I’m joined by my former writing partner-in-crime, Noel Kirkpatrick, to talk one of my beloved childhood shows and sources of future romantic blame, Saved by the Bell.
The two part episode, "Home for Christmas," from season three has the gang all working at the mall where unsurprisingly Zack (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) sets his sights on a new girl, Laura, who they find out is homeless. While they try to save Laura and her father, they also get in zany adventures while working at the mall and staging their MALL PRODUCTION of “A Christmas Carol.”
Noel: Kerensa, Saved by the Bell was a popular show when I was in high school. Its reruns were on in the morning before school, and a number of my friends at the time watched, would come to class ready to discuss that mornings adventures of Zack, Kelly, Jessie, Slater, Lisa, and Screech.
I was not one of these people.
I didn't really get the appeal of Saved by the Bell then, something that caused no small amount of consternation for one classmate who loved the show. As a result, I've seen maybe five episodes of the show in my time life. And now, because of you, that number is at least seven. So, I have just one question for you, and it's said in a joking manner: What did I ever do to you that would result in you inflicting this upon me? Are you some sort of Ghost of Saved by the Bell Past come to begin showing me the error of my old ways?
Kerensa: Noel, I am so so sorry to do this to you. This is a terrible episode of television.
Growing up, I was very much a Saved by the Bell person. I religiously watched the reruns on TBS, had a crush on Slater (ugh I know) and Lisa Turtle was a personal style icon (still is). While I have a soft spot for the show still, rewatching it is pretty awful. It's really bad. And this "Home for the Holidays" episode is every Christmas cliché stuffed into a two part episode and ugh. Very very terrible.
Again, I'm so sorry. How was this Saved by the Bell experience for you?
Noel: It was bizarre and creepy (no wonder Dustin Diamond's life imploded) and somehow completely unaware of the irony of staging A Christmas Carol in a mall. With product integration. Zack's Lothario ways are completely acceptable -- EVEN BY HIS MOM -- because he's a good guy. Screech is just painfully inappropriate in a way that boggles my brain today. The jokes are broad and hack-y, even by early 90s standards -- People in LA like to diet! Hilarious!
While we must talk about how, as you said, it stuffed every single possible Very Special Christmas Episode cliché into its stocking (and without much care), is it always like this? I mean, Zack breaks the fourth wall. I figured it would have slightly more sophistication.
Kerensa: It was so bizarre and creepy! And why were they having A Christmas Carol production in a mall?! It makes no sense at all. Like when Laura is asking their boss if she can leave work to be in the mall play? Literally nothing has made less sense to me ever.
Ok, so I get what you are saying with Zack, but he is super dreamy...
I'd like to hope that it isn't ALL this bad. I haven't watched much in a while but I have episodes that I completely adored that I certainly haven't watched anytime recently but after seeing this I'm super afraid that they might be bad. I do, really honestly, think that maybe it is just this episode?
So, how'd the homeless teen storyline work for you?
Noel: For what it's worth, I do not want you to go back and watch these episode you have adored. Do not tarnish your positive memories like that. If it's at all any consolation, I saw the description for the episode that follows this two-parter and almost watched it because it involves a murder mystery weekend, and I am a sucker for murder mystery game episodes. I doubt it's as good as Frasier's though.
The homeless family storyline is...look, it's bad, okay? But...sort of like that two part episode of Family Ties where Alex spends the entire time mourning a friend WE'VE NEVER EVER MET BEFORE AND WHO WILL NEVER BE REFERENCED EVER AGAIN, there's something wonderful about the fact that Frank (who, btw, played someone named Morris Ginsberg on Mad Men; does that mean something to you?) and Laura will also probably never be seen again despite staying the Morrises until they get a new place. If this were some sitcoms today, they'd become a recurring presence, fodder for more story.
Here, though, they exist only to show both teach Zack and the gang (and the audience) that white, skilled, but generally unlucky people become homeless, are generally good-natured about it. Indeed, it's a good thing these upper-middle class kids all of whom had no problems getting jobs for the holidays, despite being horrible at them, were around to help these people. So, yeah, cognitive dissonance up the wazoo.
Kerensa: I will not tarnish my positive memories, but it's the holidays! Drunken nostalgia may win out during a late night this week!
Like you said, the homeless storyline here is abysmal. It really is just showing Zack and the gang that homelessness can be not as serious as one would think! Laura's a seemingly well-adjusted teenager! Zack likes her! Eventually she won't be homeless! Even when there are dramatic beats that could be used to actually show some semblance of emotion or anything--I'm thinking when Laura's father collapses in the mall--it's immediately undermined by some joke Screech makes, their ridiculous holiday outfits or those terrible music cues! They are used to signal that something dramatic or sad is happening but they mainly just sound so ridiculous.
Noel: Noooooooooooooooooooo! Don't ruin your holiday with impulsive nostalgia-ruining drinking! T'would be sad! Just drink and hang out with doggies and kitties!
It is patently ridiculous, for sure. But your point about the emotions and drama being undermined is really spot on, and may be the most awful thing about these episodes. There's no actual emotion anywhere to be had. It's almost as if...it's almost as if these two episodes are counterfeit Very Special Episodes and Christmas Episodes/Specials. All the bits are there for both of those types of TV episodes, but everything's just out of alignment. It's so very fake,
Kerensa, not even in a fun/playful, postmodern way. And it's not even self-aware enough to maybe play up that aspect of itself to make a point about the artificiality of such episodes in the first place. Eugh. This has bummed me out, and I am not even that into Christmas. YOU'VE KILLED MY CHRISTMAS SPIRIT, ZACK MORRIS. KILLED IT DEAD.
Sidebar: When do we watch Showgirls or the Dustin Diamond sex tape?
Kerensa: God, that's such a good point. All the artifice and trying at emotion really just squashes any emotion, Christmas spirit or ANYTHING that these episodes could evoke. That's so depressing! Everything else I've watched so far in this series, even if it's been cheesy, has made me feel something. That very specific Christmas-y feeling, you know what I mean? And this didn't do that at all.
Oh, I'm always watching Showgirls (just did a couple weeks ago!). I'm NEVER watching the Dustin Diamond sex tape.
Did anything in this episode work for you?
Noel: I can deal with cheese -- I'm loving Girl Meets World right now, for instance, and it can lean hard on the cheese (it can also lean hard on the "white middle class kids learn about life from black people and janitors" thing, so we haven't progressed too much!) -- but it's at least a tastier cheese than what little I've seen from Saved by the Bell Admittedly, Girl Meets World's first holiday special coasted heavily on a reunited Cory and Shawn, but I HAD FEELS, KERENSA, and there are no feels to be had in this duo of episodes. Just a sense of smug satisfaction that these kids saved two homeless people with a warm meal and a nice sports coat, one of whom Zack wants to date and is now living in his house. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
Did anything work for me? Um. No, I don't think anything did. I mean, the early '90s fashion was intensely ON here, so that was fun...OH, OH. The one gag I liked -- and it's such an easy one -- was Slater's lousy wrapping up the champagne glasses and then them shattering on the floor. Predictable, yes, but it and the woman attempting to strangle Slater with ribbon were probably the highlights of the episode for me. I think I may've actually laughed there.
What about you?
Kerensa: Noel, here's an admission. I'm never here for Boy Meets World or any related things with the exception of Rider Strong, who I saw at a bar recently and has aged well. Hit me up Rider!
I did like Slater's attempts at wrapping presents as well and I laughed when that woman tried to strangle him too! A shame it didn't work! I also loved the 90s fashions, I mean they were in peak form. All of the cropped sweaters!
Other than that, there was literally nothing here from the Saved by the Bell that I loved, which makes me so sad.
Noel: Armed with this knowledge, the next time I have a multi-part roundtable discussion about shows I love, I'm going to find the worst Boy Meets World Christmas episode I can and make you discuss it with me. Because what are the holidays about if they're not about making the ones you love suffer? Merry Christmas!
Next Week: We’re just in time to ring in 2015 with The O.C. (I couldn’t help it).
FYI: Noel Kirkpatrick is an associate editor at Mother Nature Network, a contributor at TV.com, and on Twitter entirely too much.