Guys, is college really going to be a major conflict for the rest of this season? Because I... cannot.
The Elevator Pitch (i.e. what happened this week)
Nina's super douche boss, Alan Mills, tells her to cut $3 million from the Locked budget or else she's fired, so she does what any mother would do and slashes the salary of her own son, Rainer. He's not the only one to take a paycut, but Jordan is the only one who doesn't take a paycut, and that drives the wedge further between them. You can't really blame Jordan, though, especially since his own mother, Brandy, is asking him for money in exchange for silence about his rough past. Nina takes care of that by giving her the money... along with a bag of coke that the cops find when they pull her over. I'd admire Nina if I wasn't so upset by the fact that she's knocking boots with a dude her son's age (at least we didn't have to see any PDA in this episode). And that's not the only trick up her sleeve! She also replaces Rachel with Tangey in order to keep her on the soundtrack for less moolah, and of course, Rachel blames Alexis, who didn't want to go public with their relationship.
Paige is already having a tough time balancing her new stardom with school, SURPRISE SURPRISE. Overwhelmed by an Econ paper deadline and an endless string of publicity shoots, she asks Cassie and Jake to help, and they basically end up doing all of the research for her. She still doesn't submit the paper in time, but then Rainer tells her to stand up to Nina, which results in Paige getting to do the film as long as it doesn't interfere with her Statistics class on Wednesdays and mmmmkay.
Jake earns a slot to pitch his film thesis (i.e. a chance to get his movie made), but he also has another iron in the fire thanks to Paige's new agent, Ken Champan. Except he doesn't, because Ken immediately throws it in the trash. Damn, that's cold (but not surprising). He totally blows his school pitch session, but all hope is not lost, because Alexis is interested in earning some indie cred... and might be interested in a whole lot more, as she and Jake, who's pissed at Paige over her interest in Rainer, head off on a trip (Jake's film shoot? I'm confused) together.
Oh and Rainer and Jordan sort of make up but we'll see how long that lasts.
And the Oscar Goes To... (i.e. MVP of the week)
I have a feeling I'm gonna be handing out this award frequently to Cassie, because at this point, she's the only major character who's not eaten up with jealousy/revenge/ambition. She's just, like, a nice person.
Can I Quote You On That? (i.e. best/worst lines from the episode)
"Mi closet es su closet." - Paige to Cassie, and I wish I still had a female roommate just so I could bust that out.
"Omigod, those bags." - Francine, Paige's stylist.
"I know, but it's a book bag." - Paige
"I meant the bags under your eyes." - Francine, whom I like already."He's changing his major tomorrow, so you need to fix this TONIGHT." - Cassie, really driving home the ridiculousness of this college vs. Hollywood conflict.
The Red Carpet (i.e. Best Dressed)
Paige's eye make-up in the photoshoot (with the red dress) was pretty fierce, but I've gotta give it to Jake for being shirtless, and to Rainer for being shirtless and wet.
Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous (i.e. moment the show made us want to be rich)
Aaaaand we have our first makeover montage!!! Francine transformed Paige into a glam goddess, and I became full of sorrow, knowing my lashes would never look that good.
The Paparazzi (i.e. burning questions)
- Why is Paige wearing glasses while doing her homework? Don't tell me we're doing a She's All That thing?
- Anyone else feel old because they had to Google the Dolan twins and then still couldn't comprehend how anyone could be famous from Vine?
- Didn't Paige have more than just, like, two days for this paper? I mean, she's got to have known about this assignment for at least a few weeks, right? Did she just procrastinate? Also, why am I asking these questions when I really don't care, because this whole struggle of prioritizing school over a film career is SO NOT A REAL THING?
- WAIT, THERE'S NO FILMING IN HAWAII?!!
Head to the comments with your answers to any and all of those questions, plus any/all opinions! Just remember to keep your two cents limited to this episode (or previous installments) so you don't spoil it for those of us old people watching it the old fashioned way, week to week.