Previously on The 100, lots of shizz went down because it was the finale!
Last year, if you had asked me whether or not I would be excited for the return of a CW show about gorgeous teenagers trying to survive on a bombed out Earth, I would have... probably said yes. I mean, come on. Do you even know me?
Still, it took a while for me to get into The 100, but thanks to some intense action and romantic chemistry (and, okay, Lincoln's muscles), I was COMMITTED by the time we reached the end of season one.
So yeah, welcome back show! I missed you! Now don't eff this up.
Here's what went down in last night's premiere:
- Clarke wakes up in a '90s music video a white, medical-looking room, where we saw her last. Monty, who was in the room across the hallway, is gone, so Clarke breaks through the window and, completely ignoring the fact that she sliced the shizz out of her arm, because she is a badass, Clarke escapes out of the room and accosts Maya, a teenager working nearby. Holding a shard of glass to Maya's neck (they're really trying to Katniss Clarke up here), she forces her uptstairs to "level five," where she stumbles upon... a DAR dinner? Seriously, I kept expecting to see Emily Gilmore there. But it's actually the (very human) residents of Mt. Weather, and they're freaked out because Clarke might represent a containment breach. After everyone calms down, Clarke meets President Snow Dante Wallace, who is old and creepy. He tells her that his team "rescued" 48 kids from the drop ship and claims, "You're not prisoners, we saved you." Riiiiight. And just to be extra disturbing, he brings out a trunk of clothes for Clarke. Oooh, I love a good makeover montage! But apparently Clarke doesn't, because she breaks the heel off of a shoe and puts on the most practical outfit of the bunch. I'm surprised her jacket didn't say WWKD (What Would Katniss Do) on the back. Apparently, unlike the space station gang, the residents of Mt. Weather don't have the ability to metabolize solar radiation, which I'm sure isn't going to be a Major Plot Point later. To Clarke's chagrin, Jasper (HI JASPER! Lookin' good!) and Mikey are pro-Mt.-Weather, but it might be due to the presence of cake, which could contain brainwashing drugs. Or it might just be cake. Clarke steals Maya's access card and, following an emergency evacuation route, reaches a door. But if she opens it, the radiation will kill the citizens of Mt. Weather. Or WILL IT? Not to date myself but is Ashton Kutcher about to show up? Clarke decides not to open the door and opts for the Marie Antoinette philosophy instead, i.e. she eats cake and decides to make art. But her "art" is figuring out exits on the map! GUESS WHO'S PRANKED NOW, BISHES?
- Meanwhile, Bellamy is alive!! Yay! Viva Bellarke! He, along with two other nameless, i.e. about-to-be-dead, kids are following Finn, who's being held captive by a Groundling. He probably had a name in the season one finale but who has time to look that shizz up? Bellamy attacks the Groundling and, since his wingmen totally fail him, gets super beat up. But hot damn, Mr. Groundling gets shot by Kane! NEVER FEAR, THE ADULTS ARE HERE! (Literally. Kane says, "We're here now. Everything's going to be okay.") Abby, Kane and the rest of the grownups head to the drop ship with Bellamy and Finn, but they only find Raven and Murphy Malfoy. Raise your hand if you're suprised that either one is still alive. In a previous scene, we're supposed to suddenly feel sorry for Malfoy, because he has a traumatic family history -- after he contracted the flu, his dad got floated for stealing medicine and his mom became an alcoholic and died because of it. WAH WAH. Bellamy punches Malfoy, because he totally deserves it, and then gets tased and arrested, because the CW is suddenly into social commentary? Kane has Bellmay arrested and pronounces, "You are not in control here any more."
- In other non-surprising news, Octavia and Lincoln are also still alive! But Octavia's been struck by a poison arrow, so Lincoln has to find the antidote, which involves beetles. Gross? He takes her to his village, a.k.a. the Lincoln Memorial, a.k.a THIS ALL MAKES SENSE. Unbeknownst to them, a mutation of Sloth from The Goonies is following them.
- And on the space station, Jaha gives his "final" transmission, then shuts all of the power down so he can die in peace. Except a crying baby ruins his plan. TYPICAL.
Grounder Mt. Weather 101:
They like to keep famous paintings around, which is pretty sweet. "The Starry Night" is way better when it's not on a tote bag.
Death Toll: 1
The Groundling killed one kid, and President Wallace captured 48 kids. So we're at... 60 total? This is what is known as Enron Math because WHO KNOWS.
Say What:
Since it's the season premiere, the writers clearly brought out the big guns.
Raven: Why are you helping me?
Malfoy: I don't want to die alone.
And, my personal favorite:
Random kid: What do I do?
Bellamy: Try not to die.
Burning Questions:
- Bellamy and Finn, arguably the two hottest guys on this show (besides Lincoln, obvs), spent the entirety of the episode with blood on their faces. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?
- Will Clarke get brainwashed by the cake and become President Wallace's pet? In other words, is she the Peeta of this show?
- Are the writers shipping Malfoy and Raven? Because no.
- Is Jaha actually going to die? (That's a rhetorical question because OF COURSE NOT.)
So, what did y'all think? Let's dish in the comments!