Y'all, I've made it clear that I'm Team Piz. And this line-up of three episodes PROVES MY POINT. So let's get down to business, shall we?
THE OFFICIAL FYA VERONICA MARS SEASON 3 DRINKING GAME
Take a drink every time:
• Someone says "Veronica Mars", even when they know full well who she is and there's no other Veronica in all of Neptune
• Veronica uses her camera
• Mars family members hug (Backup counts!)
• Backup appears
• Someone mentions a fraternity or sorority
• Veronica uses a college cliche as a disguise
• A character, initially introduced as good, turns out to be a baddie (or vice versa)
• Fisticuffs occur
• Veronica gets some action (kissing or otherwise)
• A Taser is used
• Veronica mentions ponies, unicorns, kittens or puppies
• The communal argyle shirt appears
Take a shot every time:
• Veronica solves a case
• Logan calls Veronica "bobcat"
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 3x10: "Show Me The Monkey"
That is, like, my favorite photo from Veronica Mars, EVER.
Trips to the Dentist: 4 drinks, 1 shot
Veronica takes on the case of The Missing Lab Monkey and heads undercover into the dark world of animal activist organizations. After proving herself by snapping a pic with Ted Nugent Ed Argent in a "Meat Is Murder" sweatshirt, she and Mac earn their way into the inner circle... of vegetarians taking nude photos for their anti-fur calendar. Turns out that the monkey kidnapper is none other than the lab student assigned to take care of him, and Veronica, sweetheart that she is, lets him get away with it.
File Under The Hearst Rapist:
That mystery is solved! For now...
File Under Dean O'Dell's Murder:
Dean O'Dell left a suicide note... on his computer. "Good-bye, cruel world," really?!! Obviously, he was murdered. And is it a coincidence that his faked suicide matches up with Veronica's "perfect murder" paper for Professor Landry's class?!
Life on Mars:
Now that Parker, Mac and Veronica are all single, they decide to put themselves back on the market. Correction: Parker decides to get them back on the market, and after Veronica sees the chemistry between Mac and Bronson, the head of P.H.A.T. (People for Humane Animal Treatment), she volunteers Parker and Mac's room as Canada for the around-the-world party. All it takes is a few "ehs!" and some Bare Naked Ladies.
Mac and Bronson finally get together and IT IS ADORABLE.
Meanwhile, Veronica and Piz have a heart-to-heart about wasting time:
Veronica: Like, why bother with something not good just because it's something?
Piz: Especially when you know the difference, which not many people do. I mean, do you?
Veronica: I...I think I do.
And then Veronica proves that she doesn't know the difference at all, because she does this:
I know, I know, all you LoVe shippers are FREAKING OUT, but I'm just heartbroken for Piz.
MVP (Most Marshmallow's Valuable Player):
Mac was a great wingwoman for Veronica in this episode, and she managed to get some play all in the name of solving a case! Enjoy it, Mac. YOU DESERVE IT.
And the Snark Award Goes To...
Veronica, for her response to Mac's obvious attraction towards Bronson: "Somebody was doe-eyed, tongue-tied, and, dare I say, twitterpated?"
Neptune Cameo:
Michael Mitchell as Bronson
Even if Michael Mitchell never does anything else in Hollywood, I will always appreciate him for being cute AND attracted to Mac. Well played, sir.
Song for a Spy's Soundtrack:
If this song doesn't give you an instant flashback, then you're obviously way too old* or way too young**.
*Whatever, grandpa!
**GET OFF MY LAWN.
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 3x11: "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves"
Trips to the Dentist: 4 drinks, 1 shot
Remember Max, the kid with the "study guides" who led Wallace down a dark path of cheating? Well, he hires Veronica to find Chelsea, the dream girl he met at Comic-Con. Turns out that "Chelsea" is a stripper who was paid by his friends to help him lose his virginity, but when Veronica finds her, it turns out that, shocker of the century, she (real name: Wendy) is actually super into Max! There's only one thing standing in the way of their happily ever after-- the pimp, who sends a girl, covered in fake bruises, to retrieve Wendy. Max quickly pays for his lady love's freedom, but he can't handle Wendy's past, and she soon leaves him, with the promise that she will pay him back.
Honestly, this storyline is just super, super sad.
File Under Dean O'Dell's Murder:
I'm amazed at how much this season devotes to the fact that Dean O'Dell's car got egged. IT GOT EGGED YOU GUYS. ON THE NIGHT OF HIS MURDER! Keith heads to the Lilith House and impersonates a police officer only to confirm the fact that THEY EGGED DEAN ODELL'S CAR. His Volvo, to be precise. But guess who was driving his Volvo that night? His wife, Mindy! So yeah, I guess I can see why the details matter.
Life on Mars:
With prostitutes on her mind, Veronica decides to be an IDIOT and ask Logan if he's ever paid for sex. This tension lasts for almost the entire episode, until Logan admits that no, he's never paid for sex! Yay! But he did hook up with someone during winter break, while they were broken up. Boo! And at the very end of the episode, Veronica learns that the "someone" was Madison. Because LOGAN IS THE WORST.
ANYWAY, this super cute exchange happened between Veronica and Keith:
MVP (Most Marshmallow's Valuable Player):
There was barely any supporting cast in this episode, so I'll go with Keith, simply on the strength of his little song and dance number.
And the Snark Award Goes To...
Veronica, for this action, right here:
Neptune Cameo:
Brianne Davis as Wendy
Brianne is one of those actors who has definitely put in her time.
Song for a Spy's Soundtrack:
Leonard Cohen plays as Veronica forces Logan to bare his soul. Because we needed this scene to be more heartbreaking.
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 3x12: "There's Got To Be a Morning After Pill"
Trips to the Dentist: 4 drinks, 1 shot
Remember Dick's slumber party pal, Bonnie? Well, she's a fully fleshed out character now (?!!), and she approaches Veronica for help, because somone gave her RU-486 and caused her to lose her baby. Was it Dick, a recent fling, or Tim Foyle, Veronica's TA nemesis and Bonnie's ex who got back together with her? None of the above, actually! After checking out Bonnie's preacher dad and the local pro-life movement, Veroncia discovers that it's Bonnie's roommate, Phyllis, who slipped Bonnie the drug because she thought she deserved better.
Um... really? This verdict was a bit of a stretch.
File Under Dean O'Dell's Murder:
Steve Botandao (Richard Grieco) is back on the scene! He's been skulking around his ex-wife Mindy's house, because she stopped payment on his Porsche. While helping out Mindy, Keith discovers egg residue under the wipers of the Volvo, which she was driving the night of the "suicide." SEE, I told you that this show is OBSESSED with egging. In other news, Mindy's stepson Gram is a goth asshole.
Life on Mars:
After Veronica confronts Logan, he admits to sleeping with Madison and says it meant nothing. Dude, next time, say something along the lines of...
Seriously, LoVe fans, how do you handle this exchange?
Logan: I knew you wouldn't be able to deal with the Madison thing.
Veronica: The "she roofied me" thing or the thing when I stumbled to my car in the morning, wondering where my virginity was, and she'd written "slut" on my windshield?
Seriously, Team Logan, HOW DO YOU ANSWER FOR THIS?
At least Veronica learns to be the bigger person and not destroy Madison's new car. Even though it's reeeeeeally tempting.
MVP (Most Marshmallow's Valuable Player):
No Mac, No Piz, No Wallace, but at least we've got Weevil, who is perfectly willing to steal and cube Madison's car, per Veronica's request.
And the Snark Award Goes To...
Veronica, for these two COLD BURNS on Dick:
You do your hair like that to cover up the three sixes on your scalp, right?
I just feel like you have this wadded-up Maxim magazine where your heart is supposed to be.
Neptune Cameo:
Chris Ellis as Bonnie's Dad
Chris Ellis has one of those faces that you recognize but can't place. You're welcome.
Song for a Spy's Soundtrack:
Mark Lanegan's "I'll Take Care of You" plays as Dick asks Logan if he really did hook up with Madison. Intense bro moment!
At this point, I have to say that the Dean O'Dell murder isn't as intriguing of a mystery as the Hearst Rapist. But maybe things will get more interesting. In the meantime, BRING BACK WALLACE.