Welcome to the blog tour for Parker Peevyhouse's Where Futures End (available now)! Here's the official word on the book:

Perfect for fans of innovative storytelling, like Marcus Sedgwick's The Ghosts of Heaven and David Mitchell's The Bone Clocks, Where Futures End is a collection of five time-spanning, interconnected novellas that weave a subtly science-fictional web stretching out from the present into the future, presenting eerily plausible possibilities for social media, corporate sponsorship, and humanity, as our world collides with a mysterious alternate universe.

Five teens, five futures. Dylan develops a sixth sense that allows him to glimpse another world. Brixney must escape a debtor colony by finding a way to increase the number of hits on her social media feed so she’ll attract corporate sponsorship. Epony goes “High Concept” and poses as an otherworldly being to recapture her boyfriend’s attention. Reef struggles to survive in a city turned virtual gameboard. And Quinn uncovers the alarming secret that links them all.

These are stories about a world that is destroying  itself, and about the alternate world that might be its savior.  Unless it’s just the opposite.

Parker's here today with a list of 25 random things about herself that might surprise people. Take it away, Parker!

25 Random Things About Me

1. I’m a certified Ravenclaw. I certified myself. When you’re a Ravenclaw, you’re allowed to do that.

2. I was in a promotional video for zit medication when I was a teen. I held a picket sign and shouted embarrassing slogans into the camera, like “Down with zits!” and “No more zits!”

3. I’m in a board game club. Right now, my favorite game to play with my club is Mysterium, which is like Clue except that one person gets to be the ghost of the murdered character and give really weird clues to the other players.

4. When I was fourteen years old, I won a writing contest after finishing a short story started by R. L. Stine, author of Goosebumps. One of my prizes was a board game—Terror in the Graveyard—that involved getting the other players’ tokens to fall into open graves.

5. I have a bunny named Arya. I could only convince my husband to adopt her by letting him name her after a Game of Thrones character.

6. I’m obsessed with the color blue. I wear it almost every day. My Ravenclaw loyalty runs deep.

7. I once babysat a pet monkey. Honestly, it was terrifying. Monkeys have pointy teeth.

8. I once went bungee jumping and then went right back up to the top of the crane and did it again because it was so fun, but I am too terrified to ever do it a third time.

9. I can recite “The Jabberwocky” by heart. Only because my son had a picture book version of the poem when he was a toddler and he made me read it to him ONE MILLION TIMES.

10. I once lived and worked at summer camp. We had to say everything in a SHOUTY voice and I was encouraged to throw water balloons at the campers from the roof on Monday nights.

11. My first job was waiting tables. I cried a few times. People are mean when they’re hungry.

12. My favorite book is The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin. Because it’s a game you can read.

13. I can probably beat you at Clue. But we’re going to play The Office version, and I’m going to play in character as Dwight Schrute.

14. I love science fiction movies. Sometimes I randomly ask people, “Do you like our owl?” in my best Sean Young voice. And I always take the red pill.

15. I’ll read/watch pretty much anything that includes the words Holmes, Watson, Baker Street, and afoot.

16. I love Jane Austen novels. I avoided them for the longest time because people told me I wouldn’t like them if I wasn’t very girly. But you know who else isn’t very “girly”? Elizabeth Bennet!

17. My favorite food is French fries. Preferably garlic fries. Beware.

18. I knew I wanted to be a writer when I entered the Young Authors Fair at school in fifth grade. My book got a special sticker on it. Yes, I will work for stickers.

19. I’m an INTJ. Same as Voldemort and Palpatine and every other supervillain. What.

20. Whenever toast comes free with breakfast, I get sourdough toast. Because sourdough is the biggest of all the toasts. More toast!

21.  When I was a kid, I invented my own Halloween costumes, but no one ever understood them. One year I was “A Head On A Table For Two.” …I have no idea.

22. I have terrible handwriting. When I was a kid, people thought maybe I had learned to write with the wrong hand.

23. I love redwood trees. They’re the most beautiful thing on the planet.

24. I was so shy as a kid that I would spend my recess time reading books alone.

25. I once got to be the “spy” on the Star Tours ride at Disneyland. But the person I really want to be when I grow up is Rey.

Thanks for stopping by, Parker! You can check out her website, or find her on Twitter (@parkerpeevy).

Follow the rest of the blog tour for Where Futures End!

February 1: Distracted Blogger
February 2: A Dream Within A Dream
February 3: booklovers.
February 4: Seeing Double In Neverland
February 5: WinterHaven Books

February 8: The Young Folks
February 9: The Compulsive Reader
February 10: Brittany's Book Rambles
February 11: Forever Young Adult
February 12: A Perfection Called Books

February 15: It Starts at Midnight
February 16: The Book's Buzz
February 17: Dark Faerie Tales
February 18: Jessabella Reads
February 19: Once Upon a Twilight

Where Futures End is available now.

BOOK REPORT for Young Widows Club by Alexandra Coutts

Cover Story: Beach Wedding
BFF Charm: Meh
Swoonworthy Scale: 4
Talky Talk: Five Stages
Bonus Factor: Teenage Rebellion
Relationship Status: Valentine’s Date

Cover Story: Beach Wedding

Although it makes me question the prescription on my glasses, I like this cover well enough. It’s evocative of a wedding (check), but the black lacy edge hints at the sorrow to come (check). And I mean hey - it could have been a lot worse, right?

The Deal: Tamsen Baird was raised with an unconventional edge, especially after her mother died when she was ten - always around bars and music, always on her own. So no one is particularly surprised when, at 17, Tam is a high school dropout and turned teen bride. The real surprise is that Tam and Noah are perfect for each other - they’re planning their future lives together when tragically, Noah dies suddenly.

Totally at a loss, Tam starts to spin out of control. After one too many reckless decisions, she lands in front of a judge who orders her to finish high school and seek counseling - specifically, a support group for young widows. Facing a life completely different from the one she pictured, Tam has to reimagine herself as someone with a future - even as a young widow.

BFF Charm: Meh

Tam is okay, but honestly, I had trouble connecting with her. I understand rebellious types - especially the lurching from one reactionary decision to another - and the fierce need for independence that she seems to feel so strongly. And to be fair, it feels a little slimy to judge someone’s likability when they’re reeling from, you know, major grief. Grief does weird things to people, and frankly, I probably wouldn’t be terribly entertaining if I was going through what Tam goes through. So I don’t know. I do intensely admire her ability to reinvent herself, and I think that’s really where her strength lies.

Swoonworthy Scale: 4

Tam and Noah’s romance is really, really sweet - which is what makes it so heartrending and horrible when he unexpectedly (well, for Tam anyway) dies. Which is also (stay with me here) what makes Tam’s ability to entertain the possibility of love again extra uplifting and pretty adorable. You go, girl. Life is for the living, and Tam’s search for happiness is pretty swoony.

Talky Talk: Five Stages

Real talk? I thought this book was going to be a lot heavier than it was. I mean, I cried of course, but it wasn’t as heartbreaking as I thought it would be. There was a lot of humor, but I also felt like there was a certain amount of disconnect from Tam as she dealt with her loss. What I really enjoyed, though, were the sessions in the young widow’s support group. Funny, uplifting, and also just downright weird - watching them deal with their grief was pretty eye opening.

Bonus Factor: Teenage Rebellion

Oh man, I love a rebel. Tam’s hanging out in bars at 10, falling in love at 14, dropping out of high school and getting married at 17 - hand her a leather jacket and file this under Rebel, y’all, ‘cause James Dean’s got nothing on this girl. I mean yeah - rebels go through some stuff. But that just makes them all the more interesting to read about. Call it a vicarious interest for this rule-following bookworm.

Relationship Status: Valentine’s Date

Book, you’re not perfect - you have some problems with emotional depth, and some of your scenarios aren’t super plausible. But you’re surprisingly fun (for such a dark subject) and ultimately, you made me happy to be alive. And that sounds like a pretty good deal for a Valentine’s Day read to me.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my review copy from Farrar, Straus and Giroux. I received neither money nor Valentine’s Day chocolate for my review. Young Widows Club is available now.

Previously: The Arkadians head to Polis to discuss a treaty with the Grounders, and end up becoming the 13th clan with Clarke as ambassador, and an Ice Nation assassin blows up Mt. Weather, killing 49 Arkadians in the process.

THIS WEEK ON THE 100

When she’s brought in to answer for her crimes against Skaikru, Azgeda’s Queen Nia calls for a vote of no confidence against Lexa, which multiple other clan ambassadors echo. But Lexa, realizing Nia’s true game, tells her to just go ahead and issue a challenge—so Nia does. She chooses Roan to fight for the Ice Nation, and Lexa gladly takes on the challenge herself. Clarke isn’t happy, but there’s no changing Lexa’s mind. And when Lexa and Roan finally meet in battle, it’s a pretty matched fight. Eventually, Lexa beats him … but instead of taking his life, she helps him gain the throne by killing his mother.

Meanwhile, in Arkadia, Pike riles up the remaining members of Farm Station after they hear about the peacekeeping forces Lexa sent to protect the camp. Bellamy (you beautiful moron) falls for to Pike’s pretty words, and arms the group. Thanks in part to Lincoln, the group is stopped before they can harm the Grounders*, but not before Pike taints a majority of the Arkadians. To the surprise of no one watching, Pike becomes the new Arkadian Chancellor, and immediately denounces being the 13th clan.

*This week ...

 MOMENTS

- Monty being Jasper’s best friend, regardless of what he does.

- Clarke scheming with Roan to usurp the Azgeda throne.

- Nyko mean-mugging Pike. (Everyone knows he’s bad news!)

HOLY SH*T X 100

Ice Queen Nia wasted absolutely no time in making it known what she was really in Polis for, and Lexa Shut. Her. Down.

Lexa totally pulled a Katniss when she killed Nia! (And Costia was totally smiling down on her from whatever heaven Grounders believe in, I’m sure.)

GIFs via chatnoirs-baton.tumblr.com

OF COURSE asshat Pike got voted Chancellor.

GROUNDER OF THE WEEK

As much as I’m still mad that Lexa bailed on the Arkadians at the Battle of Mt. Weather last season, I can’t deny that’s she’s an amazing commander. She does what she does for the good of her people, and is willing to get her hands dirty when the situation calls for it. She’s also seriously impressive in a fight.

SAY WHAT

“Ai leik heda. Nona throw down gon ai.” (I’m the commander. No one fights for me.)—Lexa, proving why she got the position.

“If you’re right, today’s the day my spirit will choose its successor. And you need to accept that.”—Lexa, trying to convince Clarke she knows what she’s doing.
“Like hell I do.”—Clarke, not caring in the least.

“Anger is our policy.”—Pike, being a horrible and horribly typical example of humanity.

“You’re driven to fix everything for everyone. But you can’t fix this. I have to do this on my own, and you have to let me.”—Lexa, again trying to convince Clarke.
“I won’t just sit here and watch you die.”—Clarke, again, not really listening.

“Just because I’m not drinking myself into a stupor every night doesn’t mean I’m not screwed up.”—Monty, showing Jasper that there are other ways to grieve.

BURNING QUESTIONS

- I suppose I should just enjoy listening to Bellamy’s voice and not complain about the voiceover, right? (But, but ...)

- How heartbreaking was it when Bellamy started to cry? (Answer: RIDICULOUSLY.)

GIFs via godmezmarie.tumblr.com

- Who’s with me to hunt down that guy who hit Lincoln? I’ll bring extra pitchforks.

- So Nightbloods … actually have black blood?

- Bellamy becoming drinking buddies with Pike is a really bad idea, right?

UGHHHHH, PIKE. And I’m SUPER disappointed in Bellamy. (I’m really hoping there’s some hidden plot behind his moronic behavior.) Let’s take it to the comments.

Next episode: “Hakeldama”

Shameless Self-Promotion!

Check out our The 100 themed t-shirts!

Happy Friday, and an early Happy Valentine's Day to our favorite readers! (You. Yes. You.)

Book Related Things

Oh, this Raven Boys drawing. My heaaaaaart. (74 days until The Raven King!)

Rupert Grint thinks Ron would have divorced Hermione, and other things Cursed Child.

Speaking of: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child will be a (script) book!

Out of Print added The Bard to their roster.

Deborah Harkness' A Discovery of Witches is in talks to become a TV series.

Jay Asher has a new book coming out.

The 5 Sci-Fi and Fantasy Authors You'd Grab a Beer With.

A writing technique that makes novels feel addictive -- and is present in favorites like Jane Eyre and Pride & Prejudice.

Movie Related Things

Channing Tatum and Joseph Gordon-Levitt will star (together) in an R-rated musical comedy.

Did Beauty and the Beast include a teaser for Aladdin?!

Someone didn't think these new Allegiant posters through.

This teaser for Equals makes it look a little like the Delirium pilot, but better.

TV Related Things

Squee! All the details on who is returning and who is missing from the Gilmore Girls revival. Who are you most/least looking forward to seeing?

And here's an interview with Jess Milo Ventimiglia.

Outlander will be back April 9: new poster and a sexy new trailer!

NBC is courting Sarah Michelle Gellar for its Cruel Intentions reboot. (Speaking of: it's on Netflix if you want to relive that glory.)

Master of None will return for a second season in 2017.

The CW has set premiere dates for Containment and Beauty and the Beast.

Miscellaneous Things

Do you work in a museum? Then you should definitely participate in Museum Dance Off (and tell us if you do!).

Not sure how to talk to The Kids These Days? Buzzfeed's got you covered.

This week in Crazy As Heck: wife crashes her own funeral after husband paid to have her killed.

Jensen Ackles wants to stare sexily at you.

Maybe you should buy him one of these sassy Valentines.

Not enough to collect two-dimensional cats? Then you need to get these Neko Atsume toys.

That's it for this week! Did we miss anything? 

As Ewan McGregor put it, “Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love.”

There’s no better time than this weekend to partake in—and share some—love, on both Galentine’s Day and Valentine’s Day. And because we love love (and love you, dear freaders*), we’ve made it easy to share with these FYA book-, movie-, and TV-themed Valentines.

*Friends who are readers! ( … I was up late last night.)

BOOKS

The Royal We

Carry On

The Winner’s Trilogy

The Raven Cycle

Fangirl

Lola and the Boy Next Door

Jellicoe Road

Eleanor & Park

TV SHOWS

The 100

Shadowhunters

Dawson’s Creek

iZombie

MOVIES

Magic Mike XXL

Be sure to check out our posts from 2015 and 2014 for more Valentines, and follow us on Instagram for holiday fun!

Ah, Valentine's Day. Some people love it, some people hate it, some people prefer the 15th for the discounted candy. Whereever you stand, I bet you have a terrible dating story! Whether it's fresh or thankfully faded, we want to hear it.

Or you could go the romantic route, if you want. As long as you're not going to tell us that you were locked in an attic with your three siblings for years, and did it with your oldest brother. That would be awkward.

As always, the open thread is completely open, so post whatever you want, and introduce yourself if you're just joining us!

Okay, I was a little harsh on last week's Heist Pt. I. My own fave tv recapper, Price Peterson, felt very differently about the whole outing, so if you want to read a positive rehash of everything the pack went through to get them to the chaotic opening scenes this week, take a few minutes to do so! As for my take on Heist Pt. II, here ya go…

AWARDS

THIS WEEK'S WOLF PACK PUPPY

Natalie Martin! Welcome to the parent pack, Nat. Don't you dare ever put your Beacon Hills Survival Blinders up again, or we'll all come after you.

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BEST REACTION TO SOMETHING SUPERNATURALLY RIDICULOUS

This is more my favorite supernatural reaction to something patently ridiculous, but Hayden's entire THING when she catches Mason about to ram his beautiful birthday car (not even a product placement!) into a giant concrete foundation—both her general Haydenness rolling her eyes at him, and her new wolfishness leaping the giant transponder station wall in a single, chimaeric bound.

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(tragically no gif of Hayden being a superhero, so there's Posey describing it)

…Also priceless, her exhaustion with the dumbness of boys and drive to just get it done causing her to leap *without* taking Mason's v helpful transponder diagram with her. 

WEEKLY REMINDER THAT BEACON HILLS IS ON A HELLMOUTH

God, I just can't get over how horrifically evil the entire existence of Eichen House is in the first place. Human beings are monsters.

REIGNING PRESIDENT OF THE SCOTT MCCALL FAN CLUB

Liam? Said using a question mark, because it is very unclear to me if the Liam kissing up on Hayden's whole body in that tonally off sexy scene right after the nightmare cold open was *flashback* Liam, or *imagined* Liam. 

Or is it just fantasy?

If it's a flashback, at what point in the short span of time between Theo resurrecting Hayden/Scott resurrecting himself, and Scott finally forgiving Liam and letting him back into pack planning, did Liam and Hayden manage to find time to kiss all up on each other? And nevermind TIME—how did Hayden manage to find a moment in which Theo wasn't spying on her every move with his psycho chimaera wolf powers?? If it's imagined, are we really supposed to believe that Deucalion isn't capable of taking advantage of her diverted focus to do SOMETHING to effect his own escape?? It is very confusing!

Either way, Hayden knows just as well as the rest of us that Liam thinks Scott is the most capable savior to walk the ground of Southern California since a certain tiny vampire slayer leveled the original Hellmouth. BELIEVE.

BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT

Oh, I mean, without a doubt:

The best part about this is that it is simultaneously SO BLATANT and SO SUBTLE. Like, you have you know that the Samsung Edge even EXISTS in order for your brain to barely be able to move beyond the completely dark, communication-less main screen to the tiny text scroll on the bottom edge before the long product placement shot cuts away? It is somehow a product placement *inside joke* and just, ::praise hands emoji:: for days, TW.

PREVIOUSLY ON TEEN WOLF

In their desperation to save Lydia from Dr. Valack's evil machinations in Eichen House, Scott and Stiles came up with their worst plan yet, and that is saying a lot! One time they tied a freshly-bitten Liam up with duct tape and stashing him in Scott's bathroom! One time they KILLED SCOTT ON PURPOSE to draw out the villain that wanted to kill them! Like two *dozen times* they teamed up with Peter Hale (miss you boo)!! Anyway, it should not have surprised anyone to watch the pack succeed at their planned steps, only to be thwarted by a hundred variables they hadn't made provision for. Now they are ALL trapped! Will they escape????

(yes.)

THIS WEEK

Don't Mess With a Hellhound

We pick up this week right where we left off—Theo claiming his need for a Hellhound, right as Parrish burns through the gate to the room Valack had just spirited a trepanned Lydia away from. The sight of the Hellhound just makes Theo smirk, and he sends his pack in to "take care of him." Kanima venom does nothing to Parrish's lava-hot abs, nor does a hundred bolts of lightning. Invisible Corey just gets set on fire and thrown against a wall. Ultimately, nothing works to take down Parrish but Theo throwing a piece of rebar through his solar plexus. It is very scary! But also not too scary, because even though Parriss' Hellhound light snuffs out and he collapses, we know he still has to save the banshee, save the world, so the shock can be nought but temporary.

Side note: it is very unclear to me why Theo even WANTS Parrish—does he want him dead? To take *his* powers first, so that Theo can be the one fighting the Beast? To just use PArrish as a Beacon to Lydia, who Theo *just* had eyes on? Yes, I know he told his pack why he wanted Parrish, but I will be completely honest with you, I didn't understand it the first time watching, and couldn't bring myself to watch that scene again. If you made any sense of it, let me know in the comments!

Meredith, Interrupted

On their end of Eichen, Scott and Liam are trying to figure out their next steps to get to Lydia, now that Stiles hasn't returned and they still can't get past the mountain ash barrier. Scott's attempts to impersonate a guard on the walkie talkie to get insider information from the other guards about the lockdown result in quick and hilarious failure, but Scott just as quickly realizes that there is another insider they can turn to: Meredith. Who I honestly thought was dead? Man, it is like I don't even watch this show.

Anyway, no, Meredith is not dead—she is just in the same state of banshee catatonia that Lydia has been in for half the season. WIth Liam watching the hall for any guards, Scott tries to get Meredith to wake up enough to talk to him. He seems to fail and breaking through her thousand-yard stare, but then she grabs his hand and directs it to the back of her neck, implying he should use his alpha powers to drop into her subconscious. Scott, the sweetheart, is concerned that might permanently damage the girl who tried to have them all killed, but Merredith is insistent, so he dives in.

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Liam, meanwhile, finds himself facing a whole string of increasingly large guards coming to check on the disturbance in Meredith's wing. It is fun.

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When Scott comes out of his alpha claw trance, he tells Liam what Meredith (and dream Lydia) told him: they need to find the Hellhound to find the banshee. And so Liam and Scott set off to revive the unconscious Parrish, and blowtorch him back into his Hellhound state. Beacon Hills: Everyday Having Fun With Fire!

Lightning Round

Back in the electrical room, Kira is suffering the after effects of her brownout success. Namely, she has too much electricity coursing through her, and no idea how to either absorb or get rid of it without electrocuting Malia in the process. And Malia can't escape, because the doors are all electrocuted because of the lockdown.

Thankfully, Theo's electric boy (Josh?) CAN open the electrified doors, and an siphon the electricity from Kira. And wouldn't you know, HE has a packmate, Corey, who is in just as much need of assistance from Malia, who knows how to siphon pain, which is keeping Mason's poor boy toy from healing. So the two strike a bargain, and simultaneously draw the poison from each other's friends.

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Thus healed, Malia and Kira are able to escape the electric room and make their way to the exterior doors to await Mason knocking out the lockdown so they can get Stiles' Jeep and play getaway driver.

TW: Bad Boss Banshee (and Bloody Brains)

So apparently Valack's whole deal is that he thinks that Lydia's heightened powers will allow her to see the identity of the teenager under the Beast guise, which would allow her friends to defeat it, and through it, the Dread Doctors, against whom Valack holds a lifetime of resentment for making him look professionally foolish after their run-in when he was younger. WOW #MasculinitySoFraglie

I mean, also it will save countless lives. But you really get the impression that's priority no. 2, you know what I mean?

Valack spirited Lydia away last week right as Parrish showed up to melt the door, and while Stiles was hiding near enough by that he should have been able to follow right behind, unfortunately Parrish had to go and like, set Corey on fire and throw him so hard through the wall Stiles was hiding behind that it collapsed or whatever, so now Stiles is just as many steps away from saving Lydia as is Theo. Who also wants Lydia. To find the Beast. I think? But I also thought he wanted the Hellhound so he could find Lydia, and that clearly was wrong. Look, I'm just a person who writes about the show with some great degree of detail every week, don't ask me!

Anyway, vomitous though it makes him feel, Stiles teams up with Theo and his super senses to track Lydia down in the tunnels underneath the Eichen House shower rooms (God, those poor cowering shower hunks). As Theo points out—yes, he may have killed a lot of people, not least among whom was his little sister, and yes he may be planning to steal the Beasts powers with those claws Malia's mom traded him for, so yes, he may be the villain in Stiles' eyes, but Theo still has a plan, and right now, that plan (…survive) puts him on the same side as Scott's pack. YAY.

For her part, Lydia has been suffering her own vomitous team-up with a self-defined villain, Valack trying to make his case with her that everything he has done all these years has been to a purpose, and now won't she please just submit to having that nightmare Dread Doctors mask that killed that nightmare lady nurse shoved onto her bleeding skull so he can see who the Beast is finally?? She let's him rant for awhile, mostly because he turned on a lovely white noise machine that quieted the screams in her skull enough for her to not feel like she was going to explode, but eventually even Lydia's patience wears out, and Stiles and Theo reach the room Valack has locked Lydia and himself inside just as Lydia lets go the scream she has been holding inside all day, exploding off half of Valack's skull in the process. Bye! 

When Stiles and Theo break open the door, Lydia freaks out that she might hurt Stiles if he stays. Last time, he listened to her. This time?

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So she shuts up and lets him unstrap her from the gurney, while Theo seizes on on the opportunity of their distracted focus to steal Valack's nightmare mask and ghost on out of there, returning to his pack and his lair (and Deucalion) with a new plan…

It's Getting Hot in Her

Lydia is able to half walk with Stiles' help as they race through the tunnels trying to work their way to some sort of exit, but the further they go, the more difficult it gets for her to hold in her deadly scream. She eventually collapses, barely having time to entreat Stiles to RUN, RUN FOR REAL THIS TIME before the scream starts crawling from her throat. And then all of a sudden, there's a wild Hellhound! Pushing Stiles out of the way and encircling Lydia in his fiery embrace right when her scream hits its stride, trapping it's killing power somehow in a banshee sonic boom. 

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What a thing. 

That crisis averted, now all that Stiles, Lydia, Parrish, Liam, and Scott have to do (the latter having trailed Parrish as though he were a bloodhound) is make it to the outside gate, and hope Mason made good on his promised role in Plan B.

"UM LIAM WHERE ARE YOU PICK UP YOUR PHONE I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING AND HAYDEN IS TOO TORN ABOUT BEING PART OF TEAM EVIL TO HAVE CALLED ME BACK AND THERE IS A **WALL** AROUND THE TRANSPONDER THING I WAS SUPPOSED TO DISABLE AND I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO EXCEPT MAYBE DRIVE MY BEAUTIFUL CAR RIGHT INTO IT CALL MEEEEEEE" - Mason, in a scene of solid gold comedy thriller monologuing.

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Right, so Mason's already shaky plan to somehow do exactly enough to the transponder box to disarm the lockdown but NOT destroy the whole of Eichen House is rendered moot by the fact that sometime in the recent past a giant corrugated steel shed has been constructed all around it. And since no one had the foresight to give him the number at which he could reach two Argent hunters with presumable access to a whole arsenal of munitions, or at least a LADDER, with which he could solve his problem much more efficiently, Mason makes the difficult decision to sacrifice his beautiful birthday car to the cause. Hayden, thankfully, shows up just in time to stop him.

"You are an idiot," she says seven different ways, then leaps to the top of the steel wall and drops down into the transponder mess behind. There is a brief comedic crisis over the fact that in addition to a giant steel wall, eight red levers have also been added to the two shown on Mason's outdated diagram, but obviously shutting off all ten ends up working, and the gates of Eichen de-electrify right as, around on another side of the compound, Liam pushes them open.

Fates finally aligned, Malia and Kira pull up to the front steps just as Lydia is carried down them by Parrish, Stiles and crew close behind. Unfortunately, Theo didn't leave with his entire pack—Tracey stayed behind to finish what she started, and swipes Parrish's back with her kanima claws so she can abscond with a now-unconscious Lydia. Because I guess she didn't see the two werewolves, werecoyote, and supercharged kitsune still standing there, by definition ready to fight to the death for our Lydia?

Thankfully, Tracey doesn't have time to lament her error, as just then Natalie Martin fells her from behind with the electric baton she swiped off the steps earlier in the episode. NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH, she might as well say. It's glorious.

Next thing we know, Scott is at the wheel of Stiles' Jeep, Stiles cradling Lydia in the back seat as she tries and half the time fails to swallow back her physically damaging screams as they race to the animal clinic, where for some reason Deaton has waited until the moment they arrived to prepare all of the materials he needs to fix her. DEATON. You literally always have one job! How are you possibly so bad at following through on it!

Eventually Deaton does get the treatment ready (it's a disgusting paste of mistletoe) and the boys manage to hold a thrashing Lydia down long enough for him to administer it (like spray foam into a wall cavity) and, after one final long scream and a fraught minute of Lydia resting silent and pale and unmoving on the table, she wakes up. And she's all better! And when her mom rushes in to hold her tight, Lydia leans into it and, very sweetly but more than a bit inaccurately, says, "Stiles saved my life."

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Ah, well. After his tough "I kind of killed a guy??" season, I guess he deserves the win. Scott sure seems to think so. 

And there we go, the team (minus Isaac) is all back together! I can't wait to be done with this storyline, and done with Eichen House. What I'd REALLY like to be done with is episodes that take place 85% at night, tbph. Friendship and comedy and fighting in the sunshine, that's what I want back! FIngers crossed that's what we get next week. Although don't cross them too hard. We've still got a Beast made of shadows waiting somewhere in the wings.

NEXT TIME

<-- Teen Wolf 5x15: Amplification

Teen Wolf 5x17: A Credible Threat -->

Previously on The Originals: Mikaelson Prophecy of Dooom. Tristan got dropped in the ocean. Aya took over the Strix. Vampire Cami is out of control and took the weapon that can kill the Mikaelsons.

The Original Dysfunctional Family Drama

Cami is still pouting about Klaus taking her dark objects, and is holding Klaus’ toy horse (made from the deadly white oak tree) hostage. She enlists Vincent’s help in cloaking her, while she negotiates a trade.

Davina is upset that Elijah killed the witch seer, Ariana, and Aya wants her to help channel the dead girl to locate the macguffin weapon that Elijah killed over. Marcel objects to using Davina, since she’s just a kid. But with Aya’s sire line at stake, she really doesn’t care. Davina is able to get flashes of what Ariana knew and does some spirit spying to check into the Mikaelson compound. She’s able to warn Cami about some witchy sabotage, but it’s too late.

Hayley is obviously jealous to learn that Elijah and Aya had a thing, back when he initiated her into the Strix. I wouldn’t worry Hayley, it seemed really boring. Elijah crashes a Strix meeting to explain that he’s going to be taking back his little club, thanks the charter he wrote 900 years ago. Aya reminds him that she helped him write the charter and invokes her right to challenge him to a duel. Like the rest of us, Marcel decides it’s all taking forever, so he just steals the charter and wins the game. And just like that (and with a little secret help from Elijah), Marcel is back in charge of the city.

Holy Fang

Cami has become a really big undead pain in the ass.

Marcel stealing the Strix charter right out from under bickering Aya and Elijah? Brilliant move.

That terrible upstart Sisters Coven witch was working for Aurora! And now Aurora has the white oak weapon of dooom.

Winners and Losers

Winner: Aurora. This insidious creature and her lame grudge managed to pull one over on everyone, and she now has six (I think there were six?) bullets made from the white oak tree.

Loser: Everyone seen here (and probably Freya, Hayley, and Hope too). Not only does Aurora possess the only weapon that can kill them, Aya and Marcel may have a way to break the sire line, which gives them, and the Strix, no further incentive for protecting the original family.

Original Snark

“I should have known Camille would seek powerful fools to aid in this rather futile gambit.” I think Klaus buried a compliment in there somewhere.

“I’m sorry. Does my therapist’s betrayal inconvenience your otherwise tranquil day?” If the father of my child spoke to me like that, I’d be a widow. But Hayley is a better person than I.

“This is Elijah Mikaelson, traitor to our cause!” But, what exactly is their cause, besides being pompous and terrible?

“And, since I’m so charming, I get invited everywhere.” Sorry, Marcel. Have you looked in a mirror? It’s not the charm.

“I do wonder which of us she’ll try to kill first.” Typical Friday night in the Mikaelson house.

Haunting Questions

- Really? Marcel’s fight club cage can hold two ancient vampires?

- How long is Cami going to hold a grudge about being dead?

- It’s ridic when Klaus refers to Cami as his therapist, right? Is she even licensed? Was he even paying her?

- WHY IS AURORA STILL ALIVE?

Please explain it to me in the comments!

Next: “Heart Shaped Box”

Previously on The Vampire Diaries:Henry the Hallucination is still taunting Damon, leading him to accidentally burn Elena's body in her coffin, a Huntress has marked all of the Heretics as kills, Matt gets arrested by Officer Penny, and did I mention that DAMON BURNT ELENA'S BODY TO ASH?

What Went Down

Damon is spiraling, and when Damon spirals, people die. Sorry, unsuspecting good Samaritan! Only violence satiates Damon Salvatore's grief and/or guilt. He finds Julian living a life that Marlon Brando's character in The Wild Ones would be proud of, and is invited along to the gladiator show Julian's put on for all of his bros. It's a fight to the death, obvs, and Damon gladly rips out a heart or two before almost getting pummeled into oblivion by a giant named Samson. Stefan is tipped off by Valerie, who saw Damon at the Grille with Julian, and they track him down to (once again) save him from himself.

Before saving Damon, Stefan had his hands full with Caroline at the hospital. Turns out her unborn twins are siphoners, just like the Heretics, and they are sucking the magic from her very marrow. Her body starts to dessicate. Valerie is able to make a totem imbued with magic that should satisfy the hungry little buggers, and keep Caroline alive! Until it doesn't..!

Bonnie and Nora want to find Rayna Cruz (The Huntress), and Mary Louise joins in since she's been marked as well. They do a locator spell and find her in a hospital in Ohio, except she's an old lady strapped down to her bed and seems pretty harmless. She tricks Bonnie into helping her, and Bonnie can't defend herself as Rayna is immune to magic. WHAT! Bonnie is saved by ENZO, who knocks Rayna out with an injection to the neck. He takes her body to be cremated, except that she doesn't die, she gets YOUNGER, and she's ALIVE.

Officer Matt is released by Officer Penny, who follows him to a house in Mystic Falls (there's a dead body and a vampire, of course) and he finally has to tell her the supernatural lowdown of living in that town. Penny thinks Matt is super brave and we may FINALLY have found a woman who can appreciate Matt Donovan. 

After Stefan and Valerie save Damon, he breaks down and tells his brother that he set Elena's body on fire. He doesn't give him any context either, presumably because he wants Stefan to punch him in the face, which he DOES, and now Stefan realizes that the root of all of their familial pain is Julian. Valerie does a cloaking spell so that Julian's cronies can't witness Stefan STAKING HIM THROUGH THE CHEST. YES!

Flash forward: Matt sells out Stefan to Rayna, and Caroline is presumed safe. What I want to know is...how come Rayna looks SO MUCH like Elena??

Holy CRAP

-Mary Louise being jealous of Nora's friendship (and snack-sharing) with Bonnie. Hehe.

-ENZO turning up out of nowhere to help Bonnie; so was he also hunting Rayna? How did he escape from Matt's cronies?

-I think this episode may have set the record for hearts ripped out. Yikes.

-Valerie's totem has stopped working...!

-JULIAN IS DEAD. Hopefully forever.

Vamp of the Week: Valerie Tulle

Valerie, you have grown on me. At first I thought you were just an annoying plot device meant to keep Caroline and Stefan apart, but this week you were really there for everyone, including the new love of Stefan's life. Bravo, sister. Bravo. 

Hero Hair/Nefarious Grin 

Hero Hair: Enzo is going to need to start his own line of Hair Care for Heroes after his heroic feats this week! I HAVE MISSED YOU SO, SWEET ENZO. And Bonnie did too, even if she's not ready to admit that to herself yet. 

Nefarious Grin: Julian is just so repugnant. He's a bully and a louse. A LOUSE I SAY.

Sound Bites

Damon: You made a wrong turn, brother. This isn’t some hell survivor support group. But Damon, you need ALL of the therapy, honey-pie.

Enzo: You missed me! That warms my heart!
Bonnie: I didn’t miss you. I’m curious as to your recent whereabouts. There’s a difference. (You SO missed him, Bon-Bon!)

Caroline: You know, we’re not meant to like each other, you and I, so thank you. Caroline Forbes: The Best, Always.

Mary Louise: Since when do you eat disgusting garbage food?
Nora: Since I stopped caring about getting that exact reaction. Of course Mary Louise is a food-shamer. Ugh.

Bonnie: I’m not letting you kill an old woman whose cold-blooded, ruthless mission is to eat a gingersnap.

Burning Questions

Is Elena REALLY gone? Or can she be brought back magically? And if she IS really gone forever, how are our friends going to feel about Damon now?

Is Damon going to end up leaving Mystic Falls, living his days as the World's Hottest Recluse?

Does Mary Louise deserve a second chance with Nora? (Nope.)

What is up with this Rayna/wannabe Buffy chick? What's her backstory?

Will Matt Donovan FINALLY get some?

SO MUCH happened this week! What did y'all think? Come convo with me in the comments!

Hey everyone, Amanda R. here! Are you ready to get down with some superheroic shenanigans? LET'S DO THIS.

Small Screen Supes

Speedy Synopses

Supergirl 1x13: For the Girl Who Has Everything

We pick up right where we left off last week, with a parasitic alien thing attaching itself to Supergirl. Kara falls into a coma, where she hallucinates her perfect life on Krypton. Her parents are there, cute little Kal-El is there, and even Aunt Astra is part of her happy family. Kara knows it can’t be real, but the allure of her fantasy life is too much to ignore.

Meanwhile, Alex Danvers will stop at nothing to get her sister to wake up. She recruits the help of not only Winn and James, but even Aunt Astra and Maxwell Lord. They might all have different agendas, but know that Kara is worth saving, so for once they are ALL on Team Supergirl.

Lord is let out of his DEO cell to whip up a device in about five minutes that places Alex inside Kara’s dream. Alex reaches Kara and reminds her of her home and family on Earth, and Kara leaves her fantasy behind and wakes up.

It turns out that evil uncle Non is the one behind the parasite attack. He and Astra are launching Myriad, their plan to save the Earth, and he needed Kara occupied without physically hurting her. Astra might have helped Kara, but she’s still carrying out her plan, so J’onn J’onzz takes her on to stop her. They fight, and Alex is forced to kill Astra to save J’onn. Kara arrives in time for a tearful goodbye. (Kelly)

The Flash 2x13: Welcome to Earth-2

This is it, Flash fans — our look at Earth-2! Or, more accurately, Earth-Where-Barry-Has-Everything-He’s-Ever-Wanted. Barry, Cisco, and Harrison Wells make the journey through the last dimensional breach, but when it suddenly closes behind them, Caitlin and Jay need to work overtime to get it back open.

Or, they would, if a new metahuman didn’t arrive and call out The Flash. With Barry on Earth-2, it’s up to Jay to save the day, but he needs Caitlin’s help to do it. He reveals that he actually lost his speed because of the experimental Velocity-6 formula, which was designed to increase his speed but did so with terrible side effects. Caitlin creates Velocity-7, which doesn’t last long, but just enough for Jay to take on the metahuman Geomancer.

Back on Earth-2, Barry can’t resist taking a look at his doppelganger’s life, and by look I mean he TAKES IT OVER. For a little bit. He discovers he’s married to Detective Iris West, his parents are happy and alive, and he still has his gig as a CSI. The only bummer is that Earth-2 Joe West, lounge singer extraordinaire, hates his guts. And seeing how it’s our Barry’s fault that Killer Frost and Deathstorm attack and mortally wound Joe, you can’t really blame the guy.

We also meet Earth-2 Cisco Ramon, and guys, if you don’t want spoilers, STOP reading. Okay, here goes. He’s a bad guy! Earth-2 Ramon, like Caitlin Snow and Ronnie Raymond, is an evil version of Cisco—but with greater command of his vibe powers. He attempts to recruit Cisco and teach him how to use his powers, but Zoom shows up and kills just about everyone except Killer Frost. Ouch.

Zoom speeds away with Barry, and we’re left with the cliffhanger of our Flash in the evil speedster's clutches. (Kelly)

Agent Carter 2x05: The Atomic Job

Season 2 is really upping the hijinks and hilarity from last season and I APPROVE. Just look at that Reservoir Dogs strut in that pic. Hilarious. On to the show! Jason has realized that he can absorb and manipulate dark matter, and when he absorbs the tiny bit they have from Jane's corpse he suddenly knows where the rest of poor Dr. Jane Scott's body went. It also turned him corporeal for a hot second so now he's convinced that a larger amount of dark matter will get him back to normal.

We see some very serious cuteness between Daniel and Violet, and he finally proposes! Aww. Except that you're still in love with Peggy, Daniel. (Thank God that our show didn't drag that out; Violet was quick to realize Daniel's feelings when Peggy ends up lying wounded on her couch.)

Calvin Chadwick is terrified of his wife and I love it. He's a total dunce, and sure, she's pretty evil, but you would be too if you had to tolerate men like Chadwick getting ahead while your own brilliant self is ignored. 

Peggy is breaking into Chadwick's storage unit, AKA where Jane's body is being stored. She and Jarvis crawl through the vents only to find themselves above Chadwick and Frost, Frost BEGGING her husband to let her have access to the rest of the dark matter. She absorbs it through Jane's body and then declares that she needs an atomic bomb. Later on Jason realizes that she's trying to replicate the original dark matter tests. This is NOT good. Team Peggy needs to get to the bomb first, and disable it! A HEIST IT IS THEN! TALLY HO! Rose flirting with Samberley to get him to do what she wants has me even more in love with her than before. 

Peggy, Sousa, Rose, Jarvis, and Samberley (snort) are on the case! Samberley's memory inhibitor is put to good use by Peggy, who's disguised herself as the New Girl in Hugh Jones's office. When he begins to recognize her, she zaps him. REPEATEDLY. He's a pig and deserves it so THERE.

Ken Marino Joseph Manfredi shows up to a restaurant to meet Whitney and Calvin, and from the chemistry and not-at-all-subtle innuendo we can gather that this guy is her ex. He's also a violent psychopath with a terrible temper, but Whitney wants his help "moving some equipment" in exchange for lucrative construction contracts when her husband becomes senator. 

Poor Jarvis gets locked in the room with the bombs and has to GENTLY lift them into a padded suitcase so that they can be removed safely. That man is a champ, I'll tell ya. Peggy encounters Frost, and offers to help her. Frost basically laughs in her face and throws our Pegs off of a catwalk, impaling her! NO! They rush her to Violet's house since going to a hospital isn't safe with Frost on her tail, and it's then that Violet realizes that her fiance is in love with another woman. Back at Casa de Stark, Jason talks to Peggy as she lies in bed, only he disappears! 

Chadwick makes a middle of the night phonecall, gathering the council while his wife sleeps. He's so going to die. (Amanda R.)

Arrow 4x13:Sins of the Father

Oliver looks Nyssa’s gift horse in the mouth, trying to figure out a way to save Thea without killing Merlyn. His big idea? Ask Merlyn to give up his spiffy Ra’s al Ghul ring willingly. Because, yeah, that’s going to happen. For her part, Nyssa agrees to the deal, warning that if Merlyn betrays her, she’ll set a legion of assassins loose on Star City. She even gives a sample of the cure that briefly restores Thea. Merlyn agrees to Nyssa’s terms, and then (surprise) double-crosses her, turning the handoff into a swordfight.

Later, Diggle and Felicity advise Ollie to kill Merlyn. He arranges a one-on-one fight between Nyssa and Merlyn for total domination, and then steps into the ring as Nyssa’s champion. But instead of killing Merlyn, he simply cuts off the man’s hand, pulls off his ring and hands it to Nyssa in exchange for the cure. Bold move there, Queen. After Thea is cured, Nyssa throws the ring in the fire and disbands the League. Merlyn swears revenge and storms off to team up with Darhk.

Felicity has an awkward dinner date with her absentee dad in which he 1) reveals he knows her secret superhero identity; 2) shares his own; and 3) insists that (despite blackmailing Roy) he’s not a bad guy. Her mother warns her that the man will never change his criminal ways. Felicity tests him, giving him full access to Palmer Tech which he abuses completely in an astonishingly short time. She calls in Captain Lance to arrest him. Woo, that’s ice cold. (Amanda K.)

Legends of Tomorrow 1x04: White Knights

Team Legends is heading to the 80's! First stop: the Pentagon! Sure, why not. They have a dossier on Savage that's been almost completely blacked out with a Government-issued Sharpie, so they need the original. Kendra, Sara, Mick, Snart, and Ray all have parts to play, and are for the most part successful (except when Kendra goes FULL Hawk-Priestess and gouges out some poor corporal's eyes).

Savage is in Russia! He's funding the research of Dr. Valentina Vostok. Thanks to some snazzy linguistic-neural tech from Gideon, our Team can now be fluent (and understood) in any language. Ray swallows a magic capsule, hoping to woo Valentina with his American Boy-Next-Door good looks, but it's Snart that piques her interest. (There's nothing he can't do when wearing a fur-collared peacoat.) Oh Ray. You're like the most oblivious, adorable labrador retriever. Valentina tries to lure Snart up for a nightcap but he says goodnight (like a gentleman) and pockets her key card to the lab (like a boss). 

Sara is trying to help Kendra get control of her inner Hawk-Priestess, but their training backfires when Sara's bloodlust takes over. These two end up supporting each other through their mutual struggles in a way that makes me hope they become BFFs.

Jax is OVER Stein telling him what to do and chiding him when he doesn't do it, but it turns out that Stein is still grieving the death of Ronnie; he won't be able to cope if he has to tell Jax's mom that she's lost her son. Later on when they're infiltrating Vostok's lab, Jax patches into Stein and he finally realizes what it's like to have a voice inside your head nagging you all of the time. Stein discovers that Savage is having Vostok build a new Firestorm (YIKES), and proceeds to absorb all the energy from the powered orb she's built. Vostok and her cronies find them, and Snart is furious at Rip for letting Stein and Ray get captured. I'm liking this softer side of Snart. Vostok knows that Firestorm was Stein's tech, and now she has him in her grasp. (Amanda R.)

Hero of the Week: Alex Danvers, Supergirl

If you live in National City and need someone loyal and reliable on your side, it’s not Supergirl you should call: It’s Alex Danvers. Alex was RELENTLESS this week on her mission to save her sister. Threaten a Kyptonian? Sure. Manhandle a super-genius-millionaire? No problem. Risk everything to enter Kara’s dream and save her? Without hesitation. Alex was unstoppable this week and Supergirl is lucky to have her for a sister. (Kelly)

Honorable mentions: Cisco Ramon/The Flash, Rose Rogers/Agent Carter, Captain Cold/Legends of Tomorrow, Martin Stein/Legends of Tomorrow

Villain of the Week: Killer Frost, The Flash

The Earth-2 version of Caitlin Snow loves to be bad. Maybe it's because she's half of a Bonnie and Clyde type duo, but she definitely adores being a villain. As Killer Frost, she gives new meaning to cool and calculating, using her already formidable intelligence to masterfully (and mercilessly) use her ice powers. But is there a little room for redemption now that Zoom has taken Deathstorm away from her? (Kelly)

Honorable mentions: Reverb/The Flash, Zoom/The Flash, Whitney Frost/Agent Carter, Malcolm Merlyn/Arrow, Valentina Vostok/Legends of Tomorrow

Bif! Bam! Pow!

ALL HAIL ROSE. (images via)

Pull List

Top Titles

Black Canary #8 by Brenden Fletcher, with art by Sandy Jarrell

The first major arc for this run wrapped up in the last issue, so now we have the band flying to Berlin to find Dinah at Kurt's request. Dinah is being held by a woman with grey eyes, supposedly because she wants to learn the fighting techniques Dinah learned from her own mother. When she's not fighting, she's in a cell with VIXEN. OH YES. Dinah's aunt, a white ninja, tells her to stay put, that a larger game is being played, but Vixen and Black Canary escape, Dinah still not sure she can trust her family. (Amanda R.)

Gotham Academy #15 by B. Fletcher, Z. Gorman, E. Medeiros, R. Albuquerque, and M.H. Chen, with art by A. Archer, Z. Gorman, E. Medeiros, R. Albuquerque, and M.H. Chen

Yearbook time! This issue is filled with short stories by different authors and illustrators. It's super fun and I loved all of the different artistic styles brought to the table. The Scarecrow turns up and makes Maps and Olive believe they're living in a D&D fantasy world, tapping into some of Olive's deepest insecurities. Good thing she has a best friend like Maps! (Amanda R.)

Zodiac Starforce #4 Kevin Panetta, with art by Paulina Ganucheau

It’s the final showdown with Diana and Cimmeria! Zodiac Starforce fights to save their friends and their planet in the finale of this memorable series. The last issue of the 4-issue miniseries brings all of the magical girl action you can handle in the gorgeous, sparkly art and touching story. My fingers are still crossed for an ongoing story in the future so we can get to know Emma, Savanna, Molly, and Kim even better—and see how the next part of their story, hinted in the epilogue, unfolds. (Kelly)

Pick of the Week: Jonesy #1 by Sam Humphries, with art by Caitlin Rose Boyle

It's Valentine's Day and Jonesy is carrying a very powerful secret - she's actually a cupid! And she hates Valentine's Day. Can you blame her? We all rememeber that special hell of waiting to see all of the flowers that WEREN'T sent to you from friends/crushes. Even though she's a cupid she can't make anyone fall in love with her, and she has a mad secret crush. When she's not blogging on Tumblr she's writing zines that no one reads, listening to boy bands AND riot grrrl music, and suffering through adolescence like the rest of us. I kind of love her. (Amanda R.)

As Seen in the Daily Planet

News

DC Super Hero Girls dolls and figures launching with limited release in Target stores. (Like I need one more reason to go to Target.)

Danielle Panabaker talks Killer Frost.

Grant Gustin gave us the cutest Flash/Supergirl selfie on his Instagram feed. GAH!

Watchmen's Rorshach is going to be Odin Quincannon in Preacher.

New Daredevil season 2 trailer is coming tomorrow!

20 Great Black Comic Book Characters (no Monica Rambeau??)

The 30 Greatest Comic Book Couples via Comics Alliance. (Alana and Marko! Luke and Jessica!)

Veronica Fish has been named the new ongoing artist for Archie! And Jughead's asexuality is now canon. (Is burger-sexual a thing?)

Funko Pop reveals its newest additions to be debuted at Toy Fair in NYC. (SPIDER-GWEN. CAPTAIN MARVEL.)

Trailers

Thanks to the SuperBowl we've got some pretty sweet new trailers:

Captain America: Civil War trailer:

(Ant-Man! Natasha and Steve on opposing sides - OH MY HEART!)

X-Men: Apocalypse teaser:

James McAvoy's voiceover ALONE has me all verklempt.

Gotham season 2, part 2:

Prettttty sure that's Fish Mooney in that tank..!

Extended trailer for Zoom Is Coming from The Flash:

Yay for Lila and Diggle! King Shark is back! Who's the masked female speedster? AND WHO IS ZOOM??

Bumblebee, Harley, Diana, and Ivy save the day in the newest DC Super Hero Girls:

The Powerpuff Girls are coming back! And they're taking on misogyny:

THIS IS TERRIBLY EXCITING.

Are you all loving Agent Carter this season as much as I am? Who do you think the masked prisoner is in Zoom's lair? How long before Felicity finds out about Oliver's son? Who else is counting the days until the Flash/Supergirl crossover? Let's dish in the comments!

In case you missed the announcement, over the next few months, we’ll be running a Between Two Lockers special series featuring your fave FYA writers and contributors.

FIRST THINGS FIRST

What’s your name?

Jennie

Where are you from/located?

San Francisco, CA

What do you do when you’re not writing for FYA?

Up until recently, I was a criminal defense attorney! Now I am working on my own historical YA novel, I grade an upper-division undergrad American Theatre course, and run my own Etsy shop and am part of the SF Etsy Team leadership.

What do you look like?

Where can you be found on social media?

Twitter, Instagram, Goodreads

THE ACTUAL YA-RELATED QUESTIONS

How long have you been writing for FYA, and how did you start writing for the site?

Nearly two and a half years now: I knew about FYA from basically its inception, thanks to a Jezebel open thread, and started writing in September of 2013, after some of our favorite writers left. On a whim (POSSIBLY influenced by booze and the foolhardy confidence it brings), I decided to email and ask if FYA needed any new contributors. I started out with a Vampire Diaries TV!Elena vs. Book!Elena deathmatch, recapped The Originals, and was asked to come on full-time in early 2014.

So, thank you, booze, for introducing me to some beloved friends and a ton of book conferences!

How did you come to read YA as an adult?

I read YA religiously as an actual young adult, and then I worried that I wasn't pretentious enough in my selections. I was a Serious Intellectual! (Just add turtleneck and beret.)

By the time I made it to law school, I was so tired of pretentiousness, study martyrs, and case law that I thought I would give the Twilight series a try. I was fairly sure no law was involved, and I needed something light and fluffy. It was … entertaining. Then Goodreads recommended Libba Bray's Gemma Doyle series and Maggie Stiefvater's Wolves of Mercy Falls series to me, and thus my great love affair with modern YA was born.

Why do you think YA is an important genre, for both actual Ys and those of us who are more A?

First of all, it's female-dominated, creative, and diverse, which means (assuming you're not a straight white dude, but hey, welcome to the rest of the literary canon) you're much more likely to have your story told. I don't think I need to extol the virtues of having your experiences normalized!

Second, I love YA because the coming-of-age story is so rife with conflict and poignancy, whether it's a contemporary romance or, say, Code Name Verity. You change so much as a young adult, because you're finding your own identity and launching yourself out into the world. Whether you're doing it against the backdrop of WWII, high school, or a dystopian universe, you come out the other side irrevocably changed. I think we all can point to that moment (or moments) in our lives where Shit Got Real, and as a result, how we ended up a completely different person. When an author can harness the electricity and immediacy of those moments, it speaks to all of us.

What are five of your favorite YA books?

Series count as just one, right?

The Gemma Doyle trilogy by Libba Bray
The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater
The Secret Circle trilogy by L.J. Smith
Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein
I'll Meet You There by Heather Demetrios

Do you have a favorite YA character or couple? If so, who are they, and why are they The Best?

Gansey and Blue. Gansey reminds me so much of someone I once dated (and adored): smart, privileged, and politically connected, with hidden depths and a penchant for terrible polo shirts. I love the way he teases her and how she doesn't really know what to do with it, and I REALLY love the slow burn of their relationship.

THE YA QUESTIONS

If your real life adolescence was a YA book ... What would you, the main character, be like?

The homeschooled, semi-gothy girl who was ridiculed for listening to metal and reading books about vampires, witches, and sexy Norse gods trapped in board games, in a very religious environment.

Who is your secret crush?

Anyone with leather pants, long hair, and a guitar.

What is your number #1 source of angst?

Finding my best friends on the internet, through an L.J. Smith book club—and not being old or independent enough to travel to meet them! (Also, the constant teasing about having friends on the internet back then. Apparently, we were all middle-aged men.)

At what point would the reader pump his/her fist in victory?

When I finally got out of town and moved to San Francisco!

And who would play you in the film adaptation?

A lovely, talented, and kind unknown who will always be grateful to me for the fact that my origin story launched her to fame and making out with hot co-stars. (So grateful that she'll send me cases of Veuve and caviar and introduce me to Bono and Adam Brody.)

THE SLUMBER PARTY QUESTIONS

What is your #1 favorite food?

CHEESE. Soft, gooey, bloomy-rind cheese.

Tell me about your area of expertise.

I whip up fancy cocktails with punny names and compulsively organize book-club-related outings.

If you could assemble your own Ocean's 11 of fictional characters, who would you pick?

1. Eugenides, for the wit.
2. Cassie Blake, for the power (and fancy magical tiara).
3. Julian from The Forbidden Game, for the tight pants, super powers, and eye candy.
4. Richard Gansey III, for the political connections, money, and single-minded pursuit of a goal.
5. Evie O'Neill for the psychic powers and someone to help carry the flasks.
6. Merricat Blackwood, to help me with the cooking.
7 & 8. Verity and Maddie, to fly the plane.
9. Death (from The Sandman comics) for the levity.
10. Thursday Next, for the literary discussion.
11. Kestrel, for the brute force.

What is your best karaoke song?

I wouldn't say I have a "best" one any more than you think a crow squawking has a best squawk, but I do find myself singing "I Want It That Way" a lot around my book club people.

Tell me something scandalous!

Vinyl pants DO NOT BELONG in a mosh pit. Trust me on this one. Learn from my mistakes.

What is your favorite adult beverage?

Anything with bourbon!

What is the most crucial snack food and/or movie/or anything you'd bring to an FYA slumber party?

The deviled eggs from our book club hangout, Two Sisters. They are made with cream, thyme, lemon, truffle oil, and are topped with fried capers. They are HEAVENLY.

What book have you read the most number of times?

Definitely The Secret Circle trilogy.

YA authors are so cool. Who would you give a BFF charm to?

It's hard to pick because I've met so many wonderful authors, but I'd be lying if I said having cocktails with Libba Bray isn’t at the top of my life goals list.

Out of all of the characters you’ve read, which one do you most wish you could be?

I think Kestrel from The Winner's Trilogy is pretty badass, although apparently INCAPABLE OF COMMUNICATING (no spoilers!).

AND NOW, MASH

Jennie made three picks for each category, and I added a fourth. The magic number (chosen by a random number generator) was 6.

M A S H

SPOUSE

Neville Longbottom
Seth Cohen
Eric Northman
Eugenides

HONEYMOON

Bar-le-Duc, France
District 13
New Orleans
The OC

# OF KIDS

0
3
2
Zero, hire ten henchmen instead

JOB

Lawyer
YA author
Chef
YA book blogger

INCOME

Paid in wishes
Enough to get by
Enough to get by ... ON A UNICORN
$500,000/year

HOMETOWN

San Francisco
Colby, North Carolina
Portland, OR
An eerie bucolic village where strange things keep happening and I am totally not responsible

PET

Smiling pile of poop
Phoenix (can you imagine the cleanup involved? Ugh)
A magical talking cat
An inferior, normal cat with no special abilities

VEHICLE

Unicorn
Alcide Herveaux (what?)
Penny farthing (sadly, there's someone in town who actually does ride one on his commute)
The Pig from The Raven Cycle

Do you have additional questions for Jennie? Or maybe just want to comment on something particularly awesome that she said? Head to the comments!

The Road So Far

Welcome back, superfans! If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if the Winchesters ran across the Cullens, then I’ve got good news! Twilight fans, what say you? Is this episode an artful sendup of the controversial YA classic or hatchet job by show writers jealous of that Meyer money? Shout out in the comments!

THE OFFICIAL FYA SUPERNATURAL DRINKING GAME:

Take a drink every time:

•  There’s a corpse

•  A demon possesses/de-possesses and/or makes a deal with some hapless schmuck

•  Someone on the show takes a drink

•  Dean crams his face full of junk food

•  Anyone is tied up

•  Either brother picks a lock

•  Someone employs a Titan of Classic Rock as an alias

•  The Glorious and Faithful Impala is damaged in the line of duty

6x5: Live Free or Twihard

Monster of the Week: Vampires

A nest of vampires are taking advantage of Stephenie Meyer’s opus to lure silly teenagers to their doom, and they don’t even have the courtesy to sparkle while doing it. Sam and Dean are on the case! They track down the baddies to the local vampire bar where Dean is attacked by their biker-looking leader, Boris. Sam sees Dean in trouble and just stands there and lets the thing drip his blood into his brother’s mouth!

Dean starts to change (growing fangs, being able to hear Sam’s heartbeat) and ends up busting loose from his motel room and heading to see Lisa to say goodbye, which mimics all the cheesy vampire “I want to be with you, but I’m too dangerous” scenes he had only recently been mocking. Before long, his bloodlust hits and he runs out of the house but not violently shoving Ben out of the way. Boo! Grandpa Samuel shows up, saying there’s a cure for Dean’s vampirism. Yay! He just needs to avoid drinking human blood and kill the vampire who turned him.

Done and done. Dean heads to the nest, ready to slay. But Boris welcomes him with open arms, telling him about the new vampire world order. The plan is to get the hot boy vampires to get the girls, so he can turn them into hot girl vampires to get the boys and so on, until they have built a vampire army for their Alpha. Dean hears the call of said Alpha and sees visions of a vampire future, complete with creepy little twin vampires in blue dresses because, damn, does this show love it The Shining.  To keep that from happening, he slaughters the hell out of the entire nest, after which Grandpa mixes him up a vampirism cure.

Heaven and Hell of it All: Even Grandpa Samuel is starting to think there’s something wrong with Sam. He accuses Sam of letting Dean get turned on purpose so they’d have a man inside the nest. Sam denies it, but with zero believability.

Drink Count: 9, for dranks drunk and bodies dropped.

The Quotable Winchesters: “These aren’t vampires, man. These are douchebags.” –Dean, on seeing a teen victim’s poster-filled room.

Most GIF-able moment:

Baby’s first fang-out.

Notable Cameos:

Charlie Carrick of Reign plays a hot vampire.

6x6: You Can’t Handle the Truth

Monster of the Week:  The Goddess of Truth, aka, Miss Plot Device

A sad waitress asks a friend to not spare her from harsh truths. Thereafter every person she encounters points out that she’s kinda pathetic; not that hot, unless you’re talking hot mess; and crazy to boot. Basically, her day is like an internet comments section come to real life, and it only stops when she eats a gun. She’s not the only one either; sad bastards all over town have been offing themselves.

Dean does some research (I know, right?), and theorizes that someone is using Gabriel’s horn of truth! Cas, looking pretty shell-shocked from the angelic war, shows up to say he’s wrong. He also says he’ll make inquiries about what’s wrong with Sam. Speaking of, Sam identifies patient zero of this particular curse, just as Dean falls victim to it. He answers a phone call from Bobby, who tells him that while he’s his favorite, Sam’s a better hunter. Ouch. Truth hurts, buddy.

The boys figure out that a goddess named Veritas is responsible for the current carnage in town, and is masquerading as a TV reporter. They head to her lair where they find her cats nibbling on the bloodied corpses of the suicides. Veritas gets the drop on them and they wake tied up just in time to watch her eat someone’s tongue. While she harasses Dean (why is every monster on this show interested in psychoanalyzing this cat?) , Sam cuts himself free from his bonds and together, they gank her.

Heaven and Hell of it All: After the vampire incident, Dean is convinced Sam came back from Hell a monster. Bobby urges him to get hard proof before pulling out a shiv. When Dean gets cursed, he decides to use his new superpower on Sam which we can all agree is kind of shady, darlings. He asks why Sam let the vamp get him. Sam passes the test with flying colors, but only because of the whole “something is terribly wrong with him” thing. Apparently Veritas’s powers don’t work on him. She claims he’s not human. Sam says that ever since he came back, he doesn’t feel fear or any emotion, basically. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, and he asks Dean for help. Dean responds by beating him unconscious.

In other drama, Lisa breaks up with Dean for shoving her son, which, reasonable. Under the truth spell, she says that as soon as Sam shows up, she knew it was over between them. That special Winchester codependence will always keep Dean unhappy.

Drink Count: 9, for corpses, drinks, cheeseburgers, pizza, and two tied-up Winchesters

The Quotable Winchesters: “I’m just sitting here watching Tori and Dean…Tori Spelling. Girl’s a huge talent.” –Poor Bobby caught under Veritas’s spell.

Most GIF-able moment:

Dean’s reaction to Bobby’s overshare

Notable Cameos:

Serinda Swan of Graceland and Percy Jackson plays Veritas.

Next Week: Skinwalkers!

BOOK REPORT for Miss Mayhem (Rebel Belle #2) by Rachel Hawkins

Cover Story: Belle With The Balls
BFF Charm: Yay
Swoonworthy Scale: 7
Talky Talk: Southern Fried Magical Spies
Bonus Factor: Pageant
Anti-Bonus Factor: Bridge Book
Relationship Status: In It To Win It

Cover Story: Belle With The Balls

I’m stealing Savannah’s delightful pun for this, because it’s too perfect. This is another cover where it certainly won’t be mistaken for an adult book, and it is extremely girly (like Harper herself) but it’s truth in advertising. I love the trophy with the sword—so cute! So subversive!

The Deal:

WARNING! This is the second book in the Rebel Belle series, and therefore will have spoilers for the first. Read on with caution!

Things have calmed down in Harper’s world, but now she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. Bee has returned after her mysterious disappearance, and the Ephors are silent…so the only drama in Harper’s life is the boy drama surrounding her and her friends.

That is, until Harper and David find out that the Ephors want to recruit him—and in order to continue as David’s protector, Harper must pass a series of tests that will either kill her or make her more powerful than ever. Meanwhile, David’s visions are getting increasingly horrific.

And she’s still got high school to contend with…

BFF Charm: Yay

I love Harper, but I’ve got to say, I loved her more in Rebel Belle. In this installment, Harper’s still competent and capable, but her sense of humor and southern belle charm is a little less present. Half of what made her so likeable in the first book was that she was all about manners and propriety while also killing someone with a shoe. I’ll cut her some slack because this is the second book, though, and she’s got a whole new host of problems to deal with.

Swoonworthy Scale: 7

The romance in this installment isn’t as tension-filled as the first, because Harper has locked David down like the class presidency, but it’s still pretty hot. That whole “life and death situation” thing really makes for some steamy makeout sessions!

Talky Talk: Southern Fried Magical Spies

As I noted above, this book isn’t as sharp and funny as the first, but it still has some eminently quotable lines and perfectly southern situations.  It’s hard to argue with wisdom like, “Honestly, not enough people know how to use good manners as a weapon.”

Bonus Factor: Pageant

One of the big showdowns in this book is during a pageant, and although I am a card-carrying feminist who disapproves of the idea that parading women around in swimsuits can be some measure of their worth…I also like big sparkly tiaras, tacky formalwear, and the bitchy backbiting that pageant stories bring. (I blame Sweet Valley High, or Sweet Valley Twins…whichever one it was where Jessica entered a pageant. Also, Toddlers and Tiaras.) So this is a perfect setting (although I thought Harper’s logic in choosing the pageant as a showdown location was a little strange).

Anti-Bonus Factor: Bridge Book

Well, this is a bridge book, y’all. Although it was a quick and fun read, it just didn’t have the punch and panache that the first book did, although it did have a crazy cliffhanger ending. Miss Mayhem is clearly here to set things up for the third book, Lady Renegades, and that is reflected in the pacing.

Casting Call:

Sticking with Savannah’s original casting, and adding:

Alexander Skarsgard as Alexander

Candice Accola as Bee

Relationship Status: In It To Win It

Book, we had a positively magical first date, and this second one wasn’t quite as crazy fun. Still, you were the perfect fun and fluffy antidote to the realities of my life, and I really like what you’ve done with David. By the time you took me to a pageant, I knew we were in it to win it. And the way we left things? Well, that third date better hurry up.

Stay tuned for the review of the third and final Rebel Belle book, Lady Renegades, coming in early March!

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a free review copy from Putnam Books. I received neither money nor a pet unicorn for writing this review, despite how hard I wished for one.  Miss Mayhem is available now.

BOOK REPORT for Anything Could Happen by Will Walton

Cover Story: Wingardium Leviosa
Drinking Buddy: No
Testosterone Level: Negative
Talky Talk: Four Subplots in Search of a Character
Bonus Factor: Cute Nerd Girl
Bromance Status: The Kid the Teacher Made Me Be Friends With

 Cover Story: Wingardium Leviosa

To be said in that snooty Hermione Granger voice.

Not only do we have a giant teen face, we have a a scene that didn't occur in the book.

The Deal:

Fifteen-year-old Tretch has never been a popular kid. Kind of nerdy and wimpy, he's a target for bullies. Fortunately, there's Matt, his best friend and protector. His buddy. His bro. Tall, popular, and handsome. So very, very handsome.

Yeah, Tretch realizes what's going on here. He's in love with his best friend. Which would be a great thing if Matt were gay. But, despite Matt's two fathers, he's totally straight. And Tretch is still closeted. Does he risk everything and tell Matt how he feels? Or does he hide his feelings and pretend everything's hunky dory?

Drinking Buddy: No

Tretch reacts to a crisis in one of three ways: He cries, he faints, or he vomits.

I kept waiting for the brave public coming out, the slug the bully redemption, or the hot hookup with a secondary character, but it never happened.

Testosterone Level: Negative

Tretch is closeted, so Matt has no qualms about undressing in front of him in locker rooms or during sleep overs. This, of course, does not make things easy on Tretch. And there's Bobby, the kid who keeps making fun of Tretch and Matt. He calls them gay, not realizing he's half right, and sometimes pushes Tretch.

But there's not a lot of sexual smolder, and the bully is kind of just phoning it in. The few people Tretch comes out to are more or less totally accepting. I never once worried about him, nor did I cheer.

Talky Talk: Four Subplots in Search of a Character

This was a short (under 300 pages) book, yet there were a lot of subplots. None of them went anywhere. Sickness in Tretch's family. Matt's new girlfriend. Matt's two fathers. The problems Tretch's father is having at work. Tretch secretly training himself to dance. Bobby the bully. Everything just kind of petered out with no resolution.

I didn't like dislike Tretch, but I didn't like him. There was not a lot at stake in the book, so I had a hard time getting into it. And then it sort of ended.

Bonus Factor: Cute Nerd Girl

And then there's Lana, Tretch's friend who is totally and absolutely crushing on him. A geeky Jewish girl, she works in a book store, buys Tretch books, and constantly flirts with him in that joking matter people do when they're terrified of rejection. Tretch's parents love Lana and keep badgering him to take her out. This would be the perfect set up, if it weren't for one tiny little complication.

Lana was a truly likeable character. Except she liked A Separate Peace, which is grounds for dumping anyone.

Bromance Status: The Kid the Teacher Made Me Be Friends With

It's a shame people don't understand LGBTQ books and I'm glad Mrs. Pund made us be partners on that that assignment. But I don't really want to hang out. Oh, c'mon, don't cry...

Full disclosure: I received neither money nor liquor for writing this review.

Welcome back to YA Onscreen! Let's hop to.

At this point, it might be easier to start listing who ISN'T in the Gilmore Girls revival (Melissa McCarthy, we're looking at you), but we've got a bunch of new casting announcements, so get ready!

Milo Ventimiglia is back as Jess, which means we'll get to watch him tell Rory how she isn't reaching her potential or some shit. Ventimiglia gave a good interview about it.

Dean is back, which is fine or whatever, but I have a big crush on Jared Padalecki even if Dean is a bit of a wet blanket.

Mrs. Kim is back! No word yet on her favorite son-in-law Zack.

Christopher is back! Hopefully in just "friendly co-parenting" mode and not "new romantic entanglement for Lorelai" mode.

OH YEAH, GREAT NEWS, APRIL NARDINI IS BACK. Yes, that's Luke's daughter. No, we're not psyched.

Totally psyched about the return of Doyle and his powerhouse reunion with Paris, however!

Back at Stars Hollow! @liza_weil #GilmoreGirlsRevival pic.twitter.com/Zsnsu1SDXT

— Danny Strong (@Dannystrong) February 12, 2016

Also INSANELY PSYCHED that Bunheads' and Broadway's Sutton Foster is joining the cast as a newbie. Can you imagine screwball queens Sutton Foster and Lauren Graham sharing a scene? MAGIC.

To keep up with all the revival casting news, here's a pretty handy chart to who has and has not been announced. Previous YA Onscreen Gilmore Girls news here, here and here. You can follow the entire Gilmore Girls Rewatch Project HERE.

In our current Rewatch Project news, Katie Holmes dashes our hopes about a Dawson's Creek revival with some pretty solid reasoning:

When I look back at the show, it had a certain charm. It was before the Internet really took over, it was before iPhones, it was before this kind of new form of communication, and it had this certain feeling that was of the ’90s. I don’t think that in today’s world, you could achieve that same kind of feeling.

Yeah, can you imagine how insufferable Dawson would be if he could film everything with an iPhone?

In not-Rewatch news, Outlander Season 2 has a premiere date and a poster! Follow FYA's recaps here.

THESE ALLEGIANT POSTERS ARE GROSS.

New #Allegiant posters! pic.twitter.com/GJdIh6Gp7t

— Divergent World (@dvgtworld) February 9, 2016

ORLY?:

The eighth Harry Potter Story. Nineteen years later. Read it on July 31st! #CursedChild #HPScriptBook pic.twitter.com/4FNi2tltfI

— Scholastic (@Scholastic) February 10, 2016

That's it for this week! Give us your thoughts downstairs.

Previously on The X-Files

Last week, Scully and Mulder were called to solve a case in which the Band Aid Nose Man, a monster created from the violent thoughts of a street artist named Trashman, killed public figures to avenge the maltreatment of the homeless population. Yeah, it was weird. But Scully was called away when her mother Margaret had a heart attack. The episode was a classic The X-Files mix of strange and poignant, and you can read the whole recap here.

This Week’s Case File

(Ouch That’s) Cold Open

A Muslim man named Shiraz prays to Allah before making himself a sandwich and heading out into his small Texas town, white people yelling racist things at him along the way.

Water tower reads: "Welcome to Cliche, USA"

He meets up with a friend and they drive to an art gallery, where they clasp hands and pray, then walk inside. Aaaaaannnnnd the building blows up.

Saved By the Files: The New Class

At the X-Files office, Mulder and Scully are joined by Special Agents Miller and Einstein, played by Robbie Amell and Lauren Ambrose. Einstein (so cringeworthy) immediately introduces herself as a medical doctor, and Miller admits he loves the weird stuff. Look how funny! Scully and Mulder mini-mes, here to remind us - albeit unintentionally - how wonderful the real Scully and Mulder actually are! Anywho, turns out Shiraz survived the blast, but he's in a vegetative state. Miller wants to attempt to communicate with him, but Einstein refuses and is like “these X-Files freaks are weird, let’s peace.” But not long after they leave, Miller gets a call from Scully, who agrees to meet him in Texas to try something out, and Einstein gets a call from Mulder to meet him back at the X-Files office. He wants her to feed him magic mushrooms in an attempt to communicate with the comatose terrorist, but Einstein refuses – sticking hard and fast to her many science degrees.

GTFO lady.

In Texas, Scully admits to Miller that this is a bit of a personal quest for her, having wished she could’ve communicated with her mother before her death. She has an idea that involves electromagnetic something somethings and Miller is like "yes! lets!" but they keep getting interrupted by people who want Shiraz dead. Einstein, who apparently left Mulder’s office and went directly to Texas, shows up outside the door of the hospital room. Seeing Scully with Miller working together, she gets jealous and calls Mulder, who immediately comes to Texas to take magic mushrooms with her.

Achy Breaky Acid Trip

So, while Scully and Miller basically have to guard Shiraz’s bedside from evil FBI agents, rogue nurses and people seeking retribution, Mulder takes magic mushrooms as an attempt to converse with the near-dead. But his acid trip takes him on a wrong turn. He leaves the hospital, walks in the streets, ends up stealing a Stetson and doing the Achy Breaky Heart at a local honky tonk.

Texafornication

He plays poker with the Lone Gunman and Skinner - and I’m honestly so confused right now but I'm going to push through this - then he wakes on Einstein’s dominatrix table before ending up surrounded by men in black hoods as he’s whipped by the Smoking Man. And when you finally think things couldn’t get any weirder, there’s Shiraz, behind held like Jesus Christ over the lap of his mother, and when Mulder leans over him, he whispers something in his ear.

Meanwhile, we’re seeing snippets of another man in a small dark room building bomb after bomb. Then showing a group of men how to detonate said bombs when strapped to their chests. This….can’t be good.

Mulder wakes from his acid trip to Skinner standing over his bed. He is in trouble with the FBI for all those embarrassing feelings we just felt. Skinner’s like, “Srsly Mulder? You took SHROOMS to talk to a TERRORIST? THIS IS PEAK MULDER.” But Einstein cuts in to say no, actually, he didn’t take shrooms. She played the ole placebo trick on him, and all that “tripping” was probably just the result of 25+ years of pent up sexual frustration for a certain sexy medical doctor and/or an alien supership. As Einstein wheels him out of his room, Mulder recognizes a woman trying to get into the hospital as Shiraz's mother from his so-called acid trip. Her name is Nura, and he takes her to see her son. While she’s with him, Shiraz goes into cardiac arrest and despite TWO MEDICAL DOCTORS in the room, everyone just yells what’s happening rather than actually doing anything about it, and Shiraz dies. Seeing his mother lean over her son’s dead body, Mulder remembers what Shiraz said to him in his dream/acid trip. And luckily! Miller speaks Arabic and can translate the message to “Babylon…the hotel.” Swat teams pull up to the Babylon hotel and arrest the men praying inside – the same ones who were building bombs earlier in the episode.

Just Make Out Already

After a quick exchange between Miller and Einstein, in which Einstein admits she’s maybe switched teams (it only took you one episode, Einstein?! Scully was a skeptic for at least eight seasons!), we see Mulder, going out on his country porch in his casual pants listening to the Lumineers because apparently it’s 2012? Scully pulls up in her Totally Rad Ford SUV in her own casual pants and joins Mulder on the porch, where she laughs at him for the whole placebo thing.

NO BEES IN SIGHT. Kiss her, dammit!

They hold hands and walk out into the yard. Mulder’s been thinking about God—specifically Angry God, and the idea that these young men can be convinced to swallow a pill and kill for him. He talks about the power of suggestion and tbh this is probably a beautiful conversation they’re having but mostly they just look like they’re about to kiss and I can’t concentrate on anything else. 

But they don't kiss. The end!

BIGGEST COVER UP

SURELY we were being made to believe these two Muslim men blew up an art gallery, and we'd find out at the end when Shiraz finally spoke that he, in fact, wasn't the bomber. We'd find out that the show had played right into its audiences prejudices only to turn the trope on its head and point at everyone and laugh. SURELY that's what we were being set up for. But we all waited through a somewhat uncomfortable episode for the plot twist that never came. And THAT was the biggest shock of the evening: that the episode was as straight forward as it appeared to be. Yikes.

WORST KEPT SECRET

No surprise here: Einstein and Miller were a big, fat failure. Not only were they hollow shells of the characters they were supposed to emulate, the reason for bringing them into this episode was flimsy at best.

MONSTER OF THE WEEK

EVERYONE. All the peripheral characters in this episode were monsters. The terrorists were monsters, yes, but so was the nurse who tried to murder Shiraz because "those refugees take her hard earned tax dollars" and the FBI agent who thinks all Muslims are extremists. Just, like, so many uncomfortable feelings in one hour of television.

THIS WEEK'S TOP RANKING AGENT

Hmm. Who IS the top ranking agent this week? Did any of our agents actually....do anything? When Einstein congratulates Miller at the end of the episode, he sort of shrugs her off and says it was really Mulder who did the work. But what did Mulder do? Or Scully for that matter? This case just sort of magically wrapped itself up. I'd say Einstein's the top-ranking agent for successfully pulling off the ole placebo switch on Mulder, but when she did that, she was actually doing the opposite of trying to solve the case - so she got lucky that Mulder had a vision that allowed them to arrest the terrorist cell.

I give up. Skinner is Top-Ranking Agent because he's been assistant director for 30 years and DAMMIT HE DESERVES THIS.

THIS WEEK'S LOSER-HUMAN HYBRID

Chris Carter, again, for assuming that all it takes is a skeptical redhead and an alien Belieber to recreate the glorious television magic that was Scully-and-Mulder.  And also for perpetuating stereotypes and relying heavily on cliches and the easy punchline to get through an episode that actually dealt with the very serious, very heavy topics of terrorism and racism. Like, is this really the best time for a honky tonk dance montage? Are we allowed to fire Chris Carter from writing for his own show?

Runner Up: The X-Files marketing team for really amping up the Lone Gunmen return when the three amigos actually just appeared briefly in a dream sequence.

FROM THE BUREAU SURVAILLANCE FILES

Miller: "Anyone down here?"
Scully: "Only the FBI's most unwanted. I've been waiting 23 years to say that."
Mulder: "How'd it feel?"
Scully: "Pretty good, actually."

“I don’t do woo-woo.” – Mulder (which, LOL)

Einstein: “Do you talk to Agent Scully like that?”
Mulder: “Only when she’s being a mugwump.”
(I legit thought he said muggle, which would’ve been SO much better.)

Mulder the dreamer: “I saw deep and unconditional love.”
Scully the pragmatist: “I saw things too. I saw unqualified hate.”

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.” - Einstein, quoting...Einstein

UNSOLVED CASES

- Does Mulder have a surpressed dominatrix fetish?

- Did Chris Carter take magic mushrooms before writing this episode?

- What exact dosage of Niacin did Mulder take and where can I find some?

- They (literally) dangled Scully's mother's quarter necklace in front of us again this episode without telling us what was up with that.

- Are we safe from Miller and Einstein? I was afraid they were going to try to do a switcheroo and bring back The X-Files a bit more permanently with new main characters, but maybe this was just a silly plot device for a sort of silly episode. Discuss.

(all gifs via giphy)

BOOK REPORT for The Shadow Queen (Ravenspire #1) by C.J. Redwine

Cover Story: Poison Apple
BFF Charm: Eventually
Swoonworthy Scale: 6
Talky Talk: Retelling
Bonus Factor: Coach Taylor Award
Anti-Bonus Factor: Royal Names
Relationship Status: Rooting for You

This Snow White retelling features a more-modern princess (in a feminist sense) while staying true to the fairy tale’s fantasy roots.

Check out my full review over at our series on Kirkus.

Follow the whole rewatch here!

Last week, on Dawson’s Creek.

Welcome back to the Dawson's Creek Rewatch Project, in which we're wrapping up the glummer Season 1 and jumping into SUPER FUN Season 2!

Last week, Britt asked me if Dawson makes me want to tear out my hair, and he completely does in the first season, but less so from here on out. He's still nowhere NEAR Pacey in terms of charm and wisdom, but he loses a lot of the whiny judgment and becomes more relatable. 

Let's drink to the introduction of the super adorbs McPhee siblings!

The Dawson's Creek Drinking Game

Drink Once every time:

Joey purses her mouth or chews on her lip

Joey tucks her hair behind her ear

Joey climbs into or out of Dawson's window

Sex makes Dawson and/or Joey extremely uncomfortable

Jen brings up her atheism

Grams says "Jennifaaah"

Someone says the words "black boyfriend" in reference to Bodie

Drink Twice every time:

Dawson mentions Spielberg

You have literally no idea why Joey is mad

Pacey gives someone a really good hug

Cool Jen Lindley is totally crapped on by the universe

Onto the episodes! 

1.13 "Decisions"

Things are awkward between Joey and Dawson since their near-kiss and diss after the beauty pageant, an event that Dawson is unsurprisingly choosing to ignore. Joey is FED UP with his cluelessness this week, and when she's offered a scholarship to study for a semester in France, it seems like she's going to take it. Dawson's panicking at the idea of a semester without his sidekick, but good lord, JOEY SHOULD EMBRACE THIS OPPORTUNITY. All she's ever wanted is a way to leave Capeside, and so this is a dilemma because why, exactly? Joey asks Dawson several times throughout the episode to give her one good reason she should stay, and because he is dumb, he doesn't. Maybe that's because there is literally NO GOOD REASON FOR HER TO REJECT A FREE SEMESTER IN PARIS.

It's her dad's birthday - you remember Joey's dad, right? Imprisoned for trafficking marijuana, cheated on Joey's mom while she was dying of cancer? Joey hasn't seen him since, but she and Bessie made a pact to alternate birthday visits until he gets out, and now it's Joey's turn. She's miserable at the prospect, but Dawson goes with her because he's a pretty good friend. When they arrive, it's after visiting hours, so they have to stay overnight in a hotel. I don't know why this is weird, considering these two have been sharing a bed since birth, practically, but Dawson makes it weird and Joey scowls through the entire evening. When she finally gets to see her dad in the morning, she's so overwhelmed with anger at what he's done to her, to Bessie, to their mom, that she barely says a word and storms out. Joey's dad is really trying, but I can't blame Joey for not forgiving him. He asks Dawson to stay behind and tell him about Joey, and as Dawson talks about how amazing she is, it seems to dawn on him that he's in love with her. Yeah, no shit, Dawson.

Joey and Dawson head back to Capeside in silence. Later, Pacey stops by the Ice House, dealing with his own paternal angst after being told for the nine millionth time that he's a loser, and he and Joey have a nice talk about crappy dads. Joey tells him, "Maybe you should have a talk with your father. You know, tell him that he hurt you," and Pacey wisely counters, "Is that what you did?" Realizing that she missed an opportunity to be honest with her dad, she asks Pacey to drive her back to the prison so she can talk to him. Pacey steals his dad's car and bribes the guard to get Joey in to see Mr. Potter, because Pacey is SO GREAT, and then Joey has a heartbreaking, incredibly honest conversation with her dad. They both cry, I cry, you probably cry, everybody cries:

Joey: Hi. I hardly know what I'm doing here. That's not true. Look, I came here tonight because I wanted to tell you that you messed up. You really messed up. And not because you broke the law or you got caught or that you left me without a father. You messed up because you don't know me. I'm your daughter and you don't know me at all. So I guess I just came to say that I'm all right. I turned out pretty good. And I'm going to be okay, no help from you. And I just have one question...Do you love me? 

Mr. Potter: More than you'd ever know. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Joey: Do you think about me?

Mr. Potter: Sweetheart, all day long, everyday, every hour, every minute.

Joey: Do you really love me though? Because I'm 15 years old and I go through everyday of my life thinking nobody loves me.

Mr. Potter: Well nothing could be further from the truth.

And then he tells her that Dawson loves her, too, and he can tell that she loves him, and that she should act on it. So Joey hauls butt home to do just that. 

Meanwhile, Jen's grandpa wakes up! For just a few hours, and she's so happy, and then because nothing good ever happens to Jen Lindley without being followed by something terrible, he has another stroke and dies. She's so crushed, so incredibly upset, and she joins Grams at church and they both pray for Gramps' safe passage. Even though Jen doesn't believe in God, it's a really touching, beautiful moment between two women who will become so close in the coming years. Jen then heads to Dawson's house and tells him she misses him, and she knows that's her fault, and she asks him if she can stay overnight like Joey often does. Dawson is SO awkward, but agrees. The next morning Jen wakes up very contentedly, and Dawson wakes very awkwardly, and Jen leans over to kiss him even though it's clearly not what he wants. Look, Jen can do much better, but who among us hasn't fled to our safe ex when tragedy strikes? Joey climbs into Dawson's window just as this is happening, and she runs away, with Dawson hot on her trail and poor Jen sitting, sad and alone, on Dawson's bed. GAH, poor Jen. Drink twice. 

Anyway, Dawson searches all over Capeside for Joey, and then finally heads back to his room where he finds her waiting for him, in full-on scowl mode. She gives him a really good speech, telling him she's tired of all the analyzing and over-thinking and never doing, and Dawson replies by analyzing and over-thinking and not doing, until Joey's ready to leave and then Dawson grabs her and kisses her. I will give you this: it seems like a good kiss. It's kind of a nice moment. 

And then the credits roll and we're done with Season 1!

How many times did I have to drink? 15

Most meta moment: At the beginning of the episode, Joey and Dawson are watching TV and she says she hates two-part finales because, "a cliffhanger is merely a manipulative TV standard designed to improve ratings. I mean, the producers put the characters in some contrived situation hoping that the audience will think something is going to change. But you know what? It never does. It's back to the same way it was before your so-called cliffhanger. It's boring, Dawson." I see what you're doing here, Kevin Williamson!

Guess who? Mike Potter is played by Hey, It's That Guy! Gareth Williams, who's been in The Shield, Law & Order, The Cell and 77 other things.

LOLOLOLOL: Jen, never kiss a boy who is making THIS face at you.

Most recognizable song: Sarah McLachlan's "Angel," tied with Edwin McCain's "I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder." hi there, 1998!

Saddest foreshadowing: Joey stumbles into the scholarship when another girl turns it down because she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend. So (spoiler, sigh), THAT MAKES TWO GIRLS WHO TURN DOWN A SCHOLARSHIP TO PARIS TO STAY WITH THEIR BORING CAPESIDE BOYFRIENDS. Idiots!

2.01 "The Kiss"

The episode opens where "Decisions" left off, with Joey and Dawson doing some adorable PG macking. They pause to over-analyze, and then get awkward again, and then Joey's about to storm off, as is her wont, when Dawson tells her, "Don't even think about climbing out that window" - and then they resume macking. It's pretty cute, okay? 

The cuteness continues into the next morning, when Bessie grills Joey for the scoop as Dawson confides in Pacey. In a transparent but still funny reversal, Joey and Bessie are unloading heavy boxes from the truck while the boys are at the salon getting haircuts. Joey describes the kiss as "Hot, extremely hot," while Dawson describes it as "just the sweetest, most romantic, Fourth of July fireworky, waves crashing on the shore, beyond any movie I could ever imagine kiss," because he is a total GIRL. The whole thing is cute! Listen, I think these two or three episodes of happy Joey and Dawson are just a nice, non-angsty change of pace. 

They head to school and continue to be cute and happy, and I vaguely approve of all of it until Joey officially turns down Paris, and then I transform into a RAGE MONSTER. Idiot! But they're happy, and horny, and then Dawson invites Joey on a date at the Rialto when Jen walks up to tell them that her grandfather died. They're both so sad for her, and she kind of wanders off unhappily, but later when Dawson brings over his mom's grief casserole, he and Jen have a nice talk. She implies again that she wouldn't mind reuniting with him, even though it's clear he's moved on, but he tells her simply, "I think you could use a friend right now more than anything else. How about it?" and I kind of like that response. She agrees, but then totally shows up ON JOEY AND DAWSON'S DATE AND SITS DOWN WITH THEM. OMG, it's so embarrassing. I could die. It's also an interesting play on Joey's hijacking of Dawson and Jen's first date at the Rialto!

And of course Jen is dealing with major grief and misplacing it into this regret at losing Dawson, because when Grams tells her she's headed to the Rialto for the evening and giving away some of Gramps' clothes to the church charity drive, Jen is just so angry and sad. She confronts Dawson and then runs off, and Dawson runs after her because every time a woman runs away, Dawson has to run after her. Joey sits alone holding the flower Dawson brought her and just looking uncomfortable. In the lobby (the same place Joey yelled at Dawson in the pilot!), Jen tells Dawson how sad she feels that she was clearly just a placeholder for Joey, "the girl whose sole purpose was to allow you to figure out who you were really in love with." Dawson tells her that's not true, and then Jen asks him not to "jump Joey right away" or else it'll "send [her] to razor blades." Jesus, Jen! I know you're sad, but this is DAWSON LEERY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. No one, least of all your cool ass, needs to resort to razor blades over Dawson Leery. 

Dawson heads back into the theater to find that Joey has vacated her seat and left the flower behind, and this is the first time I ever really feel sorry for Dawson: he just runs his fingers through his hair and makes this face like "This is NOT how I wanted tonight to go," and I feel for him, because Jen and Joey are kind of a LOT, drama-wise. He finds Joey on the pier and they make up and make out cutely, while both acknowledging that this whole thing will be pretty complicated. And Jen's story has a less bleak ending: after the movie, she and Grams sit in the empty theater and Grams admits that she wanted to go to the Rialto because that was where she had her first date with Gramps. They cry, and hug each other, and talk about how much they'll miss him, but also how much they now mean to one another, because they're all they have left. Grams tells Jen, "You're my whole world," and I cry again. I love these two. 

Finally, the McPhees are here!! Well, so far it's just Andie McPhee, Type-A darling of my heart. She's this show's Taylor Townsend, with an edge! Pacey's inspired by Dawson's kiss to try something new, so he frosts his tips (OMG, and I'm quoting him here with this "frosted tips" nonsense) and decides he's going to ask gorgeous cheerleader Kristy Livingstone on a date. But first, he's driving his dad's sheriff-mobile when a perky, preppy blonde runs into him and scratches the car. He's wearing aviators and, I guess?, a shirt with a blue collar, so this adorable space cadet assumes he's a police officer and starts babbling apologies. Pacey plays along and gives her a hard time, and when she sees him in school later and realizes he's not a cop, she is PISSED. She picks up on his crush on Kristy Livingstone and repays the prank, by convincing Kristy that Pacey has a fatal condition called, hilariously, a "heart stripe." Pacey thinks Kristy likes him when really she just admires his bravery in the face of death. Andie got him but good! They snipe at each other a lot and act like they hate each other, but it's SO DANG CUTE and pretty clear they have some crush vibes happening. 

Oh, finally FINALLY, Gail is still trying really hard to win back Mitch with some morning seduction attempts, but Mitch goes to see a divorce attorney and tells Gail he has no idea if he can make it work with her. I kinda forgot about these two!

How many times do I have to drink? 9.

Pacey Witter's worst shirt: 

This is what he wears on what he believes is a date with his dream girl! No wonder she thinks he has a heart stripe.

Pacey Witter's frosted tips:

Thank god this arc ends with Andie handing him a box of brown hair dye. 

The least angsty teens: This is what Dawson and Joey look like the morning after their makeout sesh. 

Guess who? Kristy Livingstone is played by Ali Larter who is, unequivocally, a babe. 

Dawson's date attire: SO GIANT EVERYTHING.

Joey's date attire: Much better.

Dawson's date transportation: Admittedly baller.

Best sisters forever: Have I mentioned lately how much I love when Bessie gives Joey advice?

Gail's giant hair: Pilot-level giant!

Least likely dialogue: Dawson telling Joey that he feels "aroused" in the high school hall. AROUSED, YOU GUYS. Aroused. 

Most recognizable song: Fastball's "Out of My Head"

Best pop culture reference/most meta moment: Pacey, marveling along with the audience that Dawson and Joey actually skipped over the "will-they-won't they drama for at least another couple of years. Sam and Diane didn't get together for at least four seasons and Mulder and Scully, they haven't even kissed!"

Saddest foreshadowing: Andie makes a seeming joke about having an anxiety attack and needing meds after Pacey's prank, but (spoiler) she probably isn't kidding. 

--

That's it for this week! I have a question for you, Britt: are you as enamored of Andie McPhee as I am? I think the first half of her relationship with Pacey is some GREAT storytelling that allows both characters to grow in super interesting ways. And while I am OF COURSE Team Pacey and Joey 4Ever, Andie and Dawson make for a compelling detour on their road to true completion.

Meet Britt here next Wednesday morning as she covers "Crossroads" and "Alternative Lifestyles." Yay Season 2!

Previously, on iZombie: Clive and Dale decided that Blaine is their number one Chaos Killer suspect. Ravi and Major have been digging up a field, trying to find the tainted batch of utopium for further cure experiments.

Grey Matters

While digging up the field they believe the tainted Utopium is in, Major and Ravi find a fresher corpse than the ones they’re looking for. After calling in Clive, they use geocaching as their explanation for how they stumbled upon the (wrong) body.

At the reading of Blaine’s father’s will, he finds that in the event of foul play, his father left everything to his horrible housekeeper, who was abusive to young Blaine. Blaine’s goons present him with a trussed up Major in a body bag, with evidence that he’s the Chaos Killer. Blaine assumes a leak in his organization is how Major knew which zombies to take out. Major fesses up about the list he’s working through, but despite numerous threats, he won’t tell who’s making him do it. But he does offer to give Blaine back his father.

Liv warns Drake that he can’t trust Blaine and that Blaine is selling Utopium out of the funeral home and is planning to take down Mr. Boss. Drake pretends to not believe her. Then he gets promoted by Mr. Boss, and sent to silence Terrell, the likely suspect in the murder of the week.

Brain Melt

Major has to reveal his cold storage secret to Blaine!

Even zombies love a good “That’s what she said!”

Clive is on to Liv’s adopting the personality of the current victim! This is what happens when you try to fool a detective.

They finally found the tainted Utopium!

The Brain

Corey Carp, is found buried in the field, and is ID’ed by a random bar hookup. He claimed to be an FBI agent, in Seattle to infiltrate a gang of bank robbers. They find out Corey was better known as Big Fish, an infamous teller of tall tales, and that he worked for Mr. Boss. His brain turns Liv into a pathological liar, and not a very believable one.

The Real Monster

Honestly, this is where the episode gets muddled. It’s pretty clear that Corey witnessed something he wasn’t supposed to, and was killed on Mr. Boss’ orders. But the flashes aren’t really easy to follow. One of the last flashes Liv gets tells her that Drake was an accessory to the murder.

Winners and Chewsers

Winner: Blaine. He may have missed out on his dad’s fortune, but thanks to Major, he gets the chance to enact some serious revenge. Blaine, you beautiful psychopath.

Loser: Clive. His new boss seems to think he’s useless, and he’s probably about to deliver some very uncomfortable news to Liv about Major. But most of all, I really object to how they’re still keeping him in the dark. Clive deserves better, people!

Words With a Bite

“If she bears your children, you’ll start using her first name, right?” - Ravi

“I blame my upbringing. Clearly I wasn’t beaten enough as a child.” - Blaine

“Rise and shine, Major bummer.” - Blaine

“I’d hate to lose a perfectly good zombie rat. Let’s use Blaine as our guinea pig.” - Liv

“I’m not disputing that Bonnie and Clyde are like family to you, but the IRS doesn’t allow you to claim pit bulls as dependents.” - Mr. Boss

“I appreciate your patience in regards to our sudden dearth of undead courtesans.” - Blaine

Picking Your Brain

- I try, and I try, but I don’t really understand Ravi’s zombie rat experiments. Do you?

- Blaine’s idea to use a zombie hooker to lure in a Chaos Killer victim, it’s so efficient! Maybe Major should have been taking lessons from the actual killer he knows?

- What the hell is really up with super fine Drake?! He’s gotten shady as hell and is making me very nervous.

Join me in the comments, where I’ll be pouring one out for New Hope.

Next episode: "Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind"

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Check out our iZombie themed t-shirts!

ORAL PRESENTATION for Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg, narrated by Aziz Ansari

Cover Story: Heart Eyes Emoji
Talky Talk: Aziztastic
Talk Wordy to Me: Aziztastic Again
Course Curriculum: Modern Romance
Extra Credit: Research
Class Standing: Successful PhD Defense

Cover Story: Heart Eyes Emoji

This cover is perf -- Love! Aziz! Technology! -- and can be best described by one GIF.

The Deal:

For anyone who's been out of the pop culture loop over the past decade -- well, first: welcome back from that rock you've been living under. Aziz Ansari is a hilarious comedian, actor, and now author, teaming up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg to conduct an extensive worldwide research project on modern romance.

Talky Talk: Aziztastic

Typically, celebrities write books along the lines of autobiographies, memoirs, and tell-alls, so it's a refreshing change of pace that Aziz Ansari's first literary foray is an fascinating examination of modern dating. While there's some overlap with his show and (presumably*) his stand-up act, Modern Romance is mostly the product of a multi-year and multi-city research project spearheaded by Ansari and Klinenberg, presented with the former's delightful wit. Some of my favourite jokes were callbacks to earlier parts of the book, so I'd recommend reading it relatively quickly (which is pretty easy to do) to keep the material fairly fresh in your mind.

*I KNOW; it's criminal that I haven't watched his stand-up special yet.

Talk Wordy to Me: Aziztastic Again

When I was already laughing before the audiobook officially started, I knew I was in for an auditory treat, courtesy of Ansari's fantastic and lively narration. For anyone familiar with his acting career,** his actual personality is similar to those of Tom Haverford and Dev Shah. By going with the audiobook, however, I did miss out on graphical content available in the text versions (and y'all know I love graphs). But Ansari does break the audiobook fourth wall with a few asides only for the listeners, so I don't feel too badly about missing out on the graphs. Plus, it's an excuse to reread in another format for a different experience!

**For anyone who isn't: what are you waiting for?!?

Course Curriculum: Modern Romance

As anyone who has dated can attest to, dating can be utter balls; it can take a lot of effort, but it can also have a lot of upside. And evolving technology and shifting expectations have greatly transformed the dating scene into what it is today. This book provides insight for those who have been out of the game for a while, and totally accurate observations for those who have been single more recently. (E.g., women over 25 have less patience for texting: CAN CONFIRM.)

Extra Credit: Research

In addition to combing through existing census data and consulting leading sociologists, Ansari and Klinenberg interviewed research participants around the world, both in person (incl. Buenos Aires, Tokyo, Qatar, Paris, and Wichita) and online (via Reddit). Their work mostly pertains to straight, middle-class relationships, but it's still comprehensive AF within its scope.

Class Standing: Successful PhD Defense

I had high hopes that this book would dazzle me with its humour -- which it did -- but it truly impressed me with the breadth of investigative legwork involved. I'd gladly grant this book its doctorate -- as long as Aziz Ansari promises to write more books, PLZ & THX.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my free review copy from my local library. I received neither money nor froyo for writing this review (dammit!). Modern Romance is available now.