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Last week, tragedy struck the Bop bracket. And by tragedy, I mean you guys kicking Keanu to the curb in favor of Orlando Frickin' Bloom. HOW COULD YOU?!!!! I thought we had an understanding here.
And then there's the fact that Patrick Swayze only beat Rider Strong by 77 votes. Do you know what those 77 votes sound like? Horses galloping towards us. And not just any horses, my friend. Horses belonging to a certain four men OF THE APOCALYPSE.
Seriously, should I start hoarding canned goods and digging an underground bunker? (If you vote for Orlando Bloom in this round, then you're saying the answer is yes. And if you vote for Jordan Knight, you're handing me the shovel.)
Here’s the Bop bracket as it currently stands:
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(1) Heath Ledger vs. (9) Joseph Gordon-Levitt
The shit hath hit-tith the fan-ith! We've got the two male leads of 10 Things I Hate About You facing off, and only one can have a happy ending (set to Letters to Cleo, of course). This film was Heath's big break in America, although he was smokin' hot in the short-lived TV show, Roar. I caught the premiere when it aired due to my love of Keri Russell, but then I didn't even care when she died after only, like, ten minutes, because WHO IS THIS GOLDEN GOD.
While JGL spent much of his adolescence on the set of 3rd Rock From the Sun, he didn't really earn his Teen Crush Cred until 10 Things. (And even then, he was still in his adorkable phase.)
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Heath, that's a beautiful message, but let's be honest. No matter how much JGL wants to win this bracket, it ain't happening.
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(5) Michael Schoeffling vs. (13) Orlando Bloom
Michael Schoeffling performed in some great movies (Mermaids, Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken) before making a quiet exit into small town carpentry. (Most romantic retirement from Hollywood ever?) But it was his first major role in Sixteen Candles that gave him immortal life as Jake Ryan.
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SA-WOON.
Umpteen years later, I still wish I was Samantha Baker. Sure, she sold her underwear to a freshman and her family forgot her birthday, but SHE GOT TO KISS JAKE RYAN. And he was a senior.
Then there's Orlando Bloom, who managed to make long blonde hair sexy again after Nelson ruined it for everyone. His turn as Legolas made him a star, and his defeat of Keanu Reeves in the last round made him my mortal enemy.
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(6) Prince William vs. (3) Johnny Depp
Prince William is known for his greatest role, being Kate Middleton's husband being Prince William. I remember FREAKING OUT over the YM issue with his handsome face on the cover, and then FREAKING OUT out over his hair loss just a few years later. Thanks for nothing, Charles.
21 Jump Street helped launch Johnny Depp's career as an actor and a crazy dresser.
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Is anyone else getting a Jack Sparrow vibe from that earring?
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(7) Jordan Knight vs. (2) Patrick Swayze
New Kids On The Block was my first concert (Tiffany opened!!!), and I'll be honest, I was initially a Joey McIntyre girl. But then his voice changed and his facial hair got kinda weird. So I grabbed a giant button and jumped ship to the U.S.S. Jordan Knight.
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While most ladies first get crazy with Swayze via Dirty Dancing, it was actually The Outsiders that put him on the map. But his sexy moves at Kellerman's put him in every woman's fantasy, and he's going to use those dancing feet to kick Jordan's ass in this round.
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Because NOBODY PUTS PATRICK SWAYZE IN THE CORNER.
Check back tomorrow and Thursday for the rest of the matchups, then be sure to cast your votes for the entirety of Round Two by this Saturday (March 14) at midnight. We’ll post the results on Sunday!
If anyone wants to join me, I'll be in the comments ready to fight anyone who thinks Jake Ryan is nothing less than a total dreamboat.