Welcome back to FYA JAM! With American Thanksgiving just over a week away, Jennie and I are already looking ahead to what happens after the fam jam festivities -- when the REAL fun begins, if ya know what I mean. (C'mon, we all know what I mean. I'm not being particularly subtle by linking to Marvin Gaye.) So here's some inappropriate music for avoiding your family!
1. "Not a Virgin" - Poe
Jennie: Let's just start thing off with a bang, if you will -- the very first line is "I'm not a virgin anymore -- just thought you should know!" Let your family know you mean business.
2. "More Human Than Human" - White Zombie
Jennie: What uptight relative wouldn't love to hear some metal punctuated with orgasm noises? Make sure to really blast the intro!
3. "The Bad Touch" - Bloodhound Gang
Mandy W.: I will forever associate this with Leila Sales' fantastic karaoke cover. Plus, it includes a shout-out to another artist on this list.
4. "Closer" - Nine Inch Nails
Mandy W.: This is as family avoidance as it gets.
Jennie: I remember the first time my dad heard this song. He was Not Amused. I, being a shitty little teenager, however, certainly was.
5. "Cuntry Boner" - Puscifer
Jennie: Bonus points if your parents like country music and you don't -- this song is delightfully, shamelessly, blatantly offensive. Guaranteed to clear a room.
6. "Feel Like Makin' Love" - Bad Company
Jennie: In case they weren't clear on what you're trying to say, this song will spell it out with 70s rock realness.
7. "Cecilia" - Simon & Garfunkel
Jennie: Your relatives might think they've gotten a brief reprieve from dirty songs, but they're wrong. Look at the lyrics.
8. "You Sexy Thing" - Hot Chocolate
Jennie: Isn't this a nice song? He just wants to know where you're from, you sexy thing.
9. "Sex and Candy" - Marcy Playground
Mandy W.: I used to not care for this song, but I've grown to appreciate it in my old age. Nowadays, it reminds me of Jessica meeting Hoyt on True Blood.
10. "Kiss" - Prince
Mandy W.: Is it even possible to create a sexy mix without Prince? I think not.
11. "Suck My Kiss" - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Jennie: Not only will the chorus raise some eyebrows, but the frequent use of the word "motherfucker" would fill the swear jar several times over. (Anthony Kiedis will write your relatives an IOU.)
12. "Hot in Herre" - Nelly
Jennie: If you can't play it on piano and sing it for a captive audience, à la Austenland, you can at least play it here.
13. "Candy Shop" - 50 Cent
Jennie: Yum, candy!
Mandy W.: Oh man, this takes me back. The song was totally in heavy rotation, and it may or may not have been the inspiration for an MSN screen name.
14. "Closer" - Tegan and Sara
Mandy W.: Oh, this sounds all cute and upbeat. And then it gets into the realness of trying to get underneath someone. (Although, as Tegan and Sara say, it's not all just physical.)
15. "Habits (Stay High)" - Tove Lo
Mandy W.: Not exactly sexytimes, but it's undoubtedly family avoidance, as you can gleam from the title.
16. "Let's Fall In Love" - Mother Mother
Mandy W.: "Mommy did it / Daddy did it / The funny little monkeys in the zoo will do it." This song is the epitome of the "Why, what did you think I meant?" feigned innocence.
17. "Caligulove" - Them Crooked Vultures
Mandy W.: I mean, if the Caligula nod didn't tip you off, this one is deffo about secksin'.
18. "Use Me" - Bill Withers
Jennie: In case you're ready to really get in the mood, allow Bill Withers' rich voice to wash over you.
19. "Sex Type Thing" - Stone Temple Pilots
Jennie: I have always found Scott Weiland to be weirdly hot.
Mandy W.: ME TOO. He was seriously vibing some vintage Eastwood in the video for "She Builds Quick Machines". Rawr.
20. "Thinking of You" - A Perfect Circle
Jennie: In concert, Maynard introduces this song by declaring it's about a more unconventional method of sex.
21. "Make It Wit Chu" - Queens of the Stone Age
Mandy W.: It's totally not cheating to have Hot Ginger again with another band, right? Right.
22. "Wicked Game" - Chris Isaak
Mandy W.: This song is the literal sex. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're in for a treat in a few downward scrolls.)
I also have a slightly extended edition for my fellow Canadians! It only has one extra song, but it's one that I absolutely had to include on this sexytimes playlist: "Tarantulove" by Hawksley Workman (Track 10). It starts off with, "You ain't been sexin', kitten, but now you're screamin'." 'NUFF SAID.
This already made our playlist, but I'm still leaving it here for your viewing pleasure.
This holiday season, take a cue from the ladies of SNL and get down with your bad selves!
Which song(s) would you add to this family avoidance playlist? Let us know in the comments!