Welcome to the final bracket in FYA's Teen Heartthrob Madness! The first round might be drawing to a close, but not before I send y'all off in style. And, OHHHH, what style it is. I've searched far and wide to compile this premium cheesefest. Check your lactose intolerance at the door!
But first: the interactive PDF bracket!
And now, here are the final matchups for the first round!
(1) Leonardo DiCaprio vs. (16) Jordan Rodrigues
Look at that little smirk and those Sailor Moon bangs on Baby Leo. It's like he knows he'll be lauded as one of the greatest actors of his generation and date beautiful supermodels for decades to come. Then there's Sad Jordan, who knows he won't be able to dance his way to another victory. Or maybe he's just as uncomfortable as I am with the juxtaposition of a young boy and the words "Big Bopper".
(8) Robert Pattinson vs. (9) Nick Carter
I really have no horse in this race: I've seen maybe a combined three-quarters of a Twilight movie, and B-Rok (WHO IS LOSING BY A LOT OMG) was my BSB of choice. So just take in the photo above and let it sear into your brain. You're welcome.
(5) Jared Leto vs. (12) Ryan Phillippe
Look, I squeed over Ryan Phillippe and shipped his characters with Sarah Michelle Gellar's an unhealthy amount (so what if she's his evil and manipulative coke-sniffing stepsister?!), whereas one of my earliest and definitely most vivid memories of Jared Leto's work is from watching Requiem for a Dream at my friend's 16th bday party, i.e., NOT SWOONY AT ALL.
BUT. Is that photo not the single greatest thing you've ever seen?! (If you even have to ask which one I'm referring to, I'll have to renounce our internet friendship. You're crushed, I know.)
(4) Paul Rudd vs. (13) Rob Lowe
Both so beautiful. Both so ageless. Both so Pawnee. The ex-stepbrother* of our dreams versus the only official Brat Pack rep in the tourney. Sorry, Sodapop, but Josh and I have more history.
*The second quasi-incestuous character in this bracket. Theme!
(6) Michael B. Jordan vs. (11) Brad Renfro
I know, Michael. I can't believe what passed as fashionable for young gentlemen in the '90s, either.** But honestly, I've probably only seen Brad in Tom and Huck; my Renfrography is severely lacking (RIP, Brad). Seeing as MBJ has been a charisma machine in everything I've seen him in, this was a no-brainer.
**Seriously, we could probably have another batch of photos with just bowling or Hawaiian shirts. Looking at you, Joshua Jackson.
(3) Zac Efron vs. (14) Jonny Lee Miller
Aww, Baby Zefron is such a cutie! Anddd Jonny Lee Miller has a Scorpio tattoo that he really wants you to know about. Zac during his actual teen idol days was a little too boring-safe (I mean, he looks like a 7th Heaven reject here). Contrary to this odd photo, Jonny was on the bad boy path (he married Angelina Jolie while she was wearing a shirt with his name written in her blood). Jonny's appeal can't be denied, but neither can Zac's extensive teen heartthrob résumé. Plus: HE SINGS. I pick Zac!
(7) Freddie Prinze, Jr. vs. (10) Mario Lopez
WHAT? I don't understand what Freddie is trying to do with his hands. And it's not a good sign when I could easily be talking about Prinze, Jr. or Krueger. But Mario's billowing blue shirt -- I'm not sure I'd want to understand. The Saved by the Bell of my day was The New Class, so Mario's mullet means nothing to me. Freddie's eyebrows it is! HACK-Y SACK.
(2) Devon Sawa vs. (15) Dylan O'Brien
I like both of these guys, but these are some douche-tastic hand poses. Devon's going for some real artsy shizz; his hands sort of don't even look like they're his, which makes the "Why So Serious?" photo even funnier. Or you can pretend he's trying to salute with the top hand, but then decided to make a butterfly instead. But I haaaate chin-stroking poses. The only thing that would have been worse is if Dylan went for the full Thinker, or that stupid thing with the chin resting between the thumb and straightened forefinger. (Does that already have a name? Or can I just call it the d-bag finger gun?)
ANYHOO. These terrible poses prove that nothing can deter my love for these two. But my vote -- and my preteen heart -- belongs to my actual First Fake Boyfriend, Devon Sawa.
Polls close this Saturday at midnight Central, with results posted on Sunday. So which matchup had y'all in agony? Which heartthrob do you think will represent Seventeen in the Final Four? Have your say in the comments below!