Obviously I've been loving Star-Crossed, but tonight I realized how BANANAS it is that this show exists. On one hand, you've got a sci-fi premise and tons of made-up alien words (seriously, CW, can we get an online dictionary stat?), and on the other hand, you have sex scenes shot like music videos. ALL IN ONE PROGRAM. We are #blessed, y'all.
Here's what happened this week:
- Roman watches the flight recording on the mirzan (?), so he sees Uncle Castor shoot the pilot. Fortunately, he's not too distracted for a little hot car makeout session with Emery, which makes me wonder if we should have just changed our First Kiss Watch category to First Sex watch. But when Roman confronts Castor about it, his uncle insists that the pilot and Seroya (Drake's mom) were planning to land the ship on Earth, and he was only trying to prevent their mutiny. Dude, we should play poker some time because you SUCK at bluffing.
- After Emery insists that Roman get Seroya's side of the story (THANKS EM), he shows up at Drake's pod and almost gets attacked by a very paranoid Seroya. She tells him that she left the mirzan at his house, hoping his dad would see it, which basically proves that she's innocent, and Castor is lying. NO DOI. Roman's still not convinced, and then he yells at Drake about his "Trag loyalties" and makes me VERY UNHAPPY. Don't diss my boy Drake, son.
- Roman, having decided that Castor is actually the bad guy, decides to visit the Juatab Quatab Huatab? and spill the beans, but OH SNAP, his uncle is there. Castor admits everything, like the fact that he wanted to land on Earth and colonize it, and WHY isn't Roman wearing a recording device? Hello this is the future!!! If Roman doesn't hand over the mirzan, Castor will plant some kind of crazy ray gun on him, effectively sending him to the Crate. But fortunately for Roman, Emery has snuck into the sector, and she goes to Drake for help. In spite of the fact that Roman was rude to him earlier, Drake's all, "Roman's family!" and seriously, can this show just be about Drake? KTHX. With his mom at his side, he fights his way into the room where Castor is holding Roman, then Emery shows up and tells Castor she'll bring him the mirzan. He insists on following her to its location, and surprise, Vega has it. Thanks to her daughter's influence, Vega is willing to hand the flight recorder over in exchange for Roman, Drake and Seroya, so, in a really weird way, Vega sort of saves the day? Well, until she convinces Seroya, a former engineer, to build a Suvek, which is "the last weapon we'll ever need against the humans." That doesn't sound ominous AT ALL. I get why Seroya decides to do it, because she wants to protect herself and Drake, but is there really no other way to turn Castor in? Can't they just call the SEU or whatever? Oh wait, I'm sorry, I forgot what channel I was watching. Everything has to be needlessly complicated.
- And to make matters worse, Castor broadcasts a video around the entire sector of Emery and Roman kissing, and not only is it SUPER EMBARRASSING, it also casts doubt on Roman's ability to lead. Well played, Uncle Castor. I could still kick your ass at poker, though.
- After asking Drake what happened the night he blacked out (and getting an unsatisfying response), Grayson retraces his steps on the night he disappeared. He comes across the area where the car crashed, which gives him pieces of memory from that night. Unfortunately, his flashback is mostly Drake strangling Zoe. This definitely won't lead to anything good. Later that night, he confronts Drake about it, but when Drake asks what he wants, Grayson's all, "I'll let you know." Damn, is Grayson going to turn into a villain? I'm cool with that if it makes him hotter more interesting.
- Taylor and Drake enjoy another round of INSANE sexy business in the locker room, complete with pumping music and really quick camera shots. I am totally okay with that. But Drake refuses to open up to Taylor, and I was THIS CLOSE to cutting someone in the writer's room because DRAKE + TAYLOR = LOVE 4-EVER, but then Drake shows up at Taylor's LMFAO music video Meteor Shower Party and tells her about his mom and OMG, this scene just might top that Emery and Roman wet kissing scene because:
Taylor: "You're a good guy, right?"
Drake: "No... but you make me want to be one."
Someone hand me a defibrillator cos I'm having PALPITATIONS.
Marshall High Student of the Week:
Not only did Drake run to Roman's aid even after they fought, but he's real sweet to his mom, and he's trying super hard to treat Taylor right.
Honorable mention goes to Taylor, for actually being nice to Sophia (sporting a new 'do) after girlfriend went for it in the hot tub (!), AND for having ALL of the best lines in the episode:
On needing to get ready for the party: "This," she gestures towards her face, "doesn't just happen."
On Grayson's blackout: "And it's not like you got abducted by aliens."
On Drake's banged up face: "Why do you always look like you just came from a fight?"
On Drake's lack of emotional commitment: "You've made it pretty clear that you don't do relationships, conversations or hugs with our clothes on."
Oh, The Humanity:
The only "bad" human in this episode was Grayson, and honestly, I can't blame him for wanting to figure out what happened that night. It's like waking up after a party surrounded by empty bags from Taco Cabana and being all, "What did I do?" except, you know, a hundred times worse.
Atrian 101:
Black Ciper seemed bad enough, so I can't wait to see what the Suvek looks like.
The Future is Now:
In the future, you can make party fliers just by waving your hands over your computer tablet! Unfortunately, clip art still kind of sucks.
So, are y'all ready for Star-Crossed to become the Drake & Taylor show? How much longer do we have to put up with Uncle Castor? And will Grayson ever realize that Roman (and eventually Drake) actually saved his life? Let's convo!