Hey guys! It’s the PLL summer finale, so I hope you’ve got a sufficient supply of booze.  I’m going to do this recap in chronological order rather than by character because the girls spent most of the episode together.

The liars are watching a news report about the eyewitness (Travis) to Wilden’s murder that came forward and Hanna wonders why the police want her mom to come in for a lineup if Travis told the truth. She’s worried that A got to him, but the other girls think he’s on the level and Aria thinks that he’s cute. Relevant, Aria.

Spencer goes to answer the doorbell and comes back with a package addressed to all of them. Inside are four Magic 8 balls that form a message from A that says “If your mom goes free, you’ll be hearing from me.” Emily’s just like “Fine, maybe CeCe will stop going after our parents and go back to coming after us. “ Spencer, on the other hand, thinks CeCe just declared World War A. That’s not a thing, Spence.

I know this just caught Aria mid-expression, but I like to think she's giving an epic eyeroll to show how sick she is of A's prop comedy.

Travis is watching the lineup and says he doesn’t know if he can do this.

The liars are at their fourth or fifth English class of the day and Ezra’s talkin’ Shakespeare. Specifically, the Tempest and how Miranda and Ferdinand’s love is a “Force of nature.” Aria’s loving it, but when he thanks her for being there for him after class, she specifies that she’s glad she could be there as a friend.  She gets a call from Jake who shoots down her date idea of a poetry reading. Oh, Aria.

Caleb and Hanna are with Ashley at the police station and Caleb and Ashley have a nice moment where she thanks him for being there for Hanna and he praises her for being fearless. The DA comes over to tell Ashley that all the charges have been dropped. Yay, maybe now Hanna will stop yelling at everybody all the time!

Paige tells Emily that she’s thrilled about Ashley being free but worried about A retaliating and would feel better if they knew where CeCe was. She says that Emily will stay with her until they find CeCe. Where the hell is Pam? Is she still in Harrisburg? Is she stuck topping off Mrs. DiLaurentis’ Bloody Mary glass?

Spencer calls Toby for the fourth or fifth time and tells him to at least let Emily or Caleb know that he’s okay.

Later, the girls are all at the Marins’. Ashley comes downstairs dressed for a date with Pastor Ted, where she will probably drink Rosewood’s entire supply of chardonnay. After she leaves the girls dig into all the food on the Marins’ counter.

What do you think all the cards say? “So happy you’re not a cop killer!”?

The girls get another package from A, a child-sized coffin with a Mona doll.  The text from A says “Hanna won, so Mona loses. Find her before the cops or they’ll think you killed her.” Guys? This would be a great text to show to the police.  A little later the girls are watching the news and the police have released a sketch of CeCe as the suspect in Wilden’s murderer. So when Travis was talking to Hanna he could only tell that the person running away was a girl who was probably blonde but he later he could describe CeCe’s face in detail?

Hanna calls Radley to try to find Mona, but they tell her she isn’t a patient there anymore and whether she was released or moved is privileged information. Spencer goes to find Wren and kiss the privileged information right out him.  Hanna’s worried about Mona and Caleb’s worried that Mona’s the one screwing with them. Spencer doesn’t find Wren at his house and when she looks in the windows she sees that he’s all packed.  Jenna’s blue Mustang is outside and Shana is hiding at Wren’s.

Emily and Paige go to the school’s French Club to see if anyone there has seen Mona, but the girl who greets them is like every French teacher everyone’s ever had and won’t speak English. Emily says that she picked up some French in Haiti, but she uses her phone to translate her question into French and then absolutely BUTCHERS it, so no, Emily, you did not pick up any French in Haiti.  The girl finally speaks English and tells them that Mona was supposed to come today and she was surprised that she didn’t show because it was Mona’s welcome back party.

Remember your Muzzy tapes, Em! “Je suis la jeune fille!”

Toby has a sad moment looking through a box of his mom’s stuff and ignoring Spencer’s texts. He goes down to the Brew and sees Shana dropping a paper as she leaves.  It’s a shipping label from Wren, to Wren, care of one Melissa Hastings in London! This finally prompts him to call Spencer.

The news plays in the background-they’ve identified CeCe as the suspect. Spencer wonders what Shana’s connection to Wren is and if Wren is moving in with Melissa, why are they hiding it? Toby keeps huffily insisting it’s because Wren is Spencer’s ex. Uh, yeah, there’s a word for when an ADULT DOCTOR pops out of the woodwork to make out with a teenaged girl every time she’s emotionally vulnerable, but I don’t think it’s “ex.” They start arguing about how people who were fake murdered can’t just go no contact every time they’re in a snit. Toby eventually agrees and also says he’s going to stop following A’s clues about his mom.

Aria and Jake are having ANOTHER black and white movie night. Let Jake pick the movie, Aria. The movie looks familiar, but I can’t place it. Anyone know what it is? Jake, obviously, is asleep. He wakes up and leaves to get more sleep.  All of this is clearly to show how little they have in common, but Aria is in high school. You don’t need to have things in common! That’s what hormones are for. The only thing my high school boyfriend and I had in common was that we were both humans.

Caleb and Hanna stakeout Mona’s house. Caleb insists that it isn’t Hanna’s fault if Mona is really in trouble.

Paige and Emily are in Paige’s room (With the door open, Mrs. McCullers insists). Em’s also worried about Mona, which Paige has a hard time understanding since Mona tried to kill her. Emily insists that they created the Mona Beast. Paige says no, Ali did and Emily says yes, but the girls let her.

Aria goes to the Brew, I guess to catch the end of the poetry reading, and Ezra’s obviously there.  He says one of the poems reminded him of a story she wrote that turned out to be about Ali. Aria says that she always has trouble writing a good story before she can think her way out of it. Fitz knows what she means, he wants to know the ending but still wants to be surprised. Hmm. They settle in for a long talk about their feelings.

There’s a little montage of all the couples-Hanna’s asleep on Caleb’s shoulder outside Mona’s, Em’s asleep on Paige, Spencer and Toby are cuddling, Aria kisses Ezra as an unseen blonde in a hoodie watches.

The next day the girls are trying to figure out A’s game. They get another package, which is a trick box with a saw that pops out when you turn the knob at the top. Spencer’s the one to figure this out, clearly, because her magic act won her first prize at performing arts camp. I love you, Spencer.

Toby takes over the stakeout for Caleb. Caleb mentions that Hanna’s convinced it’s A, but he still thinks this is all Mona.

The girls are trying to find magic-related things on the internet and find an ad for a magic show going on that afternoon in Ravenswood. She’s talking to Toby on the phone when Jenna’s car races by with Shana at the wheel. Toby follows her.

Back to the town that saturation forgot.  Grunwald is there! The magician is this…boundary-ignoring mime/clown who is basically my idea of hell. He badgers Aria into being his assistant for the disappearing act.

NOPE. Nope, nope, nope.

Aria’s understandably not happy about it on account of that time she got locked in a crate with a dead cop and almost pushed off a train, but the trick occurs without incident and Hanna is kind of hilariously delighted.  They look around and Emily is gone. A text from A reveals that the trick was a distraction so A could grab Hanna, because A OBVIOUSLY wasn’t gonna take Aria.

Emily’s trapped in a box that still gets better cell service than I get in my apartment. Aria calls her and Emily tells her she hears a loud saw. Spencer remembers that Grunwald lived on Sawmill Road and figures out that the mill is basically right there. Emily is in a locked box on a giant conveyer belt, heading straight towards sawville. Spencer tries to cut the lock but Red Coat is the only one who tries to actually turn the power off and succeeds. There are two Red Coats! Spencer runs after one and Aria runs after the other.

Aria must’ve picked up some skills in those two classes she had, because she pulls some martial arts moves on her Red Coat, who turns out to be CeCe. CeCe tries to escape via rope, but it breaks. Aria grabs her and tries to pull her up but the sleeve of her coat rips and she falls.

“Should we check her pulse?” “Eh.”

The girls comfort Aria and ignore CeCe’s twitching fingers. They turn around and she’s gone.  Spencer says that she thinks the Red Coat she was chasing was Ali. She stopped to let Spencer follow her because she wanted to show her yet another lair.  There’s a timeline of absolutely everything, a locked journal that Hanna swipes, and computer screens that are monitoring the Rosewood PD, the alarm systems in the girls’ houses and any cameras on the streets.

Toby break! Toby tracks Shana to a bed and breakfast where Mona is alive and well. Mona asks Shana if ‘she’s’ sure she’s okay with this. Shana replies that ‘she’ (Jenna? Melissa?) doesn’t have a choice.

Back in the lair, Hanna’s on the phone with Caleb trying to hack the passwords. He says he’ll get on the next bus to Ravenswood to help them.  Spencer found A’s bank account and notes payments to CeCe. Maybe A was paying her to pose as Red Coat? Hanna sees men’s suits in the closet and says she thinks A is a guy. Every time we've seen A we've seen a hoodie and gloves, so I'm not sure what all the nice suits are for.  Spencer says all roads lead back to Board Shorts. There’s a letter where Ali mentions him and says he thought she was 18 when they met. Hey, that sounds familiar! It’s not Wren, because A’s been following him. Aria notes that A has also been tracking Red Coat, who he thinks is Ali, and thinks she’ll be at a party in Ravenswood tonight. 

They leave to go find Ali and run into Grunwald. Grunwald pretended she never knew Ali to protect her. Also, she’s apparently psychic and was helping Ali that summer and had a bad feeling. She’s the one who pulled Ali out of the dirt. She took her to a hospital and went in to get help. When she came back, Ali was gone and she hasn’t seen her since.  She won’t reveal herself until she knows who she can trust. The girls are like “Uh, we had eight funerals for her! That means she can trust us!” Grunwald tells them to leave Ravenswood because “he” is hoping they’ll lead him to Ali.

Caleb’s bus finally arrives. It took a long time, because it’s from the freakin’ 50s.

The girls decide to crash the party to find Ali before A does. A man in a hat watches them and then goes up to his lair, which he angrily realizes has been discovered. That man is…

Ezra Fitz!

Theory/Question time:

• Is Ezra really A? It would explain why nothing bad happens to Aria, and you can argue that he wasn’t the one who decided to have her pushed off the train.  If he was blackmailing Wilden, Wilden could have done it to make him back off.  But even if he were Board Shorts, the only reason he’d have to torture the other girls would be to draw Ali out.  Or, I guess, because he’s trying to write the Great American Novel about harassing teenaged girls.  There’s such a strong contingent of “Ezria” shippers, especially among the younger views, that I feel like the writers are gonna retcon this somehow.

• If he is A, how long has that been going on? Mona was A for at least the first two seasons. Was he just hiring CeCe to play Red Coat and controlling her moves the whole time? CeCe was spying on him for a reason. And, I’m sorry, I will buy Dan Humphries as Gossip Girl, because Gossip Girl was an idiot, but A’s machinations can only have been created by a girl who lived through middle school. 

• Are you sad about Caleb leaving for Ravenswood? Are you wondering how they’re going to justify him not being around Rosewood all the time even though the two towns are apparently so close that Ezra can have a lair in Ravenswood that he uses constantly while still being at the Brew ALL THE TIME?

• Did Mona join forces with Jenna/Shana/Melissa/Wren? What’s their game?

• Is CeCe actually working with Ali?

Let me know in the comments!

Please join us in welcoming Tiffany to the Smarty Pants stage! Tiffany is a recent college grad learning to live in "the real world." She's currently working that 9-to-5 because a girl's gotta eat, and doing freelance work on the side. She thinks she's the black Jessica Darling and loves all things YA. She's also a screenwriter and hopes to write the GREAT coming-of-age movie. Her adult bevvie of choice is a whiskey sour.

Everyone can pretty much agree that the best parts of most YA novels are the relationships between the protagonist and the romantic partner. Couples like Jessica Darling and Marcus Flutie, Katniss and Peeta, inspire so much fan loyalty and obsession that it’s hard to imagine one without the other. But let’s do that. Let’s break these epic couplings and play with a bit of fan fiction cross-novel pairings. Obviously, none of these pairings could happen because of the rules of each individual novels but we’re going to ignore that for a moment. I decided to pair together eighteen characters from different genres and novels to create alternative pairings.

Tris from Divergent & Alex from Delirium

Both Tris and Alex live in the not so distant future, so they’ve already got that in common. But more than that, Tris needs someone who encourages her to be brave and teaches her how to love—Alex is that guy. He’s more easy-going than Four ever was but he’s just as passionate about fighting for what he believes in. And since Tris is sexually repressed, who better than a love crusader to get her to open up?

Annabeth from Percy Jackson series & Thomas from The Maze Runner series

Annabeth is that girl who will always challenge you and that’s exactly what Thomas needs. He also needs a girl who’s just as smart, if not smarter, than him. Annabeth’s interest in architecture and her quick problem-solving skills would come in handy in the maze.

Mia Thermoplis from The Princess Diaries & Prince Maxon from The Selection series

Mia is more than a handful and she’s not the classic princess but if her and Maxon got together, the people would surely love her. She’s obsessed with all things pop culture, so she’d be a good contestant on Maxon’s The Bachelor style dating show. Maxon and Mia both want to do the right thing for their countries, so having another person who understands and shares the burden makes ruling a bit easier.

Charlie from The Perks of Being a Wallflower & Luna Lovegood from the Harry Potter series

I’m already in love with this coupling. Both characters are slightly weird, introverted, and misunderstood. At their cores, they are both pure, good people. They see and understand more than anyone gives them credit for. If they got together, they would be that couple who could communicate with looks and silences more than their words.

Jessica Darling from Sloppy Firsts & Will Herondale from The Infernal Devices series

Jessica thinks everyone around her sucks, as does Will. They both see themselves as outsiders amongst their group of friends and family but neither could be more wrong. Their union would make for a sassy pairing with lots of banter and neither one of them willing to admit their feelings. And Will’s world of shadow hunting would add excitement to her New Jersey suburban life.

Katniss from The Hunger Games & Cedric Diggory from the Harry Potter series

Cedric would be a great match for Katniss. They are both born leaders, athletes, and so brave. Neither was afraid to sacrifice themselves for the good of others as Katniss did for her sister, and eventually her whole country, and Cedric did for the world of wizards. And if you’re imagining the actors who play them, I wouldn’t mind seeing JLaw and RPatz as romantic leads.

Adrian from the Vampire Academy series & Gemma Doyle from A Great and Terrible Beauty

Couldn’t you just see Adrian as an 18th century rogue? The descriptions of his looks and nonchalant attitude would fit in perfectly to Gemma’s world. She’s understood for her powers as a witch, and he struggles with his gift of spirit in addition to his vampirism. They would be able to understand one another’s struggles and he would show her not to be so afraid of what others think.

Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars & Aimee Finicky from The Spectacular Now

Aimee is that girl you want to shake to make her realize that she is a good, interesting person worthy of love. Augustus would be able to offer that to her in a way that isn’t so destructive. He’d make her see the beauty in life and give her the opportunity to find her own voice. He’s the kind of first love a girl like Aimee deserves.

Marcus Flutie from Sloppy Firsts & A from Everyday

This would be the most bizarre pairing, so I’m going to need for you to go with me for a moment. At his core, Marcus is the most zen, understanding guy who ever existed. He sees past all the high school BS as does A. Since A is neither male nor female, neither straight nor gay, A would be attracted to Marcus’s sense of self, creativity and open-mindedness. Marcus would like not knowing what to expect the next time he sees A and he would be the best suited for seeing beyond appearances.

What would be your ideal YA crossover romance? Let your fangirl flag fly in the comments!

Welcome to FYA's brand new feature for bragging about our awesome (and worldwide!) book clubs! This inaugural edition takes us to Omaha, home of the lucky book club that got to hang out with the author of our August pick, Eleanor & Park, Rainbow Rowell! Here's the scoop on the Omaha chapter (plus a recap of their meeting with Rainbow!).

Which club are y’all from?

Omaha, Nebraska (find them on Facebook here)

When did your club get started?

May 2012

Where is your club’s fave hangout?

We mix it up every month, switching between coffee houses and restaurants. We love the dessert happy hours at Wheatfield’s Bakery and Jones Bros. Cupcakes. We also have several members who live in an apartment complex that has an awesome clubhouse.

What has been your club’s favourite book club pick so far? What did y’all like about it?

We all really loved Eleanor & Park (and we’re not just saying this because the author was there) - the writing and story were just so beautiful. And we all loved or at least enjoyed Code Name Verity too - the characters were amazing and their story was intense. Not all of us had finished reading it by the time we met, and I remember it was very hard for those who had read it to talk about it without giving any spoilers.

Which FYA book club selection has been the most divisive? What separated the people who loved it from the people who hated it?

We really struggled with The Princesses of Iowa - I think it hit too close to home for our native Iowans. We were split between those who found the characters super frustrating and those who related well to it. I also know the group was pretty divided on Ashes and The Raven Boys, but I don’t remember why.

If you could have any YA author visit your club, who would it be and what's the number one question you would ask him/her?

Well, since we already had Rainbow Rowell, I think most of us would agree next we want John Green! It’s hard to think of the main question, mostly he’s just so impressive and fascinating that we want to hear whatever he has to say.

What kind of extracurricular activities has your club participated in?

We have done a couple of movie nights! We watched Howl’s Moving Castle together after we read it and we did Pitch Perfect this summer. We want to set one up this fall for Warm Bodies too. We meet in this great apartment complex clubhouse theater and bring snacks and drinks to share.

Tell us about the best field trip your club has been on!

None yet, but after talking with Rainbow, we are hoping to take a field trip to Kansas City in November for a library fundraiser she is participating in with John Green. Here in Omaha there’s a launch party for her new book Fangirl coming up soon at our local indie bookstore, and the Omaha Public Library (where several of us work) is having an author event in October with Rainbow Rowell, Stephanie Perkins & Gayle Forman (!!!!) - so we are definitely going to be hitting those too.

What’s the best part about being in a FYA book club?

As cliché as it sounds, we have all become great friends. It is so great to meet with a group of adults every month who actually want to read and discuss books - and YA ones at that! For the new people who have moved here and joined through the blog, I know they’ve found it a great way to feel more settled in the city and have an instant group of friends.

BONUS! Author Rainbow Rowell was actually in attendance for the Omaha book club's Eleanor & Park meeting! As if you're not jealous enough already, here's what happened: 

I still can’t believe Rainbow Rowell came, and I can’t believe how generous she was. She spent over 2 hours with us at that coffee house - she answered every question we asked her, she signed all our books and she posed for pictures. It was so obvious how much she loved her books and her characters. We loved how much she had thought through everything. From the cover to the tiniest plot piece to her writing process, she had something deep to share about all our questions.

Thanks for stopping by, Omaha book clubbers and Rainbow! 

Want to join an FYA Book Club? We've got locations worldwide! Don't have one near you? Grab a drink and start one today!

Title: Masterpiece Classic: Great Expectations 
Year: 2011
Fix: Dickensian with an extra helping of Gothic intrigue

Netflix Summary:

An orphaned young man meets a convict in a cemetery and sets into motion a series of events that leads him from a life in his brother-in-law's forge to a mysterious inheritance and his acquaintance with the eerie Miss Havisham and her beautiful ward.

FYA Summary:

Everyone knows the story of Great Expectations. It's the creepiest Dickens book (perhaps tied with Bleak House, which has also been made into a BBC mini-series starring Gillian Anderson and available on Netflix), and to my Gothic-obsessed mind, that makes it the best Dickens book. And this mini-series is a triumphant and occasionally terrifying adaptation of his best-loved novel. The production values are incredible - it looks much more expensive than these things usually do, and believe me, I know from BBC adaptations of Victorian lit. I know them so well that the other day I was watching the Masterpiece Mansfield Park and I said aloud, alone in my living room with only my glass of champagne to keep me company - "That's the library set from Jane Eyre!" The cinematography is stunning, the costumes are elaborate and GILLIAN ANDERSON IS MISS HAVISHAM, you guys! She's magnificent in it, playing that bitter, jilted old broad with this lilting, childlike little voice that makes her one hundred thousand times spookier. Throw in a gorgeous score and the hottest Pip ever, and baby, you've got a stew going. 

Familiar Faces:

Gillian Anderson as Miss Havisham

Now the feminist in me wants to revolt that Gillian Anderson - ultimate knockout for the ages - is more likely to be cast as a villainous hag than a love interest these days, simply because she dares to still exist while being over the age of 40, but the part of me that just loves great performances is thrilled to see her give such a brilliant, singular spin to the role. 

Douglas Booth as Pip

Hellooo, Pip. Booth hasn't been in a whole bunch to date, but he has a giant roster of projects coming up, and thank lordy for that because the world needs to share in his gorgeousness. Soon he'll be Romeo in this year's Romeo and Juliet, and in 2014 he stars in two of the most anticipated releases: Darren Aronofsky's Noah and the Wachowskis' Jupiter Ascending. 

Vanessa Kirby as Estella

As you can see, Vanessa Kirby is a beautiful woman, but in Great Expectations she was saddled with some unfortunate wig and makeup choices, so Jill (with whom I watched this particular masterpiece) and I spent much of her screentime complaining that she wasn't hot enough for Pip. However! She'll also be in Jupiter Ascending, so we can compare their relative comeliness some more when she's not wearing that brunette corkscrew wig. 

David Suchet as Jaggers

Jill informed me that this gentleman played Poirot in the Agatha Christie series which I somehow HAVE NOT SEEN even though I love Poirot more than life itself, so trust me, that is going on the list. He's also been in about a million other British things.

Mark Addy as Pumblechook

Mark Addy is, like Suchet, one of those actors who pops up in tons of UK projects. He often plays bearded, chubby monarchs - he's King Robert in Game of Thrones, for instance. He's also been Friar Tuck, so you can see what casting calls his agent looks for. 

Ray Winstone as Abel Magwitch

Ray Winstone has quite the resume. He's been in Hugo, The Departed, Sexy Beast, Robin Hood and, well, he has 115 other credits to his name, so just check out his IMDB profile if you still can't place him.

Couch-Sharing Capability: Medium. 

It depends on if you, like I, have a friend (namely Jill) with whom you love to watch these Victorian Lit adaptations. Jill and I watched all three hours while drinking champagne and sewing fabric flowers for her upcoming nuptials (also she made French onion soup!), so it was pretty much the most delightful evening ever. However, I can definitely see watching this guy by yourself, under a blanket, with only some comfort food and bubbly as your companions. 

Recommended Level of Inebriation: Low

You may have noticed that I keep mentioning champagne, but that's only because it's my go-to Vic Lit mini-series beverage (also my go-to life beverage). However, this is a really smart, deeply entertaining production, and you can be dead sober and still be blown away by it. 

Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Top Notch

If Vic Lit and BBC are your bag, this is one of the best adaptations I've seen in ages. It's thoughtful and creepy, romantic and devastating, beautifully shot and brilliantly acted. It's a must. 

Hi all! Let's take a breather from all the sewing tutorials, shall we? Instead, let's break out every girl's most important crafting tool, her glue gun. Where would I be without you, Glue Gun? I shudder to think.

Before you get nervous and say, "Jill, I have burnt the skin off my fingers TOO MANY TIMES in art class growing up," let me explain. And also, yeah, that was me too!  But now they make low-heat hot glue guns that won't actually burn the flesh off your body, so you can kiss that glue gun PTSD goodbye. Progress!

If you're at all like me, you have a hard time, um, throwing things away. I always think, "I'm going to use this!" And then it sits in a pile on a shelf. That's where this Spool Frame idea came from! Here's a list of supplies you will need to create your own Spool Frame:

Cheapo frame (we're going to cover it, so it doesn't really matter what it looks like)

Old empty thread spools (why do we save them? For projects ike this!)

Glue gun

Glue sticks (for glue gun)

Yarn

Scissors

It's best to have too many spools, you will actually need a lot for this project. I just grabbed all the ones that were approximately the same size. You can also use the taller, skinnier spools, they work just as well too!

Get an idea of how many spools will fit around each side of your frame by laying them in their position around the frame. Then we get to bust out our yarn and glue gun.

Start by dabbing a small amount of glue on the empty spool. Put the end of your yarn in the glue to hold it in place, and then begin to wind the yarn around the spool. Try not to leave any open spaces in your winding!

I like to use two or three different, complimentary yarns, but it is totally up to you. Whatever you think will look best in your crafty room!

Once you have your yarn wrapped around your spools, glue down the other loose end. After you've got a lot of them done, let's start glueing them to your frame!

I like to start on the sides, and work from top to bottom. I stagger the spools a little so they are very close together and you can't see the ugly frame anymore.

Once you have the sides complete, start working across the top & the bottom, from one side to another. If you need a small spool to fill in a tiny gap, that's ok! I like how crazy and chunky this frame becomes, it's very eye-grabbing.

IF you have some furry family around your house, keep an eye on your yarn and watch out for this old cliche:

It never fails; if there's yarn in the house, the cat's gotta get into it.

Despite his efforts, in the end, you will have a sweet, hand-crafted, sewing-inspired frame. And hey, we didn't have to throw those spools away after all! Sit back, relax, and enjoy your new, handcrafted Spool Frame!

BOOK REPORT for Two Lies and a Spy by Kat Carlton

Cover Story: Prep School Confusion
BFF Charm: Meh
Swoonworthy Scale: 3
Talky Talk: In Her Head
Bonus Factor: Spies, Diversity
Anti-bonus Factor: Starter Book
Relationship Status: I’ll Remain Your Handler, If ...

Cover Story: Prep School Confusion

The uniforms say prep school, and the inclusion of Congress in the background makes me think Ivy League prep. But what’s with the looks on their faces? What are they all looking at? Are the two guys the lies and the girl the spy? I’ve got too many questions.

The Deal:

Kari receives a text message—”Can u pick up milk on ur way home?”—from her dad. Some might think that this is a normal message for a parent to send their kid (disregarding the terrible text speak), but Kari immediately knows that something is wrong. You see, her parents are spies, and this message is part of a “Code Black” plan her family has set up to alert each other when something’s amiss.

Kari immediately leaves her high school and picks up her younger brother, wunderkind Charlie, and goes to the first meeting spot. When the two are almost immediately attacked by a man who works with her parents, she knows that things are even worse than she’d expected.

BFF Charm: Meh

At the start of Two Lies and a Spy, I found myself thinking, OK, this Kari girl could be interesting. Daughter of spies, trained in martial arts and not content to just let things happen to her (i.e., proactive). With each passing chapter, however, I got more frustrated with her lack of ability to follow one of the most well-known rules of spydom: Don’t tell anyone what you are. Kari starts the book keeping her parents’ jobs a secret, but tells pretty much everyone by the end, and I kind of wanted to throttle her for it. She’s still young, though, and has a lot to learn.

Swoonworthy Scale: 3

Kari’s been madly in love with Mr. Perfect and Popular Luke since, well, forever. He’s sweet, he’s funny, he’s smart—and therefore kind of boring. And when he gets involved in Kari’s plan to free her parents, he gets squeamish about not towing the line, which (to me at least) is a total turnoff.

Luke’s best friend Evan, however, is a snarky English guy with a seriously good fashion sense. Of course, Kari hates him.

Talky Talk: In Her Head

Kat Carlton does pretty well at portraying the innermost thoughts of a somewhat normal teenager with a secret life, but at times I felt like Kari was a little too much of a “good girl” to be believable. For example: Although her friends cursed, Kari used terms like “rear” and “bottom” when talking about her butt (/roll eyes).

Bonus Factor: Spies

There was a point in high school during which I really, really wanted to be a spy. I fantasized about the glamour of it all—which I realize now isn’t exactly the case. This book spoke to the high school part of me that so badly wanted that excitement.

Bonus Factor: Diversity

Kari’s half-Russian, her best friend Larita is half-Indian and her other best friend Kale is half-Japanese. Washington, D.C., (where most of Two Lies and a Spy takes place) is a pretty diverse town in reality, so I appreciate Carlton’s efforts to include more than just stereotypical white Ivy Leaguers (Luke and Evan) in the book.

Anti-bonus Factor: Starter Book

The end of Two Lies and a Spy paved the way for a whole series of books with Kari as the main protagonist. So much so that this felt very much like a prequel book and basically a vehicle for that eventual series—which might actually turn out to be a whole lot of fun.

Casting Call:

I just couldn't resist with this first choice.

Michelle Trachtenberg as Kari

CJ Adams as Charlie

Luke Mitchell as Luke

Ben Barnes as Evan

Nishi Munshi as Larita

Keisuke Koide as Kale

Relationship Status: I’ll Remain Your Handler, If ...

Book, I’m totally on board with your exciting story, but at times I felt a little too old for some of your shenanigans. If we’re to continue with our relationship, I’m going to need you to head back to the Farm and get some more training, especially in the whole “keeping important secrets a secret” part of the job.

You can win your very own copy of Two Lies and a Spy and a spy-tastic macro lens for your smartphone. Just leave us a comment below telling us who your favorite pop culture spy is. (James Bond? Sydney Bristow? Harriet?) One lucky winner will be randomly chosen Sept. 5. Make sure to check the comments next Thursday to claim your prize!

The giveaway is open to U.S. addresses only, sadly. Prizing and samples are courtesy of Simon & Schuster.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a free review copy from Simon & Schuster. I received neither popsicles nor money for this review (dammit!). Two Lies and a Spy will be available Sept. 3.

For this week's installment of Heck YA, Diversity!, please welcome blogger and YA writer Stephanie Scott. Stephanie's here to talk about YA lit set outside of the U.S. 

As a majorly avid reader, books have always been my gateway to other cultures. What better way to experience life in another place than through a character? Growing up, we were the family who spent vacations at museums and watched PBS on weekends. Learning about other cultures was consistently encouraged, as was awareness of diversity in my own life (as my mother once demonstrated at a parade in a very white Chicago suburb when she asked (loudly), “Where are all the black people?”).

As our world becomes more global, there are a zillion ways to connect with cultures beyond our own—even this website lures readers from around the world. But I still appreciate a good book that delves into culture, especially when a character is transformed by their surroundings.

One common device authors use to show culture is to send a character abroad. Hapless Jane’s unfamiliarity with a country’s customs is an easy way to show readers cultural aspects without paragraph-long infodumps that read more like a textbook. We want to be shown that experience, and a clueless tourist/ex-pat offers a realistic narrator.

The authors who use this device best tend to use culture shock to further develop their characters. The girl with the scripted life travels abroad and shucks convention, like in Gayle Forman’s Just One Day, and Kirsten Hubbard’s Wanderlove. In Just One Day, Allyson returns to the U.S. traumatized from her European excursion after having drifted from the school trip itinerary to frolic with Cute Boy in Paris. The following semester in college, she emerges from depression by exploring her experience, and we see her personal journey is only beginning. Her experience literally changes the course of her life. In Wanderlove, Bria ditches the group tour for backpacking and cramped hostels. She struggles with her identity as a tourist, but beyond that, with what she wants from life, and realizes what she’s learning about herself clashes with how she’d been defined back home. Her journey through Central America mirrors her personal struggle. Along the way you experience culture through an American filter, but a filter that is evolving.

Europe and the Americas are fine and all, but what about countries we see less often in YA? Amanda Sun’s Ink sends American-born Katie to Japan to live with her aunt, where she initially resists the experience. Food, customs, and language and described in detail, but Katie even notices the way teenagers relate to each other is different. Katie is our Western-minded guide to Japanese culture and traditions. She is essentially the “other” immersed in a world she doesn’t yet understand. In an attempt by her parents to straighten her out, Miriam in Rebels by Accident by Patricia Dunn is sent to live with her grandmother in Egypt just as a revolution is brewing. Readers experience the real-life political demonstrations through Miriam, and meanwhile we see her grow to understand her own heritage and how that culture shaped her family, including her parent’s strict views.

Historical fiction is another great way to experience culture, since understanding the past can help us fully realize our present (there’s my museum experiences chiming in). I’d like to say I’m fairly well-versed in the World War II-era German occupation, but I knew next to nothing about Stalin’s horrific reign over the Baltic nations until I read Ruta Sepetys’ Between Shades of Gray. Lina’s story begins with daily concerns similar to many teens, anxiety over school and friends, until she and her family are taken during the night and corralled into a dark train car destined for work camps. What keeps this from feeling like a history lesson on wartime refugees is how each leg of Lina’s journey focuses on the people she meets, her own drive to tell their stories through her art, and the hope her mother and the other survivors refuse to squelch. Good historical fiction surpasses basic setting descriptions and demonstrates culture through the characters themselves; their actions are driven by their beliefs and their motivations source from their upbringing. Lina’s heritage is essential to the journey, and key to showing us why the survivors kept their stories secret for so long.

Sharon Draper’s award winner Copper Sun features teenaged Amari who is taken from her African village and put on a slave ship bound for the Carolinas. Everything Amari knows and understands has been shattered. How she interprets her surroundings, her emotional reactions, and her resilience show us her heritage throughout her extremely difficult journey. And I can’t write this without mentioning Jennifer Donnelly, whose time-travel(ish?) mash-up Revolution mixes 18th century France with modern day Paris and Brooklyn, which is such wonderful immersion into history you kind of forget you (should have) learned this stuff in school.

Seeking out books about places we are unfamiliar with expands our understanding of people, culture, the world. The best books take culture and weave it fully within characters in ways that influence the story, and ultimately, the readers.

Thanks for stopping by, Stephanie! Check out her blog or find her on Twitter (@StephScottYA).

The news this week has been dominated by really important things like Syria and...uhhh...twerking.  So we’ve got a shorter roundup for you all.  Let’s get to it!

Book Related Things

Apparently J.D. Salinger has FIVE unpublished books that may be released.

Harry Potter + taxidermy = this.

Movie Related Things

John Green visits The Fault In Our Stars movie set!

You’ve probably watched it several times already, but the first Divergent trailer came out this week.  Plus, check out this new featurette.

Some Hunger Games casting news - Annie and Messalla.  (Speaking of Hunger Games, what are your thoughts on the marketing campaign?  Buzzfeed has an interesting take, but I still think all the marketing is way too Capitol.)

Geena Davis...making archery awesome again.

TV Related Things

Rob Thomas to make a modern day Les Miserables tv show for Fox?!  What??!

Coach Taylor is not on board for a Friday Night Lights movie.  (Lets drown our sorrows with Tami and some wine.)

What is going on with NBC’s Sound of Music tv movie?  Carrie Underwood?  Bill the Vampire?

NBC is developing a Reality Bites tv show with Ben Stiller as executive producer. Yes.  

Hey Breaking Bad fans. Stop hating on Skyler White in weirdly aggressive ways.

Miscellaneous Things

The best outfits you will see based on cartoons and other fictional characters. 

How great is this website for amazing gifts for girls?

That’s it!  Anything you’d like to share, please do so below.

Throughout August, the FYA Book Clubs swooned and cried their way through Rainbow Rowell's Eleanor & Park. In celebration of this painfully beautiful novel, we decided to award it the highest tribute possible: a mixtape.

I'll be honest, this playlist pretty much wrote itself thanks to the musical references peppering the pages. Eleanor and Park's relationship unfolds over a soundtrack of '80s new wave and punk, and this mixtape is a catalog of every single band or song mentioned in the novel, in chronological order. It's also, hopefully, a portrait of first love... and first heartbreak.

So grab some tissue and a copy of Watchmen and let the music whisk you away to a school bus seat in 1986.

1. God Save the Queen - Sex Pistols

2. Assimilate - Skinny Puppy

3. Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglas

4. Something I Learned Today - Hüsker Dü

5. How Soon Is Now? - The Smiths

6. Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits

7. This Charming Man - The Smiths

8. Holiday in Cambodia - Dead Kennedys

9. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Divison

10. Rise Above - Black Flag

11. 867-5309/Jenny - Tommy Tutone

12. Forever Young - Alphaville

13. Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams

14. Bad - U2

15. In Between Days - The Cure

16. Cruel Summer - Bananarama

17. Scarborough Fair/Canticle - Simon & Garfunkel

18. Helter Skelter - The Beatles

19. Rio - Duran Duran

20. Who's Johnny - El DeBarge

21. Bitchin' Camaro - The Dead Milkmen

22. Alison - Elvis Costello

23. Steppin' Out - Joe Jackson

24. Roadrunner - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers

25. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths

(Just close your eyes and pretend that Spotify is a Walkman.)

Want to join an FYA Book Club? We've got locations worldwide! Don't have one near you? Grab a cocktail, send us an email and start one today!

Happy Labor Day, U.S. FYAers! And happy normal Monday morning to the rest of you. (I’m sending you good thoughts and lots of virtual caffeine.) With the start of every new work week comes another edition of Cover Story, our weekly feature in which we make up plots for books by judging them by their covers.

This week, I’ll be leading us on an investigation into the unforeseen consequences of a middle school dare inspired by Anne Eliot’s Unmaking Hunter Kennedy.

Unmaking Hunter Kennedy: A Cover Story

Hunter Kennedy is the hottest guy in all of Hilton Hills and the most popular guy at Hilton Hills High School. He is the senior class president, captain of the soccer team and has been “voted most likely to be confused for Milo Ventimigla when seen from across the street” by his classmates for as long as anyone can remember.

Hunter Kennedy is also the worst kisser on the entire planet.

My name is Chase Murphy, and I know this to be true, as I am the only girl to have ever kissed Hunter Kennedy—during a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven in the closet of Regina Johnson’s basement during the summer after sixth grade. I remember most of it vividly, as it was almost nice ... until, that is, Hunter Kennedy suffocated me.

I don’t really blame him for nearly killing me; when he went in for that first kiss, Hunter Kennedy had no idea that he was afflicted with Excess Suction of the Mouth. It’s not his fault that his lips, when they come in contact with another person’s, create a nearly impossible to break vacuum-like seal. I was just an unlucky player in a seemly innocent childhood game.

As I’m the only person who knows about Hunter Kennedy’s affliction, I’m also the only person he can turn to when he needs to figure out how to control it. And, even knowing what I know about him, when Hunter Kennedy asks you for a favor, you just can’t refuse.

I, Chase Murphy, am about to turn Hunter Kennedy into the most perfect person on the planet.

If I can survive his kiss a second time, that is.

Although starting a relationship with any new show can be exciting—the first date, the subsequent meet-ups during which you get to know them better, the gradual way they become an integral part of your life—there’s something satisfying about sticking with a show through multiple seasons and watching your favorite fictional people grow and change.

Today we celebrate some of the best of these long-standing relationships and talk about a few shows that might have reached the “it’s not you, it’s me” point of no return.

Also, be aware: SPOILERS AHEAD.

(And, in case you missed it: Get the 411 on TV’s new class in Fall TV: Fresh Meat.)

Name: New Girl

Rap Sheet: Quirky Jess lives with three equally quirky (each in their own way) roommates: Nick, Schmidt and Winston. During the show’s third season, the gang will certainly be up to their crazy antics yet again, although, the fact that Jess and Nick started a relationship last season will throw an interesting wrench into the loft’s dynamics.

First Class Starts: Tuesday, Sept. 17 on Fox

Clique: Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day, Jake Johnson as Nick Miller, Max Greenfield as Schmidt, Lamorne Morris as Winston and Hannah Simone as Cece.

Newbs: Damon Wayans, Jr. (in a return appearance) as Coach, Eva Amurri as Beth, Angela Kinsey as Rose and Dreama Walker as Molly.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Marry. Thank the Lord for second chances. This show started off rough, to the point where I was ok for it to be killed. Then someone told me I needed to give it another try, and I've never looked back since. All of the characters are completely flawed in the most wonderful and sincerest of ways, and I find myself each week laughing out loud, rooting for everyone, and wanting more than anything to be the fifth roommate.

Mandy—Marry. I really appreciate that this show has become more of ensemble series than one that’s all about Jess since, well, the boys are probably the most interesting part of the show. I do love the awkward relationship between Jess and Nick, though—that kiss!—and I look forward to seeing where it goes.

Name: Castle

Rap Sheet: Famous crime novelist Richard Castle will continue his shadowing of (and meddling with) Detective Kate Beckett and the cases of the NYPD’s 12 Precinct in the show’s sixth season. There might be some huge changes in the team’s dynamics this season, however, due Castle asking Beckett to marry him at the end of season five.

First Class Starts: Monday, Sept. 23 on ABC

Clique: Nathan Fillion as Richard Castle, Stana Katic as Detective Kate Beckett, Jon Huertas as Detective Javier Esposito, Seamus Dever as Detective Kevin Ryan, Molly C. Quinn as Alexis Castle, Susan Sullivan as Martha Rogers, Tamala Jones as Lanie Parish and Penny Johnson as Captain Victoria Gates.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Bang. Nathan Fillion. Enough said. I'm not big into the procedural shows, but I will always watch Nathan Fillion be Nathan Fillion ... charming, funny, hot. It's a pretty solid package.

Mandy—Marry. (You know, like Kate should do with Castle.) Some shows don’t function well after their leads become romantically involved, but I think Castle has only gotten better because of it. And the fact that this show still causes me to squee five years in is (to me, at least) proof of its greatness.

Name: Nashville

Rap Sheet: Country music superstars Rayna James and Juliette Barnes will continue their love-hate rivalry in the show’s second season—after, that is, Rayna comes out of the coma caused by the epic car crash of the season one finale.

First Class Starts: Wednesday, Sept. 25 on ABC

Clique: Connie Britton as Rayna James, Hayden Panettiere as Juliette Barnes, Clare Bowen as Scarlett O’Connor, Eric Close as Teddy Conrad, Charles Esten as Deacon Claybourne, Jonathan Jackson as Avery Barkley, Sam Palladio as Gunnar Scott, Robert Wisdom as Coleman Carlisle, Powers Boothe as Lamar Wyatt, Chris Carmack as Will Lexington, Lennon Stella as Maddie Conrad and Maisy Stella as Daphne Conrad.

Newbs: Oliver Hudson as a possible love interest for Rayna, Aubrey Peeples as Layla, Charley Bewley as Trey (a possible love interest for Juliette) and Chaley Rose as Zoey.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Bang. Tami Taylor, where you lead, I will follow. Even if maybe singing isn't your strongest trait. The show is soapy, but why does that have to be a bad thing?  The songs are catchy, the drama is addicting (even if you don't want it to be), and have you seen Tami Taylor's daughters perform? They're reason enough alone to come back every week.

Mandy—Bang. I never watched the first season of the show, but I think I might have caught the fever from Posh and Erin's recaps. It’ll take me a while to catch up, but I’m sure it’ll be a fun ride while I do!

Name: Parenthood

Rap Sheet: The fifth season of this show will continue to revolve around the lives and relationships of the members of three generations of the Braverman family. And Internet rumors are hinting that things will get serious from the very start, including a conversation between Amber and Ryan and the birth of Jasmine and Crosby’s baby.

First Class Starts: Thursday, Sept. 26 on NBC

Clique: Dax Shepard as Crosby Braverman, Monica Potter as Kristina Braverman, Erika Christensen as Julia Braverman-Graham, Joy Bryant as Jasmine Trussell, Peter Krause as Adam Braverman, Lauren Graham as Sarah Braverman, Sam Jaeger as Joel Graham, Savannah Paige Rae as Sydney Graham, Max Burkholder as Max Braverman, Miles Heizer as Drew Holt, Mae Whitman as Amber Holt, Bonnie Bedelia as Camille Braverman, Craig T. Nelson as Zeek Braverman, Tyree Brown as Jabbar Trussell, Jason Ritter as Mark Cyr and Matt Lauria as Ryan York.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Marry. Best show on TV. If you're a Friday Night Lights fan and not watching this show, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  You're basically living in the same world as the Dillon Panthers (it's the same creative team behind the show), this one just takes place in Berkeley where you get to be part of the wonderful Braverman family (which includes Lorelai Gilmore!). Warning: you will cry every week. I want to cry just thinking about how good this show is.

Mandy—Kill … if only because this is another show I’ve never watched, not because of the show’s overall quality (which I’ve heard is high). I just don’t have the time right now to give this show the devotion it deserves.

Name: Elementary

Rap Sheet: Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Joan Watson grew from recovering drug addict and sober companion to partners in (figuring out) crime over the course of the show’s inaugural season. In the second, there will be more crimes to solve and more mysterious individuals from Sherlock’s past out to cause them grief.

First Class Starts: Thursday, Sept. 26 on CBS

Clique: Jonny Lee Miller as Sherlock Holmes, Lucy Liu as Dr. Joan Watson, Aidan Quinn as Captain Toby Gregson and Jon Michael Hall as Detective Marcus Bell.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Bang. Again, I'm not huge into the procedurals, but Jonny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu have surprisingly good (and entertaining) chemistry. Enough so that I really enjoy watching this show. I know there is another Sherlock show that this is often compared to, and I'm not saying that version isn't amazing, but this one holds its own.

Mandy—Marry. I am wholly enamored with this treatment of the Sherlock Holmes mythos. I wasn’t sure about the gender-swapping of Watson when this show was first announced last year, but the amazing relationship between Miller’s Holmes and Liu’s Watson quickly dissolved all of my misgivings. Plus, the Irene Adler/Moriarty story arc was inventive and surprising. I can’t wait to see where the second season leads.

Name: Once Upon a Time

Rap Sheet: After breaking the spell of the evil queen that masked their memories of their lives in the magical realms, the real life fairytale characters who lived in Storybrooke were beginning to make new starts for themselves (while also looking for a way to return “home”). Things were looking up until Greg and Tamara wormed their way into the town with the intent of destroying all magic—and when that plan didn’t work, kidnapped Henry and jumped into a magical portal. The show’s second season finale showed a group of characters heading off on Captain Hook’s ship in search of Henry.

First Class Starts: Sunday, Sept. 29 on ABC

Clique: Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan, Jared S. Gilmore as Henry, Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow, Josh Dallas as Charming, Lana Parrilla as Regina Mills, Robert Carlyle as Mr. Gold, Emilie de Ravin as Belle, Colin O’Donoghue as Captain Hook, Michael Raymond-James as Neal Cassidy, Raphael Sbarge as Archie Hopper, Lee Arenberg as Grumpy, Beverley Elliott as Granny, Keegan Connor Tracy as The Blue Fairy, David Anders as Dr. Whale, Sarah Bolger as Aurora, Jamie Chung as Mulan, Ethan Embry as Greg Mendell, Sonequa Martin-Green as Tamara and Julian Morris as Prince Phillip.

Newbs: Sean Maguire as Robin Hood, Robbie Kay as Peter Pan, Rose McIver as Tinker Bell and JoAnna Garcia as Ariel.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Bang. I think the concept is great, going between the worlds is super fun, and I like most of the cast, but for some reason, I'm just not in it for love. I do know that the fan base is rabid, and I have been told that marathoning is actually the way to go, so I feel like it deserves that chance.

Mandy—Marry. OUAT is another show that I wasn’t sure about when it started; I worried that there wasn’t enough to create a whole series out of Regina’s curse, and in a way, I was right. But the showrunners have moved past that initial plot line to bigger and better things, and I’m really looking forward to seeing more of the magical lands. (They’re way more interesting than Small Town USA.)

Name: Revenge

Rap Sheet: Emily Thorne will continue her quest for revenge on the families that ruined hers during the show’s third season, which, if the Internet is to believed, will include a gunshot wound and an interesting relationship between Victoria and her long-lost son Patrick.

First Class Starts: Sunday, Sept. 29 on ABC

Clique: Madeleine Stowe as Victoria Grayson, Emily VanCamp as Emily Thorne, Gabriel Mann as Nolan Ross, Henry Czerny as Conrad Grayson, Nick Wechsler as Jack Porter, Josh Bowman as Daniel Grayson, Christa B. Allen as Charlotte Grayson, Barry Sloane as Aiden Mathis and Roger Bart as Mason Treadwell.

Newbs: Justin Hartley as Patrick Harper, Diogo Morgado as Dr. Jorge Velez and Karine Vanasse as Margaux LeMarchal.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Marry. Maybe this should be a torrid love affair as opposed to marriage, but I can't get enough of this show, and I never want it to go away. It had a rough patch in Season 2, I can admit that, but the show never fails to deliver on the cliffhangers, the shocking "who can I trust" reveals, and the steaminess (which is what we all really want). BTW, I'm by no means saying this show is high quality, I'm just saying it's one of the few shows I'm into enough to watch as close to live as possible, and then immediately need to call someone to discuss.

Mandy—Bang. I never really gave a proper chance to Revenge when it first started. I watched a couple of episodes of the first season, but then pushed it on to the “I’ll get there eventually” pile. If I can find the time, I’d like to give it another go.

Name: The Vampire Diaries

Rap Sheet: After a fourth season filled with twists, including Elena figuring out how to live as a vampire, the search for the cure for vampirism and Silas’ escape from his entombment, the fifth season is one of beginnings, with Elena and Caroline heading off to college, Elena and Damon taking their relationship to a new level, and Katherine dealing with her newly re-found humanity (and a possible relationship with Silas?).

First Class Starts: Thursday, Oct. 3 on The CW

Clique: Nina Dobrev as Elena/Katherine, Paul Wesley as Stefan, Ian Somerhalder as Damon, Steven R. McQueen as Jeremy, Kat Graham as Bonnie, Candice Accola as Caroline, Zach Roerig as Matt and Michael Trevino as Tyler.

Newb: Rick Cosnett as Dr. Wes Maxfield.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Bang. I was into it the first two seasons. Way into it. And then, I just don't know what happened. Well, I do know what happened, but in case you've never seen it, I don't want to spoil. It is arguable that the Salvatore brothers might be the hottest siblings on TV, if you're into that dark, brooding vampire thing ... which most of us are. Plus, bonus points for the transformation of Caroline. It takes a lot for a character to go from most annoying to sometimes the only reason to watch the show. Kudos to you!

Mandy—Kill. Sorry, TVD fans, but I fell off the Salvatore bandwagon at least a season and a half ago, and even though I miss it occasionally, I feel OK about having moved on.

Name: Hart of Dixie

Rap Sheet: The last time we saw Dr. Hart, she was running off to New York for a summer fellowship—and putting a little bit of space between herself and the men of Bluebell. The show’s third season will pick up with Zoe’s return to Alabama, and the introduction of a few new characters that will likely cause trouble (of the relationship variety) for the citizens of the town.

First Class Starts: Monday, Oct. 7 on The CW

Clique: Rachel Bilson as Dr. Zoe Hart, Jaime King as Lemon Breeland, Cress Williams as Lavon Hayes, Wilson Bethel as Wade Kinsella, Scott Porter as George Tucker, Tim Matheson as Dr. Brick Breeland, Kaitlyn Black as Annabeth Nass, McKaley Miller as Rose, Claudia Lee as Magnolia Breeland, Ross Phillips as Tom Long, Mallory Moye as Wanda, Reginald VelJohnson as Dash DeWitt, Laura Bell Bundy as Shelby.

Newbs: Josh Cooke as Joel, Ryan McPartlin (Captain Awesome!) as Carter Covington and Antoinette Robertson as Lynly (Lavon’s cousin).

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Bang. I've been told that it's in Wilson Bethel's contract that he has to be prepared to take his shirt off a certain number of times each episode. I don't know what that number is, but as long it's required, I will keep coming back. This is a cute show set in a quirky small town where Jason Street never lost his ability to walk. Plus, although Bluebell isn't quite Stars Hollow, they're filmed on the same set, so it's not so hard to pretend they might walk into Luke's at any minute.

Mandy—Marry. I grew up in a small town where everyone knew everyone else’s business, so there’s something homey and familiar about Hart of Dixie. Also, very few people I know can resist a TV series that involves festivals held in an adorable town square.

Name: Beauty and the Beast

Rap Sheet: Lots of discoveries about both Cat and Vincent’s pasts were made at the end of the show’s first season, as well as a deepening of the relationship between the two main characters. It’s not all going to be smooth sailing in season 2, however (is it ever?); both Cat and Vincent will be doing some soul searching and figuring out who they are as individuals before they can really move forward as a couple.

First Class Starts: Monday, Oct. 7 on The CW

Clique: Kristin Kreuk as Cat Chandler, Jay Ryan as Vincent Keller, Austin Basis as J.T. Forbes, Nina Lisandrello as Tess Vargas, Brian White as Joe Bishop and Nicole Anderson as Heather Chandler.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Kill. I don't get it. I tried to watch and just couldn't get into it. Also, the beast kind of gives me the creeps.

Mandy—Bang. Beauty and the Beast became such a guilty pleasure for me during the show’s first season. It’s a terrible soap opera of a show, filled with ridiculous premises and cheesy acting, and yet, I have a serious deep hurtin’ love for it. Truth be told, I’m really surprised it got picked up for a second season, but I’m going to ask you not to go spreading that around in case someone realizes they’ve made a mistake.

Name: Supernatural

Rap Sheet: Sam and Dean have been to hell and back more times that they remember, but they’re still willing to fight the good fight. In season eight, they tried to complete the trials to close the gates of hell forever, but didn’t quite get finished. In season nine, they’ll continue on the quest … and have to deal with that whole host of fallen angels Metatron kicked out of heaven. (Also: An episode in the spring will serve as a backdoor pilot for a potential spin-off series.)

First Class Starts: Tuesday, Oct. 8 on The CW

Clique: Jared Padalecki as Sam Winchester, Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester, Misha Collins as Castiel and Mark Sheppard as Crowley.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Bang. I have to admit I don't watch this show because when it started, I was a chicken and it gave me nightmares. But I did like the few episodes I watched enough to wish I had kept with it. I think it's too late to jump in now, but I do plan to marathon it one day.

Mandy—Marry. I’m totally OK with being in a polyamorous relationship with the men of Supernatural—both the good and the evil and the ones that wobble onto both sides of the line from time to time. (I’d even take Sam, if I had to.) I was starting to worry about the show during the start of season eight—the flashbacks were really so, so bad—but the second half of the series opened up some really fantastic storylines and got back to the heart of the show.

Name: Arrow

Rap Sheet: The Oliver Queen we learned to love in season 1 of the show might not be the same Oliver that we see at the start of the second season, particularly in the light of the destruction of much of The Glades and the death of Tommy Merlyn. He’ll continue on in his role as the Arrow, however; Starling City is broken, and therefore vulnerable to the machinations of some new villains.

First Class Starts: Wednesday, Oct. 9 on The CW

Clique: Stephen Amell as Oliver Queen, Katie Cassidy as Laurel Lance, David Ramsey as John Diggle, Willa Holland as Thea Queen, Susanna Thompson as Moira Queen, Paul Blackthorne as Detective Quentin Lance, Emily Bett Rickards as Felicity Smoak, Manu Bennett as Slade Wilson and Colton Haynes as Roy Harper.

Newbs: Celina Jade as Shado, Summer Glau as Isabel Rochev, Caity Lotz as Sara Lance (and likely also Black Canary), Kevin Alejandro as Brother Blood, Michael Jai White as Bronze Tiger, Bex Taylor-Klaus as Sin and someone yet-to-be-announced as Barry Allen/The Flash (who might getting a spin-off series from the role).

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Kill. My DVR keeps recording this and I kept letting it, but I just found myself not caring. Did I miss something? I think I must have because when I do try to catch up, I just feel confused and annoyed that I don't understand what's going on. Though if I did need to be saved by a superhero, Stephen Amell is definitely on the short list.

Mandy—Bang. Arrow filled the superhero void in my TV schedule pretty nicely, but it took itself a little too seriously for my tastes. I’ll keep watching, of course, but I hope that the showrunners can find a way to inject a little more levity into the second season. More Felicity, perhaps? (Yes, please!)

Name: The Carrie Diaries

Rap Sheet: Carrie and Austin took a train to Splitsville at the end of the show’s first season, and the introduction of Samantha Jones in the second can only mean one thing—more mischief and more boys. Much of season two will be devoted to the rollercoaster ride of Carrie and Samantha’s new friendship.

First Class Starts: Friday, Oct. 25 on The CW

Clique: AnnaSophia Robb as Carrie Bradshaw, Austin Butler as Sebastian Kydd, Ellen Wong as Jill Chen, Katie Findlay as Maggie Landers, Stefania Owen as Dorrit Bradshaw, Brendan Dooling as Walt Reynolds, Chloe Bridges as Donna LaDonna, Freema Agyeman as Larissa Loughlin and Matt Letscher as Tom Bradshaw.

Newbs: Lindsey Gort as Samantha Jones, someone yet-to-be-announced as Stanford Blatch.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Bang, or maybe kill. I can't decide! In the beginning, I thought it was a cute show. I like AnnaSophia Robb as a young Carrie Bradshaw, and who doesn't love a soundtrack full of 80's music? But the last few episodes started to be a little painful when she and the guy from Life Unexpected broke up like 7 times and each time had her crying like the world was ending. I'm not deleting it off my DVR, yet, but I'm going to need a major dose of Samantha to keep going.

Mandy—Kill. I never really jumped on the Sex and the City bandwagon when it was happening, and I therefore don’t really care to see how the women were as youths. The fact that Freema Agyeman is on the show is slightly tempting—serious Whovian here—but not enough to actually push me into wanting to watch.

Name: Grimm

Rap Sheet: Season two’s finale TBCed viewers in a big way, what with the zombies running rampant across Portland and Nick going catatonic thanks to the Baron spitting in his face. The show’s third season will, of course, figure out that whole mess and then delve into Adalind’s pregnancy and more of what the Royals are up to.

First Class Starts: Friday, Oct. 25 on NBC

Clique: David Giuntoli as Nick Burkhardt, Russell Hornsby as Hank Griffin, Bitsie Tulloch as Juliette Silverton, Silas Weir Mitchell as Monroe, Sasha Roiz as Captain Sean Renard, Reggie Lee as Sergeant Wu, Bree Turner as Rosalee Calvert and Claire Coffee as Adalind Schade.

Newb: Alexis Denisof as Victor.

Marry/Bang/Kill:

Emily—Bang. I find this show incredibly entertaining and a little creepy (but in a good way). It's not one of "my" shows (meaning I don't watch it week-to-week), but I do enjoy a good sidekick, and I think Monroe is one of my favorites on current TV.

Mandy—Bang. Can Monroe and Rosalee get their own show, please? I’m only continuing to watch this show because I heart the two of them so much.

It’ll be hard to wait until October for some of these CW shows, but there’s certainly plenty to tide us over until then. What say you—do you have a countdown going for any of these shows?

We’ll be back later this fall with our thoughts on some of the planned midseason shows!

Last month, I reviewed The Coldest Girl In Coldtown, which managed the impressive feat of making vampires exciting again. Author Holly Black graciously agreed to stop by FYA HQ and answer some of my questions about Tana, the aforementioned Coldest Girl and super fierce heroine of the novel. Holly, being a well-mannered guest, didn't come empty handed: she brought some champers copies of the book to give away!

1.  If I asked Pauline to describe Tana--her personality, her strengths, her weaknesses--what would she say?

Ha! I keep thinking about Pauline seeing the video footage of Tana that's been streaming out of Coldtown and being completely gobsmacked.
Pauline would have described Tana as being incredibly loyal, responsible (especially with her family and sister), funny and willing to do crazy stuff. She's a super supportive friend, willing to stay on the phone for hours after a break-up, to help Pauline memorize her lines for the school play, someone who puts aside her own stuff to help her friends get ahead. On the weaknesses side, Pauline would say that Tana won't always stand up for herself, can be kind of a pessimist and has a part of her that's kind of closed off to everyone.

2.  What did Tana like more while dating Aidan-- Aidan, or her feeling of power, of winning sex chicken?

I think what Tana liked most about Aidan and their game of sex chicken was that it made her feel like she understood Aidan and he understood her. She liked the feeling of winning, sure, but not as much as she liked the feeling of being understood. I don't think she was wrong either, I just think she scared him. He complained about past girlfriends scolding him, but secretly he liked it. Dating Tana was sometimes like feeling she was better at being Aidan than he was.

3.  If there had been a chance for Tana to pack for Coldtown, what personal possessions would she have included in her suitcase?

If Tana had been packing for Coldtown, she would have brought a lot more weapons, clean underwear, peanut butter, and granola bars, as well as a water purifying kid from the camping store, a jar of instant coffee, and a giant bottle of ibuprofen.

4.  In Winter's list of "The Top Ten Most Important Things To Bring To Coldtown," #7 is "something to make you stand out from the crowd." What is Tana's #7?

Well, Tana's unmarked skin is probably the thing that makes her stand out the most from the crowd. She has no marks on her arms from wearing shunts, which would be super unusual at a Coldtown party.

But I don't think Tana would necessarily take Winter's advice about what to bring to Coldtown, since she wants the absolute opposite of what Winter's list is designed to make happen.

* * *

As y'all can see, Tana is a badass, and I highly recommend that you get to know her further by reading The Coldest Girl In Coldtown. We're making it even easier to do that by giving away three copies of the book as well as a copy of the audiobook! Leave a comment with your own #7 for a chance to win, and check out Holly's tour schedule to see if she's bringing her awesomeness to a city near you.

BOOK REPORT for Relativity by Cristin Bishara

Cover Story: Cosmic Love
BFF Charm: Roger Murtaugh
Swoonworthy Scale: 2
Talky Talk: Science Keener
Bonus Factors: Parallel Universes, The Butterfly Effect
Relationship Status: Lab Partner -- and Nothing More

Cover Story: Cosmic Love

This is suuuuper nerdy, but SO FRICKIN' GORGEOUS -- no shame in carrying this book around. Heck, you might even be mistaken for a scholarly physicist! (If Denise Richards could* fake it, so can you.)

*The word "could" being used very loosely, of course.

The Deal:

After her widower father remarries, fifteen-year-old Ruby Wright is uprooted from San Francisco to small town Ohio. It's there that she discovers a wormhole to alternative realities: worlds where she has the perfect family, the perfect boyfriend... just not necessarily in the same place. But does that convergence of perfection even exist? And what is Ruby willing to sacrifice to find out?

BFF Charm: Roger Murtaugh

I'm not too old for Ruby's shizz because of her youth, since age ain't nothing but a number when it comes to my BFF charms. I just found her to be so infuriatingly realistic and believable in the worst possible ways. Even before she embarks on her search for that perfect universe, Ruby's selfishness is on full display with her attitude towards the move. Ruby, moving may suck but the world does not revolve around you -- a fact that, given her fervent science obsession (much more on that later), she should be fully aware of. Ruby is also super smart, which only amplifies that arrogance of youth. All painfully relatable traits, but none that I really want to revisit.

Swoonworthy Scale: 2

With Ruby's profuse proclamations about her feelings for George, I initially thought that they had been dating before she moved away from San Francisco. But in keeping with that way-too-young personality, Ruby's a Watts that has built up the relationship in her head. George is like a pair of skinny jeans away from being a pretentious hipster artist, i.e. NAW THANKS. Much like Ruby, he's more bearable without, y'know, the sole greatest passion in his life. 

Talky Talk: Science Keener

I'm not talking about an actual science keener -- because hello, I WAS one and I have never heard anyone speak like this. And I realize that the microcosm of nerds I have encountered in my life does not necessarily represent all possible nerds. But sweet baby cheeses, this narration lays it on THICK. I equate its style to that of The Big Bang Theory. And lest you think, "Oh, I love that show!" -- dear reader, that is not meant to be a compliment. I do not love that show. This book has that same try-hard, "This is what nerds would say" vibe.

And I swear this next anecdote has a point. I once had this prof who used ABSOLUTELY asinine analogies. His lectures just involved mindless copying of notes, so I eventually started transcribing all the ridonckulous that he was spouting. Here's a sampling from my actual notes:

This class was on neither agriculture nor fortress fortifying.

That's what I ended up doing for this book, too. Like when Ruby is trying to calm herself down, she uses some variation of the following. SEVEN TIMES.

Fill your lungs with fresh air, Ruby. N₂ and O₂ in, carbon dioxide out.

Or when she's problem-solving:

There's got to be a reasonable explanation -- for all of this. Maybe applying the scientific method will help.

Here she is, contemplating a risky decision:

Think of Sir Isaac Newton's first law of motion. You know -- an object in motion will remain in motion in a straight line with constant speed unless acted upon by an external and unbalanced force. There's no external force keeping me back.

Don't forget about her witty comebacks!

I yell over my shoulder, "You're one planet short of a solar system!"

I GET IT, BOOK -- SHE LIKES SCIENCE. Now kindly STOP BLUDGEONING ME in the head with it. As the obsession of my youth would say, too much of something is bad enough. Look, I can name-drop Michio Kaku too, but I don't feel a compulsive need to constantly validate my nerd status.

Adding to the frustration is Ruby's selective science knowledge. Girl has a freaking tattoo of the Einstein tensor and yet she needs to look up wormholes? For the reader's sake, sure, but that's more improbable than the existence of parallel universes.

As grating as I found these references, this book saved itself from DNF status many a time -- and I do mean MANY -- because of the premise. (And the cover. Frick, I love that cover.) The sparse pages in between science-y speak were MUCH welcomed respites and far, far too brief. Bishara's writing can certainly stand on its own without that distraction, and I wish it was given more of a chance to do so.

Bonus Factor: Parallel Universes

Parallel universes are def. one of my deal makers. Since some of Ruby's stays are shorter than others, the book only scratches the surface of some v. interesting possibilities. Esp. for Ruby's stepsister Kandy, a whole freaking alternative history of the U.S., as well as everything in the darkest timeline.

Bonus Factor: The Butterfly Effect

Did you know that this shitty movie has, not one, but TWO sequels? And that I have watched both of them? (I feel like neither of these things should surprise you.) Fortunately, the only commonality with this book is the eponymous effect. There are some major differences between the universes, but the subtle nuances intrigue me the most. Which sounds more like Sliding Doors territory, and now I've gone full circle with mediocre alternative universe movies.

Casting Call:

If there ever is a movie adaptation, please spare me from voiceovers and the science that lives inside of Ruby's head. 

Isabelle Fuhrman as Ruby

Relationship Status: Lab Partner -- and Nothing More

Book, you have some neat ideas. In fact, I wouldn't have minded if you dug a little deeper into your theories. BUT. My eyes nearly roll out of their sockets whenever I'm with you. So, uh, let's sit separately at the caf, OK?

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my free review copy from Bloomsbury. I received neither money nor froyo for writing this review (dammit!). Relativity will be available on September 10th.

Follow along the whole rewatch here!

Previously, on Veronica Mars...

You guys. This day is horrible. My team lost, Roger Federer lost, and THIS POST WAS LOST. (Plus: WORK.) So I'm in dire need of GIFs more than EVER.

From the corrections department! In the frenzy of last week's rewatch, I totally forgot one of my favourite exchanges. Probably because I can't find a GIF of it, which is absolutely criminal. Anyway, it happens immediately after this:

And then it goes a little something like this:

That's certainly evident in this rewatch, don't you think?

THE OFFICIAL FYA VERONICA MARS DRINKING GAME

Take a drink every time:

•  Someone says "Veronica Mars", even when they know full well who she is and there's no other Veronica in all of Neptune

•  Veronica uses her camera

•  Mars family members hug (Backup counts!)

•  Backup appears (take an extra drink when Backup gets recast)

•  Someone mentions the 90909 zip code or '09ers

•  Someone uses a disguise/alias/fake voice

•  A character, initially introduced as good, turns out to be a baddie (or vice versa)

•  Fisticuffs occur

•  Veronica has a meeting in a bathroom

•  Logan's voicemail greeting is heard

•  A Taser is used

•   Veronica mentions ponies or unicorns

• Season 1 specific: Lilly appears in a flashback (pour one out when it's her corpse)

Onto the episodes!

MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 1x20: "M.A.D."

Carmen's trying to dump her jerkwad boyfriend Tad. But as per his jerkwad tendencies, he ain't having it. He blackmails her to stay with him using a video of her skinny-dipping and going down on a popsicle. While it'd be fairly traumatic to have that circulate, it seems pretty tame, no? Esp. since Carmen says it's worse than a sex tape. Like, really? Carmen, are you sure you're doing it right? Though you were sexing Tad, so I can't say I blame your lack of enthusiasm (or any other -asms).

Carmen goes back to Tad, both out of fear and to obtain compromising footage of him for a photoshop setup. (It's much more believable than the flyers from A Walk to Remember. But of course it would be; Mac does not do shoddy work.) Tad plays like he's backing off, but he spams the school with the video anyway. He also says things like "I never wanted to hurt you. You made me do it." without REPEATEDLY PUNCHING HIMSELF, because that's sure as shit what I'd like to do.

Veronica's all set to retaliate, but Carmen is yet another wronged party that takes the high road. Won't anyone take the low road!? Why is there so much sage wisdom in these teens?! So Tad gets away with his douchebaggery, but not before he gets the flagpole treatment from the PCHers.

How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count)  6

Oh yeah -- this def. counts as a bathroom meeting.

A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends:

Seeing the video of Carmen triggers Veronica's memory of passing out at Shelly Pomroy's party.

File Under Lilly Kane's Murder:

Suspected sister-fucker -killer Duncan is on the lam (well, not the Lamb, that's someone else. FORESHADOWING!), and there's a $50K bounty on him. But since Veronica inadvertently gave Duncan a crash course on how to disappear, finding him is proving harder than Keith thought it'd be. Weevil provides a tip on Duncan's getaway vehicle, which leads to a dead end in Tijuana, but Mac traces a passport bought off of eBay to the donut. And now I'm wistful for a Season 4, in which Weevil, Mac, and Wallace all become employees at Mars Investigations.

Life on Mars:

Keith and Alicia are so cute; they have weekly date nights for ballroom dancing. They run into a bit of trouble when Clarence Wiedman tells Alicia to stop dating Keith, because that sounds like a legal employment practice. Alicia's also pissed that Wallace delivered a bug to Wiedman's office. (Slight spoiler alert, but I kind of hope they're together in the movie.)

But! The real story is Veronica and Logan, NO DOY. The stealthy glances, THE BATHROOM MAKE-OUT... yes, Logan -- secrets ARE kind of hot.

As much as I enjoy the make-outs (even if admitting as such makes me feel a wee voyeuristic), I really love -- LoVe, GET IT?!? -- the little kisses on the cheek that he gives her at the end. Kind of like, "Just one more!" and he can't get enough of her and sighhhh. Logan Echolls, you give me unrealistic expectations of the redeemability of jackasses.

Veronica also finds out that the person who brought les drugs to the infamous party at Shelly Pomroy's was none other than Logan. So she bails on their planned romantic getaway without so much as a word and GAHHHHHH poor little rich boy.

MVP (Most Marshmallow's Valuable Player): Aaron

HEAR ME OUT, Y'ALL. Last week, commenter (and my FYA Book Club friend!) AnimeJune mentioned how Aaron would seem like a great dad in "Hot Dogs" without any prior knowledge. I'd say that this episode is an even better submission for Aaron's Runner-Up Father of the Year award. (Winner is Keith, obvs. Everyone else is just playing for second.) Aaron covers for Logan's secret tryst! He drives Veronica home! He expresses concern for Logan's well-being! And there aren't even any veiled threats of child abuse! What a swell guy.

Best Reminder That It's 2005 (That Hasn't Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do):

Omg -- SO MANY REMINDERS. Some things feel antiquated for me (the school's cell phone policy, the rampant gay bashing), but maybe there hasn't been as much progress as I think since my own high school days. Others are definite products of their time: Paris Hilton (how meta!), the Star Wars Kid, and Don't Ask, Don't Tell. There's also a lot of naivety re: digital files -- like Veronica asking Mac if videos have timestamps. CHILD PLEASE, that's a waste of Mac's talents.

And the Snark Award Goes To...: Veronica

A prime example of Veronica deflecting relationship talk with humour. Logan cancels a bro trip to be with her, to which she responds:

Neptune Cameo:

Kyle Gallner as Beaver/Cassidy Casablancas

Yup, a stint on Smallville earns him a cameo mention. We'll talk a lot more about this later fer shure, but Beaver's characterization changes A LOT. When we first meet him, he's all for making fun of Veronica. But by the next episode, he's the quiet, sensitive foil to his lewd, boisterous brother. (And let's not get too far ahead of ourselves with where else his character goes... )

Song for a Spy's Soundtrack: "Crimson and Clover" by Tommy James and the Shondells

This is a bit ironic, since I've criticized Neptunians for not taking allegations from victims seriously. But VERONICAAAAAAA, can you just TALK to Logan first!? USE YOUR WORDS, PLEASEEEE. Instead of leaving him by his lonesome (albeit on a yacht with champers) as this song plays on.

MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 1x21: "A Trip to the Dentist"

How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count)  5

A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends:

Veronica finally finds out what really happened the night of Shelly Pomroy's party. My favourite part is how heavily biased some of these recollections are, depending on their narrators.

So Veronica arrives at the party, enraging Madison with her mere presence. Like any caring boyfriend is wont to do, Dick slips Madison some GHB to get her to chillax. Instead, Madison unknowingly hands V. a spiked drink, after very knowingly spitting in it. (My notes say "Seriously, this bitch." Which pretty sums it all.)

Contrary to Madison's revisionist history of V. pushing herself onto Dick (WOW that wasn't even intentional), an impaired Veronica is at the mercy of the '09ers. They do body shots off of her, before Duncan intervenes and drops her off to... be fed drinks by Dick and Co. After they try to get Veronica to make out with everyone, they leave her in a guest bedroom for Beaver. EWW EWW EWW what kind of person would be like, "Have a rape to lose your v-card, bro"?

Anyway, Beaver insists that nothing happened and that he left Veronica passed out on the bed. (Mmm-hmm.) Which is where Duncan, also on GHB because of Logan, finds her and they have the sex. But the way Duncan remembers it, it had been an unspoken but consensual mistake. He bolted in the morning once he realized that HE SLEPT WITH VERONICA WHEN HE THOUGHT SHE WAS HIS SISTER. Meanwhile, Lilly's ghost is like, "No more visits for Duncan."

File Under Lilly Kane's Murder:

Present day! Keith tracks down Duncan and his ugly facial hair in Cuba. Celeste refuses to issue the reward money, citing Veronica's prior arrangement of dropping the charges against Weevil for breaking and entering. Although Keith has better luck with an escort in Vegas. Not libido-wise, but for Abel Koontz's alibi at the time of Lilly's death.

Life on Mars:

Veronica's disgusted that Logan provided the drugs that robbed her of her memories. Logan is understandably confused. This is why words are useful, V.!

Logan's horrified to discover the role he played in Veronica thinking that she was raped. But they make up and they make out, as they arrive for dinner with Aaron. Which turns out to be Aaron's ill-advised attempts to bond with Logan, in the form of a surprise birthday party with all the '09ers.

Everyone's pretty stunned by this relationship, but Logan has zero tolerance for anyone badmouthing his girlfriend. Duncan chooses to wander off on his lonesome, to RAGE OUT at a car instead. And Meg loses all the goodwill she gained from dissing The Sun Also Rises by being all jelly that Duncan will never love her like a sister Veronica.

Anyway, Logan and Veronica sneak off to the pool house, because how good can any party be without Wallace, Mac, or Weevil? And more importantly, they've only made out once since their reconciliation.

While Logan is off fetching refreshments -- all that making out makes one parched, you know? -- Veronica follows Deputy Leo's instructions of staring at the ceiling (though he probably didn't mean with somebody else). She's horrified to learn that there are cameras focused on the bed, and she promptly has Weevil pick her up. I know that hindsight has me extremely biased towards Logan, but VERONICAAAA -- can you PLEASE just talk to him first before ditching him yet again? Or should we just name that move the Veronica Mars?

In non-romantical news, Veronica finally opens up to Wallace about everything -- the rape, the murder. She has a good cry, and they're the bestest of besties. She's also come around on Keith's relationship with Alicia, just in time for FUCKING LIANNE to come back.

MVP (Most Marshmallow's Valuable Player): Logan

Logan may be way messed up and intense, but he says such perfect things!

Best Reminder That It's 2005 (That Hasn't Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do):

Hmmm, no major infractions. But how about the setup for the sex den? You can probably go way more covert nowadays. Yay technology?

And the Snark Award Goes To...: Weevil! And Bonus Dick!

When Veronica and Logan are on the outs (the first time in this ep, I mean), Weevil is very sweet and protective of her.

Plus! A testament to what this show got away with (and how the fratty young-ness doesn't do justice to Ryan Hansen's current hotness):

And noooope, I shall never tire of the Dick jokes.

Neptune Cameos:

OMG -- everyone! (Except for Mac, but it wouldn't have made sense to shoehorn her into this storyline.) The reappearances of all these classmates really make Neptune High seem like a real school and community.

An extra note on accidental (incidental?) continuity: Beaver mentioned that he was flirting with an easy freshman named Cindy. Did the show momentarily forget that it already had an awesome junior named Cindy (MacKenzie)? Or were the late '80s just swarmed with Cindys? I blame you, Lauper.

Song for a Spy's Soundtrack: "I Touch Myself" by Saucy Monky

I don't really care for this song, since I like lyrics with more subtlety than "My Ding-a-Ling". (Side note: I'm so immature; that link cracked my shizz up.) But I have no time to pick something else, so it'll do!

MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 1x22: "Leave It to Beaver"

How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count)  13

Given the number of times the name "Keith Mars" is invoked, that could be an honourary rule for this episode. Also because Keith Mars is an indisputable BADASS.

A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends:

The only real memory is of Lilly hiding photos of naked Italians in the vent. But she shows up in Veronica's imagination of how the murder went down, and later on in a dream.

File Under Lilly Kane's Murder:

In light of Keith going public with his proof of a cover-up, Beaver* gets skittish about a secret that he swore to take to the grave. (Hasn't he learned that two can keep a secret if one of them is dead? Spoiler alert, but he soon will.)

*I always liked how Veronica only called him by his real name after being corrected. But such manners clearly don't apply to me.

Anyway, Dick and Beav have been lying about Logan's whereabouts on the day of the murder. Logan came back from their Mexico trip early to see Lilly, and there's even corroborating evidence. It's enough to get him questioned by the Sheriff's department, but not enough to hold him. Unfortunately, the PCHers are bound by no such laws, as Weevil leads the charge against Logan the suspected Lilly killer...

OR IS HE?! Jake tells Duncan that he did indeed sleep with kill his sister. Celeste and Jake came home to find Duncan, covered in blood, cradling a lifeless Lilly. And the elder Kanes covered it up for their son the sister killer. (I know I joke, but I do actually sympathize with the Kanes, who think they've lost one child because of the other. Well, with Jake, anyway.)

OR IS HE?! Veronica follows a lead to clear Logan's name, by checking Lilly's fave hiding spot. She finds a bunch of tapes, i.e. pool house sex tapes. Of Lilly and Aaron -- and ewwww Lilly! Fathers and sons should not be sharing girlfriends; just ask Jocasta! (Or -- spoiler alert -- in a few episodes' time, Kendall.)

Veronica's finally able to piece together the entire picture. Lilly and Aaron were having an affair, which he was taping because he's a vanity monster. But she discovers the cameras, much like Veronica did (though I don't think I'd be nearly that perceptive). Lilly races back home, resulting in that traffic ticket, and stashes the tapes away. Aaron catches up to her, smashing her head in when she refuses to give the tapes back. Then Duncan comes home to discover her body. And for all the shit that I talk about him (and will continue to do so in Season 2), I actually quite like him in this scene.

With damning evidence in tow, Veronica heads home while Duncan is supposed to keep an eye on Aaron. But really, they should have made sure Aaron was actually under surveillance before V. left, because he's totally hiding in her backseat. So Veronica CRASHES THE CAR. But even badasses aren't immune to fear; even though I know she ends up OK, seeing Veronica so terrified still gets to me.

The crash manages to slow Aaron down, but Veronica's quick-thinking of scattering the tapes saves her from meeting the same fate as Lilly. Also here to save Veronica: KEITH, in all his BAMF glory. And when the authorities and the Kanes arrive, Jake's heartbreak is on full display. (Sorry for ever doubting you, bro.)

Life on Mars:

So that reward money for finding Duncan: Celeste is willing to hand over the $50K, on the condition that V. relinquishes future claims to the Kane fortune. Veronica signs off on it without hesitation -- though there was never any need to do so, since Keith is undoubtedly her father! Veronica also lets Duncan in on the news, though that still does not erase him sleeping with her while thinking that she was his sister.

With that confirmation and Lianne's return, the Mars family unit is whole and intact. But Veronica finds out that Lianne is already back on the bottle and that she never completed the rehab that was paid for by Veronica's college money. Finally wising up to what a shitty mother she has, Veronica tells Lianne to take a hike. Which she obliges, but not before stealing the cheque from the Kanes. So... did the Kanes just make that out to "cash"? Because how the hell else would Lianne be able to cash that?

As for Mars Junior, she totally plays Logan, in light of news that he saw Lilly on the morning of her death. Veronica says she's just putting their relationship on hold, but really, she's just making sure he doesn't run before she turns him in. Logan uses his one phone call to contact her, only to find out that she betrayed him. And GAHHHH Logan just needs all the hugs after this:

ANYWAY. In the aftermath of the craziness, Veronica gets a knock at the door at 3 AM, greeting the person with "I was hoping it would be you." BUT YOU WHO?! (Aren't you glad you don't have to wait a whole summer to find out?)

MVP (Most Marshmallow's Valuable Player): Keith

YEAH OBVIOUSLY.

Keith wasn't directly responsible for this one, but I doubt you'd object to watching this:

Best Reminder That It's 2005 (That Hasn't Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do):

The Kanes are obvi holding a function for the Governator. Though why Aaron had to attend it to meet him is beyond me. Wouldn't they have ran in the same acting circles? But I guess this is a pre-Expendables age.

And the Snark Award Goes To...: Logan

It doubles as an outdated reference, but it's probably not the best move when being interrogated for a murder investigation.

Lamb:  [tapping finger on table] You said you were in Mexico the day of Lilly's murder. Why?

Logan:  How many episodes of NYPD Blue did you have to watch to get that finger tapping down?

Lamb:  I asked you a question.

Logan:  And I ignored it and moved on. Keep up.

Neptune Cameo:

No one new -- but sayanora, Lianne! Don't let the door tempt you to bankrupt your child even more on your way out.

Song for a Spy's Soundtrack: "Lilly Dreams On" by Cotton Mather

As much as it pains me to choose anybody over Shirley Manson, this is a beautiful farewell.

That's it for this week, Marshmallows! So what's everyone's fave episode from Season 1? In the interest of, well, interest, we should probably omit "Weapons of Class Destruction". You know -- this episode?

You didn't really think we've seen the last of that GIF, did you? Anyway, join me next week for the start of Season 2, with "Normal Is the Watchword" and "Driver Ed".

Welcome back to the YA Movie News Roundup, hopefully getting you through your first day back to work after the long weekend!

Hunger Games sequel news is ramping up, both for the upcoming Catching Fire and 2014-2015's Mockingjay I & II. Above, behold the new tributes banner for Catching Fire. I love that the Hunger Games series continues to use this beautiful, painted look for their marketing materials instead of the usual "debris flying around a statuesque silhouette" thing that all other action movies use. 

Also, more Mockingjay casting news! Last week we learned who would be playing Annie and Cressida, and this week we discover the man behind Messalla, the super handsome Evan Ross. He looks like this:

I'll be honest - I have literally no memory of this character, so take it away, EW! 

The 25-year-old will play the assistant to Cressida, who is part of the TV crew that follows Katniss and shoots short propaganda films. Ross was previously seen as Charlie Selby on The CW’s 90210 and the film Jeff, Who Lives At Home.

Okay then! Ender's Game set visit reports are popping up, and the journalists seem encouraged by what they saw. Here's io9's, and here's CinemaBlend's. You can read an interview with Ender's Game director Gavin Hood here, and MTV spoke with the stars Asa Butterfield and Hailee Steinfeld here.

And have we complained yet about how the tagline on the Ender's Game poster spoils the entire story? Seriously, don't click on this (or look at any posters!) if you haven't read the book. 

Mike Birbiglia - of This American Life, Sleepwalk With Me and general funny person fame - has been cast as The Fault in Our Stars' Patrick, the leader of Hazel's teen cancer support group. He looks like this: 

This is a little old but I missed it last week: Addison Timlin (Californication, Cashmere Mafia) and Jeremy Irvine (War Horse, a different Pip in a different Great Expectations than this awesome one) have been tapped for Fallen, Scott Hicks' adaptation of Lauren Kate's gothic YA thriller. They look like this: 

And while Fifty Shades of Grey is more mom-aged than teenaged, since it started its life as Twilight fan fiction, I guess it applies for the purposes of this column. Charlie Hunnam (Undeclared, Pacific Rim, Sons of Anarchy) and Dakota Johnson (21 Jump Street, The Five-Year Engagement, Ben and Kate) have been hired to play Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele (egads, those names) in the sexy sexy sex movie from E.L. James' book out next August. They look like this: 

Kristen Bell gave a great interview with Vanity Fair about the Veronica Mars movie (as well as her newest release The Lifeguard, plus sloths and mockingbirds and other fun things), and you can read that here. Also, super randomly but very intriguingly, Veronica Mars director and creator Rob Thomas is developing a Les Miserables TV series for Fox that will be a:

contemporary soap...about a brilliant lawyer who was unjustly convicted years prior and now works to exonerate innocent clients, while juggling his own family and romantic life. 

This sounds very little like Les Miserables other than the "unjustly convicted" part, but hey, anything with Rob Thomas (and his frequent cohorts Danielle Stokdyk and Dan Etheridge) is okay by me!

Finally, Bloomberg predicts what's next for the YA movie market in light of Mortal Instruments' box office failure. I guess we'll see! 

Lay it on me in the comments - lots of casting news this week, so how do you feel about Christian and Anastasia, Patrick and Messalla?

BOOK REPORT for More Than This by Patrick Ness

Cover Story: Holodeck Adventure
BFF Charm: Let Me Love You
Swoonworthy Scale: 2
Talky Talk: Runner’s High
Bonus Factors: Surprises
Relationship Status: Repopulate The Planet

I do not know how I’ve gone this long without having Patrick Ness’ genius in my life. And I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you much—#becausespoilers—but I can tell you that More Than This does. Not. Disappoint. Check out the rest of this review over at our series on Kirkus!

Also: This interactive cover for More Than This—featuring a video message from Mr. Ness—is pretty swank!

Follow along the whole rewatch here!

Last week, on Gilmore Girls...

It's Week 19 of our Rewatch Project, and you know what that means? Random flashback! Ever wonder what Lorelai and Christopher looked like when they were teens? No? Well too bad - you're gonna find out anyway.

But first! A reminder of our drinking game rules. 

 The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.

Emily gets flustered by Lorelai's bizarre sense of humor.

Sookie is controlling about food.

Paris is controlling about anything.

Michel snubs a customer.

Luke is crotchety.

Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.

The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.

Drink twice every time:

Kirk has a new job.

You see a town troubadour.

Emily gets a new maid.

You see a moment from the credits.

On to the episodes!

3.13 "Dear Emily and Richard"

Rory and Lorelai are gearing up for their post-graduation Europe backpacking trip, and Emily and Richard are aghast to learn that they'll be sleeping in hostels. Emily sends Lorelai a bunch of their old Europe travel guides, the ones that Lorelai used to pore over as a teen, and this, combined with the fact that Sherry's having her baby, sends Lorelai spiraling into a vortex of flashbacks, recalling the days that she and Christopher were young and carefree - and then less carefree, and then right up until she runs away from her parents with Rory in her arms. 

I know a lot of people don't like this episode, and it's true - the actors cast as young Lorelai and Christopher look nothing like their older counterparts, and they're also missing a sort of joie de vivre that make present day Lorelai and Christopher so delightful. However, I still enjoy seeing the events we've heard about for so long unfold, and it's especially worth it to see Richard and Emily look like this: 

And these flashbacks lead to something quite nice, a healing moment between Lorelai and Emily. It seems Lor's remembering how much it must have hurt Emily to learn that her daughter ran away with her infant granddaughter (and Kelly Bishop slays me in that scene), so she's really sweet to her during their alone time, and she buys her a DVD player and a bunch of musicals to keep her company while Richard's away on his many business trips. It's a lovely truce between the two, and if we have to sit through some sepia-toned, '80s-garbed flashbacks to get there, I think it's a fair deal.

And yes, a newly blonde Sherry is in the hospital in labor with Gigi, and poor Rory's stuck there by herself until she begs Lorelai to join her. Lorelai can't quite hide her jealousy at seeing an overjoyed Christopher going into the delivery room with Sherry, and they later spend a quiet moment looking over baby Gigi - at which point Lorelai cannot help but point out that Gigi is only second best to Rory. Kind of a rude thing to say to the kid's father on the day of her birth, but we'll let it slide since she's being forced to witness the delivery of the baby that broke up her and Christopher. Oh, and high-strung Sherry keeps trying to work even as she's having contractions, naturally.

It seems as if things are progressing nicely with Luke and Nicole, and Luke cleans up quite well for his new lady friend - a fact that Lorelai certainly notices. I like that Jess is being so encouraging, in his uncouth Jess way, to Luke when it comes to Nicole, and I like that Lorelai doesn't like seeing Luke all handsome and clean-shaven for another woman. He's wearing the sweater Lorelai bought him for his date with Nicole, and I don't know if that bothers Lorelai more or less.

And finally, there's some macho B.S. between Dean and Jess that doesn't make either of them look great, so we'll skip it.

How many times do I have to drink?

12.

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

3.

Flirtation quota:

Lorelai doesn't hesitate to tell Luke how nice he looks when she sees him sans scruff and backwards cap, and then they have this adorable handsy fight when he lets Nicole use her cell phone inside the diner - not like Lorelai ever follows that rule, either.

Best/most dated pop culture reference:

About the box of guides Emily sent to the house, Lorelai: "No, sweetie, these aren’t our kind of travel books. These are Paris and Nicky Hilton’s kind of travel books."

Sookie's best dish of the episode:

She makes this golf ball cake! 

Which goes promptly in the garbage after Lorelai informs her that the guest of honor has changed the theme of his retirement party for the umpteenth time.

Lorelai's craziest outfit:

Adult Lorelai's got nothin' on Teen Lorelai! 

Kirk insanity:

He sits silently at the diner counter for four straight hours because his TV's broken at home. 

Michel madness:

Michel's idea for handling the wishy-washy retirement party guy: "So, why don’t we dig a big hole, throw him in, hand everybody a shovel, they take turns covering him up. We go inside, have dinner, the wife gets used to eating alone..."

Best Gilmore Gal witticism:

When Lorelai asks Emily if she watches TV when Richard's out of town, Emily replies, "I don’t watch that much television. I don’t find forensic work quite as fascinating as the rest of the world."

Random observation:

Another thing I love from the flashbacks is watching Emily defend Lorelai to Christopher's jerk dad Straub. Straub and Francine keep trying to blame Lorelai, as if Christopher had nothing to do with the pregnancy. Emily points out that they're in this situation together and Straub blusters, "I don't see why. Why should Christopher sacrifice everything we’ve planned for him just because –" and Emily cuts him off, cold as ice: "Choose your words extremely carefully, Straub." Great Emily episode!

3.14 "Swan Song"

The first few times I saw this episode, I always thought of it as one more example of Jess being a jerk. However, to my surprise, this time I found myself thinking he's kind of...cute in this episode? You Jess Advocates are wearing me down! (Nah, not really, he still drives me crazy.) Lorelai is going to New York with Billy Burke, Sookie and Jackson, and Richard's out of town, so Emily manipulates Rory into manipulating Jess into Friday night dinner, just the three of them. He's typically grumpy about it but she woos him into it, and then he shows up half an hour late and with a black eye. Emily is SO WONDERFUL in this episode - doing everything she can to make the evening go smoothly and being sweet as pie to Jess even though he's a monosyllabic dickhead throughout the meal. But Rory certainly isn't helping - she's convinced he got into a fight with Dean, so she keeps bringing up the black eye during dinner, ruining Jess' only opportunity to make a good first impression on Emily. He storms out and Rory stays the night, and when she talks to Lorelai on the phone the next morning and tells her what an angel Emily was, Lorelai thanks Emily - who in turn lets out all of her bottled rage that Lorelai would dare let this hoodlum date her precious granddaughter. 

Jess keeps stomping around and avoiding Rory's calls until Luke gives him a talking to - "Dean had that girl for two years. You have a little fight after two months, you walk out, and it’s over?" Jess finally confesses the source of his black eye - a swan! He was ambushed by a swan! Pretty damn cute. So he takes Luke's advice to heart and makes up REALLY sweetly with Rory, and he even promises to make a better impression "the next time" he goes to Emily's house, which I must admit is a pretty big deal. He prepares to tell Rory the truth about that mean ol' bully of a swan - and then tells her instead he was hit in the face with a football, because he still wants to impress her. Also cute!

Meanwhile, Lorelai has walked in on Jess and Rory doing some pretty horizontal making out, and she starts to wig that Rory is ready for sex with Jess. Rory swears she isn't - until after their hot makeup makeout sesh, and then she tells Lorelai she might be ready to start thinking about it. Lorelai loses her mind but tries to keep her mantle of Cool Mom. 

In other news, Billy Burke is boring. Luke doesn't seem at all jealous when he learns that Lorelai is going to New York with Billy Burke, because it turns out he's gone several times with Nicole! Things sure are getting serious with those two, and gosh, it looks like Luke's a good boyfriend. PAY ATTENTION, LORELAI. 

Finally: Mrs. Kim runs into Dave Rygalski and the rest of the band, and she tells him in front of Zach and Brian that Lane has a crush on him and he should be careful. She also mentions his Christian accompaniment side gig, and Zach and Brian are so dumb that they gloss right over the Lane crush part and think Dave's been trying to hide that he's a Christian from them. 

How many times do I have to drink?

3.

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

2.

Flirtation quota:

Lorelai and Billy Burke have ZERO CHEMISTRY. Dean and Rory, however, do have chemistry even while broken up - they spend a little innocent time together at Miss Patty's, and it's pretty cute, I must say. But not nearly as cute as this:

I love book flirting! Rory later agrees to loan Jess the book if he'll come to Friday night dinner, so I think this whole thing was a very wily scheme on her part. 

Also, when Lorelai mentions to Luke that she has to go shopping for winter clothes, he rattles off several of her winter items. He's memorized her wardrobe! <3

Best/most dated pop culture reference:

The above coveted book is this one, by Lawrence Lipton, Venice Beach beatnik father to James Lipton of Inside The Actors Studio fame. Jess: "The guy with the beard?" Rory: "Yeah, the pointy beard. That’s his dad writing at his desk." Jess: "Oh, it’s weird that a weird beatnik-y guy would have a conservative son like that." Rory: "Maybe he’s not that conservative. Maybe at night, he, like, takes off his clothes and parties." Jess: "Aw, man, now get that picture out of my head." You and me both, Jess.

Sookie's best dish of the episode/Michel madness:

Nope. 

Lorelai's craziest outfit:

There were actually a lot of contenders in this ep, but none that reached the insanity of THIS FREAKING HAT.

Also, as you can see, Billy Burke's hair has not improved.

Kirk insanity:

He directs Miss Patty's one-woman production, "Buckle Up, I'm Patty." He has some, uhm, creative changes he'd like to make to Miss Patty's reminiscences. 

Kirk: 'How about if [Bette Davis] says, 'Doll, you’ve got the gams, but I’ve got a body in the trunk of my car.' "

Miss Patty: "Why would she say that?"

Kirk: "Because she’s a murderer. I think it works."

Best Gilmore Gal witticism:

I just like the way Lorelai tortures New York bar patrons: "Then we picked the same Dean Martin song on the jukebox twenty-five times and people started complaining, so we picked the Bee Gees’ 'New York Mining Disaster' and they begged for Dean Martin back."

Random observation:

Seriously, what happened? The first time I saw this I wanted to throttle Jess. This time I found myself wanting to throttle Rory a little and give Jess an ice pack and a hug.

3.15 "Face-Off"

Oh don't worry, never mind - I'm right back to wanting to throttle Jess. He's in Ultimate Rebel Dude mode, refusing to call Rory when he said he would and acting like that should be okay with her: "Rory knows I’m not the kind of guy who lives by a schedule." THAT SENTENCE ACTUALLY MAKES ME WANT TO MURDER HIM. Rory, meanwhile, is remembering how Dean always called when he said he would (and, to be fair, way more often than she actually wanted him to, but she's conveniently forgotten that part.) Rory spends 36 hours moping around, waiting for Jess to call, when Lorelai gives her some great advice: "Out of the house! Get out of the house...Look, let’s say he does call. You can’t be the kind of girl that gets all mad in her head and then forgets everything once he deigns to show up, right?" Right! So Rory leaves to meet Lane and Young Chui at the hockey game.

Wait, Young Chui? Yes, Lane and Young Chui are fake dating, because he's really dating a Japanese girl named Karen of whom his parents do not approve. As Lane says, "He's the male me." Karen is super jealous of Lane, but Lane thinks Dave is totally cool with the subterfuge - until Dave sprints a mile just to check on Lane and Young Chui at the hockey game, and Lane realizes Dave is jealous, too. CUTEST CUTEST CUTEST. 

Theirs isn't the only romantic connection at the hockey game - Rory discovers, to her dismay, that Dean is now dating Lindsay from Stars Hollow High. She tries her best to be grown-up about it, and I'm proud of her. She tells Dean how sweet she thinks Lindsay is, and Lindsay does seem sweet. This is Lindsay. 

Rory admits to Lane that yes, deep down she sort of thought Dean would wait around forever for her, but she knows that's unfair. I really think Rory's being great here - she can't help her feelings, but she's doing her best to rise above them. But after a lovely, mature conversation with Dean, she marches over to the phone (pay phone? Doesn't she have a cell phone?) and leaves a message for Jess, telling him she's not about to keep sitting around waiting for him to call. I'm proud of her again - but when she walks outside and sees him standing there, ready to take her to a Distillers' concert HE HADN'T EVEN MENTIONED BEFORE, she does sort of become the girl who forgets everything when the boy deigns to show up. She even tells him to delete his messages when he gets home, and then later that night, as she's lying in bed, she seems to realize that Jess isn't making her happy, and she isn't proud of herself for letting him walk all over her. 

Speaking of being walked all over, Trix is staying a few nights with Richard and Emily and being an EXTRA nightmare to Emily. Poor Emily is being driven insane - until she happens to walk in on Trix and a man in a purple jogging suit macking by the fireplace. She's delighted to have something on the imperious Trix, and though she promises a gently chastising Lorelai that she won't use it against Trix, one more bitchy comment from her mother-in-law and she spills it in front of Trix's friends and Richard. Trix is mortified, Richard is shocked, Lorelai is suppressing laughter - but this wacky melodrama leads to a bit of a truce between Trix and Emily, or at least some grudging respect and honesty on both sides. And thankfully, Richard finds the whole thing hilarious! "I guess I've got a new daddy!"

How many times do I have to drink?

7.

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

3.

Flirtation quota:

Other than the massive cuteness of Dave and Lane, not a lot of flirting going on since Jess is being a jerk and Dean has a new girlfriend. But Luke got a haircut! YAY HAIRCUT!

Just so you know, I'm going to continue screen-capping every time Luke gets a haircut. These moments are precious few and we must take note of them.

Best/most dated pop culture reference:

Taylor actually made me laugh out loud, and not at him for once! Taylor: "My dear, do you realize that this is the first time [the hockey team has] been in the regional semifinals in forty-three years?" Rory: "But didn’t we only make it this far because the Litchfield team got food poisoning?" Taylor: "Well, I admit it’s not exactly the plot of Hoosiers, but still it’s very, very exciting."

Sookie's best dish of the episode/Michel madness:

Nope, nada, nuh-huh.

Lorelai's craziest outfit:

Not her worst work, but this doll shirt's kinda weird:

Kirk insanity:

Kirk's the announcer for the hockey game (drink!), even though he knows less than nothing about hockey. And this is his closing monologue after a tragic Stars Hollow High defeat. "Well, ladies and gentlemen, much like the Israelites of yore, the Stars Hollow Minutemen languished in the desert for forty years. But tonight, there was no Promised Land, no New Canaan, only a humiliating five to one defeat at the merciless hands of the West Hartford Wildcats. So it’s back to the desert for the Minutemen, perhaps for another forty years. Of course, by then, I’ll be seventy years old. A lot of the rest of you will probably be dead. Taylor, you’ll be dead. Babette, Miss Patty. . .that man there in the hat."

Best Gilmore Gal witticism:

As Lane giggles over Dave's little jealous gesture, Rory: "Just remember, there’s cute jealous and there’s Othello."

Random observation:

Lorelai gives great advice to Emily and to Rory this week - but I think she's overstepping her boundaries by giving advice to Jess on how to be a better boyfriend to Rory. Her heart's in the right place, telling him Rory deserves to be treated better and also trying to help him get out of the doghouse, but she should know by now that Jess does not react well to authority. Plus, when I was in junior high I had a crush on a boy, and he said he'd go to my dance recital and then he never showed up, and later when he called my house my mom answered and proceeded to yell at him and it was TO THIS DAY THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT. I doubt Rory would actually appreciate Lorelai's interference here, regardless of how well-meaning it is. 

--

So there you have it! Next week we're covering "The Big One," "A Tale of Poes and Fire" and "Happy Birthday, Baby," which are three super cute episodes of which I heartily approve, so meet me back here next Wednesday morning for the fun!

And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: Jess Advocates - please explain your love of Jess in light of recent developments. We're allowed to hate him right now, right? I'm all about liking him later, and even earlier, but right now? Right now I hate him.

A few weeks ago, the FYA Book Club celebrated its second birthday. Among those chapters that have been around since Day One is London, whose members are here today to flip through their yearbook with us!

Here they are at their very first meeting for Libba Bray's Beauty Queens! They got along so well that they ended up chatting for hours. They're like a real-life band of Sparkle Ponies!

They met up again the next month, for Hold Me Closer, Necromancer by Lish McBride. And they had a couple of newcomers, too!

And from the recap of the meetings for Markus Zusak's The Book Thief:

The Londoners managed to out awesome themselves again by moving the discussion from The Book Thief to Footloose, plus they made plans to do a Secret Santa in December! I'm telling you guys this now so that you can steal the idea and pretend it was yours. Secret Santa!

And LOOK! A boy! They're like a literary S Club 7, y'all! ("S Club... ! There ain't no party like an S Club party!" Sorry, not sorry.)

Flash forward to present day -- the Londoners have ranked their top book club picks so far. Hard to argue with this list! 

1.  The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
2.  Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell
3.  Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein
4.  The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
5.  The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater
6.  The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by E. Lockhart
7.  Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
8.  Daughter of Smoke & Bone by Laini Taylor
9.  The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater
10.  Hold Me Closer, Necromancer by Lish McBride

And here's current London book club leader Kelly on their upcoming plans: 

We're trying to find (vaguely) themed places to go each month now, to encourage us to try out new things, so since Eleanor & Park was set in the 80's we went to an 80's themed gamer cafe, and then to a quote-along screening of Ghostbusters.

For [September's pick, The 5th Wave by Rick Yancey] we're doing the science museum since that was the closest thing I could find to an alien themed restaurant. We were going to see a sci-fi movie, but then we realised there was a cheer-along screening of Bring It On, and I couldn't resist, so we're planning on seeing that instead!

Um -- YES PLEASE. As someone who's seen Bring It On and all four of its sequels, I obvi need that cheer-along in my life.

Kelly says that "the best thing about the book club for [her] has been finding a bunch of people who are just as willing as [she is] to discuss fictional situations and characters as enthusiastically as if they were real." She also extends an invitation to FYAers for a special edition book club party in London -- field trip, anyone!?

Thanks for stopping by, London book clubbers! To become a member, send them an email or just show up at their next meeting!

Want to join an FYA Book Club? We've got locations worldwide! Don't have one near you? Grab a cocktail, send us an email and start one today!

BOOK REPORT for Intentional Dissonance by Iain S. Thomas

Cover Story: I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!
Drinking Buddy: Bottle of Morose, With a Depression Chaser
Testosterone Level: One Death is a Tragedy, A Million Deaths is a Statistic
Talky Talk: What the Hell Did I Just Read?
Bonus Factors: Crazy Sidekicks, Hubris of Man, We're Not Getting Out of This Alive
Bromance Status: The Reader Doesn't Exist!

Cover Story: I've Fallen, and I Can't Get Up!

I guess you have to be a child of the early 90s to get that one. This is a very sparse cover. And it reflects the bleak, hopeless content of the book perfectly. But it's not exactly something that's going to grab the ol' readers.

The Deal:

So Jon lives in the last city on earth, which is kind of a bummer, when you think about it. Years earlier, the entire world was destroyed by an army of...something. Some people saw wolves, others saw monsters, still others saw enemy soldiers. Whatever happened, most of the world's population was wiped out. All that's left is one city, with a chronically happy population, thanks to the drugs the dictatorial government dumps in the water supply. The stupefied citizens wander the bleak landscape, haunted by the remains of what civilization once was. Half-human monstrosities roam the streets, demanding voting rights and working as nightclub bouncers. Malfunctioning teleporters constantly replay the same moments of people trapped in endless loops. Weirdly-costumed 'Peace Agents' routinely interrogate and arrest anyone who's not happy.

Jon ekes out a sad existence as a magician, hopelessly addicted to designer drugs provided by his only friend, Emily. He recalls his teenage days, when his father was still alive, and when he first met Michelle, his perfect girlfriend, who has stood by him all these years.

And then, of course, he's arrested. The mad doctor in charge tells him some horrible truths. For instance, did his father have something to do with The End? And perhaps Jon has the same horrible powers. And what about Michelle...isn't she just a little too good to be true? Isn't she a LOT too good to be true?

Drinking Buddy: Morose, with a Depression Chaser

In Jon's world, happiness is mandatory.  Citizens are encouraged to report anyone who's not happy to the authorities for adjustment. Other emotions have become so rare, they are now available in chemical form.

Jon is addicted to sadness. He can't live without his daily fix. Unhappiness has become a designer drug, with lots of subtle variations. There's the sadness you get when your dog dies. The sadness you felt that day when Daddy left forever. The misery you experience when you wake up and realize you've squandered your talents. And, for the hard core users, the dreaded 'We need to talk.'

Jon is hopelessly depressed, but in a 'life is absurd, let's laugh at the situation' kind of way. And he talks directly to the reader, which made me feel like he was in the room with me. Which was kind of unsettling, really.

Testosterone Level: One Death is a Tragedy, A Million Deaths is a Statistic

Josef Stalin said that.

There is a lot of torture, high-speed mechanical horse chases, drug use, mobsters, PTSD flashbacks, and awkward teen dating encounters. Pretty much no sex, though. This is a short book, and it takes a while to get off the ground, but once it does, it doesn't let up.

There's also a lot of weird little asides about depressing things that have happened over the years, and the last page is one of those dot patters that you stare at and it makes a 3D picture. I guess. I can never get those damn things to work.

Bonus Factor: Crazy Sidekicks

So Jon busts out of prison with the help of Edward, who is half-tree, and therefore is enormously powerful and can regenerate; and One Eye, a mute assassin who is covered in black cloth except for, you know, one eye.

And we're just kind of supposed to accept that. It had something to do with The End catastrophe. Or something. The one time Edward is going to explain how he became a tree (or why he was born that way), it turns out to be a ruse to distract the guards.

In another book, I'd call it lazy writing. But Intentional Dissonance is the literary equivalent of a two-day bender, so I just kind of started to roll with the punches.

If my friend was a tree, I'd make his life hell with racially insensitive jokes.

"Hey, Ed, if you fell in the forest and no one was around, would you make a sound?"

Bonus Factor: Hubris of Man

So the scientists are all like 'Jon, you have to help us end the world,' and Jon's like 'No way man,' and then they're all like 'But you have to, cuz it's like for the good of humanity,' and he's all 'I ain't your trained monkey, fascist!'

This was a really, really weird book.

Bonus Factor: What the Hell Did I Just Read?

Seriously. I can't fully describe this book in a blog post. I can only fully relate this reading experience via interpretive dance. Watch this space.

Bromance Status: The Reader Doesn't Exist!

This book made me doubt my own sanity and the very existence of the universe as I know it. But raging madness is a small price to pay for this quick, enjoyable little read.

Disclosure: Got this for free from Central Avenue Publishing, which sounds like some kind of front for the Mafia.

Also, this book totally isn't YA. There were enough flashbacks to Jon's teenage years to keep me wondering, but this really wasn't young adult. It's like, right in the name of this website, you know? Remember that before you request a review.

Title: A Royal Affair
Year: 2012
Fix: Danish History Lesson, Plus Mads Mikkelsen Withdrawal

Netflix Summary:

In 18th-century Denmark, the unstable King Christian VII neglects his young queen, Mathilde, who falls in love with his German physician, Struensee, an intellectual whose advocation of reform transforms the country but brings about his own downfall.

FYA Summary:

It's the Age of Enlightenment, but Denmark ain't having it. They rather like their censorship and religious oppression, thankyouverymuch. And that's the world Caroline Mathilde of Great Britain has married into. (Why Netflix refers to her as only Mathilde is beyond me, since she uses Caroline in the movie.)

But something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Caroline's marriage to King Christian VII is a sham, and his reign suffers due to his mental instability. When Johann Struensee becomes Christian's personal physician, the good doctor provides a calming presence for the king. And the queen, too... in bed. As Struensee's influence over Christian grows, so too do the number of progressive reforms -- and the ire of the royal court.

(Un)Familiar Faces:

Mads Mikkelsen as Johann Struensee

For the majority of English-speaking audiences, Mads Mikkelsen is a Bond villain, a knight of the Round Table, or, most recently (AND AWESOMELY), a doctor that really sinks his teeth into his body of work. But if you have trouble picturing Hannibal Lecter as a romantic lead, here are some palette cleansers.

Alicia Vikander as Caroline Mathilde

The rest of the cast is unfamiliar to me, though Alicia Vikander was rumoured to be in the running for Fifty Shades. Given what I know about the book and Alicia's performance here as a poised and mature Caroline, she's obvi all wrong for the part.

Mikkel Følsgaard as Christian VII

And kudos to Mikkel Følsgaard. I started off hating Christian, but ended up having the most sympathy for him. When it becomes clear that Christian's erratic behaviour goes much deeper than royal eccentricity, it's super gross to see him used as a pawn for everyone else's agenda.

Couch-Sharing Capability: Medium

While a subtitled historical political drama doesn't seem like gabfest material, it may be therapeutic to real-time rant about the AWFUL royal court. The movie does have its swoony parts -- after all, "affair" is right there in its title -- although I wouldn't categorize it as a romance. (Netflix begs to differ. Agree to disagree, then.) There are some sexytimes, but no actual bodice ripping -- hooray for sensible garment care! Speaking of which, the costumes are FAB. (Well, minus all the squished chesticles on the ladies.)

Recommended Level of Inebriation: Sporadic to None

This is actually a good movie, y'all -- no alcohol necessary! Also: SUBTITLES. Although you might feel like hitting the bottle in response to horrible (and sometimes not-horrible) people doing horrible things

Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Excellent

I'm not a huge fan of period pieces. My general rule of thumb: the less elaborate the costumes, the better. (Until it goes too far and enters nudist territory, I mean.) But DIZANG, do I love real history! And having absolutely no idea how everything unfolded really ramped up the suspense. Plus, this movie made me want to learn all about Danish history, which is the greatest form of compliment I can give to a historical film.