HEY Y'ALL, Nashville is back! And Peggy is still dead! Praise you, sweet baby J!
Although, let's be honest, the show has a couple of people left to kill off before the season's end *cough* Teddy *cough* Zoe *cough* Lawyer Lady *cough* THE ENTIRE WRITERS ROOM.
Now let's break this thang down, and by thang I mean an hour of our lives we'll never get back because NOTHING HAPPENED.
- Juliette's intro song is great, but the video is like SUPER 90s. I mean, the green screen? The montage of human drama? C'EST PASSÉ.
- The dude who killed Peggy committed suicide and apparently blamed his chronic unemployment for his actions. So... Daddy Lamar is behind this, right?
- Avery tried to make nice with Juliette, but she's all once bitten, twice shy. Scarlett knows something is up, but she also may still have feelings for Gunnar (LORD KNOWS WHY) so by the end of the episode, it appears that she and Avery are on the outs.
- Juliette's assistant is back... because she's a glutton for punishment?
- No one has seen Gay Cowboy Will since the Nashville music festival, but good news: HE'S STILL ALIVE. Gunnar intercepts him on his way to becoming the future Unabomber and coaxes him back to the tour, although he's still firmly in the closet. We need some Anderson Cooper up in this biz!
- Liam is back and trying to get into Rayna's pants, but she is super focused on making their album a success, since it's the foundation of her new label. After conducting her own research, she concedes to Jeff Doucheham and realizes that she needs to write a new single to launch the record.
- And who better to write that single than Deacon and Maddie? Their song is GORG.
- Kelly Clarkson wants to record Scarlett and Gunnar's song! But Scarlett nixes the idea, because she and Gunnar no longer have a connection. I get that, girl, but for ten thousand dollars, YOU MAKE THE CONNECTION.
- Teddy is still upset that Peggy died, even though the best thing anyone says about her is voiced by Maddie: "She was nice." Stick THAT on her tombstone.
- BREAKING NEWS: Lawyer Lady is BORING. JK, that's old news.
- Juliette is still embroiled in her homewrecker scandal, and, okay, SERIOUSLY? This is not a believable thing. But whatever, the show wants to pretend that it's believable, and someone records her saying "There is no God," which is only the beginning of her sentence, and then she has to ask Layla to state, in a press conference, that the recording isn't her full statement, and REALLY THIS IS A THING? And now she owes Layla for it? SAD.
Best Rayna James Line:
- This episode was a desert of sass. A DESERT. But if anyone had the last word, it was Rayna's hair, still looking fabulous.
Rayna vs Juliette: (Who won?)
- Rayna, I guess? Juliette seems pretty overwhelmed by this "homewrecker scandal," and Rayna only has to worry about losing a bazillion dollars on her record label. NO BIG DEAL.
Best Scene:
- Gunnar's pep talk to Gay Cowboy Will was FANTASTIC. I'm not a big Gunnar fan right now, but that dude knows how to give tough love.
Best Sub-plot:
- Deacon and Maddie writing another song together? It barely counts as a sub-plot, because it only took up two minutes of the episode, but those two minutes were the best two minutes of this episode.
WTF:
- ZOE IS THE WORST. She's all, "I'm tired of feeling guilty." OH REALLY? So you and Gunnar are exhausted by your own heinousness? GOOD.
- I'm sorry, but this homewrecker scandal DOES NOT FLY. Famous people cheat on each other all the time! I didn't see anyone picketing Angelina when she broke up Brad and Jennifer's marriage!
- Rayna thinks that she's still dating Luke Wheeler? REALLY? After he was such an asshat? Rayna, SHOW YOURSELF SOME RESPECT.
Burning Questions:
- Is anyone else totally over the idea of Gunnar and Scarlett? Because I AM.
- When will Deacon break up with Lawyer Lady because ZZZZZZZZZ.
- Is the Cadillac Three a real band? Because they were pretty great! Hairy, but great.
- Did anyone else feel uncomfortable watching Teddy bawl at the end of this episode because NO ONE CARES?
And the preview for next week did nothing to raise my hopes. What about y'all? Weigh in on the Nashville dramz (or lack thereof) in the comments!