BOOK REPORT for Blythewood (Blythewood #1) by Carol Goodman

Cover Story: Photoshopped Etsy Listing
BFF Charm: Yay
Swoonworthy Scale: 7
Talky Talk: Avaline Hall and the Secrets of Blythewood
Bonus Factors: Fantastical Boarding School, Mysterious Loner Dude
Relationship Status: After Lights Out Convos

Cover Story: Photoshopped Etsy Listing

At first glance, I actually kind of like this necklace. But why it’s hanging in front of a spooky purple forest and a murder of shadowy crows (or an unkindness of ravens?), I’m not sure. It looks like a photo someone might have mocked up for an Etsy listing for a “Gothic Charm Necklace with Wings, a Clock, a Bell and Swarovski Crystal Elements.” (It would fit right in.)

I do like this ARC cover better than the final one, however.

The Deal:

One fine day, while going for a walk in Central Park, Avaline Hall and her mother spot a man clad in an Inverness cape and Homburg hat. Ava’s mother—who was severely frightened by the sight—descends into a depression and develops a laudanum addiction, which leads to her death. To make ends meet, Ava is forced to go to work as a seamstress at the Triangle Waist factory. After working there for a few months, Ava is surprised to see the same strange man, clad in the same strange garb, speaking with the factory’s foreman. When a mysterious young man tells her to leave the premises immediately, she ignores him, only to be caught in a terrible fire. Ava is rescued by the mysterious young man, only to black out and wake up, drugged and held prisoner in a mental institution.

All is not lost for Ava, however, when the secretary of her estranged grandmother saves her from the institution. Soon, Ava finds herself the newest student of the esteemed girls’ school Blythewood, where she happens to be a legacy. But all of the mystery in Ava’s life isn’t over quite yet, for when she gets to school, she discovers much more than the typical science and English classes.

BFF Charm: Yay!

Even after all of the terrible crap that happens to her in a matter of months—mother’s suicide, factory fire, involuntary institutionalization—Ava remains a strong and likeable young woman. She’s intelligent, even though she’s never had proper schooling, and can hold her own with the richest of the Blythewood rich girls, even though she grew up with very little. She’s not completely impervious to doubt, though, but that just makes her character even more real. Were I a fellow student at Blythewood, I’d much rather hang out with Ava than any of the entitled, humorless mean girls, regardless of what social connections they might have.

Swoonworthy Scale: 7

Why is it that a relationship with a MLD is pretty much always swoonworthy, no matter the situation or what happens once the mystery becomes less mysterious? Ava’s relationship with her MLD is no exception, even though the relationship is more dreams and fleeting touches than anything hot and heavy. I’ve said it before, but I’ll continue to say it time and time again: Sometimes the anticipation is better than the actuality.

Talky Talk: Avaline Hall and the Secrets of Blythewood

A poor orphan girl ends up at a fancy boarding school that’s not exactly normal. A mysterious and sinister figure with a dark secret preys on a young girl in 1920s New York. If you’re thinking that these plots sound familiar, you wouldn’t be wrong. In Blythewood, Carol Goodman takes themes of a few well-known books and stories (namely Harry Potter and The Diviners) and adapts them into a story that, while feeling familiar, doesn’t feel like a photocopy. It doesn’t hurt that I enjoyed both influencers a whole lot, or that Goodman has written a story set in the 1920s that feels old-fashioned but isn’t bogged down in the lingo of the era.

Bonus Factor: Fantastical Boarding School

I wish I could go back in time and somehow convince my parents to let me attend a boarding school with some sort of secretive or magical education program. OK, sure, these types of schools aren’t exactly real—and, you know, time travel doesn’t exist—but that’s never stopped me from trying!

Bonus Factor: Mysterious Loner Dude

From the moment Ava meets Blythewood’s MLD in the Triangle Waist factory, there’s an undeniable connection. Ava dreams about him frequently, and in every dream his touch makes her feel warm and content, and utterly safe. When the two finally meet “officially,” there’s no lack of sparks, even when his true nature is revealed.

Casting Call:

Rose Leslie as Ava

Diego Boneta as the MLD

Relationship Status: After Lights Out Convos

Well, Book, you’ve got me. Even with the familiarity of your themes, your story was fun and filled with a few surprises. I know you’ve got even more to tell, so can we be roomies next year? I’d love to have hushed conversations with you long after lights out.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a free review copy from Viking. I received neither breakfast tacos nor money for this review. Blythewood is available now.

Ladies and Brian, I actually had another movie in mind for this Netflix Fix. Shortly after it started, I discovered I'd made a huge mistake; that movie was TERRIBAD,* and not even in the rantworthy way. In need of a cinematic palate cleanser, I needed to find a foolproof substitute; I needed AUDREY. Thus, we have Audrey.

*Or, at least, Not For Me, based on what I watched before I bailed.

Title: Roman Holiday (EDIT ... or maybe not on Instant?! Sorry for the false hope, y'all -- I clearly just watched my own copy of it. But your local library should def. have it.)
Year: 1953
Fix: Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck Will Fix What Ails You (Unless What Ails You Is an Actual Ailment)

Netflix IMDb Summary:

A bored and sheltered princess escapes her guardians and falls in love with an American newsman in Rome.

FYA Summary:

Princess Ann is visiting the European capitals, and she's having way less fun than Wills and Kate ever do. She sneaks off to explore Rome on her own, and she ends up meeting journalist Joe Bradley. There are secret identities and Vespas and general gallivanting around Rome; what more could you ask for?

Familiar Faces:

Audrey Hepburn as Princess Ann

Sigh, Audrey Hepburn is just so delightful. Even though she isn't decked out in Givenchy in this film, all of her outfits are still divine -- except for the nightgown, but especially the pajamas -- and only she could have me seriously considering that haircut. (Which: NO, SELF! That look only works on Audrey Hepburns.)

Gregory Peck as Joe Bradley

Also deliriously charming is Gregory Peck. And this is the part where I say things about him, but am too distracted by his soul-piercing gaze. Gregory Peck basically wears a suit for the entire movie, so all the right sartorial choices have been made.

Couch-Sharing Capability: Maximum

There's something for everyone: charismatic leads, whirlwind romances, incognito royals, beautiful clothes, and Gregory Peck swoonage -- all bundled together in the O.G. travel porn.

Recommended Level of Inebriation: When In Rome... 

This movie can be enjoyed without any assistance from alcohol, but feel free to pop open a bottle of vino -- to pay homage to Rome, obvs.

Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Excellent

I adore this movie so much. (Obvs, since it's my (Netflix-able) go-to picker-upper.) Plus, as we learned with Paris, there are no better tour guides to Europe than Audrey Hepburn and a dashing gentleman friend.

Welcome back to our midseason TV posts (a continuation of our fall TV series). As a reminder: We’re here to help you determine which shows are worthy of watching live, what’s OK to watch while folding clothes on the weekend, or what you don’t even need to bother with.

(Warning! Possible spoilers ahead.)

Enlisted

Premiered: Jan. 10 on Fox (Watch online.)

Elevator Pitch

A Fox executive leafs through a stack of pitches on his (or her) desk. After reading through each one, he (or she) throws it to the floor. An office comedy. No. Another dysfunctional family sitcom. No. A heroic underdog story. Boring. And a remake of MASH. Never going to happen.

When he (or she) gets through the stack, he (or she) stares helplessly at the pile that has accumulated on the floor and voila! A brilliant idea hits him (or her)! Combine them all, throw in three attractive actors—plus Keith David as the magic ingredient—and Fox's next great comedy is born!

Familiar Faces

Geoff Stults as Pete Hill

Parker Young as Randy Hill

Chris Lowell as Derrick Hill

Keith David as Sgt. Major Donald Cody

Faces That Might Become Familiar (If You Keep Watching)

Angelique Cabral as Jill Perez

Ron Funches as Private Huggins

Mel Rodriguez as Corporal Chubowski

Michelle Buteau as Private Robinson

Tania Gunadi as Private Park

Mort Burke as Private Gumble

Kyle Davis as Private Dobkiss

Ezra Buzzington as Private Swaggle

Baron Vaughn as Wallace

Redeeming Qualities

Emily: The cast is adorable. Geoff Stults, Chris Lowell, and Parker Young have stolen my heart as brothers, and I am split between wanting to be their little sister (even though I'm older than 2/3 of them) and dating all of them (which might be awkward if they were actually brothers). I think this show is a prime example of when chemistry amongst the actors works it can completely make a show. I also love the side characters. I think they have room to grow and shine, and almost make me want to join the army. But not quite.

Mandy: The idea of a band of misfits becoming a “family” isn’t a new one, but it’s a good one nonetheless, and I’m always up for a heartwarming story about the underdogs. It also doesn’t hurt that the show had some truly funny moments. Plus, Chris Lowell as a sarcastic screw-up? It’s such a different character from the perfect and (almost) always sweet Piz. I like it a whole lot.

It's Not Me, It's You

Emily: It's a pilot, so the actors are still finding their grooves. I've been told that the cast all went to a week of boot camp after filming the pilot so that as the season progresses, they have learned to be more army-like (is that a thing?).

Mandy: The cheese factor in Enlisted is high. Like uncomfortably so. I’m all for silly comedy, but when a show makes me feel awkward, I’m not laughing with it, I’m laughing at it. Also, I can see the potential in the relationship with the three brothers, but I’m not digging the crew of misfits they’re working with. It might have been because there too many soldiers to get to know in one half-hour show, but they all felt a little flat and stereotypical. I’d hope that in future episodes, these characters become more well-rounded and part of the team.

Let's Do This Again

Emily: I am a fan of this show. The humor is definitely on point, meaning that it's not necessarily clever or life changing, but it makes me laugh. There are surprisingly sweet moments that make this show have more heart than most comedies on air right now, and just as I'm rooting for the ragtag group of army underdogs to be successful, I'm also rooting for the show. I don't know if I'll be home Friday nights watching, but it is definitely first up on my DVR to watch with my Saturday morning coffee.

Mandy: I’m not going to give up on this show after only one episode. There were definitely a few moments at which I genuinely laughed and I enjoy at least two of the three brothers. (I can see Randy getting really annoying really quickly.) I’m not sure I’ll keep up with it, but it might be good to watch in large chunks on the weekend.

What did you think? Let us know in the comments!

HEY Y'ALL, Nashville is back! And Peggy is still dead! Praise you, sweet baby J!

Although, let's be honest, the show has a couple of people left to kill off before the season's end *cough* Teddy *cough* Zoe *cough* Lawyer Lady *cough* THE ENTIRE WRITERS ROOM.

Now let's break this thang down, and by thang I mean an hour of our lives we'll never get back because NOTHING HAPPENED.

- Juliette's intro song is great, but the video is like SUPER 90s. I mean, the green screen? The montage of human drama? C'EST PASSÉ.

- The dude who killed Peggy committed suicide and apparently blamed his chronic unemployment for his actions. So... Daddy Lamar is behind this, right?

- Avery tried to make nice with Juliette, but she's all once bitten, twice shy. Scarlett knows something is up, but she also may still have feelings for Gunnar (LORD KNOWS WHY) so by the end of the episode, it appears that she and Avery are on the outs.

- Juliette's assistant is back... because she's a glutton for punishment?

- No one has seen Gay Cowboy Will since the Nashville music festival, but good news: HE'S STILL ALIVE. Gunnar intercepts him on his way to becoming the future Unabomber and coaxes him back to the tour, although he's still firmly in the closet. We need some Anderson Cooper up in this biz!

- Liam is back and trying to get into Rayna's pants, but she is super focused on making their album a success, since it's the foundation of her new label. After conducting her own research, she concedes to Jeff Doucheham and realizes that she needs to write a new single to launch the record.

- And who better to write that single than Deacon and Maddie? Their song is GORG.

- Kelly Clarkson wants to record Scarlett and Gunnar's song! But Scarlett nixes the idea, because she and Gunnar no longer have a connection. I get that, girl, but for ten thousand dollars, YOU MAKE THE CONNECTION.

- Teddy is still upset that Peggy died, even though the best thing anyone says about her is voiced by Maddie: "She was nice." Stick THAT on her tombstone.

- BREAKING NEWS: Lawyer Lady is BORING. JK, that's old news.

- Juliette is still embroiled in her homewrecker scandal, and, okay, SERIOUSLY? This is not a believable thing. But whatever, the show wants to pretend that it's believable, and someone records her saying "There is no God," which is only the beginning of her sentence, and then she has to ask Layla to state, in a press conference, that the recording isn't her full statement, and REALLY THIS IS A THING? And now she owes Layla for it? SAD.

Best Rayna James Line:

- This episode was a desert of sass. A DESERT. But if anyone had the last word, it was Rayna's hair, still looking fabulous.

Rayna vs Juliette: (Who won?)

- Rayna, I guess? Juliette seems pretty overwhelmed by this "homewrecker scandal," and Rayna only has to worry about losing a bazillion dollars on her record label. NO BIG DEAL.

Best Scene:

- Gunnar's pep talk to Gay Cowboy Will was FANTASTIC. I'm not a big Gunnar fan right now, but that dude knows how to give tough love.

Best Sub-plot:

- Deacon and Maddie writing another song together? It barely counts as a sub-plot, because it only took up two minutes of the episode, but those two minutes were the best two minutes of this episode.

WTF:

- ZOE IS THE WORST. She's all, "I'm tired of feeling guilty." OH REALLY? So you and Gunnar are exhausted by your own heinousness? GOOD.

- I'm sorry, but this homewrecker scandal DOES NOT FLY. Famous people cheat on each other all the time! I didn't see anyone picketing Angelina when she broke up Brad and Jennifer's marriage!

- Rayna thinks that she's still dating Luke Wheeler? REALLY? After he was such an asshat? Rayna, SHOW YOURSELF SOME RESPECT.

Burning Questions:

- Is anyone else totally over the idea of Gunnar and Scarlett? Because I AM.

- When will Deacon break up with Lawyer Lady because ZZZZZZZZZ.

- Is the Cadillac Three a real band? Because they were pretty great! Hairy, but great.

- Did anyone else feel uncomfortable watching Teddy bawl at the end of this episode because NO ONE CARES?

And the preview for next week did nothing to raise my hopes. What about y'all? Weigh in on the Nashville dramz (or lack thereof) in the comments!

BOOK REPORT for The Big Four by Agatha Christie

Cover Story: Hello; The Mystery's UP HERE
BFF Charm: Fo' Sho'
Swoonworthy Scale: 0
Talky Talk: No Need to Sit Up, Just Pay Attention
Bonus Factors: Cocktails!
Relationship Status: Let's Stay Together

Cover Story: Hello; The Mystery's UP HERE

This cover has just about nothing to do with the actual story, but I love how hardboiled and edgy it's trying to be. Come on, we've met Hercule Poirot; we know this is not a story about busty femme fatales. I thought this cover was hilarious, and wanted to share it with you, but no, it's (as usual) no accurate portrayal of the actual mystery novel.

The Deal:

Unlike Christie's regular detective novels, where there is one big mystery that carries us through the whole book, this story is made up of lots of little mysteries, which our intrepid Poirot begins to link to one evil, super-oragnization, known by the number 4 that is left at the scene of the crimes. Through the use of his little gray cells, Poirot come to figure out that The Big Four, consisting of an American, and Englishman, a French woman, and a man from China, are out for total world domination. Stocks plummeting, governments collapsing, it can all be traced back to them.

This novel takes place over the course of several months, as Poirot slowly puts the pieces together, and not more than once, narrowly escapes death. The Big Four aren't just going to sit back and relax knowing Poirot is on their tails, now are they? While there isn't a lot for the reader to work through (small mysteries get solved pretty immediately), there is a very high-stakes, dramatic ending Christie builds up to in this book. It's a fun read, if not a very challenging one.

BFF Charm: Fo' Sho'

Poirot, we are friends, we really are. And I enjoy watching you work in this book; you take us on some fun (though perilous) adventures. Let's be friends forever, okay?

Swoonworthy Scale: 0

Although there is a distinct possibility that Captain Hasting's wife may be killed as part of The Big Four's plot to slow down Poirot, she's all the way in Argentina, and isn't it nice to have just the two fellas back together again in England? I'm not too concerned about her, and neither is anyone else, really. Sure, Hastings loves his wife, and will do all sorts of silly things to try to protect her, but no, there is zero swoon in this book.

Talky Talk: No Need to Sit Up, Just Pay Attention

We get it; we get that every little investigation in this book eventually leads back to that nefarious crime ring, The Big Four. Not a ton of decuction needed to make that connection, so I do not feel like this is Christie's usual dropping-clues-here-and-there type of story. You are kind of just along for the ride, so no need to be such an armchair superslueth for this one.

Bonus Factor: Cocktails!

In honor of the four eveil geniuses in this novel, I have crafted a cocktail with influences from each of their countries. Gin for the Brit, fresh grapfruit juice for the American, green tea for the Chinese, and champagne (okay, sparkling wine) for the French. Here's what you need to make your own Big Four cocktail:

2 oz. Gin

1 oz. fresh grapefruit juice

1 oz. green tea (brew it & then let it cool down before using it)

1/2 oz. simple syrup

Splash of something sparkly

Place all ingredients (except for champagne) in your mixing tin with cracked ice. Shake it! Strain into a chilled glass and add a splash of bubbly on top, as well as your grapefruit garnish.

For an alternative version, use 2 oz. of both grapefruit juice and green tea, and go easier on the champagne. I like both versions, but it's up to your palate to decide. Enjoy!

Relationship Status: Let's Stay Together

Thank you, Poirot, for saving not just Britain, but all of us over here in the U. S. of A. as well. We appreciate it, and can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve next time!

Welcome back to our series on midseason TV (a continuation of our fall TV series). We’re here to help you determine what’s worthy of coveted DVR space, what’s OK to watch On Demand, or what’s so bad you’ll need to retcon yourself in order to forget it.

(Warning! Possible spoilers ahead.)

Helix

Premiered: Jan. 10 on Syfy (Watch online.)

Elevator Pitch

A studio executive and his assistant sit in a fancy, $7-for-a-latte coffee bar. The exec takes a sip of his beverage and finishes up a story. “Can you believe that?” he says, more as a statement than a question. His assistant plasters a sincere look onto her face and nods, earnestly. “Unbelieveable.”

“Anyway,” he continues. “What did you do last night, Laura? Please tell me it was something interesting. No more of your ‘I got home at midnight, fed my cats and fell asleep while watching Jimmy Fallon’ crap.”

Laura grips her coffee cup a bit too tight and some of the liquid sloshes out the top. The exec yells, “Watch it! This is a $600 suit. Go get a napkin and clean yourself up.” Laura, who didn’t actually spill anywhere near the exec, grits her teeth and heads to the counter.

Behind her, a woman sneezes. Laura grabs a napkin and turns, only to see the woman, clad in a white puffy coat, staggering toward her like a Walking Dead zombie, black goo leaking from her ear. Horrified, Laura drops her coffee and turns to run—

The exec shoots up in bed, fully awake. “Best idea I’ve had all year!” He reaches for his phone and hits redial. The person on the other end of the line groans a hello. “Laura? Meet me at the office in 30 minutes. We’ve got some brainstorming to do.”

Familiar Faces

Hiroyuki Sanada as Hiroshi Hataki

Billy Campbell as Alan Farragut

Mark Ghanimé as Sergio Balleseros

Faces That Might Become Familiar (If You Keep Watching)

Meegwun Fairbrother as Daniel Aerov

Jordan Hayes as Sarah Jordan

Kyra Zagorsky as Julia Walker

Catherine Lemieux as Doreen Boyle

Neil Napier as Dr. Peter Farragut

Redeeming Qualities

Emily: I felt like I was plodding along watching the pilot, waiting for something exciting/interesting to happen, and then Billy Campbell started watching his brother's video. As soon as he told Sarah (and us) that his brother's hand sign meant "Run like hell," the show took off at a sprint and never looked back. The concept of the show doesn't feel extremely original, but that doesn't mean it can't draw you in and throw some unexpected twists and turns along the way. For instance, all the frozen monkeys. Did not see that coming!

Mandy: I, odd as it sounds, loved the title sequence and the scene in which Peter walks through the hall with a dismembered hand. The jolly music juxtaposed with the gruesome opening scenes and zombie!Peter is the kind of snark I love about many Syfy shows. Also, I see what you did there, Syfy, with Doreen’s “This is gonna be the most fraked-up family reunion ever.” (For those of you who aren’t Battlestar Galactica fans: “Frak” is a curse word from the show. Ron Moore, the executive producer of BSG, is also an executive producer of Helix.) I actually just really enjoyed Doreen in general. What a sasspot.

It's Not Me, It's You

Emily: Again, the concept isn't the most original and there are no stand out characters as of yet. But on the flip side, there is no one that I hate, so there's a plus. I'd like to see the relationships become a little more dynamic. With so much good TV, you can't just rely on the plot anymore, you've got to actually care about the people the plot is happening to.

Mandy: The idea of being stuck in the arctic in general, much less with a nasty unknown disease, gives me the heebie jeebies. (I’m really not a cold weather person.) The fact that the show falls into the horror genre also isn’t that appealing to me; I’m assuming that there will be a lot of jumpy moments in episodes to come and I prefer to be entertained by my TV shows, not frightened by them.

Let's Do This Again

Emily: If the speed of the show stays where it left us at the end of the pilot, I will probably stick around purely for the thrill of the ride. I'm going to need more layers from the characters, though. It's hard to care who is good and who is bad and who is safe and who is a goner when you aren't attached to anyone.

Mandy: On the surface, the main plot of Helix seems both interesting and frightening; I want to know what’s going on, but it all seemed a little too realistic. I’m intrigued, but I’m not completely enthralled—yet. There’s so much going on here: secrets, strange advancements in science and questionable morality. Give me one other person to root for other than Doreen and I might be in it for the long haul.

Bitten

Premiered: Jan. 13 on Syfy (Watch online.)

Elevator Pitch

Werewolves are totally hot right now, right? I mean, Teen Wolf is all over Tumblr. The lycanthropes have totally taken the title of most popular paranormal creature from the vampires. But there’s only so much sex and gore MTV can show, since they’re still trying to market themselves to teenagers. Syfy, on the other hand, has more of an adult audience, and—not being one of the main networks—can amp up the “adult” themes to near HBO levels. And paranormal creature + sexy times = huge ratings. (Or so Syfy hopes, that is.)

Familiar Faces

Laura Vandervoort as Elena Michaels

Natalie Brown as Diane McAdams

Greg Bryk as Jeremy Danvers

Genelle Williams as Rachel Sutton

Steve Lund as Nick Sorrentino

Sherry Miller as Olivia McAdams

Paulino Nunes as Antonio Sorrentino

James McGowan as James William

Faces That Might Become Familiar (If You Keep Watching)

Paul Greene as Phillip McAdams

Marc Bendavid as Scott Brandon

Greyston Holt as Clayton Danvers

Michael Xavier as Logan Jonsen

Fiona Highet as Sheriff Karen Morgan

Rogan Christopher as Deputy Paul O’Neil

Redeeming Qualities

Emily: This show totally feels like it could be partnered with Witches of East End on Lifetime, and that is a good thing. It's super soap-y, as in all of the actors feel like they're starring in a soap opera, and they're all connected in what seem to be very dramatic relationships. But even with the simple borderline cheesy dialogue, I don't feel like I'm being spoonfed a new werewolf-lore. (You should all know by now how much I hate to be spoonfed information.) I ended the pilot with a lot of questions on this wolf pack, how they came together, how being a werewolf works in this world, yet, not confused or unable to enjoy what was happening. And that's the way I like it. There's also a fair amount of sexiness here. Not vampire or witches sexiness, but enough heat to keep me warm at night.

Mandy: If a large amount of nakedness is a quality you look for in a show, there’s certainly that in spades. There are also a whole lot of hot, young actors who occasionally turn into wolves in pretty much every scene. (As you can tell, I’m very meh about this show.)

It's Not Me, It's You

Emily: The show isn't going to change anyone's life. It's not extremely witty or clever or complicated, but does every show need to be? I like the girl that plays Elena, but I don't really care who she ends up with or even if the pack catches the murderous mutt. Plus, in what world can a coyote really do damage to a werewolf? That seems very weak to me.

Mandy: Why is it that shows that rely on a lot of CGI don’t spend more money on it? It might just be low quality because this is the first episode, but the wolves in this episode were Twilight or Grimm levels of bad. The plot of the pilot also didn’t grab me like I would have hoped—is the show just going to be about Elena battling her inner demons wolf? And people being naked? (The “This season on Bitten ...” teasers make it seem like there’s more interesting things to come, but I would have liked to see this hinted at, at least, in the pilot.)

Let's Do This Again

Emily: Yes, I think we will. The show didn't feel like watching homework, which I hate to admit some shows from this fall are starting to stack up on my DVR because I don't care as much as I want to. It's fun, it's supernatural, and it's easy to watch. I liked it (typed with a simple shrug of the shoulders). So while it may stack up a little on my DVR, I can see myself marathoning it every few episodes with a bottle of wine and some chocolate chip cookies.

Mandy: Although the episode certainly started with a bang—I’ll be here all night, folks—I’m not entirely sure that’s enough to keep my interest going. I wanted to like the show, because, all joking aside, I do love paranormal themes. But I’m not a huge fan of nudity for nudity’s sake, and this show seems to be full of it. I might give it another episode or two in the hopes that the plotlines become more interesting, but only when there’s nothing else on.

What did you think about these shows? Let us know in the comments!

So many links to get through this week!  But I pretty much think we should all skip down and read that interview with Jason Dohring, like right this second.

Book Related Things

SFF fans: all the essencial SFF books coming out in 2014.  And an amazing list of female authors who write in either science fiction or fantasy.

Sourcebooks is publishing the majority of L.M. Montgomery’s books with fabulous new covers.  Plus, they’re having a contest that you can enter here.

Buzzfeed has a long article on the life of V.C. Andrews.  And speaking of FITA, our very own Erin is basically the internet’s expert on the Dollangangers.

The ladies of Cuddlebuggery have started a YA roundup for Tor.com.  Lots of good links and stories.

NPR on superheros and race.

The Toast asks, are you in a Brontë novel?  (And speaking of the Brontës, it’s been a while since I’ve linked a Thug Notes.  So, here’s Wuthering Heights!)

That time Dumbledore was a time-traveling Ron Weasley.

New York Public library released a list of their most circulated titles.  And speaking of libraries, check out this vertical home library.  So impractical!  But neat.

Movie Related Things

The Oscar nominations are out.  (And if that’s not really your flavor, so are the Razzies.)

You will want to read the entirety of this interview with Jason Dohring.  I die.  Also, the Veronica Mars movie poster and a web-series spin-off (starring Dick Casablancas?!)

As Catching Fire passed the mark to become the top grossing domestic movie of 2013, it also become the first movie to do so with a female lead to do so in four decades.  Just let that sink in.  (If you want some more depressing reads on women in Hollywood, check out these stats and this interview.)

Some more photos from the set of The Fault In Our Stars.

The If I Stay movie will be released on 22 August 2014.

Take a look at The Simpsons tribute to Hayao Miyazaki.

Looks like Frozen will make the transition to Broadway musical.

The Star Wars casting rumors are swirling.  (Also, check out these amazing and candid photos taken while filming the original trilogy.)

Peter Dinklage will teach you how to LARP.  In other nerd news, Magic: The Gathering may be getting a film franchise from Fox.

A romantic remake of 1984 starring Kristen Stewart?  Whyyyyy?

Speaking of whyyyyy, James Frey is getting another huge book/movie deal.

In case you really wanted to know which Muppet you are.

TV Related Things

The first trailer for Game of Thrones season 4 came out this week.  Ahhhh, I seriously cannot wait.  Here’s a (spoiler free) breakdown of the trailer, if you want a closer look.

Stars' upcoming Outlander tv series just had its first trailer hit the internet as well.

Buzzfeed took all of the characters from Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel and ranked them from best to worst.  Obviously I disagree with some of their choices, but am super impressed by how thorough it is.

Sailor Guardians rejoice!  The Sailor Moon reboot will be coming out in July.

The CW is adapting historical fantasy book Labyrinth into a mini-series.  But are now passing on the Wonder Woman origin series. (Boo)

Fox is picking up a fantasy series set in ancient Egypt.

Miscellaneous Things

A really terrifying look at what some women experience on the internet.

The Pride and Prejudice themed proposal to end all proposals.

And that’s all, folks.  What was your favorite thing on the internet this week?

BOOK REPORT for Night Film by Marisha Pessl

Cover Story: Like A Mothercussing Adult
BFF Charm: Three's Company
Swoonworthy Scale: 3
Talky Talk: Masterful
Bonus Factors: Mystery, Eccentric Recluse, Clippings, Mysterious Loner Dude
Relationship Status: Obsession

Cover Story: Like A Mothercussing Adult

Laid out like a cell from a film strip, the bold typography and scratchy image would make this book blend right into the adult section... which is where it belongs, actually, because this is an adult book.* The woman's red coat makes it obvious that she's Ashley Cordova, a.k.a. the Laura Palmer of the story, but it's not just the imagery that ties to the book-- the tone of the artwork really captures the noirish atmosphere of the story.

*Dammit, why can't YA books get covers like this? 

The Deal:

As the name of this website makes obvious, we focus on young adult novels 'round these parts. But every once in a while, we read a non-YA book that is so awesome, and so compelling, that we have no choice but to force everyone we know to read it review it. Night Film is, as you may have guessed, one of those exceptions.

Scott McGrath was a high-flying investigative reporter until the day he decided to expose Stanislas Cordova, a reclusive director with a massive cult following. After receiving a call from Cordova's driver, who hinted at disturbing tendencies involving children, McGrath publicly took on the famous filmmaker, only to find himself without a source, without a story and without a career. Five years later, Cordova's 24-year-old daughter, Ashley, turns up dead, and McGrath is drawn back to the dark, murky mystery of her father. It's a perilous journey simmering with shadows and secrets, and even with the help of two unexpected sidekicks, McGrath can't be sure if he's clambering towards the truth... or descending into madness.

BFF Charm: Three's Company

Individually, the three protagonists aren't necessarily people I'd consider as bestie material (with the possible exception of Nora, who is delightful no matter who she's around).  But when you put them together, you get a motley crew that I would sign up for in a heartbeat.

As the narrator, Scott is naturally the character that I got to know best, and I admired his determination, his intelligence and the cynical edge of his humor. His obsession with Cordova springs from a good place, but it's also twisted by his passion for the man's films, and I relished the complexity this lent to his character. But my absolute favorite thing about Scott is his love for his little daughter, Sam. We're talking HEART MELTING, you guys.

Nora is, in one word, kooky. She's a young, aspiring (and terrible) actress who wears old people's clothes and carries around a parakeet named Septimus. I mean, based on that description alone, you should want to invite her to your next everything. But there's more! She's also sweetly earnest and compassionate and super hilarious in unintended ways. Nora is MY GIRL.

Then there's Hopper, who, let's be honest, would receive my BFF charm... with benefits. Dude has nailed every element of being an MLD: he's hot, he's enigmatic, and he's got a tragic past. Surly one minute and pensive the next, Hopper is a puzzle that I wouldn't mind putting back together, if you catch my drift.

Swoonworthy Scale: 3

In order to avoid spoilers, I can't say much on this topic. Just know that, even though this novel is far from a romance, there is an incredibly poignant and heartbreaking tale woven into its pages.

Talky Talk: Masterful

Marisha Pessl, you guys. HOLY SHIZZ, Marisha Pessl. The enormity of her writing talent renders me speechless, but I'll do my best to articulate why she's a g-d genius.

First of all, this book is so rich with description, it could buy a small country. But the wealth of words is never a burden-- in fact, it's quite the opposite. Pessl spends her sentences thoughtfully while never weighing them down with overwrought prose, and the resulting lines are so vibrant, they burst into your mind like a solar flare. For example:

There were no street signs along Benton Hollow Road, no house numbers, no streetlights, not even any lines-- just my car's faded headlights, which didn't so much push back the advancing dark as nervously rummage through it.

Comic books rose in piles all around us like red rock formations in Arizona.

And this colorful imagery isn't just limited to the scenery. Every single page crackles with a clever emotional energy, whether Scott is being funny...

Women of Manhattan, magnificent as they were, they forgot sometimes they weren't immortal. They could throw themselves like confetti into a fun-filled Friday night, with no thought as to what crack they fell into by Saturday.

.. or somber:

Life had been a suit I'd only put on for special occasions.

Pessl's power over words is dazzling, but her real magic trick is maintaining a nail-biting level of tension throughout the entire 624 pages. Night Film is an intricate dance through the darkness, a swift series of steps that keeps your heart racing even when the music slows. Expertly choreographed, the menagerie of strange and extraordinary characters spins around the stage against a lurid backdrop of intrigue, leaving you breathless long after the curtains have closed.

Bonus Factor: Mystery

Referring to this book as a mystery is like calling The Lord of the Rings a novel about jewelry. "Mystery" doesn't even begin to describe the elaborate maze of deception that leads you deeper and deeper into a tantalizing uncertainty. Packed with sinister omens and juicy details, Scott's investigation takes a dizzying amount of twists and turns, most of which you'll never see coming.

Bonus Factor: Eccentric Recluse

It's easy to see why the world is fascinated by the legend of Cordova. His films are so terrifying, they're only shown at underground screenings in abandoned subway tunnels. (Because people are crazy?! I couldn't even watch a Cordova movie in my house with all of the lights on.) He lives in a sprawling, highly secure compound called The Peak, and he hasn't appeared in public or given an interview since 1977. There's not even a photograph of his face that is 100% verified. It didn't take long for me to develop a ravenous curiosity that kept pace with Scott's thirst for answers about this macabre and mesmerizing figure.

Bonus Factor: Clippings

Littered throughout the pages of this book are newspaper articles, police reports and other bits of evidence collected by Scott. These visuals make you feel like you're scouring for clues right alongside of him.

Bonus Factor: Mysterious Loner Dude

As I already mentioned, Hopper is a prime MLD specimen, and thankfully, his role in the story isn't just limited to eye candy.

Casting Call:

This book was optioned before it even hit the shelves, and I think it would make an AMAZING movie (duh)... if they get the right cast:

Mark Ruffalo as Scott McGrath

I mean, it's Mark Ruffalo. Do I really need to explain myself?

Alison Brie as Nora

Alison is a bit older than Nora's age, but that's never stopped Hollywood before! And I think Alison, with her big sweet eyes and her knack for humor, would be the perfect fit (as long as she's willing to dye her hair blonde).

Garret Hedlund as Hopper

If you've seen Inside Llewyn Davis, then you can understand why I couldn't help but picture Garret Hedlund as the taciturn and dead sexy Hopper.

Relationship Status: Obsession

Ever since I met this book, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Our time together was intense, electrifying and more than a little insane, and now I constantly crave its company. This is a novel unlike any other, a mind-blowing whirlwind of imagination that left me awe-struck and thrilled to my very toes. Thanks to its bewitching charisma and gripping plot, I am now and will forever be a Night Film swimfan.

Night Film is available now.

Follow along the whole rewatch here!

Last week, on Gilmore Girls...

It's week 37 of our Gilmore Girls Rewatch Project, we're midway through Season 5 and guys, I'm getting nervous. Everyone is happy and getting along right now, but we all know that things are about to go screwy. So let's just enjoy the harmony while we can, shall we?

But first! A reminder of our drinking game rules:

   The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.

Emily gets flustered by Lorelai's bizarre sense of humor.

Sookie is controlling about food.

Paris is controlling about anything.

Michel snubs a customer.

Luke is crotchety.

Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.

The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.

Drink twice every time:

Kirk has a new job.

You see a town troubadour.

Emily gets a new maid.

Onto the episodes!

5.11 "Women of Questionable Morals"

Lorelai smells the first snow of the season and drags Luke out of bed moments before it arrives. As we are all well aware by now, it's her favorite day of the year. Except - TWIST! - this is actually the worst day ever. All of the Dragonfly guests cancel because of the incoming storm, they're out of coffee, her Jeep gets snowed in, she steps in an icy puddle and a dozen other little inconveniences all add up to Lorelai breaking up with Snow. (Typical Lor - one bad day in a relationship and she's out the door.) Of course all the while Luke's griping about the weather in typical crotchety fashion (drink!), but when he sees Lorelai rail at the frozen precipitation she once cherished, he decides to reunite his girlfriend with her first love. She comes home from a long day at work to discover that Luke HAS BUILT HER AN ICE RINK IN HER FRONT YARD. "I’m grumpy about stuff but I don’t want you to be," he says. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE GREATEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD. I present to you Lorelai's Snow Day: a portrait in gifs.

Meanwhile, Chris drops by Yale to attempt to reconcile with Rory after their big blowout. He invites her to breakfast and brings her coffee and is generally being pretty sweet, if manic, but Rory keeps blowing him off. I don't entirely blame her - he's disappointed her so many times - but she's not really listening when he says the following: "I’ve been in Hartford a lot. My dad’s sick. My mom’s with the baby and I’ve had time to think, and maybe that’s not good, but my dad and I, we always had that wall, you know? And, God, for us to be that way, like my dad and me? I don’t want you visiting me when I’m old and cranky and you feel like you have to. I want you to visit now and I want you to want to." Rory doesn't crack, but later at Friday night dinner, Emily informs the girls that Straub, Christopher's dad, has died. Rory feels AWFUL, and after dinner she brings milk and cookies to Chris' house. They make up warmly, and when she leaves she tells Lorelai that she wants her to be there for Chris, too. Of course Lorelai is already pulling into his driveway with "grown up milk and cookies" - namely, tequila.

Thus far, we can agree that Lorelai has done no wrong, correct? She's comforting her oldest friend the day his father, with whom he shared a terribly complicated relationship, passed away. Bringing over tequila, well, that's just how Chris and Lorelai communicate. But the fact that she stayed there ALL NIGHT, polishing off a bottle of booze with him - it's a grey area. (Particularly in light of what happened the last time they drank Jose Cuervo together.) Of course, Christopher was spilling his guts, and she couldn't exactly cut him off - but then the next morning, when Luke asks her why her eyes are red, she lies - with Rory's help. Rory insists Luke doesn't need to know where Lorelai was last night, which is the single worst piece of advice Rory has ever given anyone. OF COURSE LUKE NEEDS TO KNOW. Now that she's lied, now that she's continuing to keep this from Luke even after HE BUILT HER A DAMN ICE RINK, well, now, Lorelai has done something wrong.

In much cuter news - Richard and Emily are warming up big time! A stray dog wanders into the yard, and Emily recruits Richard's help. They work together to take care of the dog and locate her owners, and the entire time they're being very solicitous of and even a bit flirty with each other. They both seem so pleased, so relieved by the other's tender attention, and every moment with these two is the most adorable moment I've ever seen. Kelly Bishop and Edward Herrmann are such wonderful actors, and their chemistry is off the charts this week.

Finally, snow also means it's time for the annual Stars Hollow Revolutionary War Re-Enactment, with the addition of a kindly prostitute whom Taylor recently learned used "her wiles to draw the General to her rooms and keep him occupied." Taylor, Andrew and Reverend Skinner hold auditions for the courageous concubine, and Kirk's overjoyed when Lulu is cast. Unfortunately, the day of the big show she gets sick, so Kirk wears the costume Lorelai made Lulu and woos Taylor, in character as the General. It's all very Season One Stars Hollow.

How many times do I have to drink?

11.

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

4. You should know that before the Dragonfly's coffee supply is replenished, Sookie catches Lorelai pouring old, half-drunk coffee from strange guests into one cup she intends to drink. Sookie's reaction is so good: "Give me that! I'm ashamed of you. If that wasn’t a cry for help..."

Flirtation quota:

Even before the ice rink, Luke and Lorelai are still so flirty. He talks about her "sexy walk," among other things, and GAH, these two are so honeymoony all the time! Why on earth would Lorelai risk this? But hot damn if Emily and Richard aren't the flirtiest couple of the week. When he reveals to her that Louis Vuitton has a website, Emily practically throws her panties at him.

Best/most dated pop culture reference:

As Lorelai and Rory watch the re-enactment, Lorelai: "This dialogue is worse than From Justin To Kelly."

Sookie's best dish of the episode:

I love seeing her bustle around the Dragonfly kitchen, surrounded by tasty business.

Lorelai's craziest outfit:

A short-sleeved turtleneck and what appear to be track pants. Lorelai, this is not appropriate work attire. (Your butt looks great, however.)

Outfit MVP:

Kirk, rocking the hell out of the stalwart strumpet dress Lorelai made for Lulu.

Kirk insanity:

I repeat:

Michel madness:

Michel, drily as Lorelai geeks out about the snow: "I know. I haven’t been this excited since Madonna just dropped by Total Request Live."

Best Gilmore Gal witticism:

Lorelai, telling the story of the fearless floozy: "And she led him into her house and kept the fellow occupied." Rory: "Occupied his brains out, huh?" Rory! I'm scandalized. Lorelai agrees, turning one of my favorite phrases: "Hey, don't work blue."

Random observation:

While the heroic hooker storyline gets a little tedious, this feels like such an early Gilmore Girls ep, with the Lorelai snow delight and the quirky townie action, that I can't help but feel pleasantly nostalgic. I'm of a belief that Gilmore Girls stays good until the end - with a few stinkers here and there, I'll grant you - but there's something about those early episodes that are just magical.

5.12 "Come Home"

Finally! Richard and Emily are being sweeter than ever to each other, and it looks like smooth sailing to makeup sex when one of Richard's big-mouthed colleagues drops the bomb that Emily went on a date with Simon. Richard starts behaving coldly toward Emily again, to her dismay, and then when he sees her chatting with Simon in the valet line at a charity event, he rams into her car like a maniac and yells at Simon to leave her alone. He drives her home as they argue about Simon and Pennilyn Lott, and it all looks like a lost cause - until they get back to the house, and he sighs, "I don't want to go back to the pool house." Emily says simply, "Come home," and just like that, the elder Gilmores are reunited, and I couldn't be happier!

Neither could Rory, when Richard and Emily announce at Friday night dinner that they've reconciled and will be renewing their vows the following week, for their fortieth wedding anniversary. And while Lorelai's playing it cool, I can tell she's pretty happy too. She'll be Emily's maid of honor, and Rory will be Richard's best man, and hoo boy, it's all so lovely! Until Emily ushers Lorelai upstairs to help Emily pick out a dress (with Miss Celine - welcome back, Alex Borstein!), and Emily sees Lorelai idly holding a wedding dress up to herself and looking in the mirror. Emily's eyes narrow.

Meanwhile, Rory's decided to take her love life into her own hands. She finds Paris fanning a faint Doyle, who's freaking out because Mitchum Huntzberger dropped by the paper and gave him a hard time about Logan's never having a byline. Of course, Doyle assigned Logan a story and he hasn't written a word, so Rory FAR too eagerly offers to meet up with Logan and loan him her own notes about the story. They meet at the pub, and she's obviously crushing hard. She flirts nervously but cutely with him, and he's definitely flirting back. He mentions a party Mitchum's throwing for Seymour Hersh, and Rory hints that she'd love to attend, and Logan seems to pick up on the hint. She even gets herself out of Friday night dinner, but when they meet again on Friday so Logan can return her notes, he leaves for the party without inviting her. Rory's crushed. Still, they are so cute in these scenes!

And I'm impressed with Rory for taking the initiative with this Logan thing.

Finally, Mrs. Kim and Lane are mad at each other again, after Mrs. Kim's righteous street-damning of Zack. But Mrs. Kim still insists that Lane attend Lunar New Year, and Lane rebels by insisting on bringing the band. Gil has a great time jamming out with the Koreans, Brian gets hit on by Kyon, and Zack and Mrs. K actually agree on something! See, Lane's stopped wearing her glasses since seeing herself in the new band photos and thinking she looks like "the Korean Buddy Holly," and Zack misses her glasses. So does Mrs. K, unsurprisingly, so they start looking at pics of young Lane and smiling together, and it seems like this rift has healed, whether Lane wants it to or not.

Wait, not finally. That's wishful thinking. This wonderful, happy episode ends in the worst way possible: after seeing Lorelai hold up the wedding dress, Emily goes to Christopher's house, gives him an invitation to her and Richard's vow renewal, and says this to him:

I’ll come straight to the point, Christopher. Now, I have known you a long time. I watched you grow up. You were a charming boy. A weak, but charming boy. And to be completely honest, I never thought much of you. I still don’t. However, you have good breeding. You come from an impeccable family and you love Lorelai. You’ve always loved Lorelai. You would’ve married her when she got pregnant. I know that. And you would have married her if that girlfriend of yours hadn’t gotten pregnant with this. [She gestures at Gigi.] I know that too. Lorelai’s in a relationship now, did you know that? He owns a diner. He’s a divorcee. He’s uneducated, he’s not a proper stepfather for Rory and he’s completely unsuitable for Lorelai. My daughter is stubborn, but she’s capable of greatness. And watching her settle down with a man who could hold her back from that is unacceptable. You, at least, won’t hold her back. She’s getting serious with this man. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. If you want a chance with Lorelai you had better do something. And you had better do something now. Timing has never been your strong point, Christopher. You should see if you can change that.

Now, not only is that needlessly cruel to Chris just days after he lost his father, but the fact that Emily is actively trying to destroy Lorelai's relationship with a man who very obviously makes her happy, truly happy, is despicable. She would rather Lorelai be with someone who is "weak, but charming," someone she, by her own admission, doesn't think much of just because he doesn't own a diner? This is, without a doubt, the worst thing Emily's ever done.

How many times do I have to drink?

8.

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

3.

Flirtation quota:

Richard and Emily are killing it this week, and Rory's all grown up and flirting with a boy instead of blushing and changing the subject when a boy flirts with her! Luke is still being amazing, building Lorelai a shelf in his closet and then buying her a TV in his bedroom. He thinks it's the least he can do since she goes to bed early with him so he can wake up at diner hours, because they don't want to spend a single night apart. GOD these two are so great right now and it's crushing me. Luke is nervous about attending Richard and Emily's vow renewal and GOD, DON'T DO IT, LUKE. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

Best/most dated pop culture reference:

Zack's response to Lane's concern that she doesn't look cute enough in the band photos: "We’re not Maroon 5 or the Gee Whiz Slicky Boys. We don’t want to look all fake."

Sookie's best dish of the episode:

She cooks what I think is pork tenderloin and it looks great, but this week she's mostly spending her time eating minibar Toblerones and watching Dark Shadows in vacant rooms at the Dragonfly because she needs a break from her family. I mean, Jackson's sweet and all, but I'd need a break too.

Lorelai's craziest outfit:

This dress looks okay from here, but upon closer inspection, you may notice that the sleeves are crocheted and it's adorned with several floppy knit flowers.

Outfit MVP:

It's lucky that Rory already looks so cute for her first meeting with Logan. That grey sweater has a scoop neck and a bit of sparkly thread running through it, and she's paired it with a denim mini-skirt, patterned tights and cute boots. Plus her hair is nicely hot-rolled, and I love her scarf.

Kirk insanity:

He's interested in going into hotel management (drink!), so he starts shadowing the hapless Dragonfly staff, showing up to staff meetings and helping out in the kitchen, despite the fact that nobody invited him and nobody wants him there.

Michel madness:

He's investigating the case of the missing Toblerones with the sort of single-minded dedication Sherlock Holmes might reserve for heinous child murderers.

Best Gilmore Gal witticism:

Lorelai, after Rory tells her she needs a favor: "Well, let me get out my list. Okay, I’ll write this favor down right under the one that says gave me life."

Random observation:

I hate this Emily scheme so much. It's not that I don't believe she's capable of it, I just don't want to believe she's capable of it - particularly right now, when she's basking in her own happiness with Richard. I hate that she can't just accept and feel glad that her daughter is also happily in love, even if it's with a man Emily finds socially unworthy.

--

That does us for this week, folks! Meet us back here next Wednesday morning for "Wedding Bell Blues" and "Say Something." GAH, I'm nervous, you guys. Hold me.

And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: who's worse in these two episodes? Lorelai, for lying to Luke about Christopher, or Emily for actively trying to break up Luke and Lorelai?

Previously on The Originals: Davina teams up with Cami, Josh, and Rebekah to undo Cami’s compulsion and unseat Klaus and Marcel from their throne.  Tim the Fiddler Boy dies from poison meant for Davina, and Sophie blackmails Hayley into telling her where Celeste’s remains are buried so that she can become an Elder and complete the Harvest. Rebekah also wears a wig in 1751 and kills a bunch of people. Girl power!

The Original Dysfunctional Family Drama

As much as I liked last week’s episode, it seemed pretty clear that it was a set up for this week – and oh boy, was it ever! This was yet another episode where I thought, “Why was this one so good?” and realized that it was entirely sans Cami.

Okay, that, and once again, the power dynamics have completely flipped.

You let her walk away / Now it just don't feel the same / Gotta blame it on something / Blame it on the rain

Davina is suffering in epic fashion – her powers continue to be too much for one person.  This now manifests in the form of her barfing up dirt and water as well as causing earthquakes, wind storms, and heavy rainstorms.  Sophie uses this to make the case that the Harvest needs to be completed or Davina’s power will destroy her and all of New Orleans.  Davina handles it about as well as a broken-hearted sixteen year old superwitch would: by throwing Marcel against the wall during a tantrum.

Sophie tells the Originals and Marcel that Davina will cycle through four stages: earth, wind, water, and fire, each more horrible than the last.  (Side note: did this remind anyone of L.J. Smith’s Wild Powers and apocalypse prophecy in the Night World series? Just me?)  Rebekah has to sedate Davina just to stop the natural disasters from progressing, and it becomes pretty clear to everyone except Marcel that the Harvest needs to be performed.  Elijah does his best to convince Marcel; he points out that Sophie was a non-believer, but she is convinced, and that is enough for him.  This doesn’t stop Marcel from hiding Davina in a futile attempt to protect her, and sending everyone else out looking for them.

Yet the teenage witch is the voice of reason here. In a scene that was incredibly well-acted, she tells Marcel that she realizes it would be selfish to refuse the Harvest when she is clearly going to die anyway. She has a choice between voluntarily giving up her life and saving New Orleans as well as the other witches and herself, or just dying. If this is it, she says, she’s lived a pretty full life.  Marcel’s heartbreak is evident on his face: he knows she’s right, but he’s in protective big brother/father mode and doesn’t want to admit it. 

In the Quarter, Hayley is gathering supplies to donate to those who can’t find shelter. Klaus eyes her, grabs a few boxes of his own, and takes her to the church – where we learn that he has helped shelter a werewolf clan, one with the same bloodline as him and his child.  How can you give up on Klaus when underneath his power grabs, all he wants is a family?  His shrewd, unsolicited advice to Hayley about Elijah, too, is perfect: “Don’t do as I do. Just apologize…Elijah is the master of forgiveness.” These few lines go so far in illustrating the complexity of his character and motivations.

Meanwhile, for some reason, Sophie cannot consecrate Celeste’s bones. How convenient that Klaus & Co. happen to cart around their dead mother’s body wherever they go; they agree to let Sophie consecrate and draw power from their mother.  It’s Harvest time.  Like Hammer Time, but with more rain and no parachute pants.

In the graveyard, Sophie has the (remarkably, not decomposed after many months) bodies of the other witches sacrificed for the Harvest ready to go. She slits Davina’s throat, does the spell, and begs the Elders to resurrect their chosen ones…and…nothing happens.  Sophie pleads with the powers that be, but still.  Nothing.

(U Can’t Harvest This.)

(Sorry.)

“Well then, where did the power go?” Rebekah asks. 

Marcel rages against the colossal unfairness of it all, and who is there to comfort him but Klaus.  Klaus tells Marcel that he understands his grief, because when Klaus fled the city he thought Marcel was dead.  The loss haunted him “keenly” for years.

This whole time, Sabine had been skulking around, apparently for witchy voodoo atmosphere, or so we think.  Suddenly, three people from other eras start appearing around the French Quarter.  Sabine appears and they ask why she’s brought them back to life, to which she says, “I’ve had to endure people calling me ‘Sabine’ for almost a year now. I’d appreciate it if you called me by my real name: Celeste.”

OH SHIT.
 

“I’m 2 Legit 2 Quit.”

The Original Mythology

- Celeste diverted the power from the Harvest sacrifices into resurrecting three different people.

- According to Elijah, if their mother is buried on the property of one of her descendants (the werebaby), she becomes a New Orleans witch and shares in the ancestral magic.

- Esther's descendants have to particpate in the consecration and Harvest in order for it to work.

- Vampires can't own property, which is why the werebaby is so important for this spell. I don't know WHY vampires can't own property, mind you.  I certainly did not see anything about that in my Property class.  (Maybe they violate the Rule Against Perpetuities, being immortal and all. Kind of screws up the "life in being" part.  Oh god, why am I talking about property law? I hated property law.)

The Original Body Count

- Davina dies during the Harvest, and I think it’s telling that Klaus, Elijah, Rebekah, and Hayley all winced or looked away, even though they thought at that point she’d be resurrected. 

The Original WTF

- “Sometimes I think I don’t give you your due, little sister.” NO SHIT, KLAUS.

- Hayley apologizes to Elijah twice.  At the end, she tells him that she will never choose the dead over the living, and prefers to live in the here and now.  He grabs her, they almost kiss…and he stops. GODDAMMIT, ELIJAH. GODDAMMIT, WRITERS. Hayley, though, just walks away. I like that she won’t waste her time on someone who isn’t ready.

- Elijah says he’s been in love twice in a thousand years. Does this strike anyone as effing ridiculous? (Also, I’m assuming he is referring to Katherine and Celeste – anyone disagree?)

- We don’t really think Davina is dead for good, do we? 

- I laughed at the Originals waiting the earthquakes out with whiskey and eye-rolling. Honorary Californians, all of them!

The Original Joseph Morgan Award For Tortured Hot People

I cannot be the only one who had all sorts of inappropriate feelings when Klaus was comforting Marcel.

So, what's Celeste's game here? Is Davina really dead? What is Sophie going to do as the sole Elder in New Orleans? TO THE COMMENTS!

We’re in the thick of the season now, Liars. That means PLOT PLOT PLOT and too many jokes to contain to one post. In an effort to tighten up, we’re returning to Caroline’s  v. useful breakdown by Liar to get you the goods.

As always: theories in the comments!

THIS WEEK’S MVP

Emily Fields, for believing in Ali when no one else dares, and thus being the first to really speak with her since the reveal that she is Alive.

via showmeyourboobs-a.tumblr.com

THIS WEEK'S LVP

Emily Fields, for believing in Ali despite four seasons of proof that Ali was ruthless and emotionally manipulative, and despite her own personal growth past Ali in the last two episodes.

via showmeyourboobs-a.tumblr.com

BIGGEST SHOCK

Shana (of the costume shop) was Ali’s childhood friend, and she’s in Rosewood to be the public half of Ali's investigation of her own not-quite-murder.

BIGGEST NO-DUH

Peter Hastings hires people to cook for him. In his home. And they wear serving uniforms.

PREVIOUSLY ON PRETTY LITTLE LIARS

Caleb left Hanna for a ghost. Hanna replaced him on speed dial with “Doesn’t Know Enough to Ask Questions” Travis. Aria left Ezra for a kung fu fighter. Ezra replaced himself with Mr. Hyde and started terrorizing the Liars to find (and kill?) Ali. The Liars drove through a dark and stormy night relying on nothing but their wits and an easily re-programmable GPS to get them to the defunct B&B where Ali is only maybe hiding.

THE PLAY BY PLAY

…the Liars drive through a dark and stormy night relying on nothing but their wits and an easily re-programmable GPS to get them to the defunct B&B where Ali is only maybe hiding. Oh, girls. This time at least they COME armed. Emily is wielding a hammer and it looks ten times more malevolent than normal. Spencer has a field hockey stick, the Hastings weapon of choice.*

Alas! The inn has been ransacked and there is no Ali to be found. Did she escape?

Probbbbably not. 

via kissthemgoodbye.net/pll

The rest of the action takes place the following day, where the Liars (for the most part) go about their own business.

EMILY
Like anyone does the day after two trips to two Murder Cabins, Emily bops to The Church with a pie for the bake sale. Because The Church is apparently Catholic now, she stays to light some prayer candles. She is startled by Shana(!) who has a message from Ali(!).

Evidently Shana has known Ali since they were toddlers (she grew up next door to Ali's grandparents in Georgia). Ali recruited her for the A team to help find whoever tried to bury her under the Gaze Bo. That's why Shana's been making out with Jenna: for the investigation. "Keep your enemies closer," she winks at Emily. As proof of life, Emily demands that Shana learn the private thing Ali told Emily after saving her from the barn full of carbon monoxide at the end of season one.

Later, the Liars debate Shana’s many revelations in a talk titled: "Shana: Friend? Foe? Foe of friend? Foe of foe? Friend of foe? Definitely not friend of friend, though, right, Em?"

We-ell. The lovely character growth Emily has achieved these last few weeks is regressing. Her giant, tender heart wants desperately for Shana to be telling the truth. So when Shana returns and recites almost word-perfect what Ali told Em when she saved her, Emily believes: Friend of Friend. Our take? Either Ali has an amazing memory, or A has an amazing tape recorder. Anyway, Ali wants to meet Emily tonight…ALONE.

Emily confides in Spencer, but she picked the wrong day to talk to Chief Skeptic Hastings, who has her fill of shady to deal with already and insists that Emily will be walking into a trap. Emily's eyes have taken on a manic glint of lovestruck determination, and she says she’s going anyway. "Don't make me regret being honest with you."

dun dun dunnnn

That night, Shana drops Em off at an abandoned warehouse then drives away, because of course she does. Inside it's dark and full of shadows, and from these shadows steps…Alison.

OR HER SECRET TWIN SISTER

via pretttliltleliarsquestions.tumblr.com

Ali "knows" she can trust Emily, but she's not sure about the rest of the Liars. She obviously hasn't been watching her own show, where for four seasons these girls have done nothing but hold each other upright against the relentless, 360° assault of an insidious cyberterrorist army (also: every male in Rosewood). If you can trust one Liar, you can trust them all.

Emily is nearly in tears as she pleads with Ali to help them find A so that she can come home. “Go to the police!” she suggests…

via analyzinga.tumblr.com; http://thatdbenice.tumblr.com/post/34239530421/this-part-scared-the-hell-out-of-me; http://pretty-little-liars.wikia.com/wiki/Darren_Wilden

"…or to your parents!"

via http://crazylittlemona.tumblr.com/post/53121419767

Ali would totally have laughed at Emily's hi-laaaarious jokes, but they are interrupted by Spencer knocking whole shelves over. Ali flees to the kind of elevator we imagine paranoid rich people have in their safe houses, disappearing behind several layers of slamming metal doors.

via http://twistedlittleliars.tumblr.com/post/74133320561; heyashaley.tumblr.com

When the doors finally re-open, Alison is gone. The hatred Emily glares at Spencer could melt right through the polar vortex.

Spencer, obviously, doesn't believe Nice Ali is for real. She thinks Ali knew Emily was pulling away from the group and is using this to manipulate Em and divide the four.

http://plldailly.tumblr.com/post/74145199080

Emily does not, cannot, believe this. Spencer is so sorry. “It’s not enough,” Em spits. And it really, really isn’t.

SPENCER
Spencer has had a busy day of skepticism and meddling. The morning finds her lounging at Toby's, where she’s surprised by her father. “How’d you know where to find me?” Spence asks. HA. Like Peter Hastings cared where you were. No, he came by to see Toby. Surprise!/?

He finally gives one explanation for recent cageyness, at least: Jason DiLaurentis fell off the wagon (i.e. down another elevator shaft) and Peter and Mrs. D have been getting him into rehab. Skeptical Spencer can see through this explanation, she just isn't sure what's on the other side.

Then Toby walks in wearing only a towel. Awwwwkward.

Or just leave them off, whatever!

via plldaily.tumblr.com

Also news: Peter has reversed his crusade against Radley, claiming there isn't enough evidence to shut them down after all. Radley is offering Toby's family a settlement: they will pay the Cavanaughs a bunch of money if the Cavanaughs never mention the covered-up non-suicide again. Spencer continues to believe that if she could only get all of the information, things would finally make sense, so she urges Toby to investigate before signing. Her edges have softened after years under A’s tender care, though, so this actually feels supportive, not crazed.

Later, a private chef cooks dinner in the Hastings Manor as Spencer and her dad rehash the same fight they've been having for the past three episodes. Peter is “doing what is best,” in this case for Toby’s family. We are not sure he knows what that phrase means. Spencer obviously does not believe him, and when she rifles through his briefcase she finds a piece of paper informing us that…Jessica DiLaurentis is on the board of Radley Sanitarium. (Um, HOW did they not discover this already? Did no one google Radley?? GUYS.)

Seriously, it’s not like this is a private redacted document. It’s RIGHT ON THE LETTERHEAD.

screencap from abcfamily.go.com

When Spence confronts her dad (“Is this why you’re shutting Toby down? Is Jason even in rehab? IS HIS FACE EVEN HIS REAL FACE??”) he sounds exactly like a politician when he says it has "nothing to do with the facts of the case." Spencer calls Toby to warn him not to sign the settlement, but he already did. For Toby (and his dad), some truth is enough. For Spencer, it never will be. Between this and Emily, Spencer has not had a good day.

Toby, if you didn’t want Spencer to be this invested maybe you should not have yelled at her

about this very topic every episode for the first half of the season.

via http://prettylittleliars-onabcfamily.tumblr.com

HANNA
You know it’s PLL when a character having a week “off” means they get to suffer through the, like, seventy stages of grief following a major break-up. As in, get to ONLY suffer that. No being run under by A. No having murder weapons planted in their closet. Just good old fashioned climbing out of heartbreak.

We can tell Hanna is sad because her hair is flat. Also, she is purging half her closet while Spencer and her mother look on, aghast. “That won’t get rid of memories of Caleb,” they warn.

via plldaily.tumblr.com

Later, Travis shows up to “retrieve” his “umbrella,” and we learn that since he left the Marin house like 12 hours ago the basement flooded and Ashley singlehandedly hauled everything Caleb ever touched while living there up to the entryway—including a pool table. Travis stays to play/flirt, and when they hug goodbye, Hanna sneakily turns it into a kiss. When Nice Travis pulls away, Hanna immediately averts her eyes, and says, “I know you’re not into me like that.”

Some girls might use this as a trick because they KNOW the opposite is true. Not Hanna, not now. Ali’s return is regressing the girls one by one, and Hanna is pressing back against the glass walls boxing her in in the hope that she was wrong. Obviously, she was. Nice Travis may be nice, but he is also a teenager. He gives Hanna what she needs right then: acceptance. Which is a fancy way of saying:

They totally make out.

via spoby.tumblr.com/post/74134418227

…just in time for Ashley to walk in and be shocked anew at Hanna’s break-up strategies. Hanna is sick of everyone telling her what to do: “It’s MY broken heart!”

Later, Ashley breaks Hanna out of her cocoon of weepy music to go pay money to smash dishware against a wall. (GUYS: THIS WAS A REAL THING). And it works! Hanna finds some catharsis, enough to go home and leave Caleb a Final Stage: Acceptance voicemail.

via prettylittleliars-onabcfamily.tumblr.com/post/74123713518

ARIA
Aria’s morning finds her at Fitz’s Rosewood apartment, instead of the cabin they SPECIFICALLY DISCUSSED making their Secret Affair hideout. Ezra makes a big production about how he has to spend the day in Philly! To see a college friend! Then Jake texts that he’s finally back from his ninja tournament. “Me in the morning, Jake in the afternoon,” Ezra snarks. “Not that it’s any of my business. Also, let me remind you how unfair I have made things for you.” ACTIVATE CREEPSTER GUILT MESMER.

Aria is mesmer-ed, and plans to break up with Jake.

via prettylittleliars-onabcfamily.tumblr.com

At the dojo, Jake is pleased to see her. She makes small talk about his busted face (“comes with the territory”) and his busted punching bag (“my lucky bag…and PS I made it to Nationals!”), then says they need to talk.

More like Chekhov's punching bag, amirite

via lucyandlouise.tumblr.com

“You’re going back to Ezra,” Jake says. “I figured that out like two episodes ago, slowpoke.” He is SAD. She is…not sad. Guilty? Maybe. Definitely, when she goes home to find an engraved necklace Jake sent while he was away.

While Aria is…writing poetry? (she’s certainly not helping on the A/Ali front), Jake wanders through the streets of Rosewood and stumbles upon EZRA, who is not in Philly after all! He is, in fact, screaming at some woman in a car right out in the open. He is a MONSTER and also an IDIOT. He whacks the car violently as it drives away.

via plldaily.tumblr.com

When Aria returns to the dojo to try to give back the necklace (“nothing rhymes with ARIA”), Jake mentions what he saw, and then says he always wondered if it was Ezra she was afraid of. She is SHOCKED. Later, after Ezra weaves lies about how great Philly was, Aria confronts him about Jake’s story. No Philly after all. And the woman was Maggie’s lawyer, Ezra “explains.” Maggie is trying to prevent him from having contact with Malcolm. Which understandably draws Aria up short. Ezra’s justification: Malcolm drama broke them apart once, he didn’t want it to happen again. Logic’s rebuttal: This is stupid. Also, you are not related to Malcolm in any way and only knew him for about two weeks. Again, MONSTER and IDIOT.

So of course Aria makes him a cake. Which he sits down to share with her as the camera cuts to Jake working out his break-up feelings in the dojo, kicking his busted bag and OH SNAP FOOT FULL OF BLADES. That’s right: A filled his special punching bag WITH KNIVES.

via http://spezria.tumblr.com/post/74128872559 and http://prettylittleliarsquestions.tumblr.com/post/74140798117

In the best of an hour of great cutaways, this reveal is overdubbed by the sound of Ezra laughing his creepster laugh as he kisses Clueless Suzy's face.

A

In the final scene, A opens a locker and pulls a picture of baby Shana and baby Ali from another copy of The Tempest. A tears the photo in half, separating the two girls, and sets fire to Shana’s side.

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

KISSES,

- A (lexis and Catie)

*see, the buried shard in season 2, which Peter Hastings threw into the fire in case Melissa had killed Ali and needed to be protected.

BOOK REPORT for Cress (The Lunar Chronicles #3) by Marissa Meyer

Cover Story: Rapunzel, Rapunzel
BFF Charm: Heck Yes
Swoonworthy Scale: 6
Talky Talk: Three’s Not a Crowd
Bonus Factors: (More) Fairy Tale Fusion, Superpowers
Relationship Status: Already Dreading the End

Cover Story: Rapunzel, Rapunzel

Out of all three of the books in the Lunar Chronicles, this is one most obviously inspired by a fairy tale. The long blonde braid practically screams, “Let down your hair!”

(Disclaimer: My book actually has this cover, which would have been WAY less interesting to do a Cover Story blurb on.)

The Deal:

(BEWARE SPOILERS! This is for the third book in a series; if you want to check out Megan’s review of the first book—Cinder—you can do so here. And if you want to check out my review of the second—Scarlet—you can do that here.)

The ragtag team made up of Cinder, Scarlet, Wolf, Captain Carswell Thorne and Iko (in the form of a spaceship) have escaped to orbit around Earth and are spending their time training and plotting. They’ve come up with a flimsy plan to overthrow Queen Levana, which involves crashing her wedding to Emperor Kai. And because they need all the help they can get, Cinder attempts to contact the young, blonde Lunar technician who helped her in the past. Little do they know that the technician is much closer than they think.

Cress has been imprisoned in a satellite orbiting Earth for seven years. Her main job is to keep the hundreds of Lunar ships hovering above the planet a secret, but she also does various other tasks as assigned, many of them involving hacking and watching news feeds for information on Cinder and her crew. What her superiors don’t realize, however, is that she’s long been working against the Lunar monarchy and is actually protecting the Rampion from being seen by both Lunar and Earthen prying eyes.

When an attempted rescue of Cress goes terribly wrong, the group is split up. In order to carry out their plan, and with the date of the wedding looming, they are forced to find their way back together, regardless of the odds or the obstacles in their path.

BFF Charm: Heck Yes

Cress is yet another fantastic addition to a series full of wonderful characters. She’s a little sheltered, a little shy, but she’s never been broken by the reality of her imprisonment or beaten down by her lot in life. In fact, she’s used every bit of what she has in her prison and the resources she was given to turn herself into a vital member of Cinder’s team—long before they ever meet in person.

Swoonworthy Scale: 6

In order to avoid spoilers, I had to average out the swoon in this book. And with three different relationships in various stages of development, the levels of swoon fluctuate throughout Cress. I will say, however, that at least one relationship reaches a level that pleased me to a great extent.

Talky Talk: Three’s Not a Crowd

It would be easy to think that a series that, over the course of three books, introduces three different main characters and a multitude of secondary ones, might become muddled and confusing. This isn’t the case with Marissa Meyers’ Lunar Chronicles. Each book helps to build a world that feels utterly realistic, even with its cyborgs, moon people with mental superpowers and androids who long to be human. And the action never pauses, either. With each consecutive book, I feel myself getting more and more sucked into the story. Meyer’s writing and plot building, although not the most complex, has only gotten better with each story.

Bonus Factor: (More) Fairy Tale Fusion

Cress continues the alternative fairy tale character progression begun in Cinder and continued in Scarlet with a new and unique version of Rapunzel. In this case, her tower is a  high-tech satellite in orbit above Earth.

Bonus Factor: Superpowers

Although Cinder starts to use her powers in Scarlet, she’s still only learning all that she’s capable of at the start of Cress. Through training and practice, however, her skills grow, and by the end of the book she’s a force to be reckoned with. I can only imagine what she’ll be able to do in the fourth book (Winter).

Casting Call:

Emily Bett Rickards as Cress

Cress is a petite blonde woman who’s quiet but hides the soul of a fighter under the surface. She’s also an extraordinarily talented hacker. How could I not immediately think of Arrow’s Felicity Smoak?

Armie Hammer as Carswell Thorne

Part of me really wanted to cast Stephen Amell as Thorne—because I’m slowly coming around to the idea of Felicity and Oliver being together—but he’s not pretty enough for the role. Armie is certainly pretty, and I can totally see him pulling off Thorne’s half-smarm/half-charm personality.

(Check out the Book Reports for Cinder and Scarlet for the casting of for the casting of Cinder and Kai and Scarlet and Wolf, respectively.)

Relationship Status: Already Dreading the End

You’re not the end to the series, Book, but you’re close—and I’m already getting choked up by the fact that our time will soon come to an end. The story you and your sisters have spun for me is so entertaining, I’m certain I’ll have withdrawls for months once it’s finally all over.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a free review copy from Macmillan. I received neither a trip to Luna—which might be a good thing—nor money for this review. Cress will be available Feb. 4.
 

Title: The Short Game
Year: 2013
Fix: Documentary, Squee

Netflix Summary:

Eight grade-school golfers must navigate parents, coaches, and their own pint-sized rivals as they compete in a junior-level championship at the prestigious Pinehurst golf course in North Carolina.

FYA Summary:

LITTLE KIDS. PLAYING GOLF. Not only is it adorable, it's also insanely impressive, because these kids have the skills to pay the bills. They're dedicated, and they're passionate, and they're SO TINY. In addition to the golf course, they face an array of challenges, from autism to racism to overbearing parents, but their love of golf motivates them to keep on swingin'.

Familiar Faces:

This is a documentary, so unless you happen to follow wee golf, you won't recognize any of the major players (although a few seasoned golf pros make an appearance). But it won't take long for you to become obsessed with some of these kids, because they are SO FREAKING GREAT.

Zamokuhle Nxasana

Zamokuhle is from South Africa, and he has by far the most charming personality of the bunch. He's a total riot, and his beaming optimism is shared by his father, who deserves to win the film's Parent MVP award.

Alexa Pano and Allan Kournikova

Alexa and Allan (who, yes, is the brother of Anna) share a friendship that delightfully borders on romance, although both of them get grossed out when anyone mentions the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." Allan is definitely a character, and his views on nutrition deserve their own internet meme.

I also want to give a shout-out to Jed Dy (an autistic boy from the Philippines) and teeny Sky Sudberry and her dad, who makes the most progress on the road from overbearing coach to supportive caddy.

But really, all of these kids are amazing, and I had the opportunity to sit behind most of them during a screening last year at SXSW. It was undoubtedly the cutest movie experience I've ever had.

Couch-Sharing Capability: High

It's impossible to watch this movie without placing bets on who will win the tournament, so make the most of it and invite some friends (and their cash) over. Plus, the tension surrounding those last few holes is more bearable when you can spread it out amongst an audience.

Recommended Level of Inebriation: On Par

The Short Game doesn't need alcohol to be enjoyed, but like a cooler of beer on a golf cart, drinking can only enhance your experience.

Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Hole in One

I never gave a crap about golf, but then this movie came along and added kids to the mix, and suddenly, I AM SUPER INTO GOLF. Sparkling with humor, this documentary celebrates skilled athletes who just so happen to be children, and the insight it provides on parenting, sports culture and the resilient spirit of youth is both inspiring and thoroughly entertaining.

Now I'm just praying for a sequel involving toddlers and tiny golf shoes.

After watching this episode of Nashville, I was left with the burning question of... WHY?!! I mean, WHAT is going on in that writers' room? I can't even FATHOM it. But I can certainly imagine it:

***

Writer #1: Okay, guys, we've really got to amp this show up. Ratings are dragging, and people are still pissed that we broke up Rayna and Deacon with a melodramatic car accident.

Writer #2: Well, we could start writing story lines that make sense?

Writer #1: That's a TERRIBLE idea. Why would we do that, when we can pretend that it's totally realistic for Juliette to ruin her career by saying something scandalous even though controversy ALWAYS sells?

Writer #3: Exactly. Instead, why don't we just keeping bringing in loads of famous musicians to make awkward cameos?

Writer #2: But if we're going to have more music scenes, shouldn't we give them to Lennon and Maisy? The audience seems to love those two.

Writer #1: OF COURSE NOT, YOU MORON. It's ALWAYS better to bring in people that most Americans won't even recognize.

Writer #3: What if we focus more on the Zoe and Gunnar storyline?

Writer #2: Well, we should only do that if we actually develop Zoe as a character.

Writer #1: STOP TALKING NONSENSE. You know what? YOU'RE FIRED.

***

I mean, that's got to be a pretty accurate depiction, right? How else can you explain this hot mess?

Against my better judgement, let's talk about some of the shizz that went down:

- Scarlett got to sing with Zac Brown at a concert. (The only reason I knew it was Zac Brown is because DirectTV told me in the show description). But hey, the real concert footage was a nice change. But then Scarlett got completely overwhelmed by her path to fame and pretty much broke down because HER LIFE IS SO HARD. Thank goodness she went to Rayna for advice, because our girl Ray dished out the truth, i.e. if you can't stand the heat, get the hell outta the kitchen.

- Gunnar canceled a date with Zoe so he could write a song with some dude from Rascal Flatts. She did that thing where she pretended not to be mad while actually being super mad, and then Avery called her on it, which was great. But then, when Zoe was finally honest with Gunnar, he spoke back in the language of ASSHOLE.

- Rayna and Deacon wrote a song together, and no surprise, it's a keeper. Also no surprise, there were SPARKS! But then Scarlett called her out on having a weird codependent relationship with Deacon, so Rayna told Deacon they can't fall into old patterns. (But those old patterns are SO GREAT!) So she's still with Luke, because he apologized for not supporting her on the decision to leave Edge Hill. Um, okay? Also, they're gonna go public with their coupledom, even though all of their celebrity couple names are terrible. NOT A GOOD OMEN, Y'ALL.

- Juliette is still facing the backlash about her whole misconstrued "There is no God" comment. Some of her concerts are even getting shut down! And Jeff Doucheham basically fired her from Edge Hill! So she passes out drunk, and the show treats it like a HUGE CRISIS. Y'all, I'm not saying it's a good thing, but people pass out drunk all of the time. Passing out drunk does not mean you're DEAD. Anyway, Avery tries to cheer Juliette up by putting her in a disguise and taking her out to sing in public. And it's pretty sweet, actually! And now she wants to write a song with him, which is obviously code for wanting to sleep with him.

- Oh yeah, and Teddy was in this episode, because NOBODY CARES. On the bright side, Lawyer Lady is representing the family of the guy that shot Peggy, so here's hoping that next week, they'll be in a room together, and then that room will BURN TO THE GROUND.

Best Rayna James Line:

- Rayna's straight talk with Scarlett was exceptionally Tami Taylor-esque. "You want this more than you hate all those other things." Unfortunately, I don't think her wisdom will have the same awesome effect on Scarlett as it did on Tyra.

Rayna vs Juliette: (Who won?)

- I'm not sure if anyone won, least of all the viewers. Obviously Juliette is in a bad place, and Rayna is still dating Luke, so I guess I'll have to go with Rayna's glorious hair again. If you can't rely on Connie Britton's hair, what else can you?

Best Scene:

- Even though it didn't feel realistic, Avery and Juliette singing together on the street was pretty cute. And that song was great!

Best Sub-plot:

- Rayna and Deacon writing a song together, OBVIOUSLY.

WTF:

- I've ranted about this already but SERIOUSLY? Juliette getting her shows cancelled and then getting booted off her label just for not actually saying "There is no God" is just... I can't even.

- Did y'all know that Jeff Doucheham (Oliver Hudson) is the son of Goldie Hawn? Weird!

- How can the writers NOT realize that every scene with Teddy is like mack truck plowing through a house party? The mood shifts in this episode in particular were BEYOND jarring.

Burning Questions:

- Why weren't the people around Rayna's manager pissed when he was talking on the phone in the middle of the concert?

- Will Zoe and Gunnar ever become interesting together?

- Will Scarlett learn to hunker down, or will we be stuck with her whining for the rest of the season?

- How long will Rayna and Luke last? (Just kidding, we all know the answer-- until the season finale!)

Is anyone else still suffering through this show? I almost quit doing these recaps once, I might threaten to do so again unless I get more Lennon and Maisy. (Then again, we've got their YouTube channel so... why I am still watching Nashville?)

We've already voiced our yays and way, wayyy nays (plus: SKARSGARD) regarding the casting news for the adaptation of The Giver. And now, Entertainment Weekly has the first look of the movie, which opens on August 15th.

So many things here: the set, the costumes, and how the Giver looks much more kempt than he does on the book cover. But what I want to know is -- what's with the footwear on the Giver? Are they half socks? Slippers? That seems like a footwear choice more suitable for the Dude than the Giver. And what about Jonas -- are those dress Keds? 

OMG BABY GABRIEL! But while I could buy the 24-year-old Brenton Thwaites in that 18-20 range, NO WAY does he look like the 16 that Movie Jonas is (.... for a character that's supposed to be TWELVE, but whatevs).

What do y'all think? Share your thoughts in the comments!

I DO NOT EVEN KNOW HOW TO BEGIN RECAPPING THIS EPISODE.

Ok. I’ve gotten that off my chest. Let’s begin.

When last we saw Katherine she was at the bottom of a flight of stairs and hadn’t even been pushed.  Now we see that she’s in the hospital, fighting to stay alive, and she’s also dreaming of when she gave birth to Nadia, who was taken from her before she could even hold her.  She comes back from frontlining because this IS Katherine Pierce we’re talking about here, and we see Stefan tell Nadia that she has at the most a day to live.

Oh yes. The break-up. I’m still incredibly annoyed at Damon for this. There’s only room for ONE selfless martyr on this show, sir, and Stefan Salvatore does not share those pants. Elena is back in her dorm, Damon is passed out at the Grill. Did I mention it’s the morning? Oh to be able to get shitfaced with Damon. It’s a dream I have.  Bonnie and Caroline roll up as the BFF Brigade with Breakup Breakfast for Elena. Caroline’s attention to detail is what makes her such a good friend. Also a pain in the ass. But mostly a good friend.

Matt and Jeremy find Damon at the bottom of a bottle of bourbon. They get him back to Chez Salvatore where they proceed to invent the best drinking game in the history of alcohol: Drink To All the times Katherine Has Ruined Your Life! There is a lot of competition here. Dead siblings, dead aunts, having someone pine after you for 200 years only to skip out, feeding you to a psychopathic entombed immortal which then kills you - there is a lot to work with here. Honestly, they could make it into a bingo card.

Elena returns.  Awkward silence ensues.

...awkward….silence.

Still, she joins in the reminiscing by adding identity theft. Bonnie adds the death of her Grams. Caroline adds in the triggering of Tyler’s werewolf curse. Elena reminds everyone that Katherine is the reason Klaus even came to Mystic Falls in the first place and at that point you all might as well pack it in for the night because you’re going to need to finish the whole damn bottle. ESPECIALLY after Damon lets it slip that Stefan and Katherine were riding the hobby horse.  Sorry Elena - you don’t get to feel ANY kind of way about that. Caroline, keep freaking out. You’re so good at it! Wait til the next scene when you find out about Bonnie and Jeremy!

See this fine vanilla latte next to me with the terrible hair? TOTALLY HITTING THAT.

(I believe there was also mention of her being responsible for the burning of ATLANTA.  Katherine Pierce - Original Gangsta.)

Nadia is determined to keep her mother alive and so OF COURSE knocks out Matt, puts him in Stefan’s old safe and hides him in the woods.  She is DEFINITELY Katherine’s daughter, y’all.  She tells them that she needs Elena and Stefan as the price for the gypsies helping her transfer Katherine to her own body. 

Katherine is asleep/dying upstairs at Chez Salvatore and she’s weak enough that Damon can get in her head. To say he still holds a grudge against her is an understatement. He blames her for every bad thing he ever did.  Stretching it a BIT but sure, I’ll go with it. He pulls her into the memory of when she discovered her dead family after running away from Klaus. Damon doesn’t play softball, folks.

Caroline is in the woods looking for Matt and HOLY MOSES. KLAUS IS HERE YOU GUYS.  I seriously had to pause the TV to catch my breath…! She gets all snarky and annoyed and tries to get away from him (OH CAROLINE, you silly, silly MOO!) but Klaus is just too damn suave. I know he’s crazy and needy and manipulative but JESUS. He’s like, Sure, I’m here because I heard that Katherine is dying and I want to get in one last dig, and Caroline isn’t having it.  She’s over revenge. It ruined her relationship with Tyler and so she’s not trying to hear any of this dastardly dastardliness from Klaus. He comes back with, Ok, I want your confession. I will leave forever and not return if you just admit how you feel about me.  Caroline gets her panties in SUCH a wad and she blurts out all the stuff she tells herself, about how she’s in college and she has a PLAN and a LIFE and none of it involves KLAUS and then they start having crazy sex against a tree.

I thought I was going to need a defibrillator.

ANYWAY.

Meanwhile Stefan and Elena are getting bled by the gypsies, who are HELLA chanting and they have no idea why. They can’t get away, their rings don’t work so they have to stay there as their doppelganger blood is collected. BUT FOR WHAT PURPOSE.

In Katherine’s foggy, drug-induced addled brain we see her first memory of Stefan. Turns out she was on our way to stay at the Lockwood Plantation (the fanfic world must have exploded with possibility at this revelation) but saw Stefan on the side of the road and felt drawn to him.  So begins her life with the Salvatore brothers.  Damon sees all of this in her head and is convinced more than ever that he’s not meant to be with Elena.

Just in case y’all were judging Caroline for having hot woodsy sex with Klaus while her friend is encased in a safe somewhere, fear not! Klaus assures her that he’s found him and left him in good hands.  YES, IT’S REBEKAH’S HANDS HE’S REFERRING TO.  The smile that is shared between Matt and Rebekah when she finds him lights up the WORLD.

Katherine is having mad hallucinations, courtesy of Vengeful Damon, and sees Jenna stabbing her, John cutting off her fingers and then...Elijah. ELIJAH. She believes he’s there to say goodbye to her, only she doesn’t realize the depths of Damon’s anger because he only invoked Elijah’s image to remind her just how alone she is. While she’s dying. Alone. (Kinda messed up, Damon but still, I respect your style.)  Nadia shows up to do the ritual with her gypsy pal Mia and so snaps Damon’s neck. Hehe, what goes around comes around because God knows Damon has snapped just about everyone’s neck in Mystic Falls and then some. Katherine resists, she doesn’t want to reside in her daughter’s body. She wants her daughter to live. THIS is the most selfless you will ever see Katherine Pierce. Roll around in it.

Stefan comes to visit Katherine, to say goodbye.  I am hit by the juxtaposition of the two brothers here.  All Damon wants is to project his pain and his hurt onto Katherine, to blame her for the way his life has unfolded.  Stefan only wants Katherine to feel at peace. He takes her to that same memory of her dead family but stands with her as he makes them all disappear.  She is convinced that she doesn’t deserve to feel loved but Stefan tells her that she was only 17 and that her family’s deaths were not her fault.  Her last memory is off baby Nadia in the crib as she goes to hold her.  Elena comes in to sit with Katherine during her final moments. (SPOILER - DON’T GET COMFY, ELENA.)

Later when Stefan and Damon are sitting outside together Stefan tells him that he needs to fix things with Elena. Damon is determined not to get in the way of the Doppelganger Fate Thingy and that Elena is better off without him, blah blah blah. (Guess what? She’s totally capable of making that decision for herself! Sheesh.)

Caroline comes back and has leaves in her hair. BAHAHAHA.  The gang’s mostly there (I feel a group photo coming on) and Bonnie talks a bit about anticipating Katherine passing over, since she’s the Anchor now.  Matt asks her about her new ability and up pops Vicki. She wants Matt to know she loves him and watches over him.  Tyler shows up FOR REAL, courtesy of Rebekah, and Caroline’s face is FANTASTIC. What you gonna do now, girl HUH? And then ALARIC is there, Jeremy can see him and tells Damon that he says he’s a dick. AWWW. I AM OVERWHELMED WITH FEELINGS.

Katherine wakes up AFTER her heart stopped.  Like I said, O.G.  She tells Elena she has unfinished business with her. Elena stops her to say that she forgives her, which is how Elena Gilbert rolls.  Katherine is visibly moved and thanks her for her forgiveness.  What she does AFTER that is grab Elena, chant in Czech and ENTER HER BODY.

GODDAMMIT KATHERINE PIERCE YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER.

And then she’s perfecting her “Elena” in the mirror and seriously, just go and drop all the mics.

You get ALL the cake, Nina. ALL OF IT.

Moments of Hilarity:

"Who spends two years pining after someone to dump them??" - Matt
"I can hear you, you dumbass.” - Damon

“You memorized my breakup?” - Elena
“Of course I did.” - Caroline

“I hear you two broke up.” - Klaus
“I literally just WHOOSHED at the sight of you.” - Caroline

Moments of Heart-Wrenching:

“Every awful thing I’ve ever done is linked to her...She ruined me.” - Damon
“Think about how much control she still has over you. Prove her wrong.” - Sheriff Forbes

“I should have fought harder to keep you and I didn’t...Don’t waste another minute on me. Live your life.” - Katherine to Nadia

“I came to say goodbye.” - Stefan to Katherine

“You deserve to feel at peace. None of this was your fault.” - Stefan to Katherine

YOU GUYS - DISH WITH ME.  I really thought Katherine was going to die! It was kind of perfect, everything tied up, amends made, goodbyes said, 100th episode and all and BOOM.

H'Oh boy, I am ready for this week to be over (and it only lasted three days!)  So let's entertain ourselves with some linkage and get this weekend started.

Book Related Things

HumbleBundle (an awesome company that usually focuses on indie computer games) has put together an audiobook bundle.  Pay what you want and some of the proceeds go to charity.  (Included are Lucy Christopher’s Stolen and Meg Cabot’s Abandon.)

A great roundup of YA books coming out in 2014 written by authors of color.  Plus, in 2014, read MOAR women!  

Also, apparently YA is super chic now, because even TeenVogue has a 2014 YA roundup.

Looks like one of these days our libraries will have Simon & Schuster ebooks for borrowing.  (But if they stick with a one-year, one-book, one-user license, they will be on my shitlist forever.)

The Atlantic on the decline of the American book lover.

A list of historical bars book lovers should consider dropping in on.

Writing novels certainly doesn’t guarantee you’ll pull in the big bucks.  (And speaking of writing/publishing being difficult, read this article.  So many feels.)

Movie Related Things

Mockingjay Part 1 released its first teaser poster.  (Meredith finds it boring.  Truth.)  Less boring is Natalie Dormer’s new haircut for her role as Cressida.

And The Giver just released its first promotional images. 

Vampire Academy has a new trailer and promo images.

Maleficent has a full trailer.  (Here’s hoping they give her a bit more backstory and motivation than pissed off due to party snub.)

Y: The Last Man and The Runaways movies: not happening yet. 

Kristen Wiig and Alexander Skarsgård are starring in a movie based on a YA graphic novel.

Garrett Hedlund is going to play Captain Hook in the new Peter Pan movie.

How Frozen killed Prince Charming.

Which Mean Girls character are you?

TV Related Things

Did you watch Flowers In The Attic?  Well, it got great ratings.  They’ll probably be fast-tracking that sequel. 

These Broken Stars may be headed to your television.

Also in the world of in-production shows, ABC gets neat sounding sci-fi thriller and Amy Poehler has a new show starring Natasha Lyonne.

Girl Meets World has been picked up for a full season.

Doctor Who fans will love these supplemental (and unofficial) Cards Against Humanity cards.

Vulture compared Girls to Little Women (and apparently didn’t do a google search to see if it had already been done, ahem.)

Miscellaneous Things

Toy Story reenacted...WITH KITTENS.  I can’t decide who’s cuter...kitten Woody or kitten Buzz.  Daww.

More details on The Wizarding World’s new Diagon Alley expansion. Also, a thorough guide to Harry Potter movie locations in the UK.  (Except that they don’t actually explain that the Jacobite Steam Train mentioned is the Hogwarts Express.)

Which fictional city would you live in?

A guide to Jared Leto’s career post-My So Called Life.

Find anything share-worthy this week?  Let us know in the comments!

BOOK REPORT for Afterparty by Ann Redisch Stampler

Cover Story: Chic
BFF Charm: Sassy Gay Friend
Swoonworthy Scale: 8
Talky Talk: Electric
Bonus Factors: Mean Girl, LA Lifestyle
Relationship Status: Hot And Heavy

Cover Story: Chic

This is the kind of cover that both impresses and infuriates me. It's simple and understated but still tantalizing. I mean, show me someone who could walk by this book and NOT pick it up off the shelf, and I'll show you someone who is proof that zombies exist.

What I don't get it is WHY it's SO HARD to make a cover like this. I mean, it can't be EASY just to put a nice photo and a good color scheme together, right? Otherwise stylish and elegant covers would be the rule and not the exception in YA. WHY IS A COVER LIKE THIS SO RARE? SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

The Deal:

The New Girl is one of those rare high school roles that offers a wide range of social mobility. It can lend you an air of mystery that sends you skyrocketing, or it can dump you straight into the faceless mass of losers. It's a role that Emma has played countless times, and she's always managed to avoid the extremes-- until now. Because Los Angeles makes everything different. And Siobhan makes everything crazy.

Avoiding the footsteps of her drug addict mother, Emma has always strived to be good, to turn out more like her responsible, cautious father. But befriending Siobhan-- wild, wicked, wonderful Siobhan-- gives Emma a glimpse of another life bursting with color and new experiences. It's a world where Emma the Good turns to Emma the Bold, a girl who might actually have a chance with the intriguing hotness of her classmate Dylan Kahane. It's also a world that hinges on risk, and as Siobhan leads her deeper into uncharted territory, Emma finds it hard to distinguish the difference between being brave... and being bad.

BFF Charm: Sassy Gay Friend

This was basically me for the entirety of this book:

But only because I liked Emma SO MUCH, and she kept effing up SO HARD. I mean, I get it. She's grown up in the shadow of an eff-ed up mom and a consequently strict father, and she's tired of always playing it safe. She's a teenager-- she should live a little! So it makes sense that she would be drawn to Siobhan's sparkle of spontaneity and hint of danger. It's also completely understandable that Emma's desire to be a good friend would override her good judgement. At her core, she's a thoughtful, compassionate girl conflicted by her family's emotional baggage, and I definitely connected with her struggle to face her fears and embrace the possibilities of life.

Which is why I found myself literally shaking this book (in lieu of Emma's shoulders) whenever she started making TERRIBLE decisions. I mean, at one point, I actually found myself asking, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" out loud. Emma, girl, you really know how to stress a sister out. (But I never stopped rooting for you!)

As for Siobhan, I only have one thing to say:

Swoonworthy Scale: 8

Emma and I didn't always see eye to eye, but one thing we both agreed on was Dylan Kahane. He's got the trappings of an MLD (enigmatic and tortured) mixed with a razor sharp intelligence and a confident charm. He's a slice of dead sexy, and the icing on top? Dude's got mad skills when it comes to flirtation.

Y'all, this book has some of the best flirting I have ever seen in YA literature. It's like a swarm of butterflies took residence in my stomach, and then they all drowned when I melted into a puddle. Much of it happens over texts, resulting in passages like this one, which takes place after Emma (who just went to a party at a stoner named Roy's house) lets him borrow her notes:

Dylan: You weren't lying about notes with footnotes.
Emma: You're welcome.
D: You're thanked. OCD outline very handy. Amazed you have time for footnotes and bad parties.
E: Don't remind me how bad. Wait. How did you even know?
D: Hard to picture you baked. Curled up with a joint outlining sidebars. Being entertained by Roy.
E: My household is devoid of joints and entertainment.
D. I cd come by with magic tricks.
E: Hard to picture you pulling a bunny out of a top hat. Is that where you got this number?
D: Got it from your partner in crime.
E: Disappointing. I was hoping for a rabbit.
D: Maybe I should go for it. Beef up my resume for Georgetown.
E: I thought you didn't care about such things.
D: Crap. Slacker image shot to hell by bunnies.
E: You must be one genius slacker to pass. You're never there.
D: Excuse me Seed. I'm beating my bro's GPA by .2 and he was top ten.

And yes, he even calls her by a clever nickname, earned from a "bad seed" joke. LE SIGH. Whether electronic or in person, every interaction they had made my insides quiver like Jello.

Talky Talk: Electric

Given the juicy subject matter, you'd think that this book would read like a Gossip Girl. But thanks to Ann Redisch Stampler's vibrantly nuanced style, Emma's story unfolds in an authentic, deeply personal manner. Every page feels emotionally charged, whether from the complex themes or the dialogue that's so spot-on, it's impossible not to hear the character's voices echoing in your ears. The undercurrent of darkness occasionally tugs towards the melodramatic, but overall, Stampler steers the plot away from trashy waters.

In other words, this is a serious book that knows how to have fun.

Bonus Factor: Mean Girl

Sorry, Jem, but I've found someone even more truly outrageous than you. And her name is Siobhan.

Girlfriend is basically Regina George Gone Wild. She's manipulative and compulsive and completely unpredictable, and you can't help but fall under her spell.

Bonus Factor: LA Lifestyle

As much as I bemoaned some of Emma's choices, I found myself envying her glamorous LA life. There's fancy shopping, extravagant house parties, booze-fueled "homework sessions" and the absentee parents that make it all possible.

Casting Call:

Seychelle Gabriel as Emma

Emma is half French Canadian, half Moroccan. That's not Seychelle's exact heritage, but she is mixed race, and I can totally see Emma the Good in that sweet face.

George MacKay as Dylan

Phoebe Tonkin as Siobhan

Relationship Status: Hot And Heavy

Book, once I caught a whiff of your scandal, I was hooked, and I had a blast partying with you. But the next morning, when you got sober, you still managed to keep things interesting. There's a soul underneath all of that flash, and like a shot of whiskey, it left my blood racing. I'll gladly RSVP anytime you want to get down.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a free review copy from the author. I received neither cocktails nor money for this review (dammit). Afterparty is available now.

All month long, FYA Book Clubs around the world have been reading Plain Kate by Erin Bow -- and getting to know the literary treasure that is Taggle the talking cat. 

Y'all, I am not a cat person. With that said, I LOVE TAGGLE SO MUCH IT PAINS ME PHYSICALLY. [...] As much as I rooted for Plain Kate, it was always Taggle that had my heart. He's persnickety and wildly egotistical, but in spite of that (or actually, because of that), he's the best literary cat I've ever had the pleasure to meet. TAGGLE C'MERE AND LET ME SNUGGLE YOU. I'll even throw in some catnip, because the only thing better than a Taggle is a drunk Taggle.

--Poshdeluxe

Since I'm all about a theme, Taggle has served as inspiration for this list of beloved talking cats! (And if you're anything like me, you get to enjoy the company of these kittehs without threat of your throat closing up!)

Baron Humbert von Gikkingen (Whisper of the Heart and The Cat Returns)

I know we at FYA (or OK, just Megan and I) have shown a lot of love for the "most brave and handsome cat ever to walk upright with a top hat and cane", but he merely ended up at the top of this list because of the alphabet. Swearsies!

The entire cast of Cats

I've never seen Cats, so even though the singing's incredible, this presumably serious and poignant moment seems really silly with those costumes and no context.

Felix the Cat

Felix is to cats what Mickey is to mice. (And apparently, also a rowdy drunk.)

Garfield

The greatest proponent of Mondays clearly has his priorities in order.

Jiji (Kiki's Delivery Service)

My love of Jiji has already been well-documented, but he truly is the perfect blend of sweetness and snark. 

Luna and Artemis (Sailor Moon)

Being the advisors to the Sailor Guardians can be a thankless job. At least these two can commiserate together.

(And with Diana too, I guess. Esp. since she has to look after Chibi, ugh.)

Meowth (Pokémon)

Team Rocket's bizarrely Brooklyn-accented Meowth has his moments of insight... and then it's back to cat puns, 24/7.

Puss in Boots

This swashbuckling kitty was so popular, he got his own movie (... that bared no resemblance to the original fairy tale, but whatevs).

Salem Saberhagen (Sabrina the Teenage Witch)

Salem can always be counted on for a well-timed "Meow".

Scratchy (The Simpsons)

This is the least violent depiction of Scratchy that I could find. (But of course, the rest of this parody is an entirely different sort of grim than the first five minutes of Up.)

Si and Am (Lady and the Tramp)

Their song: memorable. Their 'Asian' accents: deplorable.

Sylvester (Looney Tunes)

Even if you never wanted Sylvester to succeed, you felt a bit bad for the guy, right? 'Cause let's face it, Tweety's kind of a d-bag.

Thackery Binx (Hocus Pocus)

Binx may have gotten himself turned into a cat, but he's as brave and loyal as they come.

Tom Cat (Tom & Jerry)

Tom doesn't always talk, but he puts those pipes to good use when he's courting a lady cat.

So who's your fave talking cat? Did we leave anyone off of this list? Are you glad I made it to the end without a single 'purrfect'? (Whoops, almost to the end then.) 

If you'd like to chat about talking animals with an FYA Book Club, there's still time to make it to the Plain Kate meeting with some of our chapters -- Des Moines! Philly! Savannah! South Bay! Tyson's Corner! -- including Toronto, whose members will be brunching with author Erin Bow, WHAT WHAT! (And uhhhh February's pick, The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness, also has a sort-of-talking animal in it... yeeeeah.)

Want to join an FYA Book Club? We've got locations worldwide (and don't forget about the 'burbs)! Don't have one near you? Grab a cocktail, send us an email and start one today!

Welcome back to our series on midseason TV (a continuation of our fall TV series). We’re here to help you determine what you should watch as it airs, what you can save for the weekend, or what you don’t even need to worry about checking out.

(Warning! Possible spoilers ahead.)

Rake

Premiered: Jan. 23 on Fox (Watch online.)

Elevator Pitch

Executive is running late to work. Everything is going wrong. His girlfriend is mad at him because he stayed out too late the night before … and might have gambled away all the money he was saving for her engagement ring. He was pulled over for talking on his cell phone while driving without a hands-free device (illegal in California), and his car was impounded for unpaid parking tickets which he might have thrown into a drawer in his entry hall with the full intention of never looking at them again. He gets to work and his assistant has quit (because he could never remember her name) leaving him to have to listen to his own voicemail which is full of calls from screaming agents who all want more money for their clients, or they refuse to ever work with him again. He runs in late to the development meeting, slides into a chair, and pulls out his pen and pad just in time for his turn to pitch to the rest of the staff. Miraculously, a hot cup of coffee and a fresh muffin appear before him and all of his co-workers smile his direction and wait expectantly because even though he is completely late and disheveled and sometimes a flat out jerk, he is undeniably brilliant, and they can't wait to hear what he has come up with. And just as he opens his mouth to begin to pitch a "loose, and slightly more handsome" version of himself, he thinks "Man, it's good to be me."

Familiar Faces

Greg Kinnear as Keegan Deane

Omar J. Dorsey as Roy

John Ortiz as Ben Leon

Necar Zadegan as Scarlet Leon

Tara Summers as Leanne Zander

Peter Stormare as Jack Tarrant

Bojana Novakovic as Mikki Partridge

Bill Smitrovich as Bernie Michaels

Miranda Otto as Maddy Deane

Greta Van Susteren as herself

Faces That Might Become Familiar (If You Keep Watching)

Emjay Anthony as Adam Leon

Damon Gupton as Mayor Marcus Barzmann

Ian Colletti as Finn Deane

Redeeming Qualities

Emily: It's all in Greg Kinnear. To play a completely unlikeable character and still be oddly endearing is not an easy skill to master. I'm not necessarily rooting for Keegan, but there's something about him that makes me not want to hate him either. The show does well at making me feel like I am another character. I see right through all of his bull sh*%, but I can't help but want to be around him, too.

Mandy: Keegan’s car. The fact that it was only in about five minutes of the show makes me sad. Also, Miranda Otto. She’s such a fantastic actress. I wish there’d been more of her in the episode. (More of her would have helped me stay interested.)

It's Not Me, It's You

Emily: I'm not really a procedural gal. I like watching all of the chaos surrounding Keegan's relationships, but I have a hard time caring about the case of the week. It's hard to have an original plot these days and nothing stood out to me as special about the "Westside Ripper." I also think TV is full of smart, unorthodox, creative lawyers/detectives/etc that are solving cases in ways we would least expect. I don't know how you stand out from the crowd at this point, and I can't say this does it for me.

Mandy: Surprisingly, while I love crime procedurals, I’ve never been a huge fan of lawyer shows. Rake, sadly, is no exception. It might be the fact that I disliked Keegan for pretty much 95 percent of the show, or that I found the plot mostly uninteresting. Either way, nothing really caught or kept my attention.

Let's Do This Again

Emily: I'm finding myself being pulled into Keegan's life, fascinated by his dysfunctional relationships. I am a sucker for a story when everything just keeps going wrong and you don't know how the person is going to survive the day (even if it's self-induced). I kept finding myself laughing out loud, enough so that I'll keep DVRing it for awhile. It's on the lighter side of shows, and I feel like my DVR could definitely use more of that right now.

Mandy: While I really like Greg Kinnear in other roles, and he plays a horrible man-child quite well, Rake just isn’t my cup of tea. I like characters with at least a few redeeming qualities, and I see none in Keegan. None of the other characters stood out to me, either, and the plot lost my interest before the show was even half over. I don’t think I’ll bother again with this one.

What did you think? Let us know in the comments!