okay to give them the old glass touch. But I guess that's easy for me to say.

Testosterone Estrogen Level: The Gloves are Off

Wil was pretty much the epitome of the modern princess: smart, cagey, and willing to leave a guy coughing up teeth in the alley. She and her brothers have been sneaking out of the palace since childhood. Gerdie sends her to the scummy side of town to buy chemicals for his alchemy experiments without worry. She risks her life more than once to help someone in need. On the other hand, she really does kind of let people push her around (see anti-bonus factor).

Talky Talk: On Repeat

The book was a nice blend of fantasy and sci fi (see bonus factor). Wil and Gerdie were truly likeable, but not many other characters were. And about 30% of the book was this:

Loom: You're going to help me overthrow the tyrant!

Wil: I'll escape as soon as you let your guard down!

Loom: You wouldn't do that (flirty wink).

Zay: Let's just kill her.

Wil escapes, Loom recaptures her.

Repeat.

 Bonus Factor: Steampunk

So Wil lives in a world that is clearly not our own. A world of magic and pirates, but with cars, telephones and data glasses (they instantly tell the user information about whatever they're looking at). Wil's kingdom prefers magic to technology. Gerdie is a genuine alchemist. And what boy hasn't secretly fantasized about having his own lab in the dungeon, mixing up random powders until an explosion rocks the castle?

Anti-Bonus Factor: Stockholm Syndrome

It's obvious that the author is setting up Loom to be kind of the romantic interest. A rugged revolutionary and sailor, he and Wil share similar life philosophies, wanderlust, and secret shames. And oh, those sexy tattoos and dimples!

Except, you know, he's kind of throwing this all in Zay's face. They have some kind of open relationship, but that's still kind of rude. Which is maybe why Zay knocks Wil around, and stabs her once. Wil, of course, is so badass that she shrugs this off as female bonding, but still.

Oh, and Wil's only fifteen.

And...Loom freakin' kidnapped her! No! Bad! I don't care how ripped and angsty he is, the word 'captor' should not describe your potential boyfriend. He tied you up and locked you on a ship. You don't have to worry about his health.

Bromance Status: On to Glory

I liked Wil enough to want to see how all this plays out. Hopefully in the next book she'll find a group of friends who don't hold knives to her throat.

FTC full disclosure: I received neither money nor ruby shards in exchange for writing this review.

BOOK REPORT for Love and Other Train Wrecks by Leah Konen

Cover Story: Simple But Charming
BFF Charm: Torn x2
Swoonworthy Scale: 4
Talky Talk: Unfavorable Comparisons
Bonus Factor: Misadventures In Travel
Factor: Plot Twists
Anti-Bonus Factor: Awful Grownups
Relationship Status: Seatmates

Cover Story: Simple But Charming

I like this cover; I’m not in love with it, but the colors are pretty, the cartoon people are wandering through the woods (something that indeed happens), and…I dunno. It’s inoffensive. I’ll allow it!

The Deal:

Isn’t train travel romantic? At least, that’s what Ammy (that’s like Sammy without the S, not a weird way to spell Amy) thinks before she actually gets on the Amtrak and realizes it’s all industrial fabrics, pushy travelers, and overly warm train cars. She’s taking the train from Baltimore to upstate New York to go to her father’s wedding to the woman who broke up her parents’ marriage. She has no idea if it’s the right thing to do, but at this point she’s already turned her mom into a nervous wreck because she left, so now she's committed.

Noah, a frequenter of this particular train between NYC and his sleepy little hometown, knows the best thing to order on the dining car menu and is already aware trains aren’t romantic, but he’s hoping that his evening will be. Why, you ask? Because he’s about to go win back his ex-girlfriend who he foolishly broke up with over the summer, which he now realizes was a colossal mistake.

When their train breaks down in the middle of nowhere, leaving both of their grand plans in danger of coming completely undone, the two reluctant partners decide to join forces and hoof it to the bus station. What ensues is twenty-four hours of misadventures…the kind of which could be exactly what they need.

BFF Charm: Torn x2

Both Noah and Ammy seem like they could be decent friends under the right conditions. Right now, though, they’re too wrapped up in their own issues and need to do a bit of growing up and soul searching, respectively. Ammy is too quick to judge and cynical about happiness, which would bother me the longer we hung out. And Noah’s spine is a little too squishy—dude needs to speak his mind and figure out what he wants to do, then COMMIT.

Swoonworthy Scale: 4

Noah’s preoccupied for much of the book's first half with how he will win back his ex, Rina. He finds himself immediately drawn to Ammy (yawn) but then he feels disloyal to Rina’s memory and what does this mean for his plan to win her back? Ammy initially dismisses him as a blandly attractive jock, but she hasn’t scratched the surface of Noah and his softer nature. Since I was already on the fence about these two being bestie material, I wasn’t super invested in their budding romance. I wouldn't say it was totally instalove territory, but I never felt the tingles.

Talky Talk: Unfavorable Comparisons

The 24-hour romance/travel concept isn’t a new one, but like any trope you massively enjoy, you keep seeking out new takes in hopes that you will find a hit. This ended up being fine; I didn’t hate it nor did I love it. Looking back on the misadventures Ammy and Noah found themselves in, it felt very…white bread. Wonder bread does the job, but there’s no oomph or surprise or hint of rosemary and olive oil (okay, this metaphor is going off the rails *rim shot*). I saw the twist coming from the beginning and the characters had their one requisite issue that they obsessed over consistently. Dare I also complain about how there wasn’t enough train? Because I gotta say, I was a little disappointed that more of the action didn’t take place on the train. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Looking back, the last 24-hour romance I read was Nicola Yoon’s The Sun Is Also A Star (almost to the day—must be something about this time of year!) and whether or not it was fair of me to do so, I couldn’t help but compare this to that and find it wanting.

Bonus Factor: Misadventures In Travel

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong: that should be traveler’s motto. Sure, seeing the world is amazing, but unless you’re an extreme homebody and have never left your hometown, you gotta know that when you hop a bus or catch a flight or roll down those tracks—something, sometime, somewhere…it’s gonna go wrong. Your phone dies, your luggage gets lost, you turn down the wrong road. BUT they usually make for the best stories, lead you to the greatest hole-in-the-wall restaurant, or find you the most unexpected majestic scenery. It’s what makes traveling worthwhile.

Factor: Plot Twists

There’s a “twist” near the end of the book that attempted to heighten the emotional stakes, but it didn’t really land for me. I’d say that I am too old for that kind of shizz, but just recently I had a friend in a tangentially similar situation, and the way some people behaved when they found out (as thirty-somethings) goes to show that there will always be those who are never too old for the DRAMA. So I’m going to chalk it up to being too prosaic as I didn’t consider "the thing" that big of a deal.

Anti-Bonus Factor: Awful Grownups

Ammy’s mom is clearly battling her own demons, and I won’t say she’s the worst mom ever. But the strain of a parent’s mental illness can fall heavily—and unfairly—on their children, causing them additional emotional distress when being a teenager is already tough enough. It made me very annoyed at both Ammy’s mom and dad, since he was the one who left her mom without (I assume) even offering to bring Ammy along, knowing full well about his wife’s shaky mental state.

Relationship Status: Seatmates

Book, you’re everything I could want in a stranger who is about to become my seatmate for the duration of our train ride. You don’t smell or hog the whole armrest, plus we can make decent small talk until I get the urge to put on my headphones, and I don’t think you’d get weird about it. I doubt I’ll remember much about you after I reach my destination, but thanks for not making the journey there unpleasant.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my free review copy from Katherine Tegen Books. I received neither money nor peanut butter cups in exchange for this review. Love and Other Train Wrecks is available now.

The film adaptation of Becky Albertalli's Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda hits theaters March 16, 2018. We have lots of Thoughts and Feelings about it, and we aren't the only ones:

simon vs the homosapien agenda is One of the most endearing books in years. I hope not much has been changed about the plot. It was already perfect. y’all better not fuck this up!!!!!!!!!

— IGGY AZALEA (@IGGYAZALEA) January 11, 2018

And as of this morning, we also have a trailer to have Thoughts and Feelings about.

Let's discuss:

- Raise your hand if you feel personally victimized by the fact that Jennifer Garner and Josh Duhamel are now playing the parents of teens in movies.

- What do y'all think of Nick Robinson as Simon? I LOVE IT, but I also have a long, creepy history of loving Nick Robinson, so my opinion on the matter is completely biased. (He's 22, relax.)

- TONY HALE SIGHTING OMG

- When Jennifer Garner says, "These last few years, it's almost as if I could feel you holding your breath." And then they cut to Josh Duhamel crying. AND NOW I'M CRYING.

- Is anyone else getting major Easy A vibes? I laughed out loud a few times during this trailer. This movie is going to be legit funny, guys.

It's been a bit too long since I read the book for me to remember very specific details, but it seems like they've given us a script that's true to the original book and characters while still adding new scenes and dialogue. And as a byproduct of being a teenager in the late 90s/early 00s, I MISS funny, fun, contemporary teen movies. MAKE MORE OF THESE, HOLLYWOOD.

Okay, meet me in the comments for more gushing!.

We’re back for another week of YA Onscreen! Let’s dive in to the juicy bits.

Celeste Ng’s Everything I Never Told You has just been optioned! Let’s see how long it will take for Hollywood to try to start whitewashing this… 

Have you checked out the unauthorized, fan-made Voldemort: Origins of the Heir? Don’t click unless you’ve got an hour.

More than ten years later, we’ve just had some strong confirmation that we’ll be getting an Enchanted sequel, supposedly called Disenchanted, at some point maybe in the next year or so? 

Are you a fan of the songs from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend? Well now you can get the karaoke version of the soundtrack for season one! Someone queue up the lyrics to The Sexy Getting Ready Song STAT so I can belt this one out in my bathroom.

With only two months to go until the premiere, the full trailer for Love, Simon has just dropped!

Craving some nostalgia and have a lot of free TV time? Hulu is now streaming all 15 seasons of ER exclusively. 

If you’re missing Stranger Things, then you may be interested in Summer of ’84, which sounds like Stranger Things...but with serial killers. 

It seems like restraint on Lifetime’s part to wait almost two months before announcing a movie based on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s relationship. 

New teaser trailer for season 2 of The Handmaid’s Tale: 

Millie Bobby Brown has been cast in the titular role of a film based on the book series called Enola Holmes Mysteries, about Sherlock’s younger sister solving her own cases. 

Eliza Dushku, our pal Faith from BtVS, has accused a stuntman from True Lies of sexually assaulting her during the filming of the movie when she was just twelve years old. He denied the allegations, but friends and family of Eliza spoke out with support. Early this week we learned the stuntman was dropped from his talent agency because of the news and two more allegations have just come to light.   

Another sexual assault story that has been getting a lot of attention over the weekend comes from an anonymous photographer who went on a date with Aziz Ansari and said it “turned into the worst night of her life.” Aziz has responded to the allegations, and it's been very interesting to see the mixed reactions to this news. Can our schools start some refresher courses on what consent means, like, ASAP? 

Black Panther says it's going to treat its female heroes differently than other comic book movies. 

That’s it for the week. Let us know your thoughts in the comments and any links to things we may have missed!

BOOK REPORT for Truly Devious (Truly Devious #1) by Maureen Johnson

Cover Story: Big Font
BFF Charm: Yay
Swoonworthy Scale: 6
Talky Talk: Just The Facts, Ma’am
Bonus Factors: Mental Health, Boarding School
Relationship Status: ID Network Buddy

Need a good mystery in your life? Grab your favorite murder podcast and head on over to our series on Kirkus!

BOOK REPORT for Cast No Shadow by Nick Tapalansky

Cover Story: The Shadow Knows
Drinking Buddy: You Grew On Me
Testosterone Level: Innocent
Talky Talk: Teen Angel
Bonus Factors: Friendly Haunting,
Bromance Status: And Beyond...

Cover Story: The Shadow Knows

Brian: It's an okay cover, I guess. I would have gone with the back cover, where Greg and Eleanor share an innocent kiss (and Eleanor's feet are not touching the ground).

Sophie: It's pretty good. I will admit when I first saw the back cover, it looked like there were a bunch of tater tots flying around them.

The Deal:

Greg never fit in in his town of Lancaster. He's not an athlete and was never impressed by the World's Largest Hairball, the town's claim to fame. He's embarrassed by Jake, the mayor's son and football star who's always making 'good natured' jokes about Greg. Oh, and Greg doesn't cast a shadow. He just doesn't. Which kind of makes him the local weirdo.

To make things worse, Greg's father has remarried and there's a new woman living in their house. Layla, Greg's brawny yet cute best friend, is now dating Jake. And weird acts of vandalism start happening in town, that all point to Greg as the culprit. He just can't win.

But Greg suddenly makes a new friend. Her name is Eleanor and she lives in the creepy old mansion outside of town. Like Greg, she's kind of a loner. Like Greg, she doesn't really fit in. And she likes Greg. Stands up for him. Thinks he's cute.

She'd be the perfect girlfriend. If she hadn't died eighty years ago.

Drinking Buddy: You Grew on Me

Brian: Greg was kind of a whiner, always assuming the worst in people. He complains about his doting new stepmother, gets angry at Jake's genuine (though buffoonish) attempts at friendship, and doesn't understand why an awkward girl like Layla is thrilled with Jake's attention.

On the other hand, he just kind of accepts Eleanor as 'living impaired' and rolls with it. And when the town is endangered by dark forces, it's Greg who leads his friends in the fight against evil.

Sophie: I thought that Greg could be dramatic at times and acted extreme about problems. I liked Eleanor. She was funny and sarcastic. She's very anal retentive, like me.

Testosterone Level: Innocent

Brian: Greg and Eleanor's romance had a very innocent vibe to it. While they can certainly touch, they're both too shy and awkward to do more than kiss. But when he's a ungainly nerd and she's an almost hundred year old spirit, it's probably best to take things slowly.

As for the action side of the coin, things get pretty intense at the end, with an evil force attacking the town. Something dark, yet familiar to Greg. Something he never should have lost. Something that's part of him...

Sophie: It was kind of slow toward the beginning, but the ending was pretty impressive. I've never liked romance very much, but the romance in the book was well-written.

Talky Talk: Teen Angel

Brian: I think this is the romance all teenage nerds fantasized about: a girl with the confidence-building skill of Lisa from Weird Science, the powers of the genie from Aladdin, and the 'don't you dare hurt my guy' badassery of Eleven from Stranger Things.

Sophie: There was the right amount of action, romance and humor that kept me reading. I was glad Greg didn't kill himself so he could be with the ghost.

Bonus Factor (Brian): Friendly Haunting

Eleanor's been alone for decades, chasing off curious explorers and vandals. But when Greg shows up, she's not afraid to introduce herself. And Greg really isn't scared of this cute translucent girl with stepparent issues of her own.

Bonus Factor (Sophie): Non Angsty Ghost

Eleanor acted like a real girl, not some miserable ghost, crying that everyone she loved has died.

Bromance Status: And Beyond...

I think my friendship with this book will last a very long time. A very long time.

FTC Full disclosure: I received a free copy of this book from the publisher, First Second Books. I got neither money nor an 'I Heart Lancaster' t-shirt for my troubles.

BOOK REPORT for Markswoman (Asiana #1) by Rati Mehrotra

Cover Story: Pretty Deadly
BFF Charm: Yay
Swoonworthy Scale: 7
Talky Talk: Futuristic Science Fantasy
Bonus Factor: Force Ghosts
Anti-Bonus Factor: Cliffhanger
Relationship Status: Ready for a Second Date

Trigger Warning: There is a scene of self harm and a few instances of abuse in Markswoman that might be triggering for some readers.

Cover Story: Pretty Deadly

When I think about what a “markswoman” is, my mind first goes to a bow and arrow, so I like that the cover artist included a dagger on this cover to make it clear that the kind of markswoman in this novel isn’t what you might expect. I also like that this cover says, “this is a fantasy book,” while the story within actually leans heavily on science fiction. There’s a lot of subversion here, and I’m not certain whether that’s good or bad.

The Deal:

Kyra Veer is the last of her clan and a member of the dwindling Order of Kali, a sisterhood sworn with protecting the people of Asiana. Through years of training in both physical combat and mental acuity, Kyra has become a Markswoman, but her vows to the Order are at war with her wish to avenge her family’s murderers. The struggle grows even greater when Shirin Mam, the head of the Order, dies, and Kyra’s least favorite teacher, Tamsyn, takes control.

Kyra finds herself on the run, with only strangers to help her prepare to eventually face Tamsyn and set the Order back on its proper path.

BFF Charm: Yay

Although she can be very single-minded, stubborn, rash and impulsive, Kyra’s also loyal, kind, and is a total badass with a blade. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t make friends easily, but is a very good one once you get past her outer defenses. She cares, deeply, about what’s right and wrong, and is willing to listen to her gut, even when it means putting herself in danger. I don’t know that I’d be able to hang, considering my very sedentary and non-dangerous lifestyle, but if we were friends, she’d inspire me to try!

Though, to be her friend, I’d likely have to be a member of the Order of Kali, and I don’t think I’d be very good at the whole killing people part of membership.

Swoonworthy Scale: 7

One of Kyra’s vows to the Order of Kali is chastity, but that doesn’t mean she can’t look. And it certainly doesn’t mean that her heart won’t eventually want something more than just looking.

Talky Talk: Futuristic Science Fantasy

Markswoman is one of those novels that seems to be set outside of time. Technology is nearly nonexistent, medicine is mostly herbal remedies, and the people of Asiana live in clans and tribes. But Mehrotra also references a great war that caused the decimation of society, and the blades the Markswomen use are of a technology given to people of the past by the Ones—who might have been aliens. The Markswomen also use Transport Hubs to travel great distances in the blink of an eye; Hubs that are only accessible using their blades. The Kali in the Order of Kali is the Hindu goddess, and looking at the map in the front of the book, it seems like Asiana might be the Asian continent, altered by time and tools of war.

I don’t know that we’ll ever fully understand what happened to Earth in the universe of the book, but I applaud Mehrotra’s ability to meld disparate themes of fantasy, science fiction, mythology and dystopia into a cohesive whole.

Bonus Factor: Force Ghosts

When Shirin Mam dies, Kyra is left bereft. But Markswomen have a connection to the world (through their blades) that goes beyond the mortal realm. And like Obi Wan and Yoda visit Luke Skywalker when he needs them most, Kyra gets advice from Shirin Mam even after her funeral pyre has turned to ash.

Anti-Bonus Factor: Cliffhanger

It’s a good thing I knew going into Markswoman that this was the first in a series, because I would have been steamed had I gotten to the last sentence and not known there was more to come.

Relationship Status: Ready for a Second Date

You had me at “sisterhood of trained assassins who have mental connections to their blades,” Book, and kept me with your great characters and intriguing world building. I’m really looking forward to the next time we can hang out.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from Harper Voyager, and got neither a private dance party with Tom Hiddleston nor money in exchange for this review. Markswoman will be available January 23.

Title: Must Love Dogs
Year: 2005
Fix: Romantic Comedies, John Cusack, getting your groove back
Platforms: Netflix

Netflix Summary:

Divorcee Sarah Nolan isn’t ready for romance, but when her sister signs her up for an online dating service, love-seeking mates come calling.

FYA Summary:

It’s got all the tropes: large, overly involved in each other’s lives family; always having a quick witted comeback for everything; a charmingly gorgeous single lady who somehow has trouble finding a date; spontaneous sing-a-longs; popular music montages; John Cusack being John Cusack; Dermott Mulroney winning at being attractively normal.
This is one of those movies where you need to handwave away a reality where a preschool teacher and a guy who builds boats no one buys somehow live in the places they do and have endless time to meet up during the day. And I’m totally okay with handwaving away that reality.

Familiar Faces:

There are SO many recognizable people in this movie!

Diane Lane as Sarah

In which some movie tries to make me believe that a man would step out on Diane Lane with a 20-year-old. Please. This was Diane’s third movie with the word dog in the title (Mad Dog Time and My Dog Skip were the others). It’s only eight short years later that Hollywood took Ms. Lane from leading lady of her own films like this one to Superman’s mom, which, travesty. Diane is so charming in this movie; she’s got a comeback for everything, has great side-bangs, and can wear the heck out of a turtleneck.

John Cusack as Jake

Oh, John. Johnny John. I had a massive crush on John Cusack in my teens. He makes for an interesting conundrum: I feel like he plays himself in every movie he’s in…does that make him a bad actor OR is his John Cusack-ness just so powerful that it cannot be contained by plot or script? Ponder that for a moment. He really is in all of his rambling, monologuing, why-is-this-weirdo-charming-but-then-he-smiles-at-you-so-intensely glory during this movie.

Dermot Mulroney as Bobby

Did you know Dermot is a classically trained cellist? Thanks, IMDB! Dermot has been in a TON of films/shows, and I feel like I need to apologize to him now for always confusing him with Dylan McDermott (I don’t know if you can convince me that this isn’t his alter-ego). He plays the attractive-dad-next-door so well.

Christopher Plummer as Bill

Ah, Captain Von Trapp, one of my other childhood crushes. Christopher Plummer is still pretty dishy even as an older gentleman! He plays the perfect dad role here, even after his sad widower explanation about why he’s dating three women, which, speaking of—I still do NOT get why the three women are all cool with sitting around the dinner table at the same damn time. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you don’t need your self-respect, ladies.

Stockard Channing as Dolly

Even with weird blonde curls, Ms. Channing is a delight for your viewing pleasure. She plays a small role as one of Sarah’s dad’s girlfriends (you’re too good for that, Stockard), and her biggest purpose is to live in a trailer in the same neighborhood as Bobby so Sarah can constantly run into him. Yet despite her limited screen time, I was charmed.

Elizabeth Perkins as Carol

Elizabeth Perkins is one of those character actors that when I see her I’m like, “I know her!” but her IMDB doesn’t really point to a specific show/movie, just many little roles (she was a rom-com staple for a hot minute). Her biggest role most people probably know is in Weeds.

Glenn Howerton as Michael

Glenn wasn’t as big as he is now back when Must Love Dogs came out, but he’s been in a ton of things by this point: E.R., Fargo, House of Lies, The Mindy Project, and, obviously, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. His is a bit role as Sarah’s brother stuck in a bad relationship, but he does a very important thing in this movie: he supplies the dog.

Ben Shenkman as Charlie

Ben is another character actor who’s been in many big tv shows (Royal Pains, Law & Order, Grey’s Anatomy, and Damages, to name a few), and he also bears an unfortunate resemblance to politician Anthony Weiner here. I’m sorry, but if I can’t un-see it, neither can you.

Couch-Sharing Capability: Furry Friend

With a name like Must Love Dogs, this is the perfect movie to watch with your furry friend (be it of the canine or feline or leporine variety; we’re all-inclusive here) all cuddled up on the couch together. And if you don’t have a pet…perhaps a fuzzy pillow?

Recommended Level of Inebriation: Oh, Were We Supposed to Share?

You start off with just one reasonably sized glass of wine before the movie starts, but somewhere along the way you’re gonna want to start commiser-drinking with Sarah as she goes on bad date after bad date (and fill it to the brim for that cringey scene with the wax hands and potholders). Being tipsy is only going to enhance the silly smile on your face and the feels you’ll feel during the climax of the film, so go ahead and drink the whole bottle—I won’t tell.

Use of Your Streaming Subscription: Rom-Com Nostalgia

What has Diane Lane been up to? What has John Cusack been up to? I last remember him foregoing the romantic comedy to do a weird film about war and I finally realized my Cusack love may not extend that far (it was super weird, guys). Where are all the movies like this nowadays? Why do I suddenly sound like an old lady dreamig of better days?

Previously, on Riverdale: We learned the Black Hood's identity, everyone exchanged Christmas pressies, Juggie became a little too comfy with a knife, and Archie and Betty VERY UNWISELY kissed while Cheryl Blossom got her peepin' on.

The Rundown

Southside High has been shut down, which means Jughead and all his Serpent buds are heading to Riverdale HS. That should go well, right? (It doesn't.) Archie starts working for the FBI which makes me SOL (snort out loud) and Betty finds her long-lost brother, who looks like a straight-up sexual predator, I'm sorry to say.

The Teens

Archie and Veronica are back together and all is fine with the world, except Cheryl's blackmailing Archie over that whole kissing Betty thing. Why is Cheryl blackmailing him, other than the fact that she is pure, unadulterated, glorious evil? Because Penelope is TOTALLY HAVING SEX FOR MONEY since the Blossoms are now broke, and Cheryl wants Archie to strong-arm Nick St. Clair into writing over another check that she presumably won't throw into a fire this time.

Archie takes care of it, but then he goes ahead and comes clean to Veronica about the kiss anyway, which is good, and she forgives him very sweetly, which is good, but I doubt their renewed honeymoon period will last. Here's why: dumb ol' Archie is now investigating V's family for the FBI (maaaaybe? I mean, does Archie even do his due diligence to ensure that Special Agent Adams is legit? Of course he doesn't! This guy could be anyone!), presumably to protect his dad and Veronica from any jail time for their respective Lodge-related nefarious dealings. Archie's intentions may be good, but if Dawson's Creek taught me anything (it did), it's that girls really don't like it when boys put their dads in prison.

Polly's had her babies, named Dagwood and Juniper - Betty's reaction mirrors our own - and she doesn't even tell Alice, which makes Betty sad for her mom. So Betty tracks down her long-lost brother to cheer Alice up, I guess. This would be a fine plan except a) Hal Cooper is vehemently opposed to acknowledging the boy's existence and b) Chic Cooper is a skeezy weirdo who works in the "fantasy fulfillment" arena (Penelope Blossom's new field!), gets into fist fights and looms over Betty's bed while she's sleeping. So, this should be interesting. 

Not cool, Chic. Thanks for watching! Stick around for #Dynasty, next on The CW! #Riverdale pic.twitter.com/nk24oHqjmR

— Riverdale (@CW_Riverdale) January 18, 2018

Finally! Southside High has been shut down due to more Lodge-related nefarious dealings, and the Serpents and Bulldogs/River Vixens aren't getting along so great. Cheryl and Reggie are extra against the idea, in the most dramatic way possible.

Walking down the stairs with a vengeance in heels turns out to be quite the the test of balance... #Riverdale pic.twitter.com/s9ohbgvxwh

— Madelaine Petsch (@madelainepetsch) January 18, 2018

They frame the Serpents by tagging the school seal, so Principal Weatherbee refuses to let the Serpents engage in any "gang-related activity" like wearing leather jackets or showing tattoos. Juggie is affronted that he's being forced to shed his serpent skin, so he organizes a "Swords & Serpents" RPG group, approved by Weatherbee, which is really just the Serpents disguised as a group of clean-cut, nerdy gamers.

Serpents can pull off any look. Thanks for watching #Riverdale! Stay tuned for #Dynasty on The CW! pic.twitter.com/c3rPZBIqmH

— Riverdale (@CW_Riverdale) January 18, 2018

"We’re not shedding our skins. We’re lying low in the tall grass." Whatever you say, Jughead. You're a little too tough guy for my tastes these days. 

The Grown-Ups

The Lodges are still shady as heck, Fred's all, "Oh cool, my hospital bill's been paid, whatevs!", Alice seems less charmed by her creepy weirdo son than Betty does and PENELOPE BLOSSOM IS A COURTESAN. Like, even after Cheryl hands over Nick's money, Penelope sticks to her new career path. She just WANTS to be a courtesan. Get it, Penelope!

The Clues

Not a ton of forward motion on any mystery, except at the end when Archie asks so-called Special Agent Adams, "In your expert opinion, Agent Adams, do you think we got the right guy? I haven’t told anyone about this, but I’m not sure we did."

Kevin's New Serpent Stud

I approve! 

Twizzler boyyyy #riverdale what’s your fav candy? pic.twitter.com/8QIUfHFNuJ

— Drew Ray Tanner (@DrewRayTanner) January 18, 2018

Outfit MVP

Penelope's woman of the night garb is cracking me the hell up. 

Also Cracking Me Up? 

This insaaaaane height discrepancy. Toni is tiny! 

A Fine Line

Veronica, as the Serpents and Bulldogs face off, "I am so over the toxic masculinity in this hallway right now." Girl, same. 

Gif of the Episode

Burning Questions

Is Archie right, and Svenson isn't really the Black Hood? Is Archie ever right about anything? Are we going to get another mystery arc in this latter half of the season, à la Veronica Mars S3? 

What's Coming

--

Shameless Self-Promotion!

Check out our Riverdale-themed merch!

BOOK REPORT for Looking for Group by Rory Harrison

Cover Story: Tiresome
Drinking Buddy: 7-11 Slurpee
Testosterone/Estrogen Level: Goodness...
Talky Talk: Highway Hypnosis
Bonus Factors:  Lost Treasure, Patty Chase Award for Awful Parenting
Bromance Status: Let's Hit the Road

Cover Story: Tiresome

Yes, it's a road trip book. Yes, those are tire tracks. It doesn't catch my eye. And I'm not sure what they were thinking with the dark purple text on a black cover. I never cared for black covers anyway.

The Deal:

So Dylan was a 'cancer kid.' He had it bad. It was at the point that they were sending him home so he could die in his own bed. And then, one day, it was gone. Total remission. Not exactly a miracle, but it's close.

So now that he's well again, he's kind of at loose ends. When you weren't supposed to see your 18th birthday, where do you go next? He's supposed to enroll in high school, but instead, he drives off to visit Arden.

You see, when Dylan was sick, he played a lot of World of Warcraft. He became online friends with Arden, a transgender girl a few towns over. So Dylan drives off to say hi, maybe hang out a little bit. And Dylan's gay, so he's not looking for romance.

But what was supposed to be an evening together turns into a cross country road trip, as they drive across the nation in search of a lost shipwreck. And maybe, just maybe...find the world's largest ball of twine.

Drinking Buddy: 7-11 Slurpee

Dylan doesn't know how to identify as anything but the dying kid. Arden is fighting for her identity as a female. Dylan lives with his mother, who laps up martyrdom with a spoon. Arden lives with her father, who calls her David. Dylan is ass poor. Arden is almost comically rich. These guys have nothing in common but an online video game, a feeling of not belonging, and a shitty home life.

But sometimes that's enough.

Testosterone/Estrogen Level: Goodness...

So Dylan is gay and Arden is a girl. So they're destined to just be friends, right? Except...that's not how things turn out. And when two kids are alone, in a car, in the middle of nowhere...yeah, that was one of the hottest scenes I've read in YA literature in a long time. Whew.

Talky Talk: Highway Hypnosis

So the ultimate goal of the trip is find the Lost Ship of the Desert, a ship, laden with pearls, that wrecked in the California desert and wast lost to time. Dylan and Arden, using Google Earth, think they've found a likely spot. 

Things hit a snag when Arden's car is stolen, and they're forced to trade Dylan's pain medicine to a sleazy guy for a rust heap. And they're off: thousands of miles of camping, dirty hotels, fast food, and local attractions.

However, the danger kind of falls flat, with Arden getting thousands of dollars as a cash advance from her credit card, and her father buying the excuse that she's at the lake house with her friends. On the other hand, that sort of blase attitude about money really shocks Dylan, who who knows what government cheese tastes like. And while they enjoy a lot of roadside attractions, I think there could have been more.

Still, this is a book about people, not places. Dylan, who's always known he was gay, is shocked by his attraction to the very feminine Arden. Arden, who is struggling to assert  her identity as a woman, is angered when Dylan misgenders her in front of a cop 'to make things easier.' They both know there will be hell to pay after this trip, that their relationship is probably doomed, and they may never see each other again.

But they're WoW players. This is a quest. And they're going to see it through to the very end.

Bonus Factor: Lost Treasure

So we've all read about the missing Civil War gold, the lost Nazi treasure, the money pit at Oak Island, the Lost Dutchman Mine, the lake at El Dorado, and other lesser known lost fortunes. And we've all fantasized that maybe, just maybe, we'd be the one to turn over that exact rock and see the gleam of gold. True, people have been looking for those places for hundreds of years, but you never know.

And that's what Dylan and Arden are looking for. They know the odds are slim, but hey, it's all about the trip, not the destination.

Bonus Factor: Patty Chase Award for Awful Parenting

Arden's father does not accept the fact that he has a daughter. He constantly misgenders and deadnames her. On the other hand, he has no trouble with Dylan spending the night. They're just a couple of guys, after all.

Dylan's mother is a real piece of work. While the government pays for Dylan's treatments, she and her friend place donation jars around town, then use the proceeds to buy lottery tickets and booze. The friend has a plan to sell Dylan's pain medication. And his mother loves the 'poor, poor me' role.

Is it any wonder the kids ran away?

Bromance Status: Let's Hit the Road

I enjoyed our trip together, I couldn't ask for two better companions. Hope to ride with you again, sometime.

FTC Full disclosure: I received neither money nor Nerf Guns for reviewing this book.

Does Chris Carter hate us? Like, here you go! An old-school X-Files episode like the ones you really used to love, and as an added bonus: I'm gonna have Scully and Mulder share a hotel bed BUT LOL I WILL FADE TO BLACK the moment you think there might be kissing. Let's recap this bad boy so I can lower my blood pressure for a minute.

Previously on The X-Files

A group of assassisns tried to take out Mulder and Scully when Richard Langly successfully reached out to them from the great beyond. That "beyond" turned out to be the simulation he had his brain uploaded into when he died, so that he could live eternally with his 1 TRU LUV but also, of course, part of a top-secret government project. Read the full recap here.

This Week’s Case File

(Ouch That's) Cold Open

PUNK ROCK SHOW, YEAH! The young people are enjoying their headbangin' tunes when from his high, bodysurfing vantage point, a guy sees...himself. Staring back at him. He heads out on a chase after himself, but his evil clone twin appears in the front seat, grabs the steering wheel and crashing both of them into a tree.

CUE THEME WHISTLES.

I  W_ N T  _O  B _ L I _ V _

Okay, so turns out the guy's name was Arkie, and he survived. Mulder produces his mug shot, and explains to an ever skeptical Scully that Arkie swears his evil clone caused the accident. And turns out, this is, like, a thing in Arkie's small Virginia town. A mass phenomenom, if you will. A brief in-person interview with Arkie and his doctor leads them to Little Judy, a schizophrenic who plays games of Hangman "telepathically" with her twin brother and tapes the games up on the wall. One of the games spells ARKIE, and while Judy doesn't know who Arkie is, she points to an empty chair in the corner and says, "She does."

Scully and Mulder head to the nearest hotel where *oh dear* there's only one suite available, and they'll have to share. But alas, no sexy time to be had tonight: Arkie was found strangled to death in his jail cell by a security guard named Chucky Poundstone...who happens to be Little Judy's telepathic Hangman-playing brother. When Mulder heads over to Chucky's garbage pile of a house to investigate the next day (giving us all Home flashbacks as he does it), Chucky is...a handful. And like his sister, he has Hangman games taped to the wall, and a second personality to keep him company most days. Scully, meanwhile heads back to visit Little Judy, but is met by "Demon" Judy instead, Little Judy's less than pleasant alternate personality.

I'll take, "Karin Konoval popping out of places unexpectedly" for $500, Alex.

Demon Judy is all scary sass, berating Scully that she's not good enough for Mulder, calling her old and a dried up "hosebag." Scully keeps her chin up and walks out, but it's clear later that evening that Judy's gotten under her skin. Scully is feeling a little insecure about her age, but also uncertain that there isn't some sort of psychic interference happening in this town.

Have you seen my sword collection? ::wink::

When Chucky and Judy set their sights on Arkie's creepy defense attorney, D-E-A-N, Mulder and Scully are on a tight timeline to get down to the bottom of things. Dean sees himself outside the general store in town, and knowing this is the first sign he's next on the Poundstone Sibling Hangman Hitlist, he rushes home and attempts to dispose of any could-be weapon his clone could murder him with. And my man does a bang up job of it, but at the end of the day, he's battling a pair of telepathic siblings and he has a sword collection...so you can guess how this ends. To make matters worse, Scully sees her own evil clone while they're at the crime scene that night.

Back at the hotel, she's rattled...and seeks out comfort in the arms of our fair Mulder. There's cuddling, and talking of what could be, and what will be, and in the classic style of Mulder-Scully romance, it's all very vague and withholding (RUDE).

The fandom would chase them away, obviously.

They promise to always be there for each other, and he tries to make her feel better about getting older and not having another kid. And as always, the camera pans away and there's a fade to black before we get to actually see any making out.

Take your bread pills, Dana.

In their own respective rooms, Chucky and Judy are playing another high-stakes game of Hangman. Judy's page says _ _ U _ _ _ and she asks Chucky if there's an L. Chucky looks down at his own page: _ U _ _ _ _ . Yes, he tells her, there is an L. Cut back to Mulder, who gets out of bed and goes to get a drink of water, where he sees himself in the motel shower. Unlike Scully, who has tried to ignore her clone, Mulder loses his shit. He rushes back to the bedroom to get dressed, and encourages Scully to do the same because SHE IS NAKED UNDER THE COVERS DEAR GOD AM I EVEN ALIVE ANYMORE.

THERE IS NO BEING CALM R/N U R NAKED IN BED WITH HIM

They split up, Scully heading to the hospital and Mulder to Chucky's house, where he has to scuffle with himself. Judy, who is certain she's spelling S-C-U-L-L-Y, has asked for a "C" but Chucky, who is attempting to spell M-U-L-D-E-R, tells her there isn't one. They fight over their game, convinced the other is cheating. But when they each spell out the others' name in a fit of rage, their alternate, evil personas appear, leaving them both dead as a couple of crazy doornails.

Case closed for now, Mulder and Scully head back to the hotel, where Mulder tries to lure Scully back to bed with him. She says no and he closes the door, but when she changes her mind and opens it, he's standing there waiting for her...ever the believer.

Open an X-File on me, guys, because I just checked my pulse and I am definitely dead.

BIGGEST COVER-UP

I seriously, KID YOU NOT, didn't realize that Karin Konoval was playing BOTH Judy and Chucky until the secoond half of the episode. That's how freaking great she is in this roll. Not only is she playing good Judy and evil Judy, she's playing Chucky's multiple personalities as well. And though I'm assuming you all recognize her, in case you didn't, Karin played one of the most iconic character roles in X-Files history: the mother from creepy AF, only-aired-in-primetime-once episode Home.

This will never not be nightmare fuel.

WORST-KEPT SECRET

It is no secret that evil-clone-of-himself Chris Carter would deny us Scully and Mulder makeout scenes. He's been doing it for almost 30 years, why change now?

Also no surprise is the INSANE amount of romantic chemistry between Gillian and David. I read that they just bought houses next door to each other IRL and I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if these two hot, unmarried people with a long history of sexy chemistry have some casual hook-up situation going on. There's a lot to unpack there.

FROM THE BUREAU SURVAILLANCE FILES

"Oh yeah, with that tasty, little redhead. You tappin' that, Special Agent? Or can Chucky bust a move?" - Chucky, referring to Scully, of course.

"What's he see in you, your handsome partner? One taste of Little Judy and he'd forget you even exist. Maybe I can make you go away too." - Judy, referring to Mulder, of course.

"Scully, put a dimmer on that afterglow and get yourself to the hospital before they hang us both." - Mulder, to Scully, who is naked in his bed.

BEST SCULLY EYE ROLL

For an episode that played heavily into classic Mulder-as-believer/Scully-as-skeptic roles, Tumblr refuses to furnish me with a single Scully eye-roll gif from this episode. But I want to believe they exist.

UNSOLVED CASES

- Not so much an unsolved case, but I loved that the nurses mentioned that Judy and Chucky's parents hung themselves, then we saw the Hangman games that said M-O-M and D-A-D, implying the twins have been killing people via Hangman games their entire lives.

- Did anyone else think that ending felt a little anticlimatic? Don't get me wrong, the motel stuff was great. But Judy and Chucky's demise felt a little rushed, like Carter had written himself into a corner.

- ARE MULDER AND SCULLY DOING IT ON THE REGS HELLO I NEED ANSWERS

All gifs via giphy.com

Happy Friday! This month feels like it's racing by. Let's get to it, shall we?

Book Related Things

How the owner of The Mysterious Bookstore had a hand in making mystery a "respectable" genre of literature.

The US (Scholastic) editions of Harry Potter are getting new 20th anniversary covers, designed by Brian Selznik (The Invention of Hugo Cabret).

Preview of Book 3 of Rick Riordan's The Trials of Apollo series.

YA Onscreen Things

This week in YA Onscreen: an Enchanted sequel, sexual assault in the news (again), season two of The Handmaid's Tale, and more.

And don't forget to fangirl/fanboy with us about the Love, Simon trailer!

The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly will be a TV show.

The Shannara Chronicles has been canceled.

Character posters for the Mrs. trio of A Wrinkle In Time:

And also the Murrys (Quoth Mandy Wan: OMG CHRIS PINE'S EYES ARE SO BLUE AND ALSO GUGU IS SO GORGEOUS). 

Ellen Pompeo is kind of amazing in this interview.

Will there be a Black Widow movie?

Deconstructing last week's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend sad striptease number, "Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too".

A Sister, Sister reboot is reportedly in the works.

A Party of Five reboot lands at Freeform -- with the parents not being dead, but deported back to Mexico. 

For Fans By Fans (formerly We Love Fine) is running a Mean Girls design contest.

The trailer for the Heathers TV show looks bonkers, in the best way possible.

Famous In Love back in April, and The Bold Type will be back in June.

Grown-ish has been renewed for Season 2.

Social Media Things

Twitter imagines Harry Potter with a black cast.

The men of The Last Jedi came for MRAs on Twitter, and it was beautiful.

Tim Riggins is now on instagram.

 

A post shared by Taylor Kitsch (@taylorkitsch) on

Jan 17, 2018 at 1:09pm PST

Miscellaneous Things

I think we all need this color-changing unicorn mug, stat.

Jameela Jamil (Tahani from The Good Place) wrote about enthusiastic consent in light of the Aziz Ansari allegation.

​We all know what sexual harassment looks like, right? David Schwimmer ​and a fellow director friend created 6 short videos​ to highlight those awkward, weird, and uncomfortable moments that we sometimes hesitate to call "sexual harassment", but most definitely are. (You can watch all of them at the link.)

And because talking about celebrities in a positive light seems so rare these days: 11 stories about Keanu Reeves being an awesome human being (accompanied by a lot of charming GIFs).

That's it for this week! Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments!

Happy Friday! I've got a lot of work to do, so naturally, I'm getting ready to bake something entirely unnecessary. What are you up to on this fine day?

As always, feel free to chat about anything you like.

Film adaptations of beloved books are tricky things. They can be amazing, or terrible, or anywhere in between. And even if they’re good movies, it doesn’t mean that they’re faithful to the book. Regardless, they’re a thing that will continue to happen, and we all just have to cross our fingers and hope that they do the source material justice.

What adaptations will you have the chance to watch on the big screen this year? Read on to find out.

Notes: Some of the following movies are more YA-adjacent than straight YA, all release dates are for the U.S.—unless otherwise noted—and all dates are subject to change.

JANUARY

Maze Runner: The Death Cure

Release Date: Jan. 26

Based On: The Death Cure (The Maze Runner #3) by James Dashner

The Deal: Young hero Thomas embarks on a mission to find a cure for a deadly disease known as the "Flare".

Familiar Faces: Dylan O’Brien, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Kaya Scodelario, Walton Goggins, Aidan Gillen, Will Poulter, Patricia Clarkson, Giancarlo Esposito, Ki Hong Lee

FEBRUARY

Fifty Shades Freed

Release Date: Feb. 9

Based On: Fifty Shades Freed (Fifty Shades #3) by E.L. James

The Deal: The third installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.

Familiar Faces: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Arielle Kebbel, Kim Basinger, Tyler Hoechlin, Marcia Gay Harden, Rita Ora

Every Day

Release Date: Feb. 23

Based On: Every Day by David Levithan

The Deal: A shy teenager falls for someone who transforms into another person every day.

Familiar Faces: Maria Bello, Debby Ryan, Justice Smith

The War with Grandpa

Release Date: Feb. 23

Based On: The War with Grandpa by Robert Kimmel Smith

The Deal: Upset that he has to share the room he loves with his grandfather, Peter decides to declare war in an attempt to get it back.

Familiar Faces: Robert De Niro, Uma Thurman, Jane Seymour, Christopher Walken, Rob Riggle, Cheech Marin

MARCH

A Wrinkle in Time

Release Date: March 9

Based On: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle

The Deal: After the disappearance of her scientist father, three peculiar beings send Meg, her brother, and her friend to space in order to find him.

Familiar Faces: Oprah WInfrey, Reese Witherspoon, Mindy Kaling, Chris Pine, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Michael Peña, Zach Galifianakis, Rowan Blanchard

Love, Simon

Release Date: March 16

Based On: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

The Deal: Everyone deserves a great love story. But for Simon it's complicated: no-one knows he's gay and he doesn't know who the anonymous classmate is that he's fallen for online. Resolving both issues proves hilarious, scary and life-changing.

Familiar Faces: Nick Robinson, Jennifer Garner, Katherine Langford, Josh Duhamel, Colton Haynes, Keiynan Lonsdale, Tony Hale

Midnight Sun*

Release Date: March 23

Based On: Midnight Sun by Trish Cook**

The Deal: Based on the Japanese film, Midnight Sun centers on Katie, a 17-year-old sheltered since childhood and confined to her house during the day by a rare disease that makes even the smallest amount of sunlight deadly. Fate intervenes when she meets Charlie and they embark on a summer romance.

Familiar Faces: Bella Thorne, Rob Riggle, Patrick Schwarzenegger

*No, not that Midnight Sun.

**Although this book releases in February, it seems like both it and the movie are based off the Japanese film Taiyô no uta.

Ready Player One

Release Date: March 30

Based On: Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

The Deal: When the creator of a virtual reality world called the OASIS dies, he releases a video in which he challenges all OASIS users to find his Easter Egg, which will give the finder his fortune. Wade Watts finds the first clue and starts a race for the Egg.

Familiar Faces: Olivia Cooke, Tye Sheridan, Ben Mendelsohn, T.J. Miller, Simon Pegg

MAY

How to Talk to Girls at Parties

Release Date: May 11 (UK)

Based On: “How to Talk to Girls at Parties” by Neil Gaiman

The Deal: An alien touring the galaxy breaks away from her group and meets two young inhabitants of the most dangerous place in the universe: the London suburb of Croydon.

Familiar Faces: Elle Fanning, Nicole Kidman, Matt Lucas

SEPTEMBER

The Darkest Minds

Release Date: Sept. 14

Based On: The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken

The Deal: After a disease kills 98% of America's children, the surviving 2% develop superpowers and are placed in internment camps. A 16-year-old girl escapes her camp and joins a group of other teens on the run from the government.

Familiar Faces: Amandla Stenberg, Mandy Moore, Gwendoline Christie, Wallace Langham

Boy Erased

Release Date: Sept. 28

Based On: Boy Erased: A Memoir by Garrard Conley

The Deal: The son of a baptist preacher is forced to participate in a church-supported gay conversion program.

Familiar Faces: Nicole Kidman, Joel Edgerton, Russell Crowe, Lucas Hedges, Troye Sivan

DECEMBER

Mortal Engines

Release Date: Dec. 14

Based On: Mortal Engines (The Hungry City Chronicles #1) by Phillip Reeve

The Deal: Many years after the "Sixty Minute War," cities survive a now desolate Earth by moving around on giant wheels attacking and devouring smaller towns to replenish their resources.

Familiar Faces: Hugo Weaving, Stephen Lang, Robert Sheehan

MAYBE SOMETIME THIS YEAR?

Ashes in the Snow

Release Date: TBD

Based On: Between Shades of Gray by Ruta Sepetys

The Deal: In 1941, an aspiring artist and her family are deported to Siberia amidst Stalin's brutal dismantling of the Baltic region. In a seemingly hopeless place, love is the only means of survival.

Familiar Faces: Sophie Cookson, James Cosmo, Sam Hazeldine

Break My Heart 1000 Times

Release Date: TBD

Based On: Break My Heart 1000 Times by Daniel Waters

The Deal: Set nine years after an apocalyptic event that killed millions and left the world inhabited by ghosts.

Familiar Faces: Bella Thorne, Dermot Mulroney, Richard Harmon

Dumplin’

Release Date: TBD

Based On: Dumplin’ by Julie Murphy

The Deal: A girl with the nickname "Dumplin'" enters a beauty pageant in order to win over the boy she likes and stick it to the other girls at school.

Familiar Faces: Jennifer Aniston, Odeya Rush, Dover Cameron, Bex Taylor-Klaus, Danielle Macdonald

The Hate U Give

Release Date: TBD

Based On: The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

The Deal: A teenage girl witnesses a police shooting and is forced to testify at the trial.

Familiar Faces: Amandla Stenberg, Common, Regina Hall, Anthony Mackie, Issa Rae

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

Release Date: TBD

Based On: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han

The Deal: A teenage girl's secret love letters are exposed and wreak havoc on her love life.

Familiar Faces: John Corbett, Janel Parrish, Yael Yurman

Did we miss an adaptation you’re excited about? Let us know in the comments.

The Deal info from IMDB.

BOOK REPORT for Trickster’s Queen (Daughter of the Lioness #2) by Tamora Pierce

Careful, Sweetie: spoilers! This is the second book in the Daughter of the Lioness duology, so if you haven’t read the previous one, Trickster’s Choice, you should probably hop back in the TARDIS and go curl up in the library by the pool with the first book before continuing.

Cover Story: Is That You, Kate?
BFF Charm: Confused
Swoonworthy Scale: 5
Talky Talk: Devil’s In The Details
Bonus Factors: Darkings, World-Building
Relationship Status: Lady’s Maid

Cover Story: Is That You, Kate?

All I’ve seen for years when I look at this cover is a young Kate Winslet, most likely getting ready for bed by pulling her hair back with a headband as she goes to wash off her makeup. Am I crazy? Does anyone else see this? The font is better here than the previous cover, but overall it’s still nothing to write home about.

The Deal:

Having refused to return to Tortall with her father at the end of Trickster’s Choice, Aly is now deeply entrenched in the task of putting a half-raka, half-luarin Balitang queen on the Copper Isles throne. She’s set herself up as the official spymaster of the raka rebellion, training her army of spies to pass along the information she distills and disseminates to the other leaders of the revolution. Her task becomes all at once infinitely easier and harder when the Balitangs are called back by the new regents from their year-long exile to the capital city.

It is more important than ever for everyone to play their parts perfectly, as every action is being watched. There are more arrests and unrest in the streets, and even the regents don’t trust their own men. Aly alternately spends her days sowing dissent and trying to groom Sarai into being a proper queen for when the time (hopefully) comes. One wrong move could be the difference between success and having your body strung up at the docks, branded as a traitor to the crown.

BFF Charm: Confused

Because of the height of her position in the revolution versus her young age, Aly has cultivated a persona of quiet power mixed with sly observation, earning her the nickname duani or “boss lady” in raka. She rarely states outright what she wants from her spy network, preferring to casually suggest or wonder aloud and let them infer her meaning. It’s kind of a cool way to lead, allowing people to catch on and come up with their own solutions for things like prison breaks and how to sneak baskets of rats into traitors' bedrooms. Aly is also never serious, preferring the impudent comment over the restrained every time:

“I am large,” retorted the god. “This is the only part you see. I imbue this palace with my essence, every stone and every drop. My visit will do wonders for the flowers.”
Aly propped her chin on her hand. “So does manure,” she observed.

Sometimes, though, I did get a bit frustrated with how perfect she was. It’s Aly’s job as spymaster to think through everything, sure, but she is literally the most clever person in every room she’s in. At times I wanted less of her spies fawning about how smart and amazing she was and more collaboration and original ideas from her fellow leaders.

Aly is loyal to the people she cares about, but I think it would be very hard to get to know the real her, even as her bestie. Maybe she is just made up of one-liners and faux-innocent grins, and I guess that’s fine, but as the reader privy to her innermost thoughts, I had hoped to see a bit more vulnerability underneath the barrage of charm.

Swoonworthy Scale: 5

Nawat is struggling with Aly’s hot and cold flirting and finding his place as a man now that they’ve returned to Rajmuat, where his skill as a fletcher is not required. He quickly leaves with some other crows and raka fighters to help the uprisings on the other islands, and Aly is surprised by how much she misses his presence. There’s not a lot of time for romance when you’re trying to inspire a rebellion, but the two share some sweet—and sexy—moments when they can.

Talky Talk: Devil’s In The Details

I’ve often said Tamora Pierce is at her best when she’s detailing the ins and outs of war, and what is spy intrigue but a more subtle version of warfare? The plot gets pulled forward by lots of fleshed-out tidbits detailing who is loyal to whom, who is betraying their friends, who needs to be pushed in the right direction to cause a ruckus. She’s also not afraid to pull punches; the stakes are real and they are high: a few deaths in particular surprised me (as I had completely forgotten about them) and they were intense. Aly is destabilizing a government from the inside out, and it’s so satisfying to see the pieces fall into place.

But because of the virtue of Aly’s position, it became obvious that she needed to keep herself removed from the action in order to effectively manipulate and keep her many, many secrets safe. This had an unintended side effect where all the actual action was recounted through eyewitness accounts or written reports. I didn’t count, but the number of times we followed Aly to her office where she spent the entire day reviewing reports, writing up summaries, and having evening briefings with her household could probably be totaled in the thirties. The actual meat of Aly’s story could be summarized as “Aly sits in an office and does paperwork” which feels very different when compared to Pierce’s other protagonists, all of whom go out and physically effect their change. I’m not saying that Aly’s unique spy position doesn’t have it’s place (not everyone needs to go out and wield a sword), or that this book isn’t exciting, but…once I noticed it, I couldn’t not notice it, you know? 

Bonus Factor: Darkings

Aly encounters a familiar face posing as a Tortallan ambassador in the Copper Isles palace, and they give her a spy’s most prized possession: a gaggle (grouping? pod? network?) of darkings, the shadowy blobs that were created back in The Immortals as a way for the Carthaki king to spy on Daine and her friends, who then defected for the other side because they are awesome. Aly drops them all over the city and keeps a few with her to relay the goss. The darkings’ innocent way of viewing the world makes their matter-of-fact reporting that much more amusing and brings some levity to the proceedings:

“Imajane screaming and throwing things at Rubinyan,” replied Secret. “Bottles, brushes, mirrors. She says Rubin-yan…” It cocked its head as if listening. “She says he is tumbling a lady?”
“Ah,” Aly replied. “It means he is making love with a lady. If Imajane is throwing things, she believes he is love with some other woman. Is she still throwing things?”
“She has nothing to throw unless she picks up chair,” said Trick. “Uh-oh.”
“She picked up chair,” Secret explained.

Bonus Factor: World-Building

In Trickster’s Choice, the Balitang clan was exiled to the sleepy island of Tanair, but in this book it’s all about the bustling sectors of the capital city, Rajmuat, a place that Pierce infuses with sense of life and detail. We go from the Honeypot, a dilapidated, poor man's area where I think you can guess what goes on, to the spectacle of the royal palace, featuring an outdoor entertaining space called The Pavilion of Delightful Pleasures.

Relationship Status: Lady’s Maid

If I were your lady’s maid, Book, I’d be in the perfect position to have your ear and be right beside you to learn all the good secrets, but I’d still have enough distance to keep myself out of danger—rebellions are messy work, and I don’t think I’m light enough on my feet to be a good spy.

FTC Full Disclosure: I purchased my own copy of this book. I received neither money nor peanut butter cups in exchange for this review. Trickster’s Queen is available now.

Welcome to another week of YA Onscreen! Let’s see what news  we can dig up:

Prepare to feel a bit old: Dawson’s Creek turned 20 this week. Creator Kevin Williamson did a great interview about the start of the show and where he sees the characters today. 

If you’re feeling nostalgic, feel free to pop on an episode and follow along with our rewatch project. Cosmo has a list of the 43 (strangely specific) thoughts you probably had while watching the pilot. Sure.  

Can’t let Kevin have all the fun: Katie Holmes also looks back on the Creek, albeit with a lot less detail. 

And to add to all that, the 10 most gut-wrenching episodes that still stick with you twenty years later. 

The Heathers remake showrunner discusses why they chose to make all the Heathers from marginalized groups. 

Looks like Matt Smith has to make one more transformation (#lameDoctorWhojokes), this time turning into Paul Bettany as he reportedly secured the right to play older Prince Philip for The Crown’s third season. 

Check out the nominees for the 2018 Razzies. Pretty sure from the trailers alone that The Emoji Movie should be winning all the awards. 

How will the Pretty Little Liars spinoff differ from the original show? 

Timeless returns on March 11! 

Jamie Dornan (looking quite fetch with that beard; he should always have a beard) recalls an embarrassing moment on The Graham Norton Show about…well, I’ll just let him tell it. 

Yet another trailer for A Wrinkle in Time: 

Wonder Woman 2 will be the first film to implement The PGA’s Anti-Sexual Harassment Guidelines during the production of the movie. You go, ladies. 

Former Degrassi alum, Shannon Kook, has a secret role in the finale of The 100’s fifth season. Hold on, it hasn’t even premiered yet—I don’t want to talk about it already ending! 

Netflix apparently selects the graphics it displays for each TV show based on your viewing history and preferences. That’s, uh, very personal of you, Netflix. 

That’s it for this week! Do you remember where you were when you first watched Dawson’s Creek? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

BOOK REPORT for Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann

Cover Story: Happy Dance
BFF Charm: Platinum Edition
Swoonworthy Scale: 8
Talky Talk: Let's Give Them Something To Talk About
Bonus Factors: Asexuality, New Adult, Best Friends, Pop Culture References
Relationship Status: Head Over Heels

Anddd my shortlist for fave book of 2018 has already begun, NO BIG DEAL. Read the full book report over at our series on Kirkus!

BOOK REPORT for Into the Bright Unknown (The Gold Seer Trilogy #3) by Rae Carson

Cover Story: Powerful Pretty
BFF Charm: Yay
Swoonworthy Scale: 3
Talky Talk: Real (Historical) Talk
Bonus Factor: Old Friends
Factor: Heists
Anti-Bonus Factors: Old Enemies
Relationship Status: It’s Been Fun

Danger, Will Robinson! Into the Bright Unknown is the third book in the Gold Seer Trilogy. If you have not read the other books in the series—Walk on Earth a Stranger and Like a River Glorious—turn away now. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. If you have read the first book, however, feel free to continue below.

Cover Story: Powerful Pretty

I’ve liked every one of the covers of this series, and this one is now exception. The scenery is gorgeous, the gold threads tie well into the story, and the title treatment continues to be impressively stately. But looking back, I kind of wish the woman at the top wasn’t there, on any of the books. I appreciate how her expressions and clothing “match” the way Leah is/becomes by the end of each novel, but she just gets lost amongst the rest of the stuff going on (and blocks the pretty landscapes).

The Deal:

Having settled in Glory, California, and gotten rid of Uncle Hiram for good, Leah “Lee” Westfall, Jefferson Kingfisher, and the rest of the found family they picked up on their way across the country have struck it comfortable, verging on rich—in no small part thanks to Lee’s special gold sense.

When Becky Joyner gets a message that the house her husband Andrew had shipped via boat has arrived in San Francisco, the majority of Glory’s residents trek to the city to run some errands. There, Lee’s surprised, but pleased, to run into James Hardwick, the businessman who helped with the Hiram situation, and who promised to help Glory get a town charter. Quickly, however, Lee realizes that though Hardwick might have been the lesser of two evils in their previous dealings, evil’s still evil when it comes right down to it.

BFF Charm: Yay

I’ll be honest—I miss the scrappy Lee I met in Walk on Earth a Stranger. Life was harder for her then, but the adventure and hardship she experienced made her a strong, no-nonsense individual. She’s turned into a great leader and is still more than willing to get her hands dirty if the situation calls for it, but our friendship has dimmed.

Swoonworthy Scale: 3

Spoiler warning! In 3 … 2 … 1 …

I cheered when Lee proposed to Jefferson in Like a River Glorious; it was such a Lee thing to do. And while Jefferson was around in Into the Bright Unknown, it seemed like they only had three or four actual scenes together. One in particular was cute, and swoony in a sweet kind of way, but the chemistry was seriously lacking.

Talky Talk: Real (Historical) Talk

I applauded Carson for the historical “accuracy” of the first two books in this series, and Into the Bright Unknown is no exception. The book was an excellent, if fictionalized, representation of California during the Gold Rush, and Carson doesn’t shy away from touching on tough topics, such as the inequality of women and the mistreatment of people of color during this era.

That said, I missed the action-packed nature of the earlier books. Yes, Into the Bright Unknown had a villain Lee and team had to foil, but it seemed tame after the tension of the second book’s plot, in particular. Into the Bright Unknown had more of a heist feel, which I typically enjoy, but the “reveal” at the end of the novel was more tell than show, and caused the series to meander to a finish rather than going out with the bang I was expecting.

Bonus Factor: Old Friends

For living in such a large country, and not having any quick modes of communication, Lee sure has good luck running into people she knows. The familiar face that shows up in Into the Bright Unknown was a nice (if not totally unexpected) surprise.

Factor: Heists

I really love a good heist story, and I don’t mind having to be filled in on what happened when all is said and done. (The first time I watched the Ocean’s Eleven reveal, my mind was both blown and delighted.) But the heist in Into the Bright Unknown wasn’t very complicated, and I had pretty much all of it figured out before being told what had happened.

Anti-Bonus Factor: Old Enemies

Some people should just stay dead.

Relationship Status: It’s Been Fun

For the most part, I enjoyed our time together, Book, but this last date left a little to be desired. Where was the spark? Where was the adventure? I guess settling down comes with a lot of, well, settling, but I had hoped for one more blood- and fist-pumping experience before our time came to a close.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from Greenwillow Books, but got neither a private dance party with Tom Hiddleston nor money in exchange for this review. Into the Bright Unknown is available now.

Previously, on Riverdale: Southside High shut down and the Serpents slithered into Riverdale HS. While Betty found her INSANELY CREEPY long-lost brother, Archie somehow teamed up with the FBI. (Maybe?)

The Rundown

Wowwwwww this episode was boring. I'm sorry, wrestling?! We're supposed to care about WRESTLING. I do not. Other things I don't care about? The Lodge business, Picken's Day, Chic Cooper. So not a great episode for me caring about things, is what I'm saying.

The Teens

Archie wants to impress Hiram Lodge, so he gets into wrestling. He's not good, and then he's good. Hiram doesn't like him, and then he likes him. Archie's working for a (maybe?) FBI agent, then he's (maybe?) not working for an FBI agent. Meanwhile Betty and Chic are bonding in spite of the fact that he's a CYBER-TRICK (Kevin's words), and Juggie rebels against a town celebration of an old military dude who actually massacred hundreds of members of the Uktena Tribe, to which Toni's grandfather belongs. Toni schools him against his misplaced white guilt most righteously.

WE OUT HERE!!! ������ SQUAD #riverdale pic.twitter.com/LzdxRMdfjH

— Vanessa Morgan (@VanessaMorgan) January 25, 2018

Oh yeah, and Veronica and Josie have a falling out, which results in Veronica reuniting the Pussycats - under HER name. Poor Valerie gets no respect.

The Grown-Ups

Hiram sucks, Mayor McCoy sucks, Penelope sucks, Hal sucks, Alice is cool, Toni's grandpa can stay. I'd like to make a note of Hiram's face when Archie makes out with Veronica just to spite him. 

Archie decides to swim in shark infested waters. Here’s video evidence #Riverdale pic.twitter.com/ZvEX9MR96S

— Madelaine Petsch (@madelainepetsch) January 25, 2018

The Clues

Clues only matter in a mystery, and this arc of Riverdale is tragically bereft of mystery. 

Outfit MVP

A lot of cute boys wear a lot of cute wrestling uniforms this week, but none of the fellas wears theirs as well as one Mister Kevin Keller. 

This was fun to shoot. #riverdale pic.twitter.com/NSp5yOkRf4

— Casey Cott (@CaseyCott) January 25, 2018

A Fine Line

When Hiram tells Archie that he's "not good enough for my daughter in every respect. I don’t think you’ll ever be able to take care of her," Archie responds WITH UTMOST BALLS by saying, "I took care of her when you were in prison." Daaaaaaaamn. 

Best Pop Culture Reference

Regarding Hiram's high school wrestling obsession (uhm), Veronica says, "Now that the season’s started up again, it’s like Mom and I are background extras in the movie Foxcatcher."

The Truest Thing Anybody Said This Week 

Toni, to a lately insufferable Jughead, "Admit it. You hate the Northside. You hate that instead of being invited to a party, you were asked to work it. It triggers all your rage about being born on the wrong side of the tracks." 

Here's Penelope Blossom's Excuse For Working As A Courtesan

The Blossoms used to run a brothel, apparently, and "the old ways die hard, it seems." Okay, sure. That works for me.

Yes, Alice, Yes

"Hal, I threw you out once. I’ll do it again."

Pussycat Heads Will Roll

"Veronica and the Pussycats"? Josie’s gonna murder some kitties. 

Veronica and the Pussycats?! #Riverdale pic.twitter.com/HLQEb0wpmt

— Archie Comics (@ArchieComics) January 25, 2018

A Musical Episode!

The fact that Veronica, Archie and Josie all sing beautifully this week serves as a reminder of THIS GREAT NEWS.

Burning Questions

When are we going to get another real mystery? Because sadly "The Wrestler" proves that Riverdale needs some murder and mayhem to remain compelling.

What's Coming

DARK BETTY'S BACK, BISHES. 

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