Y'all, I wish I could say that this has been real, or at least real fun, but we've reached the end of the road for FYA recaps of Famous in Love. My love for the books remains steadfast, but this show just can't seem to get its act together, and while I will keep watching, I can't bring myself to continue with any kind of analysis for fear of being just plain mean.
So let's give it one more round of the recap treatment and call it quits before things get too ugly. Because that's the Hollywood way--PSYCHE.
The Elevator Pitch
Rainer wants to fly Paige (who's mad at Jake for not coming to her birthday) and Cassie (who is still strapped for cash) to Vegas, but first he has to go to Hong Kong with Nina and studio head Alan (a.k.a. his dad! shhh!) to explain that the character of the Time Sorceress is not a ghost, since the Chinese apparently won't support films with ghosts. I know that sounds like BS but it's actually true. Nina strikes a deal to replace Tangey with a Chinese actress, because she's a suit godammit, and Alan gets all misty-eyed over her at the bar. In case you didn't notice, this whole section of the episode was gross. Especially when the Americans talk down to the Chinese by using the Terminator as an analogy. NOPE.
Meanwhile Jake is apparently in a frat, and at the house with his bros, he spies Cassie working as a topless maid. She disappears and drives her besties MAD with worry, even though she's just hiding out with Adam the PA, who seems like a super nice dude. She confides in him about her guilt from childhood for sleeping through her mom's Emmy acceptance speech, so he gets a copy of the speech so she can feel better and return home to her friends. Mmmkay. Oh and then Paige offers her a job as her assistant. Because that's gonna end well!
Jordan invites his mom to stay at Devon and Nina's place while they're gone, and they enjoy reminiscing about their former life together in petty theft. It's SUPER sweet, yay larceny! But then Jordan's mom steals everything except (literally) the kitchen sink. So much for that maternal instinct!
And the Oscar Goes To...
NO ONE. Everyone sucks and I'm really sad about it.
Can I Quote You On That?
Going gainst the spirit of this section, these lines of dialogue were especially memorable terrible:
"Jake, why won't she just text me back? She hasn't posted anything on Insta or Snap!" - Paige, TOTALLY FREAKING OUT ABOUT CASSIE.
"What?" - Cassie
"Nothing. I just like the way the light hits you." - Adam the PA, who managed to say that with a straight face.
The Red Carpet
Once again, Shirtless Rainer wins the best dressed award. I'm not going to question why he's waxing his surfboard inside on the dining room table because I KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME.
Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous
This was the least glamorous episode thus far. Fifteen hour flights to Hong Kong? Burnt grill cheese sandwiches? Rainer talking up the Bellagio buffet like rich people actually go there? Bitch please.
The Paparazzi
- Why was it so hard for Cassie to tell the truth about the bracelet and her financial situation? I understand human pride BUT which is tougher: spilling the beans to your bestie or working as a topless maid?
- Did anyone else get the icky vibe that Nina was flirting with her own son to get him to go to Hong Kong? Really? Just me, the perv?
- Was the bickering between Nina and Alan in the car supposed to be endearing, like in an opposites attract way? Because FAIL.
- Is that clip of Cassie's mom's Emmy speech seriously not available anywhere online? COME ON.
So, dear readers, did I give up too soon? Does this series deserve further analysis? Meet me in the comments.