Y'all, Awkward seems to be on a permanent downward spiral. To recap or not to recap? That is the question. Give me your answer in the comments.
Fave slang/phrase: "I was phoning it in to my own booty call." - Jenna
Matty or Jake or Collin (who won this episode): Well, we *did* get to see Collin shirtless, but then the show decided to add in a glow necklace, so THERE WERE NO WINNERS. Everyone lost, especially the viewers.
OMG moment: When I realized that I've been mispelling Collin's name this entire time.
Here's what happened:
Ever since the coffeehouse encounter, Jenna can't stop thinking about Collin, even when she's having sex with Matty. (Although it does give her a damn good orgasm.) So, when Mr. Hall gives them an assignment to write about their "firsts," Jenna gets total writer's block. She wants to write about Matty, but Collin continuously invades her subconscious. I can't fault her for that, cos dude is hawt. That is, until he sits down with her for a jog down memory lane and reminds her about the first time she saw Matty. Did this scene strike anyone else as completely creeptastic? I got the shivers, and NOT in a good way.
Tamara tells Jenna to "end this flirtationship ASAP" and reminds her that fantasy is never as good as the reality. Then Collin brings that point home by being completely obsequious for the rest of the episode. Dude, STOP IT. YOU ARE RUINING YOUR HOTNESS. In spite of his behavior, Jenna uses Collin as her inspiration for the assignment and earns an A. The grade is not that impressive once we learn that Sadie got high marks for writing about the first time she shopped retail and how it destroyed her. Oh honey, were you at Sears?
Once Jenna spots Collin making out with his GF, she assumes that it's all in her head. (Spoiler alert: It's not.) At home, Teen Mom and Teen Dad insist that fantasy is a good thing by referring to their "Celebrity Sandwiches." Teen Mom claims Ryan Gosling and Clive Owen (nice choices, Teen Mom) while Teen Dad goes for Charlize Theron and Kristen Scott Thomas (stay classy, Teen Dad!).
Eventually, Jenna lets Matty read her "first" paper, and, as no surprise to anyone, he gets totally turned on and invites her over for some sexy times. Enjoy it while it lasts, Matty!
Meanwhile, Ming got to be in this episode! Like A LOT. Creepy Asian Becca realizes that Ming has a fake boyfriend to cover up her relationship with Fred Wu ("Your fake beard has been shaved"), which leads to a tearful good-bye in the Sanctuary. Fred Wu is forced to move to Idaho, and Ming declines the invitation to accompany him. Because Ming is a smart girl.
Furious over Fred Wu's departure, Ming marches up to Creepy Asian Becca and PUNCHES HER IN THE FACE. "Good-bye, Kitty!" Nice work, Ming! She is rewarded for her badassery by widespread devotion from the Asian Mafia, who has crowned Ming as their new queen. Suck it, Creepy Asian Becca!
And... that's about it.
So basically, I'm pissed that the show managed to decimate the one thing it still had going for it, which was Collin's hotness. I mean, LOOK AT THIS. LOOK. AT. THIS.
I CANNOT UNSEE THAT.
The dialogue has lost its snap, the characters have lost their appeal, and the boys have lost their swoonworthyness.
Should I continue recapping Awkward? Will y'all continue to watch? Let's hash this out in the comments.