Looks like the writers spun the roulette wheel of season arcs and landed on American Horror Story, so that's what we're continuing with this week. Hooray?
THIS WEEK'S WOLF PACK PUPPY
Kira the vixen. Obvi.
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BEST REACTION TO SOMETHING SUPERNATURALLY RIDICULOUS
Lydia, just staring at the wall of horror faces in her lakehouse like it was a particularly interesting math problem (which: pretty much).
WEEKLY REMINDER THAT BEACON HILLS IS ON A HELLMOUTH
Did you see the length of that hit list of local supernaturals??
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HAHAHAHAhahaa Derek has the lowest bounty on the list. Aw. Tragic Derek. Of course he would.
REIGNING PRESIDENT OF THE SCOTT MCCALL FAN CLUB
Chris Argent, ladies and gentlemen! Chris Mother-killin’ Argent (…too soon?), who appears in the dark of the woods with Allison's crossbow to remind Scott that he is the Alpha of the Argents' hearts, and that he has the power to make Liam's new reality not totally suck.
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UNF. That BEARD.
PREVIOUSLY ON TEEN WOLF
Lydia wrote gibberish instead of math notes. A mouthless nightmare killed a family of wendigos with a military tomahawk. The Cavaleros matriarch promised to go after Scott if he ever alpha-bit an innocent. Scott alpha-bit an innocent.
THIS WEEK
At the top of this episode, the Sheriff's department has congregated on the roof of the hospital to start investigating the death of Sean Walcott (and presumably their fallen own, down on Sean Walcott's original floor), and this is how much the status quo has shifted since season one: Sheriff Stilinski now has an expert on teen cannibals. Yes, Deputy Parrish, yes he does. So if you would be kind enough to give him and his silent shadow, Teen Cannibal Expert Derek Hale, five minutes?
Despite Scott's official story that it was just the two of them, him and Sean Walcott, up there on that roof, Derek isn't fooled. He smells Liam’s fear, and blood, and reports as much to Sheriff Stilinski.
Speaking of everybody's favorite smarty pants wolfling…he kidnapped someone!
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Yeah, Stiles, Scott's an idiot. But he's YOUR idiot.
Not only did Scott kidnap Liam from the hospital roof, he wrapped him full-on mummy style in duct tape and deposited him in his bathtub. "This isn't going to end with us burying pieces of his body in the desert, is it?" Stiles asks as he breaks down all the shenanigans Scott got up to when Stiles left him for FIVE MINUTES to go smooch on study with Malia.
Liam whimpers from the bathtub.
In the first of this episode' numerous examples of How Not to Tell Someone They Just Became a Werewolf, Stiles sets a still-bound Liam in a chair and says something about how “a lot of confusing things happened to you tonight and a lot more confusing things are going to happen later because of the confusing things that happened tonight…understand?” Liam doesn’t, really. Neither does Scott, whose face has gone blank. Stiles prevents Scott's brain from shutting down completely by passing the baton to him. Scott's the right one to do the explanation, after all, being who and what he is. But, being who and what he is, Scott manages to not only not explain anything useful to Liam, but to get whacked upside the head by the very chair they had set Liam down in. Because, in case any of you (SCOTT) missed it…Liam is now a werewolf. With werewolf strength. That he uses to entangle the Hardy Boys in a heap at the foot of Scott's stairs, distracting them long enough to effect his own escape.
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And the Mouthless Nightmare Strikes Again
Meanwhile in the weirdass Hale loft, dreams are coming true. By which I of course mean, Peter Hale takes one of Mouthless Nightmare's military tomahawks to the chest.
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Pretentious devils who read by moonlight deserve this, Peter.
It won’t even last through the middle of the episode, but it’s nice for right now.
As Peter is writhing in tomahawk-induced agony on the floor, Mouthless Nightmare comes slinking from the shadows. He taps something into a hidden keypad on his forearm, and a distorted voice says, "Don’t worry Peter--Derek’s next." Which--OMINOUS. But also, don't worry. DON'T WORRY. Because, of course, Peter would be pissed if he got the axe and Derek didn't.
Thankfully, Derek gets to pay Peter back for some of his awfulness the next morning, when he returns to find Peter not dead but wounded (damn) and not healing (hooray!).
And why is that? “The axe was laced with wolfsbane,” Derek grins, “but not a species I know.” His smile widens. “So I’m gonna have to burn it out.” It’s like Christmas! And Santa left a gigantic blowtorch under Derek’s tree.
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Derek's wonderfual, fabulous, all good, very great day.
After Peter’s chest has been thoroughly burned free of the mystery wolfsbane, he lets Derek know that it was him the mouthless nightmare said he was looking for. And how does someone with no mouth say anything in the first place, Derek would like to know? With that teched up armpiece glove thing. Which, of course, Peter somehow stole? Sure. Why not.
Stiles + Malia
The big deal this episode is, of course, the impending full moon. Everyone's getting ready! Scott got himself a brand new packmate for the event. Lydia's getting the keys to the lakehouse so the group can wolf out in relative peace. The main thing Stiles is doing is helping Malia preparing by…having her try on her fraying leather restraints IN his bedroom, IN daylight.
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Malia, wonderfully, doesn't understand any of the innate awkwardness of this scene. Because she is basically 8 years old, and a wild animal.
However adorable Malia's innocence is, however, this moment gives us something more: a lead into the actual full moon scene in the back half of the episode, wherein the leather on the restraints finally breaks, and Stiles stays with her throughout the worst, talking her down (and invoking his own memories of liking the power of the Nogitsune) until she has control over her coyote side.
I've seen some people reacting indignantly at the implication that Stiles has become Malia's anchor in the way that Allison was Scott's, but I actually read it as a different kind of parallel being drawn--not to Allison/Scott, but to Stiles/Scott, and the supportive, far-seeing shoulder Stiles gave Scott when he was struggling through his first changes and how to see himself because of them.
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Basically, Stiles is the voice of knowledge and reason, when it comes to newbie were-creatures.
Malia doesn't need an anchor to gain control over herself during the full moon--she needs a reminder of who she is, and how she can be strong on her own. And Stiles gives that to her.
Smooches, he also gives her smooches. But the smooches and the emotional/shifting hurdles overcome are, I think, discrete things.
Kira + Lydia, new BFFs: Part I
In the other corner of the new pack, Kira and Lydia are building their friendship. Calling back to Malia's frustration with math last ep, Kira sees Lydia’s “notes” on her computer screen and comments that if that’s what they look like, no wonder Malia was so lost. Lydia says all super casual-like that no, only a small fraction of the gibberish scrolling across her screen are math notes--the rest are some sort of code, a type of Vigénère cipher, that she wrote without being aware of doing so!
"Do you know how to crack it?" Kira asks. "With a key," Lydia responds, right as someone deposits…A key! Right in her hands!
Different kind of key. This one is the one to the afortmentioned lakehouse, which Lydia and a small groupd of her friends are being given access to for the weekend. "Just, make sure to lock the basement door. I think wil animals are getting in there and scratching up the walls."
Womp womp.
The problem of Liam
The problem of Liam is that still no one has figured out an effective way to explain to Liam that he has a problem. And he DOES, considering he ran all three miles to school on what had been probably a broken leg rather than taking the bus with his three new cast member freshman friends. Speaking of whom, before Liam arrives, Blondie Boy and Smiley Girl want to make awesome plans for the weekend, and exhort the third, Mason, not to leave them out of any bumpin' plans he makes. He, in turn, reminds them that they are freshmen who still ride the bus and who are thus supremely unlikely to get invited to any hot party anywhere.
Cue hot party countdown.
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In the hall, Scott and Stiles catch up with Liam once more, and Scott tries, to the increasing aggravation of Stiles, to recycle every line Derek ever used with him when he was transitioning. "We're brothers now," he tries first, to which Liam responds that they just met, and Scott bit him. "The bite is a…a gift?" Scott tries next, though even he sounds unconvinced. Stiles finally jumps in, all but shouting that they're just trying to save him, the little runt. But from what? Liam demands. He brandishes the arm that Scott bit, which had thus far been bandaged but is now flawless. "There's nothing wrong with me!"
So that didn't work. After a brief pack confab in the bus lot outside the school, during which Stiles suggests the remarkably Malia-esque plan to chloroform Liam and push him in the lake (in the interest of protecting innocent lives during the full moon, of course), Lydia finally notes that you catch more wolves with honey yada yada so let's invite him to a lakehouse party!
"You're going to ask a freshman on a date?" Stiles asks, unconvinced. Lydia rolls her eyes.
perfect gifset already made by queenandwolf
He's not a snake or a psycho pyro adult man ghost or the more evil half of alpha twins, so…yeah, alright: I'm on board.
Lydia then determines that, if your going to trick someone you should use a trickster, and so convinces Kira, our Wolf Cub of the Week, to practice her vixening skills to snag Liam's interest and get him to come with her to the lakehouse.
The results of her vixening, you've seen. But Liam still agrees to go with her, even though he is NOT doing well. The music in the car is deafening, the lights on the road blinding. Kira's awkward nattering is a dull buzz in the back of his mind as everything else comes in and out of focus. "Who's going to be there?" he asks Kira again and again, and again and again she says everyone! But then they pull up to the darkened lakehouse and open the door to the supernaturals' intervention, and Liam realizes he's been duped.
Meanwhile, on CSI: Beacon Hills…
Derek's Argent investigation buddy has swanned off to France, so he's stuck solving the mystery of the Mouthless Nightmare with the Military Tomahawks (h/t Deputy Parrish for that bit of intel) with Stilinski Sr., who demonstrates where Stiles got much of his most irritating qualities by interrupting Derek's efforts to really make progress on the case by demanding to know how a mouthless dude eats.
Oh, Derek. I bet you never thought the day would come when you'd long for Chris Argent to be in your life.
Anyhow, the new investigative team does finally start to make progress when they loop Deputy Parrish in on the search, as he a) recognizes the tomahawk as a modified version of the military-issue ones they carried doing IED removal in Iraq, and b) recognizes the pilfered techy arm glove thing as the same. Plus he has mad hacking skillz, and within minutes has them inside the brains of the glove. Which at one point does this:
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…all on its own. Just in case any of us had forgotten we were in the middle of the American Horror storyline.
The biggest piece of news gleaned from Deputy Parrish's hackathon? Someone named The Benefactor has deposited money in the Mouthless Nightmare's account. The Mouthless Nightmare is an assassin!
The full moon rises
Liam is finally getting his supernatural bearings, trapped in the lakehouse in front of Scott's pack. Werecoyote. Banshee. Fox? Kitsune, but sure, fox works. And Stiles was possessed by a very, very evil spirit. "And what are you now?" Liam asks, scoffing. "…Better?" Stiles replies, genuinely. Which is the best answer, because you think it is going to be a joke about Stiles being a plain old human, but then it turns into a gutpunch reminder that his life was pretty much ruined and being human is the true gift thank you very much.
There is just enough time before the moon reaches full strength for two things to happen: first, Malia coyote-glows her eyes to prove what they're all saying is true before; second, a sea of headlights flash across the lakehouse's darkened walls, and Liam admits that he texted ALL of his friends to invite them to the amazing party. FRESHMEN, amirite?? And before they can figure out how to handle this next kink, Liam and Malia bth are hit hard with moon madness. Kira and Scott rush to haul Liam down to the boathouse, whose support beams they already decided should be strong enough to hold him. Stiles and Malia rush the other direction, down to the basement. Lydia is the best at throwing parties, Stiles reminds her as they back out the door. So, go ahead, Lydia--throw a rager!
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I mean…you all SAW the episode. You know what the real party looked like. Consider this gif a gift.
Anyway, it's a great party. For everyone except Lydia, that is, who is stuck reminding froshys not to scratch her floors or drink her $400 bottles of wine. She is also stuck paying for a keg of beer she didn't order (it's domestic) that has a $100 "yeah you look 21 to me" surcharge. Before she can pay, she sees Mason wandering upstairs, so she races after him, telling the keg dude she's going for cash.
In a generous turn of events, Blondie Boy freshman--who had been drinking that $400 wine straight from the bottle--rounds on the keg dude to offer to pay, since he owed Lydia for the wine anyway. Rolling rich, our Blondie Boy! Aw, the sweetheart. This warm fuzzy tone is cut short, however, when the keg dude reaches his car, sees a flat tire, starts wolfing out, and then is DECAPITATED BY A GLOWING GARROTTE and we are reminded that it is American Horror week.
Also? The decapitator? Smiley Girl of the Freshmen Trio! And when she re-enters the party and asks what there is to smile about as she drapes herself over Blondie Boy's shoulder?
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Oh SNAP they're baby assassins!
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Yeah, Mason, we can't believe it either! Fingers crossed you're not with them…
Upstairs, Lydia is experiencing her own American Horror Story, first of the domestic variety, when she drops two tumblers of red wine on the white carpet of the all white room and breaks down over the fact that the house is on the market and needed to stay perfectly intact because they need the money (her and Stiles both, this season, I guess), and second of the supernatural variety when Mason leaves the soundproofed (!) room to get her some club soda and she puts a record on the record player and THIS:
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We need some words with Lydia's mom w/r/t why there is a soundproofed room with supernatural record player in the family lakehouse.
(Also, no, none of us are crazy: the dialogue track WAS missing from this scene when it aired. The fully realized scene can be seen here.)
When Kira finally finds Lydia like two hours later (Mason, dude…where's that club soda?), she looks at Lydia, looks at the record player, and knows exactly what to ask. Not are you okay? or what are you doing? but, naturally, what do you hear?
And what Lydia hears?
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And the key is ALLISON.
Of Love and Monsters
In the boathouse, Kira and Scott aren't having much luck with Liam. They may be holding back because now they know about his temper problem and are worried his wolfed out form will be too strong for them. Or maybe this is just not great writing to give the two superpowerful supernaturals who have fought off whole alpha packs and leagues of Oni a reason to struggle against a baby wolf.
So Liam keeps busting out of his chains before they can secure him to the support beams, and Scott for some reason just does not ever wolf out, so Kira eventually grabs an oar and whacks Liam in the temple. It works. She'd be a boon to the lacrosse and crew teams, I guess.
While Liam is unconscious, Scott and Kira get super cute about music and dancing and smooching and distractions. Since she is trying really hard to distract him enough that some wolfiness slips out, maybe the deal is he has to concentrate so hard during the full moon to not lose control that he needs to not wolf out at all, like that is a trigger? Maybe. But Isaac (WEEPING) went all wolf on his first full moon in control, to help Derek fight of Erica and Boyd, and he managed that just fine, so…I'd think Scott could do the same.
OH WELL. If Scott wolfed out, the rest of the episode would have had no reason for existing. And since Liam escaping the boathouse and leading Scott on a hunt through the woods brings handsome-as-eff Chris Argent back into our lives, defending Scott's life…HUGGING…I'll let it go. Also, it gives the transformation more power when, as Liam sobs that he can't let his parents see him like this, like…a monster, Scott stands to his full height, glows his eyes alpha red, and declares that being a werewolf is not the same thing as being a monster.
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AWWWWWWWWW my heart!
“I’ve seen enough in this school to keep a gun in my hand while walking in the dark”--show motto
And also the words that come out of Stilinski Sr.'s mouth as he and Derek enter BHHS in the dark to look for Mouthless Nightmare, as that is where Deputy Parrish tracked the wifi connection in the glove.
Naturally.
Also naturally, right after Stilinski states the motto above, they come upon a pool of coagulating blood oozing from under a doorway. Unnaturally, Derek hadn't smelled it before they got to the hall. He is about to open the door it's oozing from, but Derek being nervous makes Stilinski nervous, which, fair, and so they slowly and off to the side easy the handle open and find it connected via fishing line to a claymore explosive, aimed right at the angle Derek would have entered from.
Close call, but not close enough, as Mouthless NIghtmare comes flying down from the very stairs Kira the Vixen fell down just that day. He throws one tomahawk at Derek's head, misses, then goes after him with a second. Between the two of them, Derek and Stilinski manage to overcome the assassin, allowing Derek to cuff him with Stilinski makes the most Beacon Hillsy dad joke ever ("You have the right to remain silent," and no, I do not want to honor it with a gif thankyouverymuch). But before they can move the assassin even a foot, Peter Hale takes note of them and interrupts his nightly creep through the shadowed, hallowed halls to race in, pounce on the man, and claw his chest out. Or, more specifically, a weird mass of metal…something…in the man's chest.
Wordlessly, covered in blood, he rises and turns back the way he came. "We were trying a better way!" Derek calls after him, frustrated. Peter grins his evil Peter grin and, without turning, shruggingly responds that he's a creature of habit. Then he's melted back into the shadows of the school.
Naturally.
And Lydia's code says…
There is a dead pool, a supernatural hit list, and the pack is ALL ON IT. Mouthless Nightmare may be dead, y'all, but Blondie Boy and Smiley Girl are still out there. NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE.
Teen Wolf 4x4: IED -->
