HEY Y'ALL. It's time to dish about last night's episode of Nashville, a show that makes our Wednesday nights feel deliciously trashy. It's basically the television equivalent of fried butter at the Texas State Fair. So let's DIG IN.
Here's what happened:
- Peggy and Teddy embezzled $2 million?!!
- Rayna shoots a really terrible commercial, but Deacon won't sign away the rights to the song, which is hilarious, because the song is TERRIBLE.
- Juliette's mama fell off the wagon with a poor man's Willam H. Macy.
- Teddy dishes about his real estate disaster with Lamar. He tells Rayna's daddy that Peggy gave him cash to help him out of a bind, and the cash may have been fradulently obtained.
- Gunnar and Scarlett (wearing a SUPER CUTE dress) try out their song out for a band and totally engage in eye sex even though Avery is playing guitar. SUCK IT AVERY.
- Deacon is all Dr. Drew on Juliette's mom and urges her to get clean. So she finally heads to rehab, right after bitch slapping Juliette. Damn!
- Rayna decides to write her own songs, by herself. WELL I'LL BE.
- Teddy asks Rayna what happened with Deacon to make her cancel the tour, i.e. "Did you sleep with him?" Because Teddy is an asshole.
- Deacon meets with Coleman (his sponsor) and gives him the pills that Juliette's mom dropped. STAY STRONG DEACON.
- Lamar meets with Peggy and tells her to zip her lips.
- Deacon sings a real purdy song (Sideshow) at the Bluebird. A dude heckles him about Rayna not being there, and then Deacon gets in a fight with him in the parking lot.
- Gunnar and Scarlett don't sell their song because the potential buyer thought Avery hijacked it. Scarlett confronts Avery and defies all logic by NOT breaking up with him.
- Deacon calls Rayna from jail, and she declines the call. ICE COLD. So Juliette bails him out instead.
- Rayna cuts the first song (that she wrote on her lonesome) on her new album, and Deacon releases the rights to the commerical song.
- Juliette moves into a new house because her old one was "tainted" by her mamma.
- Peggy and Teddy meet to congratulate each other on getting out of trubs, but OH SNAP a photographer catches them.
Oh yeah, and this debate happened. Coleman's face says it all: "STEP OFF, BISH."
Rayna vs Juliette (i.e. who "won" the episode)
Posh: I declare NO WINNER in this episode. Sure, Rayna wrote a song by herself, but she's a millionaire musician. Should we really be congratulating her on writing a song on her own for the first time in, like, 20 years? Who is she, Britney Spears? Plus she hung up on Deacon's jail call, which I kinda understand but hello HE IS SO MUCH HOTTER THAN YOUR HUSBAND. And then Juliette was just kinda feckless and frankly, wasteful. Girl, you don't just drive away from a mansion full of furniture! Craig's List that shizz!
Erin: Agreed! Poor Rayna seemed like she was in Country Music 101 sessions and Juliette got hit by her mom, which is never a good sign. Can we award this episode to Deacon and Coleman? I want to sit on Deacon's porch and drink a beer, er, uh, have some lemonade with those two.
Best Scene:
Posh: When Rayna was shooting the commercial and wearing that incredible glittery eyeshadow. No seriously. That eyeshadow won this entire episode. Which means that either the episode was kinda lame or the eyeshadow was AMAZING. (Both are correct answers.)
Erin: I have to give it to Coleman's TOTAL SMACKDOWN of Teddy in the debate. I'm not sure if we've heard much about Teddy's apparently really rich dad before (I also don't think I care) but I like that Coleman has and that he's STONE COLD about it. Coleman, I love you.
Best Sub-Plot
Posh: Rayna's struggle with not selling out was (unintentionally) hilarious. I mean, the idea that she, a country superstar, hasn't ever made a commercial before is EYE-ROLLINGLY RIDIC. In real life, she would've already been a Cover Girl AND a spokeswoman for Pantene after her first CMA. Bish plz.
Erin: I gotta go with Deacon's burgeoning NA sponsorship of Juliette's mom. It's like Pay it Forward but Haley Joel Osmet's not going to get stabbed in the end. Probably.
WTF
Posh: Really, Teddy and Peggy? You're going to have a covert meeting out on a bridge near a very public highway? REALLY?!!!! Also, WHY IS AVERY STILL ON THIS SHOW?
Erin: COSIGNED on Avery. AVERY WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO EXIST?
Burning Questions:
Posh:
- I repeat, WHY IS AVERY STILL ON THIS SHOW?
- Will Coleman beat Teddy in the election? I really, really hope so.
- When will Rayna and Deacon have make-up sex?
- When will Lamar commit cold-blooded murder? Because you know he will. (And has done so before!)
- Will we ever see Rayna's adorable daughters sing again? PRETTY PLEASE.
- When will Gunnar break up with Hailey because, breaking news, SHE IS STILL ANNOYING.
Erin:
- How come, if Deacon is like, some sort of Guitar Hero (heh), he drives a shitty old Suburu or whatever and has a modest (though, do not misunderstand me, AWESOME and totally covetable) Craftsman bungalow? Like, fuck, Rayna never threw him some money these past 20 years? Or maybe he lost it all to booze and pills.
- When will Teddy be drawn and quartered for defrauding the credit union? I'm a member of a credit union. You don't fuck with your fellow credit union members!
- Where can I get Scarlett's dress that she wore for the recording session? Sub-question: do you think that dress has some sort of poison on it that seeps into her skin and makes her really stupid and keeps her dating Avery?
So, what did y'all think? Leave your comments/rants/predictions in the comments!
