Title: Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2
Year: 2017
Fix: Superhero Spectacular, Familial Issues, Adorable Anthropomorphic Tree Baby
Platform: Netflix

Netflix Summary:

After a lifetime of searching the galaxy for his father, Peter Quill finds him. And the truth is a little out there.

FYA Summary:

In their second movie together, the Guardians of the Galaxy—Peter “Star Lord” Quill, Gamora, Drax, Rocket and Groot—find themselves rescued by Peter’s long lost father, Ego. The family reunion doesn’t go exactly as Peter might have hoped, however, and the Guardians have to turn to their not-so-biological family to once again save the day.

Familiar Faces/Voices:

Chris Pratt as Peter Quill

Although Pratt had major roles in Everwood and Parks and Recreation prior to the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie, it was the role of Peter Quill that truly elevated him to movie star status. And as questionable as he can be in real life, Pratt really is perfect as the sarcastic, naive, attractive-but-immature Peter Quill.

Zoe Saldana as Gamora

Gamora’s your stereotypical badass warrior chick with Daddy issues, but Saldana plays her really well.

Dave Bautista as Drax

Bautista’s Drax—and, you know, everything that The Rock is and does—is proof that WWE wrestlers are supremely talented actors in their own right. His timing, physicality, and ability to emote continues to impress me with each role I see him in.

Vin Diesel as Baby Groot

Aside from Loki, who’s definitely my Problematic Fave, Groot is my favorite character in all of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s really hard to beat such an adorable, innocent character. And the fact that he was once again voiced by Vin Diesel, who obviously has a very deep and adult-sounding voice in real life, delights me to no end.

Bradley Cooper as Rocket

I’ve enjoyed some of Cooper’s previous roles, but the snark and fire he infuses into a small, brilliant, genetically engineered trash panda is by far my favorite of anything he’s done. Something about Cooper’s tone and inflection just brings Rocket to life.

Michael Rooker as Yondu

Yondu goes through a lot of character development in this movie, and it’s impressive how he shifts from semi-villain to pretty dang decent dude. It’s also awesome to see, in real life, how much Rooker enjoys having played the role, particularly his now iconic, “I’m Mary Poppins, Y’all” line.

Karen Gillan as Nebula

Nebula’s a far cry from Gillan’s role as Amy Pond in Doctor Who, but I think this is another case, like with Pratt, that a role proved to Hollywood powers-that-be that the actor could do more than one kind of role.

Kurt Russell as Ego

It’s fun to see Russell in a villainous role. And dang if the guy doesn’t get better looking with age.

Sean Gunn as Kraglin

He’s no Kirk, but I love Kraglin as Yondu’s sidekick. And the fact that Gunn voices him like someone from the South, despite the fact that he’s an alien not from Earth, makes me laugh.

Sylvester Stallone as Stakar Ogord

Surprise!

Plus a ton of other cameos.

Couch-Sharing Capability: Round Up the Team

The Guardians of the Galaxy movies are some of the strongest, most entertaining of all of the Marvel Cinematic Universe films. They feature everything I love about what makes Marvel movies so appealing; they’re funny, action-packed, and full of feels, both good and bad. It’s the kind of movie that can appeal to all ages, too, so this is a good one to share with everyone you know. (Just maybe block your little kiddos’ eyes during the scene in which Yondo takes out all of the mutinous Ravagers. And when Baby Groot nearly gets crushed. </3 </3)

Recommended Level of Inebriation: Whiskey and Wine

You’re a fine girl/guy/preferred descriptor. You know how to lay it down … and fetch another round.

Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Tide You Over Until the Release of Phase 3

If you’re like me, you struggle with waiting for Marvel to release their fantastic boxed sets at the end of every “phase” and not being able to watch any of the movies at your whim until long after they’re originally released on DVD. Enter Netflix, which thankfully helps tide us completists over until we can get those special-edition physical copies in our nerdy hands. (Maybe this is just me? Regardless, I appreciate the ability to watch these goobers whenever and wherever I want.)

BOOK REPORT for Words on Bathroom Walls by Julia Walton

Cover Story: Paging Mr. Pollock
Drinking Buddy: Hell Yes
Testosterone Level: High
Talky Talk: The Voices
Bonus Factors: Sandy Hook, Catholic School
Bromance Status: Real Friend

Cover Story: Paging Mr. Pollock

To be honest, I never felt a real connection between the book and the title (some random bathroom graffiti that the title character occassionally notices). The crazy paint certainly catches the eye, though.

The Deal:

Adam Petrazelli has some rather odd friends. Rebecca, the Amazonian girl whose moods mirror his own. Jason, who's always buck naked. The 1920s mobsters who have gang wars in his house. The bickering British duo. The choir of angels.

You see, Adam has hard core schizophrenia. He sees and hears things that no one else can. He's starting over in a private Catholic school where no one knows who he is. He's taking a new medication that might help him gain control. He's seeing a therapist. In fact, that's what this book is. He refuses to talk to his doctor, but he does keep a journal to answer the doc's questions.

All Adam wants to do is not be noticed. His father abandoned him. His mother is overwhelmed. His step-father treats him like a bomb about to explode. If he could just blend into the crowd at his new school, maybe he could graduate without incident.

But then he meets Maya. And Maya likes him. Soon, they're dating.

How, exactly, do you tell your girlfriend that you have trouble distinguishing between reality and hallucinations? Should you tell her?

Drinking Buddy: Hell Yes

On the surface, Adam has it all. He's tall, strapping, and good looking. He's a gourmet cook who can whip up delicious meals and enjoys doing it. He's a good friend, who hangs out with nerdy Dwight and stands up to Ian, the rich jerk. Who wouldn't want to hang with him?

Except for, you know. Adam knows the score. He realizes he's sick in the head, he suffers no delusions about the state of things. The problem is, it's not always easy to ignore the invisible host, and it's not always easy to tell what's real and what's not. Is that music coming from the speakers or from his head? That cute girl who just walked in, can anyone else see her? Does he jump into the pool to save that drowning girl, knowing full well she may not be real? In one scene, Maya bangs on Adam's window at night. They sneak out and run to the park, dancing and laughing until she suddenly vanishes and Adam realizes he's been following a figment around town at night.

He knows things will end badly. He's just trying to put it off as long as possible.

Testosterone Level: High

Maya is a tough, serious, Filipino-American girl who takes a shine to Adam when he saves her from drowning (hey, she was real!). Adam is pleased that she's attracted to his eccentric behavior and cooking skills. They get close...and closer. Just like any teenage couple.

But is he playing right by her? The medication seems to be working, but it's not infallible. Once, at the movies, Adam thinks he sees Nazi soldiers attacking the audience from the screen. In a panic, he grabs Maya and pulls her to the floor. She totally misinterprets this, and things end rather nicely. But Adam knows he's been lucky. He's going to slip up. She's going to find out.

Especially with that prick Ian waiting to take Adam down a peg or two.

Talky Talk: The Voices

This was an incredible first-person account of someone who knows he's lost his grip on reality and is just trying to navigate the real world. He tries to ignore his imaginary friends. But when a guy that only you can see asks you what time it is every ten seconds, how long can you ignore him before you shout "It's 12:30!" to a silent room? Adam knows he has no reason to get up and run. But...he must. He must run. Now. As fast as he can. The medication helps a little, but it's not without side effects, such as facial tics and grimaces. His stepfather's mother treats Adam like a monster, brandishing her pepper spray whenever he's around and cheerfully suggesting that he be institutionalized.

Can someone like Adam every hope for a normal life? A job, a house, and maybe someone to love him? Is that a lot to ask?

Bonus Factor: Sandy Hook

So this book, which takes the form of journal entries for Adam's therapist, is dated 2012. I couldn't figure out why the author chose such a specific and recent year. That is, until we get to December. That's when Adam Lanza walked into Sandy Hook Elementary and fatally shot 26 children and staff before taking his own life.

When the news hits, everyone has an opinion. What a monster. What a psycho. He should've have just killed himself. Someone else should have killed him. They ought to round up people like that before they can hurt anyone.

Adam, who's never even touched a gun, realizes that people would throw him in the same group with Lanza. To make matters worse, while the students are unaware of Adam's condition, the staff do know. And he realizes that at least some of them wonder if he's next in line to crack. Maybe Adam shouldn't be around 'normal' people. It's just a safety measure. We're thinking of the children. God only knows what someone like that is capable of.

Bonus Factor: Catholic School

Adam's parents send him to a private Catholic school for a fresh start. Adam is kind of an agnostic, he's had enough trouble with invisible people as it is. He chuckles at the mandatory skirt lengths and the constant prayers. But he does wind up on the academic team with Maya and makes a friend or two along the way. He also puzzles over the words written on the bathroom wall: Jesus loves you. Don't be a homo.

Would the Christians accept Adam for what he is? Or would they line up to cast the first stone?

Bromance Status: Real Friend

I think this book and I are destined to be friends for a long time. In real life.

FTC full disclosure: I received neither money nor homemade tarts for writing this review.

I knew from the moment I saw this episode title, it would be good. Not because I have a weird love of forehead sweat or anything, but because like "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose," "Jose Chung's From Outer Space," and "Mulder and Scully Meet The Were-Monster," is has all the lengthy and quirky tell-tale signs of a Darin Morgan episode title. And we love Darin Morgan episodes, yes we do.

Previously on The X-Files

Mulder and Scully head to small town Virginia, where a couple of telepathic twins play a deadly game of Hangman. Also: there was a lot of Mulder/Scully flirtation happening. Read the full recap/comment with your feels here.

This Week’s Case File

We start with a black-and-white flashback - or maybe it's an old movie? A sweaty man sitting at a 1940s bar, going on and on about "the martians," and within two seconds, the camp factor is already high enough that you know this episode is gonna be a goodie. The man thinks he sees a martian out the window, only for the bartender to tell him that's not a window…it's a mirror.

When you try to snap a pic but your front facing camera is on

Mulder's been out squatchin' in an attempt to escape today's crazy political climate when he sees an X on his window - the universal sign for secret rendezvous, so he meets a squirrely guy named Reggie in a parking garage. Reggie says They made Mulder forget him, and reminds him of an old Twilight Zone episode called "The Lost Martian" before disappearing. Suddenly, Mulder's digging through his old VHS tapes to find that episode because he KNOWS it exists. Next, Scully meets squirrely guy in the parking garage, and he hands her a box of off brand Jell-o from her childhood -cherry-flavored Goop-o ABC - asking her to help him before They erase him. For their third rendezvous, Scully and Mulder meet him together, and learn that Reggie thinks the government is at the bottom of this mass phenomenon of misremembering, something he calls the Mingle Effect but Mulder calls the Mandela Effect. Scully, meanwhile, thinks they're both crazy.

Reggie has spent years trying to figure out who is at the bottom of this, and his research led him to a weird ass YouTube video about a man named Thaddeus Q. They, a neuroscientist who figured out how to alter people's memories. This reminds Reggie that back when he was a med student during the invasion of Grenada, he stumbled upon a captured alien, telling a doctor that in 35 years, another alien would visit Earth to warn us about environmental catastrophe. But They come(s) and takes the alien away before he can finish. Obsessed with finding out the truth, Reggie quits med school, joins the FBI and eventually - Bum BUM BUMMMMM - starts the X-Files.

Exsqueeze me?

We're then blessed with a super cut of a bunch of old The X-Files episodes with Reggie edited into them and it is truly glorious. Reggie bought the I Want to Believe poster; Reggie is present to, um, greet Scully on her first day; he interrupts Clyde Bruckman talking about Grenada; he walks in on the Scully/Mulder almost kiss in "Small Potatoes." But just before he can tell them about their last case together, Dr. They's henchmen arrive to take him away, and he runs.

Mulder's trying to figure this shizz out when he gets a call from the one and only Dr. They and has yet another secret rendezvous. Turns out, Dr. They is the creator of Phony Fake News: real facts, presented in a way so preposterous, no one will believe them. He tells Mulder that his time at the X-Files is up: powerful people no longer need to go to great lengths to cover up their secrets. We live in a post-conspiracy age - the difference between real and fake doesn't matter anymore because people only believe what they choose to believe anyway. It's a reference, of course, to fake news and the 2016 election, and the spread of information and misinformation on the internet, which manages to be both topical and a way to pull this episode into the greater arc of the whole season - heck, the whole revival, even.

Back in the parking garage, Scully has dug up details on Reggie. Turns out, he got hit in the head with a shovel at Grenada, was sent to the hospital, and ended up doing a string of bureaucratic desk jobs, working his way up from the post office all the way to the NSA before having a nervous breakdown and being committed to a mental institution. Speaking of mental institutions, an old timey ambulance arrives right about then, wraps Reggie in a straight jacket, and is about to take him away when Mulder asks what happens on their last case together.

pretty good advice tbqh

In the final flashback, Mulder, Scully and Reggie meet an alien space ship 35 years after Grenada. The alien who is supposed to warn them about environmental catastrophe has come back, and after a laugh out loud sequence in which he slowly takes an escalator off the ship and greets them on a Segway, he tells the three members of the X-Files that Earthlings are no longer allowed to visit outer space, delivering a speech ripped directly from a Trump press conference about how they're building a wall because we're not sending our best people out there. He gives them a book called "All The Answers" with…well, all the answers about anything, and peaces out.

BIGGEST COVER-UP

Okay now I kinda wish I could watch the entire series with Reggie as the hilarious sidekick?

While the big reveal of this episode was that Mulder and Scully had a partner at the X-Files all along, that turns out to not be quite so true. Or is it? Skinner shows up at the end asking where they're taking Reggie, so we're left to wonder what's the truth and what's fake news. The theme of this entire episode reminds me of one of my favorite hours of television: Bad Blood. I was honestly surprised it wasn't included in the montage of classic eps, since it was about Scully and Mulder remembering the same evening entirely differently.

WORST-KEPT SECRET

Darin Morgan's genius - I now have to go back and rewatch all his X-Files episodes.

FROM THE BUREAU SURVAILLANCE FILES

"Confuse The Twilight Zone with The Outer Limits??? DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME?" - Mulder

"You're having a Mingle Effect about the Mandela Effect."  - Reggie

"The ability to manipulate memory creates unlimited power - polical, economical, cultural. It runs the gamut from Holocaust denial to corporate product recognition." - Reggie, hitting a little too close to home

"That's science, Scully."
"Theoretical science at best, Mulder."

"Move along, Sugarboobs, this is the X-Files. No women allowed." - Reggie, on Scully's first day

"Wait, if she's their mother how can she be their…..oh boy." - Reggie, the moment they pull Karin Konoval out from under the bed in Home

"I'm Fox Mulder, you freaking punks! Fox freaking MULDER!"

"Ughhh that's so POCO." - Dr. They

"You're free to explore Uranus all you want." - Trump Alien

"We can't allow your kind to infiltrate the rest of the cosmos. You're not sending us your best people. You're bringing drugs, you're bringing crimes, your rapists and some, I assume, are good people, but we have no choice." -  Trump Alien

"Bing bing bong bong bing." - Trump Alien

“We’re not alone in the universe, but nobody likes us?” - Mulder

BEST SCULLY EYE ROLL

The official face of "Sure. Fine. Whatever."

via

UNSOLVED CASES

- Trump Alien: clever or a little too heavy handed? Either way, uncomfortably spot-on.

- Dear god WHY do the aliens have Brad-Pitt-Existential-Crisis goatees?

- Did you guys catch any other Easter Eggs in this episode?

- Dare we say this is a top ten all time episode? Yay or nay? Let me know what you thought in the comments!

All gifs via giphy.com

Wave your hands in the air like you just don't care it's FRIIIIIIIDAY! Let's all pretend to work but actually just peruse the Internet. We've already done the legwork for you!

Book Related Things

Science fiction/fantasy author Ursula K. Le Guin passed away at 88 years old this week. Here's proof of her badassery:

in 1987, Ursula K. Le Guin was asked to write a blurb for a science fiction anthology showcasing established & up-and-coming writers alike -- yet there were no stories by women. this was Le Guin's response (sourced from Shaun Usher's Letters of Note) pic.twitter.com/swIBFJKJup

— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) January 23, 2018

Paste Magazine's published their list of 10 most anticipated YA books of the year. We're up for the challenge!

Victoria Schwab revealed the cover of her new book City of Ghosts and it looks SO SCARYYYY!

The Amazon gods have blessed us with a verifiable buttload of e-book deals this week! Load up, y'all!

•  The Casquette Girls (review) and The Romeo Catchers by Alys Arden

•  The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black (review)

•  The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale

•  Illuminae by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff (review)

•  Lucky in Love by Kasie West

•  The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot (review)

•  Under the Never Sky by Veronica Rossi (review)

•  The Sun Is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon (review)

•  Dash & Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan (review)

•  All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven (review)

•  Falling into Place by Amy Zhang (review)

•  Delirium by Lauren Oliver (review)

•  Emmy & Oliver by Robin Benway

•  The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (review)

•  Tiger Lily by Jodi Lynn Anderson (review)

•  If I Stay by Gayle Forman (review)

Please note: FYA collects a small percentage of sales from these affiliate links. Thanks for your support!

YA Onscreen Things

This week on YA Onscreen, celebrating Dawson's Creek's 20th birthday, the return of Timeless, another A Wrinkle In Time trailer and more! Check out the post here.

5 YA Series That Need to Be Adapted to the Screen—and How to Make Them Diverse.

Jason Reynolds author of this month's FYA Book Club pick, All American Boys, was on The Daily Show this week!

Social Media Things

Twitter, um, celebrated Trump's first year in office with a #Trumps1stYearAtHogwarts party.

@AlexistheNedd livetweeted her first viewing of 50 Shades of Grey and it's *everything* but also um ~spoiler alert~ because I haven't seen it yet!!! jk jk jk I'm never gonna watch it.

Is this the Tweet of the Week y/y?

because I am a stone cold bitch https://t.co/kahsnvagMh

— S. E. Hinton (@se4realhinton) January 24, 2018

Miscellaneous Things

RivetedLit has 17 enamel pins for bookworms...and here's one more - because everyone needs an FYA drunk unicorn pin!

Running low on nightmare fuel? HERE YA GO: The man who played Barney runs a tantric sex business. Sorry/You're Welcome.

Dolly is queen: she's officially charted more hits than any other female artist (107) and done so in more different decades (6).

An artist recreated sexist vintages ads with reversed gender roles to point out their absurdity.

Tessa Thompson rocks a cute sweater in support of prominent women directors in TV/film.

Via Mo Ryan's Twitter, "Over 100 anonymous TV workers are sharing what they make as pilot writers (1st chart), on writing staffs (2nd) & what assistants make."

Saturday February 3rd is Ice Cream For Breakfast Day, and Jeni's Ice Cream will be donating half its sales to She Should Run, a nonprofit working to get 250,000 women running for elected office by 2030.

Which GOOD PLACE character are you, with the best nonsensical questions ever!

GQ did a profile on Taylor Kitsch for his new show Waco, and it is full of gems.

Speaking of our forever bae: which college football program would've been right for Tim Riggins? Answer: whichever college I attended.

Welcome to the blog tour for Jen Wang's The Prince and the Dressmaker (available on February 13th)! Here's the official scoop on the graphic novel:

Paris, at the dawn of the modern age:

Prince Sebastian is looking for a bride—or rather, his parents are looking for one for him. Sebastian is too busy hiding his secret life from everyone. At night he puts on daring dresses and takes Paris by storm as the fabulous Lady Crystallia—the hottest fashion icon in the world capital of fashion!

Sebastian’s secret weapon (and best friend) is the brilliant dressmaker Frances—one of only two people who know the truth: sometimes this boy wears dresses. But Frances dreams of greatness, and being someone’s secret weapon means being a secret. Forever. How long can Frances defer her dreams to protect a friend? Jen Wang weaves an exuberantly romantic tale of identity, young love, art, and family. A fairy tale for any age, The Prince and the Dressmaker will steal your heart.

In honour of its upcoming release, each blogger on the tour is dishing on their favourite panel from the book.

When I was trying to narrow down my favourite panel of the book -- and TRUST, there were a lot of candidates -- my mind kept going back to this page.

The context: Frances and Sebastian celebrate with a night on the town. And there's A Moment. When they retreat to their separate rooms, the realization hits them both: I have romantic feelings for this person. Or perhaps even, I'm hopelessly in love with them. Their nearly identical body positions only differ by their arms, with the symbolism being not insignificant: Sebastian's are closed and protective, while Frances' are hesitant but open.

It's the start of... something. Something scary. Something wonderful. Something that crosses the line of friendship into something more. Something that actually started long before either of them even knew. In the words of another France-based fairy tale, there's something there that wasn't there before.

Photo credit: Ye Rin Mok

About the Author:

Jen Wang is a cartoonist and illustrator currently living in Los Angeles. Her works have appeared in the Adventure Time comics and LA Magazine. She recently illustrated Tom Angleberger's Fake Mustache. Her graphic novels Koko Be Good and In Real Life (with author Cory Doctorow) were published by First Second.

Visit Jen's website here, and follow the rest of the blog tour here!

The Prince and the Dressmaker will be available on February 13th.

Thanks for joining me for another installment of YA Onscreen. I just got back from a three day bachelorette cruise for a dear friend (So. Much. Champers.), so forgive me if we skip the small talk and jump straight to the links—I’ve got some sleep to catch up on.

The CW has just announced they’re adding a modern-day reboot of Charmed to their next season lineup. I guess I need to stop being surprised every time they try to redo a recent show now, but c’mon—Charmed ended barely a decade ago. What’s next, a reboot of Riverdale in the ‘19-‘20 TV season? 

Also, Holly Marie Combs, who played Piper in the original, isn’t exactly thrilled with how the announcement took place, with the article calling it a “fierce, funny, and feminist reboot of the original”.

Get it, Holly.

More remakes we didn’t really ask for: Steven Spielberg is on the hunt for actors and actresses to be in his new project: a remake of West Side Story. I suppose there's a way to make this really good (use actual Puerto Ricans for Puerto Rican roles, get some fantastic singers on board and not just stunt casting *cough*RussellCroweLesMiz*cough*) but...I dunno. I'm just tired. I'd probably see it because I do love the music, so what does that make me? 

The Miseducation of Cameron Post, starring Chole Grace Moretz won the U.S. Dramatic Grand Jury Award at this year's Sundance Film Festival. 

Reviews are coming in for The Black Panther, and they are looking very, very good.  

New trailer alert for iZombie, coming back end of February. Did they just tell us Ravi’s fate, or is a fake-out? 

New teaser trailer for Ant-Man and the Wasp:

BOOK REPORT for The Hazel Wood (The Hazel Wood #1) by Melissa Albert

Cover Story: Classic
BFF Charm: Caution
Swoonworthy Scale: 3
Talky Talk: Burning Brightly
Bonus Factor: Story Within A Story
Relationship Status: Happily (N)Ever After

Want a dark, dangerous modern fairy tale? Look no further--just head over to our series on Kirkus for all the details!

Follow the whole rewatch here!

Welcome to the first installment of the Felicity Rewatch Project! Y'all, I am SO EXCITED that this is happening. It's like we're all college freshmen, embarking together on a crazy, thrilling and, let's be honest, totally awkward adventure. Just promise me that no one will secretly read anyone else's college essay or write a paper for them or accidentally play their private tapes out loud at a party. Cool? Cool.  

First, a reminder of our drinking game rules!

The Felicity Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Felicity is endearingly earnest.

Ben smiles sheepishly.

Noel is adorkable.

Elena is a better friend than anyone deserves.

Meghan is mean and it's awesome.

Javier butchers a word or figure of speech.

Richard freaks out (in a good or bad way).

Drink twice every time:

Felicity stresses you out.

Felicity says, "Dear Sally."

Sean invents something.

Javier refers to Ben as “Benjamin.”

And now, let's dive in to the episodes! (I swear, most of the posts won't be this long... there's just so much to say about the pilot!)

1.1 "Pilot"

The general rule of thumb for TV is to never judge a show by its pilot, because typically a first episode is either uneven or unrepresentative of the series as a whole. But with Felicity, the pilot embodies everything I love about the series--it's heartfelt and smart and compelling and romantic and funny. I feel like that last quality is often forgotten since people tend to focus on the emotional resonance of the show, how perfectly the series captures that liminal time of college. It certainly does that, but damn if it doesn't crack you up in the process.

Anyway, I don't need to tell you why Felicity is so great, because you're reading this post! So let's talk about the pilot, which features so! many! epic! moments!

It's high school graduation day, and while her classmates are seemingly stoked about the future, all Felicity Porter feels is a sense of dread--and embarrassment of her parents as they rock a Camcorder and hoot and holler while she walks across the stage. ("My parents' reaction was typically understated.") She's going to Stanford, just like her parents wanted, and it looks like her life is all mapped out. You get the impression that our girl isn't exactly impulsive... until she walks up to Ben Covington, the most popular guy in school, and asks him to sign her yearbook (which only has one other signature in it, from a teacher. Classic Felicity). Instead of quickly writing a note, Ben sits down and asks her if he can take a minute. And that minute is a Moment with a capital M. Because this is what Ben writes:

Dear Felicity,

Here it goes. I've watched you for four years, always wondered what you were like. What was going on in your mind all that time when you were so quiet, just thinking, drawing in your notebook. I should have just asked you but I never asked you. So now four years later I don't even know you. But I admire you. Well, this makes me sound crazy but I'm okay with that. So take care of yourself.

Love,

Ben

p.s. I would have said keep in touch, but unfortunately we never were in touch.

UM YEAH. It's honestly no surprise that after reading his words, Felicity decides to turn her life upside down and follow him to college in New York. I mean, that's a hell of a yearbook message! And from Ben Covington. I'm just saying that Felicity's choice doesn't seem *that* irrational to me, is all. 

Gif via Vulture

Of course, Felicity's parents are pissed, and her dad swears he won't pay for anything, but Felicity has made her mind up. So a few months later, in one of the most iconic shots of the series, she gets out of a cab in New York City with a couple of suitcases and a whole new world in front of her. Then there's the other iconic shot: Felicity, in silhouette, sitting on her dorm room bed and talking to her friend Sally (her old French tutor, whose fiancé died tragically a few months prior) via a tape recorder. 

Felicity's fantasy of college life comes to an abrupt, record-scratching halt when she's taking her student ID photo and sees Ben, who not only doesn't remember her name (ouch) but also happens to have a girl on his arm whom he is most definitely dating (double ouch). To make matters worse, her advisor (played with incredible depth by Darnell Williams) confides that her parents don't consider her to be independently minded. It's a heartbreaking scene, and afterwards Felicity ends up silently crying in class, where the girl next to her passes a note that asks, "Are you okay?" with two options for reply: "No" and "I will be." Felicity marks the latter, and that's how she makes her first friend, Julie. 

Gif via northbndtrain.tumblr.com

Things are looking up--until Felicity pulls Ben into a stairwell and confesses that she followed him to college. WHYYYY FELICITY WHYYYY. Ben seems to take it surprisingly well, saying that he's flattered, and the two part as friends. But obviously, it's not going to be resolved so easily, especially because Felicity has a knack for TERRIBLE DECISION MAKING and ends up pulling Ben's application (she has a work study job in the admissions office) and reading his essay, in which he writes about the death of his older brother.

Back at the dorm, she meets her RA, Noel (!!!), and promptly spills her guts about the whole Ben situation. Noel is clearly into Felicity, and that becomes increasingly clear when he finally meets Ben in Felicity's room, where they're studying together. And so the love triangle begins!

One night, Felicity invites Julie to join her and Ben for a study session at the Lucky Strike (I think this is the only time we see an exterior shot of the restaurant where they always hang out), and Julie agrees to come only after Felicity assures her that she has no feelings for Ben. Riiiight. Of course Ben and Julie totally hit it off, and when Ben admits to Felicity that he has a crush on Julie, she once again lies her face off and tells him she's cool with it. 

After the study session, Felicity's back in her room when she finally meets her mysterious roommate, whose side of the room is covered in bone sculptures, goth clothes and a Marilyn Manson poster. MEGHAN HAS ARRIVED. Felicity asks if she's Meghan, and Meghan says, "Yeah," then gives Felicity a look of pure scorn and disgust before leaving. It's priceless. 

Fueled by anger and disappointment, Felicity marches over to Ben's place late that night and demands to talk to him. It's an insanely painful and awkward conversation, especially when Felicity yells, "You made me fall in love with you!" Ben is taken aback but impressively keeps a cool head while trying to make Felicity understand that she is ACTING CRAZY. And then, the worst part: Julie comes out of Ben's place with the saddest look on her face. Gah, this hurts.

Utterly defeated, Felicity informs her advisor that she's leaving. It's obvious that he feels she's making a mistake, but rather than say that, he brings up her drawing portfolio and tells her that while she might still want to be a doctor, she's already an artist. Gah, if only all college advisors had the time and ability to be as amazing as this guy.

Ben finds Felicity as she's packing up her stuff and asks if she'll come up to the roof with him. As they look out over the city, Ben confesses that he made up the dead brother, and that he's not the great guy she believes him to be. "You provoke me," he tells her. "You make me think about things I never think about. Without even saying anything, just by the way you look at me." He apologizes for not being the Ben Covington she followed to college, but then Felicity says, "I thought it was you but you were really just the excuse." She's realized that it's not about a boy, it's about making a decision for herself.

Back in the dorm, Noel makes an impassioned plea for her to remain in the form of an adorable speech which begins with four (nope, six) words:

Felicity asks if he has feelings for her, and he admits that he does, but then says, "Don't fundamentally regard everything I've told you, just because of my affection for you." His language is so sweetly formal, and I love him for it. 

Her parents show up and offer her the chance to come home and stick to the original plan. Her dad also lets slip that he pulled a few strings the first time around to get Felicity into Stanford, UGH. Felicity looks down at the car key remote (another bribe from her parents) and stares at the Panic button, then makes her decision: "If I made a mistake, then, at least it was mine. You know?" She's going to stay!

The episode closes with a voiceover from Sally (Janeane Garofalo!) as we watch Felicity approach Julie and embrace her. Sally speaks for all of us when she says, "I just want you to know, I think you've made a really great choice. And I can't wait to hear what happens."

How many times do I have to take a drink?

15 times, plus you'll probably need a shot to get through that scene at Ben's place. 

Team Noel

While Ben scores major points for handling Felicity in a way that is appropriate but never mean (and that rooftop scene!), Noel wins the day with his speech and his clear desire to help her, not just get in her pants. 

College Nostalgia Moment

This whole episode buzzes with the glorious mixture of fear and anticipation unique to the first few weeks of college, when you're on your own and everything is new and everyone is new and anything seems possible. "I know it's just college," Julie says, "but it's sort of terrifying, isn't it?" Exactly.

Y2K Nostalgia Moment

During Noel's speech, he paints a picture of Felicity's (boring) future as a successful doctor, with a family and a big house with four phone lines. I mean, that's when you know you've made it.

Cameo

The photographer taking Felicity's student ID photo is played by David Bowe, who is one of those actors that's been in everything (X-Files, 90210, Mad Men, etc.). He also shows up later in two more Felicity episodes!

1.2 "The Last Stand"

We see the opening credits for the first time! Which means we all get to "oohhaahhhoooh" along with Judith Owen.

Not much time has passed since Felicity decided to stay in New York, but time has clearly passed since the pilot was filmed, because Ben now has his signature shaggy blonde hair and Noel's haircut is slightly less dorky. 

One of the ladies in the admissions office tells Felicity that a "young man" called and asked to see her application essay, which this woman takes as proof that Felicity has a secret admirer. Uh, that lady and I have different ideas of romance, but anyway, Felicity asks Noel if it was him, and he denies it, then hems and haws about how he has crushes on everyone and his feelings for her aren't a big deal ("Am I blushing?"). Felicity then jumps, nay, LEAPS to the conclusion that it was Ben (Noel: "Okay, this is about Ben."), who was the subject of her essay (and she still got admitted?). Then she decides that the best worst course of action is to mail Ben the essay! OF COURSE SHE DOES. Noel, the voice of reason and all of us watching, pleads with her to NOT do that, but Felicity is resolved. "You can never be ashamed of the truth," she says. "Never." While I agree with her in principle, I'm shaking my head like a lunatic as she drops her essay in the mail and I take a drink because we're only a few minutes in and Felicity is already stressing me the eff out. 

Felicity's parents are back! Well, actually they never left, and they're still on a crusade to convince their daughter to come home. They also just want to understand what's going on in her head, which is why her dad called the admissions office and asked to see her essay. Yeeeeeeah.

Felicity races to the mail room and tries to get the essay out of Ben's mailbox, but to no avail. And then we all watch, cringing our faces off, as Ben picks up his mail and tells Felicity, "I think it's really good that you're staying." AUUGHH DRINK DRINK DRINK.

In order to help smooth things over with Felicity's mom and dad, Noel suggests inviting them to see her dorm and offers to give them a tour. It's a great idea in theory, until they're in her room and Noel walks in to ask, "When do the overbearing parents get here?" Nice first impression! Things continue downhill as Felicity and her parents meet with her advisor. Felicity insists, "I came here because of Ben, but I'm staying here because of me," and tries to explain why her freedom and independence are so important. Her mom, clearly hurt, storms off after dis-inviting her to come home for Thanksgiving. 

When Felicity tells Julie (who has been avoiding Ben in order to maintain her friendship with Felicity) about what happened with her parents, Julie confides that she's adopted, and that she came to New York because her birth mother, whom she's never met, lives there. Man, I forget how much I love Early Julie. (Later Julie... not so much.)

That night at dinner, Felicity's dad (her mom doesn't show) finally relents, having come to terms with the fact that it's her life to live. He agrees to pay for her tuition, and while he is and always will be kind of a jerk, it's obvious that he loves his daughter.

The next day, Felicity's mom has a change of heart and finds her on campus, where she shares the root of her dismay and sadness over Felicity's decision. Mrs. Porter sees some of her own past in Felicity's actions, because she met Felicity's dad when she was young and then had Felicity when she was only 20. Basically, she gave up all of her dreams, and while she doesn't regret having a daughter, she's terrified about what life will be like now, without Felicity to focus on. "I lived for those Tuesday dinners with you," she says. "I think they were a little too important for me." It's an incredibly touching moment, and I love that the show explores the parent perspective on what it's like to send a kid to college. 

Then, wouldn't you know, Ben just happens to walk by, and Felicity introduces him to her mom. He tells her that he got her essay and... miracle of miracles, he's not freaked out. As he walks away, Felicity and her mom slowly learn forward, both pairs of eyes trained on his retreating figure.

"He's cute," her mother murmurs, and it just squeezes my heart in the best way.

The episode ends with Felicity telling her parents good-bye and watching their cab drive away with a gamut of emotions trembling on her face. In spite of getting her mom and dad on her side, she's really on her own now.

How many times do I have to take a drink?

11 times.

Team Noel

While Ben remains amazingly chill about the bananas shizz Felicity keeps pulling, I gotta give this episode to Noel, who tries to give Felicity excellent advice (about Ben, to boot!) and doesn't get huffy when she fails to listen. He also makes an effort to help her heal the rift with her parents, like a sensitive and thoughtful guy would, and when he tells Felicity's dad that he's looking out for her, it's hard not to audibly "Awww!" at his genuine goodness.

College Nostalgia Moment

When Felicity and Julie are talking about their parents, there's a moment when Felicity says, "I feel all grown up." It took me back to that aspect of college that separates you from your family and allows you to see your parents, maybe for the first time, as human beings, with their own desires and flaws and emotions. It's such a fundamental shift, and it's one of the major reasons why you suddenly feel so old when you're in college (even when you're clearly still a BABY).

Y2K Nostalgia Moment

Felicity uses a payphone to call her mom and dad! So cute.

Best Meghanism

Meghan, after overhearing Felicity tell her parents that Meghan is a freak:

Cameo

John Cho shows up as Larry, one of the residents on Noel's floor, whose roomate has started talking in his sleep:

Images via northbndtrain.tumblr.com

This episode also featured a character actor who's been in everything, Bob Clendenin, as the hilariously humorless mail room clerk.

Well, that's the end of our (super, duper, way too long but I can't help myself) first post of the Felicity Rewatch! For those of you joining in, does the pilot hold up for you as well as it held up for me? And was anyone else surprised to be reminded that Julie started out as a likeable character you would actually want to befriend?

Tune in next Wednesday for Meredith's write-up of "Hot Objects" and "Boggled."

BOOK REPORT for Three Sides of a Heart: Stories About Love Triangles by Various Authors

Cover Story: Kaleidoscope-y
All-Right Angles: “Dread South” by Justina Ireland, “Omega Ship” by Rae Carson, “Hurdles” by Brandy Colbert, “Waiting” by Sabaa Tahir, “Before She Was Bloody” by Tessa Gratton
A-Cute Angles: “Lessons For Beginners” by Julie Murphy, “Unus, Duo, Tres” by Bethany Hagan, “Riddles In Mathematics” by Katie Cotugno
Obtuse Angles: “Work In Progress” by E. K. Johnston, “Vega” by Brenna Yovanoff
Bonus Factors: Futuristic, LGBTQ
Break Glass In Case Of: Indecision

Cover Story: Kaleidoscope-y

Do you remember those toys you had as a child, where you’d put it up to your eye and twist it around and it looked like you were tripping on acid before you understood what that meant? That’s kind of what this cover reminds me of. I love it!

The Deal:

Is there anything more ubiquitously young adult than the dreaded love triangle? Certain sparkly vampires weren’t the first to use the trope, but it felt like the love triangle was really having its moment there in the mid-2000s. But now we’re past the days of Katniss and Peeta vs. Gale, and everyone’s landed on their side of Elena and Stefan vs. Damon. Now whenever someone mentions a new YA story contains a love triangle, it seems as though our first instinct is to roll our collective eyeballs. Even Chandler Bing is SO over it. 

But this anthology is here to show you that those pesky triangles have their place. Here’s how to do a love triangle right: make it organic and make it secondary. These stories aren’t only about picking the guy or gal you’re going to snog for the rest of your teenage life; they’re about choosing what type of person you’re going to be, then figuring out who makes the best sense to take that journey with you. Suddenly feels a lot less frivolous, huh?

All-Right Angles:  “Dread South” by Justina Ireland, “Omega Ship” by Rae Carson, “Hurdles” by Brandy Colbert, “Waiting” by Sabaa Tahir, “Before She Was Bloody” by Tessa Gratton

Ireland’s “Dread South” looks to be set in the same world as her upcoming book, Dread Nation, with unrelated characters; her South is a place where zombies appeared during the Civil War and now roam around the countryside, stopped only by former slaves who went to special schools to become Attendants (AKA zombie-killing protectors) to rich white people. Just one little taste of this intriguing world, and now I want the whole book in my grabby hands yesterday.

“Omega Ship” crash lands one teenage girl and two teenage boys onto their new home planet. They are all that’s left of a ship that was designed to save the entire human race. Rae Carson brought up some really interesting ethical questions, and this was probably one of my favorites of the entire book.

I really enjoyed Brandy Colbert’s other short in the Summer Days and Summer Nights anthology, and I found myself just as smitten with the characters in “Hurdles”. Mavis is an Olympic track hopeful and finds herself pulled between her safe but loveable boyfriend and her best friend’s older brother, fresh out of rehab with a boulder-sized chip on his shoulder.

Sabaa. SABAA. You better be careful with the smolder you write, girl, because this book was in danger of going up in flames! Ani’s cup runneth over with options in “Waiting”: Felix, the popular basketball player with a heart of gold and eyes like melted chocolate, or Sam, her buff BFF possibly turning something more until he got sent to prison for dealing meth. (I mean, I know there is definitely a clear, real-life, SAFE choice here, but Sam gets his moments and this is fantasy, dammit.)

Tessa Gratton’s “Before She Was Bloody” was one of the most unusual of the set, and also probably the one that really took the love triangle aspect to its fullest—and craziest—extent. Set in a Middle-Eastern-esque fantasy world, it follows a princess who fulfills the solitary role as Her Glory the Moon Eater’s Mistress, but who also has serious feelings for her body double and her brother’s friend. There is so much to unpack and discuss with this one…it was one of the few I would’ve loved to have read as a full novel.

A-Cute Angles: “Lessons For Beginners” by Julie Murphy, “Unus, Duo, Tres” by Bethany Hagan, “Riddles In Mathematics” by Katie Cotugno

What I loved is the most “stereotypical” love triangles of the bunch—contemporary, non-magical settings, often taking place in or around the high school—were all LGBTQ romances.

Julie Murphy brings her on-brand sass in “Lessons for Beginners” with a girl who gives private kissing lessons to people from her school, but meets her match when her former friend-crush and her boyfriend pay for her services.

A private boarding school is the perfect setting for some sweet and dangerous vampire lovin’ in “Unus, Duo, Tres”, which I can thankfully say did not remind me (much) of Twilight.

“Riddles In Mathematics” had a great, relatable protagonist who, ever since she came out to her friends and family, feels like people treat her like she announced she has an incurable disease. The romance is sweet, but my favorite part of the story was the relationship between the girl and her mom.

Obtuse Angles: “Work in Progress” by E. K. Johnston, “Vega” by Brenna Yovanoff

“Work in Progress” was quite high concept, showing the same three people in three completely different lives/situations, yet always struggling with the same issues. I found it interesting but it lacked a resolution, so I was left more frustrated than satisfied.

Brenna Yovanoff has a unique voice, and “Vega” certainly captures that. It’s a gritty look at the dark side of humanity set against the blinding and fake lights of Las Vegas. It was a pretty bleak moment in a generally even-keeled anthology, and it just kind of bummed me out.

Bonus Factor: Futuristic 

A good chunk of these stories had sci-fi settings or futuristic gadgets, and they all just worked for me.

Bonus Factor: LGBTQ

I mentioned a couple of LGBTQ stories above, but at least half of the anthology featured some form of gay romance, which feels a lot more inclusive than we’ve come to expect! 

Break Glass In Case Of: Indecision

Are you stuck on what to read next? Have too many books at your fingertips? (I feel ya there.) Go ahead and pick this one up; it’s got a little bit of everything, and I bet by the time you’re finished you’ll have found a story that stuck with you and you didn’t want to end. Now you know exactly what you should go look for to fulfill that tome-shaped space inside you.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my free review copy from HarperCollins. I received neither money nor peanut butter cups in exchange for this review. Three Sides of a Heart: Stories About Love Triangles is available now.

BOOK REPORT for Thunderhead (Arc of a Scythe #2) by Neal Shusterman

Cover Story: Optical Illusion
BFF Charm: Yay, Natalie Imbruglia
Swoonworthy Scale: 1
Talky Talk: Dystopian
Bonus Factor: Treasure Hunt
Factor: Skynet
Anti-Bonus Factor: [REDACTED]
Relationship Status: Let’s Become Preppers

Danger, Will Robinson! Thunderhead is the second book in the Arc of a Scythe series. If you have not read the first book in the series—Scythe—turn away now. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. If you have read the first book, however, feel free to continue below.

Cover Story: Optical Illusion

I don’t think I noticed this about the cover of the first book in this series, but this is totally “is this an old woman or a young woman” image, with the top of the scythe pole forming two faces looking at each other. So clever!

The flames look super cheese, though.

The Deal:

Scythe Anastasia—neé Citra Terranova—has found a routine in her new life as a Scythe. But she’s not done shaking the Scythedom up.

Rowan Damisch might not be an official Scythe, but he’s found a calling as Scythe Lucifer, and uses the skills he learned during his apprenticeship to glean those Scythes who have fallen off the good path.

The Thunderhead sees the both of them, but cannot interfere in their lives or their chosen paths. It can, however, ponder its own existence, and consider how best to serve humanity … but what, exactly, that might mean to the all-powerful intelligence remains to be seen.

BFF Charm: Yay, Natalie Imbruglia

Scythes don’t typically have friends who aren’t also Scythes, since having friends would be seen as having a bias. But were they able to have friends, I’d like to think that Citra/Anastasia and I would hit it off. She’s stuck in a tough position, but is doing her job wisely and as kindly as possible. She knows what’s right and what’s wrong, and trusts her gut when it comes to situations that aren’t exactly on the level. She’d be great to go to for advice, and I’d try to be a “normal” place she could go to just be herself. (Even though, to be completely honest, I’d struggle with my fear of her, too.)

Rowan is a loose cannon, and although I appreciate his resolve to right the wrongs of the Scythedom, he’s a scary mother effer. His world views are so black and white, it would be hard to be around him and not constantly feel like he was judging you. At the same time, however, there’s something appealing about his sort of vigilantism, like he’s a skewed version of a superhero. (It also doesn’t hurt that he’s a master of martial arts and totally ripped because of it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Swoonworthy Scale: 1

Citra and Rowan’s feelings for each other haven’t gone away, but their positions—and the fact that Rowan’s literally on the run from the Scythedom—make it near impossible for them to be together, much less actually be in the same location at the same time. I’m thinking good thoughts for the crazy kids, but I don’t have too much hope that the rules of their world are going to change drastically enough to let them actually happen.

Talky Talk: Dystopian

The far future in which Earth is run by the Thunderhead, people are essentially immortal, and Scythes keep the population under control is perfect—on the surface. But where there’s humanity, there are issues, and Shusterman does an amazing job of creating a world that seems like a Utopia, but is balancing on a very fine wire, and there’s a strong wind in the forecast.

Bonus Factor: Treasure Hunt

A side plot in Thunderhead leads a secondary character on a hunt to find a truth that was hidden by the founding Scythes. What that truth means for the series isn’t clear, but I’m sure it’ll have major impact in the next book.

Factor: Skynet

I like the Thunderhead, I do. It’s just … it scares me a little, and reading its POV in Thunderhead makes me really nervous.

Anti-Bonus Factor: [REDACTED]

I can’t reveal exactly what this anti-bonus factor is because spoilers, but DAMN if it isn’t the creepiest thing to come out of this series yet. It has something to do with two old “friends,” the advanced technology of the world that brings people back from being deadish, and an attempt to take advantage of a loophole. Just thinking about it makes me shudder.

Relationship Status: Let’s Become Preppers

Life seems good now, Book, but our second date gave me a serious sense of foreboding. I’ll get the water jugs, you get the MREs? I know a place we can go that’s off the grid. I hope you’re good at gardening, because I have a terrible black thumb.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, but got neither a private dance party with Tom Hiddleston nor money in exchange for this review. Thunderhead is available now.

Title: Tales From the Crypt
Year: 1989-1996
Fix: Humor in a Jugular Vein
Platform: Amazon Video

Amazon Video Summary:

Cadaverous scream legend the Crypt Keeper hosts these forays of fright and fun based on the classic E.C. Comics tales from back in the day. So shamble up to the bar and pick your poison. Will it be an insane Santa on a personal slay ride? Honeymooners out to fulfill the "til death do we part" vow ASAP. These and other terror-ific tales await in the first season of dead-on humor and horror!

FYAaaaaa! Summary:

Based on horror comics originally published by Mad Magazine founder William Gaines and hosted by the wise cracking Crypt Keeper, these tales of terror will keep you up at night...laughing!

Familiar Corpses:

The Crypt Keeper as Himself

Your host. His puns would make you want to crawl back into your grave, but the guy was funny (his Forrest Gump impression alone was to die for). And who can forget that insane cackle at the end of every episode?

Also starring every single TV/movie star from the 80s and early 90s. This show was like Law and Order: if you were on TV at the time, you were contractually required to be in an episode.

Tom Hanks

Mimi Rogers (subtle humor, that's what the show was all about)

Morton Downey, Jr.

Isabella Rossellini, John Lithgow, and Humphrey Bogart(!)

Lou Diamond Phillips and Priscilla Presley

And many, MANY more

Crypt Sharing Capability: Let's Make a Night of It

If you're looking for some laughs, some jump scares, and some gross out bits, this is a good dose of horror that's not afraid to make fun of itself. Dig up the old gang and laugh at the cheesy early 90s hair and the corpses who are now corpses in real life. And pretend that you're not afraid to walk out to your car alone afterward. Because these episodes are not scary. Really. I'm fine.

Recommended Level of Embalming: Nice Glass of Cham-PAIN

Or a mug of cold FEAR. How about a Gin and PANIC? Or a TO KILL YA Sunrise? VERY Bloody Mary? Rum and CHOKE?

Don't groan, the Crypt Keeper's puns were worse.

Use of Your Screaming Subscription: Humor in a Jugular Vein

Yet another heir of the great Twilight Zone. The morals aren't as obvious and the gore is rather gratuitous. But hey, sometimes you have to laugh at a guy getting buried alive or an adulterous couple getting their heads swapped.

Welcome back to Totally Lit Parties, a feature in which Corrie shows you how to throw YA-themed parties!

The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue's main character loves a good party, which I can relate to. Throw a party inspired by Henry, Felicity, and Percy’s crazy Grand Tour that will be a whirlwind of fun for everyone.

Invitations

The puzzle box that Henry steals is a key element of the story, so of course it has to be incorporated into the party. These invitations require knowing the secret code from the book in order to determine the correct date, time, and location.

Here's what you need:

•  Cardstock

•  Blank card

•  Glue

•  Hole punch

•  Scissors/exacto knife

•  Paper fasteners

Cut three circles out of the cardstock and punch a hole in the center of each. On the inside of the card, figure out the placement of your circles so they will be spinnable, and hole punch the card to match.

Next, cut out the viewer windows, either on the same or opposite side as the code. Use the paper fasteners to hold everything together. Fill in the answer first, then spin the wheels to create fake answers.

Trim the bottom of the card and glue the havles shut if it isn't being used. Finally, make sure that your invitees know how to figure out the secret code that will reveal the party day, time, and location.

What to Wear

Period-appropriate clothing is the obvious choice, but those options might be hard to come by. An easier dress code would be to wear masks, much like the ones Henry and Percy are given during the revelries in St. Mark’s Square. For an added bonus, decorate masks as a party activity.

Activities

•  Opera: While attending a live performance like the characters do might not be an option for you, there are lots of video alternatives. My suggestion is MTV’s Carmen: A Hip Hopera.

•  Punch it Out: Scipio sets out to teach Henry how to throw a proper punch. Learn how to do the same with this illustrated guide.

•  Crystallophone: One of the many items in the Robles’s office is a crystallophone. Check out Benjamin Franklin’s famous version here. While you probably don’t have one of those hanging around your house, you and your friends can still create some singing glasses by using wine glasses and water. Have everyone play their own glass to make a symphony together, or take turns playing a series of glasses.

•  Bath Bombs: Nothing screams “life of luxury” like making time for a steamy and relaxing bath. Have your guests create bath bombs to take home and indulge in whenever they wish to live the rich life.

•  Sinking Island: The chapel that holds the panacea is sinking and will soon be lost underwater -- unless someone takes action. In the cooperative board game Forbidden Island, everyone must work together to collect the treasures before the land sinks.

•  Camping: While on the run, the trio spends a decent amount of time roughing it at night. Recreate this with a camping trip. If you travel far enough away from city lights, you can try to navigate by the stars, much like the trio had to figure out which way to go without being seen by the highwaymen.

•  Tarot: In Marseilles, Henry gets his cards read by Ernesta. Hold a reading, and find out what the cards will tell you!

•  Grand Tour: Go on your own (green screen) Grand Tour! Use a green screen app to place you and your friends in all sorts of great locations. Alternatively, grab some travel magazines to make collages depicting everyone’s dream tour.

•  Stitches: Felicity stitches up both Henry and herself. Learn how to stitch like a pro with a curved needle and an orange. Slice the peel of the orange, then stitch the peel back together with the needle and thread. Check out this video for a quick primer on sutures.

Tasty Business and Boozy Beverages

Since the trio gets to taste all sorts of amazing, diverse foods during their travels, host a potluck where everyone brings a dish that represents a different cuisine. Go on a culinary tour as you enjoy your party activities.

For drinks, this decadent Italian sipping chocolate is practically a dessert. For a more potent punch, try Old Fashioned Jell-O Shots. Not only is the drink something Henry would love, but if you drop a cherry into it, it’s like your shot contains the panacea heart. Are you brave enough to eat it?

Do you have any other The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue-themed party ideas? Let us know in the comments!

Corrie Golando lives in Lafayette, IN, with her husband and two greyhounds.  She spent 10 years as a middle school/high school English teacher, and her students gave her a love for all things YA.  When she's not working at the high school library, she is writing fanfiction and doing something crafty.  She has a love of all things coated in glitter, much to her husband's horror.

Previously, on Riverdale: Hiram Lodge tried to intimidate Archie through wrestling and it was just as gross and inappropriate as you could imagine. Also, the head of the town's founder's statue has gone missing, Scooby-Doo style. (JK we all know it's Hiram.)

The Rundown

Mayor McCoy is trying to evict the entire Serpent Trailer Park, certain that they're the ones responsible for beheading the statue of their very problematic "founder". It's just an excuse, really, to stay on The Lodges' good side, and I have to wonder WHAT they have on her. Archie is Hiram's new PA (ugh), Betty and Jughead do some sleuthing (YAY), Josie is forced to reconcile with Veronica, and Veronica gets confirmed at the age of 16, which isn't weird at all.

The Teens

Veronica doesn't like that Hiram wants to bring Archie close into their Inner Circle, and I don't blame her. The whole "family" gets invited to Riverdale for her confirmation, including their crime family. (There's a guy named after Poutine, thereby de-throning Paulie Walnuts as Best Food-Named Mobster.) Archie overhears Paulie Poutine talking to another magoo about taking out Hiram, and Archie loyally reports back to Hiram, neglecting to give the FBI agent the skinny on Hiram OBVS being the one who ordered the hit.

Betty is getting ALL UP on her web cam with her black wig, and I would probably be totally down with her exploring her sexuality in this way EXCEPT for the fact that she's a minor and it's the INTERNET. She needs to take that dark side to Jughead instead of web-based randos who could turn into stalkers.

Chic supposedly got a real job, but I'm pretty sure that the guy exiting his house was a john, not his new boss. He warns Betty about establishing boundaries and anonymity to stay safe while she's online, and I can't decide if he's the worst or the best big brother...? His advice is good, but she's a MINOR.

Jughead is almost kicked out of The Serpents due to the return of The Snake Charmer, and FP is PISSED when he finds out what Jughead did to her. Jug reaches out to Betty for help (YES), and our two favorite sleuths manage to get a tip from an old tinker who recognized Tall Boy as the one who dumped the statue's head. 

Oh yeah, Betty and Jughead HAVE SEX. *explosion of hearts*

The Grown-Ups

Hal leaves the house because of Chic and Alice is like "whatevs", Fred seems completely oblivious to how deeply Hiram's claws are dug into Archie, FP is just trying to live his damn life without having to worry about a mutiny or his son mutilating people, and The Lodges are creepy and terrible and I really wish that Paulie Poutine killed Hiram.

The Clues

Bughead is back on the case! This week's mystery was easily solved, but now that there's a dead dude on the floor of the Cooper house, it's gonna get STICKY.

Outfit MVP

Sorry, Veronica. Your confirmation dress reminded me of a Purity Ball (gag), so Betty gets the medal for her awesome sweater of foreshadowing. 

A Fine Line

"What? You think you’re a hero, Jug?! Cutting up women, bringing the temple down right on our damn heads. You...will be the death of us. Not the Northside. Not Penny. You." - FP

I don't agree with all of what FP says here but he's dead on for calling out Jug's mutilation of Penny.

Best Pop Culture Reference

Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve is reference to as "that song from Cruel Expectations", and I'm fairly certain that's not the first reference we've heard to that film, which seems pretty spot on aesthetically.

The Truest Thing Anybody Said This Week 

FP: "Penny’s a cobra, but mutilating her...that’s the kinda thing you don’t come back from, Jug."

Jughead: "Yeah, like stuffing a teenager’s body in a freezer."

Yes, Alice, Yes

Hal: I'm going to stay in a B&B because I can't face up to my own emotions about Chic being here and what that means for our marriage.

Alice: *rolls eyes and slams the door in his face*

Burning Questions

Is Betty going to tell Jughead about kissing Archie? Does she actually need to?

Who the hell is the dead dude?? Other than the missing member of Green Day.

Does anyone feel invested in Veronica and Archie as a couple?

When are we going to get more Ethel, dammit?? #DarkEthel 

What's Coming

That's all for this week! Meredith will be back next week to gab about our show!

--

Shameless Self-Promotion!

Check out our Riverdale-themed merch!

Previously on The X-Files

Darin Morgan delivered a top-ten-list worthy The X-Files episode (as Darin Morgan tends to do) about society's ability to collectively remember things the wrong way. It was weird, it was charming, it was perfect. Read the recap here.

This Week's Case File

(Ouch, That's) Cold Open

Two teen girls are exploring an abandoned ship, separately, when they run into each other. The blonde watches as the brunette turns into a huge monster - "Ghouli" - but the brunette watches as the blonde turns into the same monster. After a brutal, knife-bloody fight, both girls fall to the floor.

DO DOO DO DAH DO DOOOOO.

Jackson Tucker Must Die

We open to a Scully monologue explaining "hypnagogia" - the state between sleep and wakefulness when we tend to have hallucinations and lucid thoughts and dreams. :: waves :: Hello there from your friendly recapper who is also a victim of frequent sleep paralysis, and thus, all too familiar with hypnagogia - and monsters standing over my bed. ~Anyway~ Scully knows what I'm talking about, because she herself woke up in sleep paralysis in a stranger's bed. Only in her state of hypnagogia, she could get up, walk around the house pointing her gun at things, and follow a dark figure who kept leading her into new rooms. It led her to a snowglobe with a boat inside, The Chimera, of which Mulder just happens to have a photo on his desk when she's telling him about her dream.

When your ex sends you that 2am text

Chimera is the ferry the two girls were found on, and it's officially an open X-File. They head to the boat, despite being followed all the way there, and Scully thinks the meeting wasn't coincidental. She sees an Asian man watching them from off the boat, and the cop mentions "Ghouli," which leads Mulder and Scully to a fanfiction horror site called Ghouli.net.

Next stop: the hospital where both girls are alive and awake. Through separate interviews, Mulder and Scully realize that not only did these girls have a shared hallucination, they were both dating the same person: a boy named Jackson Van De Camp. Our fearless FBI agents head right on over to the home of this serial cheating garbage teen, arriving just in time to hear gunshots. Inside, they find Jackson's parents murdered, and upstairs, Jackson is also shot. The cops have ruled it a murder/suicie, but Scully realizes it's the home from her sleep paralysis and finds bottles of anti-psychotics prescribed to Jackson. As his body is bagged up and taken to the morgue, Scully comes to the heartbreaking conclusion that Jackson must be her son William. Meanwhile, Mulder realizes the same people - a couple of PABs (punk ass bitches) - from the DOD have followed them to the house.

At the morgue, Scully takes DNA samples from herself and Jackson, to see if it is, in fact, William. She cries over the body and gives a HEART-WRENCHING monologue about giving him up for adoption, and they basically just give this scene to Gillian Anderson and let her show off those acting chops. When she looks up, Muulder's there. They hug, then go to test that DNA. As they walk out, Jackson unzips his body bag and sits up. Definitely 100% Not Dead.

When you accidentally fall asleep at the end of yoga class

See You at Tha Crossroads

Scully wakes up in the hospital after another bout of hypnagogia, and the doctor tells her that Jackson's body is gone. They can't find him anywhere, though Scully does run into the Asian man she saw outside the boat. So they head back to Jackson's house looking for clues, and Mulder uses his previously non-existent hacker skillz to break into Jackson's computer and find that he is the author of Ghouli.net and also has found his way through the backend of the DOD website. Before they can do much else, the DOJ PABs arrive and try to override their jurisdiction, to which, Mulder doesn't take kindly.

They call this move the Bureau Middle Finger, boys.

A quick meeting with Skinner and Mulder gets the scoop on the Chimera: it was the home of Project Crossroads, a government project that attempted to create alien-human hybrids, and has since been totally covered up by the DOD. Mulder reveals that Jackson, was, in fact, William and a test subject for Project Crossroads (hence, Jackson's snooping around on the DOD website) while Scully learns from Jackson's doctor that he had electrical brain activity. Putting all of the puzzle pieces together, Mulder and Scully come to the conclusion that William knew he was being hunted by the DOD PABs and used his electrical brain activity to create "alternate realities" in which he can make his girlfriends see a monster, or Scully see him as dead, or disguise himself to escape.

Jackson/William, by the way, is played by Miles Robbins, son of Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, and TBQH, he's kind of a douchenozzle. He literally sent his TWO GIRLFRIENDS with BIG ASS KNIVES to an abandoned government-funded nightmare ship, and made them see the other one as a Ghouli and fight it out. Like...what? He's also got this whole Shawn Hunter vibe going with a hoodie under his denim jacket and the McDonald's arch double hair flip happening, like he's an old person's idea of what a young person looks like. It's honestly a TERRIBLE first impression of the spawn of our OG OTP. So yeah, he basically made the girls attack each other for shits'n'giggles by altering their realities, something he started doing when he would have seizures and share with "this woman idk probably my birth mother." He's explaining all this to girlfriend #1 when the cops arrive and he's gotta bolt. A chaotic chase through the hospital ensues and he manages to fool the DOD PABs into thinking the other one is the Ghouli so they shoot each other and he gets away.

The next day, S and M stop at a gas station on their way out of town, where the Asian man from the boat and outside the hospital sees Scully. He tells her he's about to drive across country, and that he never graduated high school, before driving away. Finally, Scully remembers seeing them man on the cover of a book in Jackson's room. They check the gas station survaillance footage, and yup, the Asian man was actually William the whole time.

Biggest Cover Up

You guys, I hate to admit this, but I didn't realize the Asian man was William until the very end of the episode. It was, like, a BIG REVEAL to me. Was it totally obvious to everyone else?

Worst Kept Secret

It WAS totally obvious to me that Jackson would end up being William. I thought they could have done a bit better at making that reveal more....revealy.

This Week's Top Ranking Agent

Give Gillian Anderson all the awards for this speech alone. I've loved the bit of role reversal we've gotten this season: because Scully had the apocalyptic vision, she's been the one trusting her instincts, even when it goes against her much-loved Science and Reason.

This Week's Loser/Human Hybrid

Those DOD PABs got theirs. #NOREGERTS

From the Bureau Survaillance Files

"Oh my god, this is so inadequate." - Scully, crushing our hearts and eating them for breakfast.

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." - William quoting Malcolm X

Unsolved Cases

- Surely we haven't seen the last of William? He has become an even more important arc for Scully and Mulder than the whole apocalypse thing.

- I kept thinking that the Asian man would end up being Dr. Matsumoto, and I finally realized I thought that because the actor, François Chau, played almost that exact character on LOST! Remember Pierre Chang, the man that worked on secret government projects in the 70s and starred in all the DHARMA Initiative orientation videos?

- We're about halfway through our very seriously not kidding this time 100% for real final season. Can they wrap all this up in the episodes that are left? I'm sort of loving the way they've been weaving the mythology into the Monster of the Week episodes, so the change in tone (after that premeire, at least) hasn't been so breakneck.

If you feel like actually being productive at work today, I might suggest not continuing past this point. But if you’re all about easing into the weekend—on to the links!

Book-Related Things

Sarah J. Mass revealed the cover for A Court of Frost and Starlight and can it be May already.

Bustle revealed the cover of Anna-Marie McLemore’s upcoming Latinx Swan Lake retelling, Blanca and Roja.

Pro: Brittany Cavallaro is working on a fantasy duology set in World’s Fair America. Con: It won’t hit shelves until 2020.

Peep this press release that makes our own Jennie’s position as a literary agent with Lupine Grove Creative officially official!

Kwame Alexander to start Versify, a verse imprint at Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for Young Readers.

If you’ve ever wanted to jump into reading Star Wars books but aren’t sure where to start, this Nerdist post will help.

Tomi Adeyemi shared the map from her upcoming Children of Blood and Bone.

And here are a bunch of e-book deals*:

Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta (review)

Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins (review)

The Casquette Girls (review) and The Romeo Catchers by Alys Arden

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black (review)

Illuminae by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff (review)

Lucky in Love by Kasie West

The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot (review)

Under the Never Sky by Veronica Rossi (review)

Delirium by Lauren Oliver (review)

*FYA collects a small percentage of sales from these affiliate links. Thanks for your support!

YA Onscreen Things

ICYMI, this week on YA Onscreen: The CW’s ordered a more “feminist” Charmed reboot, Jessica Chastain and Octavia Butler’s holiday buddy movie, and a trailer for Marvel’s Ant-Man and the Wasp.

The Roswell reboot is among The CW’s six pilot pickups. Still feeling very Jessie Spano about the idea.

In continuing its campaign to be the most disappointing movie ever, Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald will not directly reference Dumbledore's sexuality.

Sam Raimi might direct Lin-Manuel Miranda’s adaptation of Patrick Rothfuss’ The Kingkiller Chronicle.

Emily Blunt has joined The Rock in A Jungle Cruise. Which, yes, is based on the Disneyland ride.

Once again proving that we don’t deserve him at all, David Harbour vows that his beefed-up role as Hellboy will not ruin his dad bod.

Here’s a trailer for Netflix’s coming-of-age comedy On My Block.

Social Media Things

*fire emoji*

Sometimes I’m like, Can I do this in YA?

Then I remember that Edward performed a c-section on Bella using his teeth, and I’m like, yeah I’m fine. pic.twitter.com/cjpdr8egPj

— Kiersten White (@kierstenwhite) January 31, 2018

*praise hands emoji*

What if the next diversity panel was publishers talking about what they're going to do to publish diverse books - instead of writers of color explaining what it's like to BE diverse? #diversity

— mariko tamaki (@marikotamaki) January 25, 2018

Where can we buy this Simon Snow “series”?

This is a fun Twitter thread: "Tell me about your favorite book without naming the title or author.”

Julie Murphy met Dolly Parton and we are all green*.

Y’ALL. I MET DOLLY. She is a treasure! I can’t wait for y’all to hear the music she has created for this beautiful film. I was blown away! @DollyParton, thanks for making this girl’s dreams come true. Sometimes your idols live up to the hype. Team Dumplin’! pic.twitter.com/wa4Wrk6RoR

— Julie Murphy on Hiatus (@andimJULIE) February 2, 2018

*With envy, if that wasn’t clear.

I'd read it, tbh.

cracks me up how blurbs for "literary" novels sound like an escalating sadistic therapy program: "THIS BOOK WILL SHRED YOU INTO A THOUSAND TINY PIECES AND MAKE YOU QUESTION IF YOU'RE EVEN HUMAN WHILE SOBBING IN PUBLIC ON YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!"

— Daniel José Older (@djolder) February 1, 2018

Miscellaneous Things

Here’s an Interview with the Angry Asian Man blog on their reimagined titles for Claudia Kishi-centric The Babysitter’s Club covers that confront the racism of many of the stories. (The original post from last year is here).

Mattel’s releasing Mrs. Which, Mrs. Whatsit, and Mrs. Who A Wrinkle in Time Barbies.

Need to look profesh while still being nerdy? These DC Comics blazers are for you.

Reba McEntire is KFC's latest Colonel Sanders.

The Laddie Wha Lived: Harry Potter "translated" into Scottish.

Out of Print added two new necklaces to their collection, and I’mma need the Ex Libris one, stat.

And a few great celeb interviews to round out the post:

Amber Tamblyn on misogyny in Hollywood and Time's Up.

Chadwick Boseman looking fine and talking about the "handsomest years of [his] life.”

Manny Jacinto (Jason from The Good Place) also looking fine and talking about playing dumb, his co-stars, and Blake Bortles.

Feel free to add your fave distractions of the week in the comments!

Happy Friday!

As always, feel free to talk about anything you like.

Claire Kann's debut novel, Let's Talk About Love (available now), challenges the ideas of what love 'should' be like. We're pleased as punch to be joined by Claire at the FYA lockers today!

THE ACTUAL BOOK RELATED QUESTIONS

Let's Talk About Love adds some much needed asexual and bisexual representation to the YA landscape. What do you hope will resonate with readers who belong to either group? And what do you hope readers who don't get out of Alice's story regarding their own understanding of the two?

The biggest theme of LTAL is that love might not look the way you want it to or appear how or when you think it should, but you should at least try to be open to it. A little understanding goes a long way. The one thing I hope most readers will understand is that this is Alice’s story. She, and the book, do not represent the entire spectrum of asexuality -- just her space within it. I’d hope they’d seek out other stories to gain a better understanding and not immediately brush off characters who do ID as ace who aren’t similar to Alice, especially in non-romantic stories.

THIS ANSWER ALL DAY.

Alice is such a great character (one of my new faves, for sure!). What was your inspiration for her?

Alice is her own inspiration. I don’t know where she came from, but one day, she showed up literally screeching in my head. Actual pterodactyl screeches to get my attention. I’m pretty sure that was fifteen-year-old Alice. She aged/matured as I got to know her and figured out where the story was supposed to start.

Alice is also well versed in TV fandoms. Are her favourite shows and ships based on yours? And if you were asked to write a critical analysis essay on them like Alice does, what would you choose as your topic?

We do share a lot of the same favorite shows, however, Alice will watch anything as long as it’s not gory horror and I’m a far more selective viewer. If I had to pick one show right now to write an essay on, it’d probably be The Good Place.

Holy forking shirtballs, as if you weren't already awesome enough; EXCELLENT choice! (And, I mean, I know a certain site that would always welcome critical analyses on pop culture... )

The friendship between Alice and Feenie feels so lived in. What are some of your favourite pop culture friendships?

Ah, this question -- I love it!

•  Max, Synclaire, Khadija, and Regine from Living Single
•  Willow and Buffy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
•  Sayaka Miki and Kyoko Sakura from Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Because I have to know: what is the full Cutie Code™ colour spectrum? Please feel free to use celebrity examples to illustrate the scale.

The Cutie Code™ runs from Green to Red with all the colors in between, and is entirely subjective.

Green: Iris from Foolish Hearts by Emma Mills
Greenish Yellow: Tahani Al-Jamil from The Good Place
Yellow: WhitneyBae (vlogger)
Yellowish Orange: Alana from Saga
Orange: John Boyega
Orange-Red: Howl from Howl's Moving Castle (The animated film. Sorry!)
Red: SHINee
[Black:?????]

What's next for you after this? (Be it your next novel, next bingewatch -- anything!)

Writing! So much writing! I have a book due to my editor at Swoon Reads, and several chapters to my Wattpad readers. (Although I did just bingewatch Black Spot on Amazon Prime because what is responsibility?)

YESSSSS, can't wait to read more from you!

THE YA QUESTIONS

If your real life adolescence was a YA book...

What would you, the main character, be like?

Ahahaha oh goodness. I’d be the unflinchingly surly, yet misunderstood book nerd who somehow still has friends and is obsessed with music.

Who is your secret crush?

A bunch of random boys because everybody wants to fit in…..

What is your number #1 source of angst?

Being awake and life in general.

At what point would the reader pump his/her fist in victory?

Probably after my teacher calls my name in class and then, in the span of five seconds written over ten pages, I simultaneously experience an adrenaline rush and a panic attack. I get up to make my presentation anyway.

And who would play you in the film adaptation?

There aren’t many actress young enough that look like me, or even a close second, so she’d have to be an unknown.

THE SLUMBER PARTY QUESTIONS

What is your secret power?

Empathy that borderlines telepathy.

What is your #1 favorite food?

Pizza!

Tell me about your area of expertise.

I was not blessed with the gift of song, but I am the Queen of Karaoke.

If you could assemble your own Ocean's 11 of fictional characters, who would you pick and why?

None. I work alone.

Oh, dang -- plot twist!

What is your best karaoke song?

“Emotions” by Mariah Carey.

Tell me something scandalous!

I read less than 20 books in 2017, which is cool because reading is reading. Except I read close to 100 in 2016. So, bad for me.

What is your favorite adult beverage?

White wine.

What book have you read the most number of times?

Movie: Splash, Romeo and Juliet (1996), and Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
Book: Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

Who is your "freebie"?

I have no idea what this means, so I’m going to play it safe and say Sailor Jupiter.

YA authors are so cool. Who would you give a BFF charm to?

Kiera Cass! I would love to be her BFF.

Out of all of the characters you’ve written, which one do you most wish you could be?

Honestly, none. They’re all their own people and I think of them as my babies. To be them, would be to regress...

If you were invited to the FYA slumber party (and obvs, you ARE), what is the most crucial snack food and/or movie/or anything you'd bring?

Funyuns and apples, which sounds weird, but I swear it works -- together or separately. I’d also supply the music.

MASH

Claire provided the first three options, and the fourth option was chosen for her. The magic number was 6.

MASH

SPOUSE
Seulgi from Red Velvet
Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle
Prince/Princess Charming from… wherever
Bad Janet from The Good Place

HONEYMOON
Hawaii
Greece
Iceland
Neighborhood 12358W

# OF KIDS
0
1
2
12

JOB
Novelist
Playwright
Singer
Social media manager for your favourite fandom

INCOME
All the money in the world
Half of the money in the world
Enough to be happy and keep my family healthy
All the honey in the world

HOMETOWN
Pinole
Sebastopol
Campbell
Sunnydale

PET
Housecat
Tiger
Ocelot
Pterodactyl

CAR
Prius
Fusion
Beetle
Howl's moving castle

Bad Janet aside, this is kind of a pretty sweet life!

Thanks for stopping by, Claire! Check out her website, or find her on Twitter, Instagram, or Tumblr (@kannclaire on all).

Let's Talk About Love is available now.

BOOK REPORT for Broken Beautiful Hearts by Kami Garcia

Cover Story: Light-Up Heart
BFF Charm: Yay
Swoonworthy Scale: 6
Talky Talk: Lifetime For YA
Bonus Factors: Sports, The Tami Taylor Award for Amazing Motherhood
Anti-Bonus Factor: Gaslighting
Relationship Status: Casual Fan

Cover Story: Light-Up Heart

It’s certainly eye-catching, to me, at least. I love the way the colors blend against the broken concrete background and how the title stands out. I’m not sure if it’s overly representative of the book within, but it’s serviceable.

The Deal:

Peyton’s hard work has just paid off in the form of a full scholarship to UNC in a starting position on their soccer team after she graduates this year. She’s bursting to tell her boyfriend, Reed, in the hopes that it will help shake him out of the weird mood swings he’s been having over the last few months; surely he will be thrilled for her! But Reed’s lack of enthusiasm and a missing cell phone lead Peyton to discover (one of) the sources of Reed’s new aggression: he’s using steroids to win the underground fights he’s been participating in (the other, spoiler alert, is that he’s just an utter tool-bag). Peyton’s furious that he would jeopardize his MMA career and, as a fellow athlete, cannot support cheating, but their fight turns disastrous when Reed pushes her down the stairs and damages her knee.

No one, except Peyton’s mom, believes Reed would ever hurt Peyton, especially her best friend and Reed’s sister, Tess. Now facing an uncertain future with no friends and threats from Reed’s friends and groupies, Peyton moves to the small town of Black Water, Tennessee, to stay with her uncle and football-star cousins. All she plans to do is keep her head down, work on strengthening her knee, and find a way to trust her own instincts again—but then she meets Owen, a MLD who also happens to be an MMA fighter. It’s a smart move to stay as far away from him as possible…right?

BFF Charm: Yay

Peyton's been having a rough two years; before this thing with Reed, her Marine father was killed in action, and she’s been struggling to see the upside of life. Despite that, she seems like good friend material: she’s sticks up for herself and for others, tries to play matchmaker for her oblivious cousin, and still has enough room in her heart to forgive her crappy BFF for not believing that she was abused by her jerk of a boyfriend. She refuses to look like a victim, so she lies about how she injured her knee, which could make it hard to get to know the real her but I can forgive Peyton for needing to protect herself.

Swoonworthy Scale: 6

Peyton and Owen exchange a lot of intense eye contact, and there are copious descriptions of Owen’s hot, sweaty, half-naked body as he works out in the ring; score! There’s also actual sexy times, which are actually kinda sexy! But the book loses some Swoonworthy points for the beginning of Owen and Peyton’s relationship, which leans quite heavily on instalove, and, duh, everything that happens with the stalker also known as Reed.

Also, while the theory of buff MMA fighters sounds promising, there’s a scene where Peyton watches Owen at a fight…and, well, the reality of watching your crush’s face get beaten to a pulp, plus the possibility of cauliflower ear (ick), just really squicks me out.

Talky Talk: Lifetime For YA

Despite the topic, this was a pretty breezy read, never delving too far into the morose. I got the impression that this would make a great Lifetime movie—it had all the markers—and I don’t mean that in a bad way, but, like, one you might admit you watched that one Sunday afternoon when you should’ve gone to the grocery store but instead you stayed on the couch for hours in your pajamas. It's a familiar story, but has enough hope and female empowerment to make you glad you stuck it out.

Bonus Factor: Sports

I don’t know that this is a huge bonus for me personally because I’m not a sports person, but it is nice to see all kinds represented in books. Peyton really loves soccer and has a healthy amount of knowledge of the fighting world. I’m also pretty sure this is the first time I’ve seen an MMA YA love interest.

Bonus Factor: The Tami Taylor Award for Amazing Motherhood

Peyton’s mom is badass. She instantly believes her daughter (as she should) and even runs out to chase Reed away from the hospital waiting room. She doesn’t take shit from anyone and manages to keep herself and Peyton together after her husband's death, and I loved her for it.

Anti-Bonus Factor: Gaslighting

You have to be the lowest, most despicable kind of person to go out of your way to try to persuade someone else that the actual facts and physical actions which occurred that both parties present witnessed, in fact, didn’t. It’s infuriating. *is struggling to restrain self from making any political statements right now*

Relationship Status: Casual Fan

It’s not in my nature to fawn or put posters up all over my room, but if I happen to find myself at one of your fights, Book, I’ve give you a little cheer.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my free review copy from Imprint. I received neither money nor peanut butter cups in exchange for this review. Broken Beautiful Hearts is available 2/6/18.

Greetings, and thanks for joining me here at YA Onscreen. The Super Bowl yielded us a lot of entertainment-y goodness to unpack, so let’s check it out.

Julian Fellowes’ follow-up to Downton Abbey will be a 10-part mini-series set in 1880s New York (I guess “follow-up” is not synonymous with “sequel” here). It will be titled The Gilded Age and won’t be happening until 2019. 

Uma Thurman tells her story of sexual assault. 

Natalie Portman reprises her SNL rap. Do you think she topped herself? 

The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly is going to be turned into a 10 episode mini-series by producers from True Blood and Blumhouse. Considering it’s about a cult that chops off body parts, that producing duo sounds perfect.  

Jenna Dewan-Tatum released her Step Up audition tape from when she first met her now husband, Channing Tatum. Such babies! (Side note, but I laughed at the way this sentence was worded in the article: “Dewan Tatum, who shares 4-year-old daughter Everly with the actor…” It got me worried for a second that they were sharing custody because they were broken up (nooo), but it’s just awkward phrasing.) 

Wynonna Earp has cast Megan Follows as Earp’s mom, long thought dead, for its third season. 

Lifetime has cast its Meghan and Harry for its upcoming movie based on their relationship. From those photos the Meghan looks darn close. Hopefully they will dye the actor’s hair to be more reddish-blonde, and while his eyes may not be the same shade as Harry’s, they are sure pretty. 

Until reading this article I had no clue that the woman in the Solo trailer was Emilia Clarke (oops), but anyway, the point of the article is to bemoan the fact that all of the female leads in the Star Wars franchise have all been British brunettes. 

New posters to go along with that Solo trailer. 

Miss the Super Bowl commercials? Here’s a rundown of the good, the bad, and the weird. 

And watch all the movie trailers that aired during the Super Bowl. 

Actress Jaz Sinclair has secured the role of Sabrina's best friend in the Riverdale spin-off coming to Netflix later this year.

The role of Chris (Starr's white boyfriend) in the upcoming adaptation of The Hate U Give is going to be recast due to video surfacing showing the actor spouting racial slurs. Smooth move, Ex-Lax. 

We’re always waxing nostalgic about how there aren’t enough good rom-coms being made anymore. Drew Barrymore heard us and will hopefully give us a delightful viewing option with her upcoming movie, The Stand-In, about a famous actress who hires her stunt double to perform her court-ordered community serivce. 

Just when you thought Fifty Shades of Grey couldn’t get any worse...for your viewing, ah, pleasure? I give you Fifty Shades of DeVito. 

That's it for the week! Let us know what your favorite commercial was in the comments (mine was the Dirty Dancing footballers). 

BOOK REPORT for The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang

Cover Story: Measures Up
BFF Charm: Yay and Oprah
Swoonworthy Scale: 4
Talky Talk: Straight Up Modern
Arty Art: Dressed to Impress
Bonus Factors: Dressmaking, Defying Gender Norms, Awesome Grownups
Relationship Status: Smitten

The Prince and the Dressmaker feels a new fairy tale for the modern age. Read the full book report over at our series on Kirkus!