BOOK REPORT for Tin Star (Tin Star Book 1) by Cecil Castellucci

Cover Story: Sneaky Big Face
BFF Charm: Destiny’s Child
Swoonworthy Scale: 1
Talky Talk: Straight Up World Building
Bonus Factors: Aliens, Evil Cult Leader
Relationship Status: Let Me Introduce You to a Friend of Mine

Find out why I just had to mint a new BFF charm for the heroine of Tin Star, by reading the full book report over at our series on Kirkus!

Follow along the whole rewatch here!

Last week, on Gilmore Girls...

Oof. It's coming, you guys. We all know it's coming. Season 6. Also: the end of Season 5. Conflict. Estrangement. Mystery children. Misery. Paul Anka (yay!). Let's just hang in there and enjoy this period of peace while it lasts, okay? Okay.

But first! A reminder of our drinking game rules.

 The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.

Emily gets flustered by Lorelai's bizarre sense of humor.

Sookie is controlling about food.

Paris is controlling about anything.

Michel snubs a customer.

Luke is crotchety.

Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.

The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.

Drink twice every time:

Kirk has a new job.

You see a town troubadour.

Emily gets a new maid.

Onto the episodes!

5.19 "But I'm A Gilmore"

Rory and Paris wake up hungover and miserable after last week's shenanigans, and Lorelai does a little well-meaning chastising: "You, my beautiful, brainy, fabulous daughter, were lying on the floor of the bathroom, wondering what you had done wrong!" I already spoke last week about my feelings on this subject, so I'll leave it to say that I understand where Lorelai's coming from, but I certainly don't begrudge Rory her one crying jag - especially since she followed it up by marching straight over to Logan's and telling him in calm, certain terms that she just wants to be friends because she's not a casual dating kind of girl. And even though I truly believe she went over there with no hidden agenda, it worked. Logan wants to be her boyfriend now:

Lorelai, naturally, doesn't approve, but she's doing her best to keep her thoughts to herself, especially because Rory tells her to keep her thoughts to herself. And I have to admit: when Logan commits, Logan commits. He introduces Rory to his sister, Honor, and then invites her to a dinner at his family's house. Honor (who is pretty cool) is hoping Rory will cut the tension when she announces that she's marrying Josh, her boyfriend of three years of whom the Huntzbergers apparently don't approve.

But as it turns out, Rory herself is the source of the tension, because Logan's mom and super mean grandpa don't approve of her. Why? Glad you asked. According to Shira, Logan's asshole mom WHO IS BY THE WAY NAMED SHIRA like some sort of jerk superhero: "I’m sure Rory understands. She wants to work. Isn’t that right, Rory? Emily’s always talking about you wanting to be a reporter and travel around doing this and that. A girl like Rory has no idea what it takes to be in this family, Logan. She wasn’t raised that way. She wasn’t bred for it. And this isn’t at all about her mother, it’s just, you come from two totally different worlds." DANG. Logan handles it just right, telling off his family and ushering Rory out of the house. They run into his dad on the way out, and Mitchum is affable and acts as if he has no idea what happened.

Logan is silent all the way home and then drops Rory off without a word, and she thinks this means he's spooked. She calls Lorelai, who immediately tells Rory it won't ever work with Logan (while giving Logan credit for not wanting to lose Rory and for defending her to his mom), but then Logan shows up at Rory's door. He apologizes very nicely for over-reacting and shutting her out. Guys, I like Logan. (Sorry, Lorelai!) And the next day, Mitchum drops by the Yale newsroom to offer an internship at one of his papers to Rory. Rory turns him down, telling him she knows he's only offering because of what happened with Shira And Mean Grandpa, but he tells her she should take advantage of the opportunity anyway. So she does. He seems nice, doesn't he? He SEEMS nice.

Meanwhile, at the Inn, Sookie's been put on bed rest and of course she never prepared anyone to replace her, so Lorelai's left in the lurch. At least she would be if she didn't have the hottest, most talented and wonderful boyfriend in the wide world. Luke rushes into the kitchen, takes charge, speaks fluent (well, TV-fluent) Spanish to the cooks and immediately starts turning out amazing plates. GAH THIS GUY IS SO HOT. Sookie is of course super controlling and weird about the whole thing, spying on Luke from every angle, but in the end she admits that his food was great and says she'll train one of her sous-chefs to take over for her until Baby 2 is born. Girl, I love you, but if your bed rest keeps Luke in the kitchen speaking Spanish and cooking risotto, I hope that baby stays inside of you forever.

And finally: Doyle's sick, so he shows up to Paris' dorm room hoping she'll tend to him. Pre-med aside (and she's really tired of having that thrown in her face, you guys), sick people freak Paris out, so she calls her Nanny (yay!) to take care of him. After hearing about Rory's success in getting Logan to commit, Paris decides to take this opportune moment of having Doyle trapped in her bedroom to do the same. Doyle, of course, surrenders.

How many times do I have to drink?

23 (blame Sookie).

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

2.

Flirtation quota:

It's true: I really like Logan right now. But listen, he's no Luke. I can only agree with Lorelai when she tells him, "You know, I love watching you cook. It's hot."

Best/most dated pop culture reference:

Paris, upon hearing that Rory and Logan are now exclusive: "I don’t believe it! You did it. You landed the whale. You’re Annette Bening."

Sookie's best dish of the episode:

Get out of the way, preggo! Let the sexy man work.

Lorelai's craziest outfit:

I think this is legitimately one of her worst outfits ever. I prefer the bedazzled, sort of racist shirts with geishas on them and shit.

Outfit MVP:

Aww, Rory got so dressed up just to be dressed down:

Kirk insanity:

As Rory and Paris are complaining of their hangovers, he's suffering from a sugar OD. Paris: "Founders Day punch?" Kirk: "Abba Zabba." It happens to the best of us, my friend.

Michel madness:

Michel, "helping" Lorelai as she's trying to figure out how to solve the Sookie situation: "We could order some pizza, or Chinese food, or perhaps one of those hoagies that you cut into a million pieces..."

Best Gilmore Gal witticism:

Rory, trying to make Logan feel better about the tension at his family dinner: "Hmm. Remind me to tell you about the time my mother wore a shirt with a rhinestone penis on it and my grandma had her car towed."

Random observation:

I don't love Rory's response to Shira's snobbery. Instead of bucking up under her arrogance and making it clear that she doesn't give a damn what these jerks think of her, she responds with some snobbery of her own. "I mean, I’m a Gilmore! Do they know that? My ancestors came over on the Mayflower! I had a coming out party! I went to Chilton AND Yale - and why are they okay with Josh? I mean, he doesn’t even say anything! At least I noticed the Velazquez!" GROSS, RORY. Mark my words: this is a sign of things to come.

5.20 "How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod?"

This episode has the best cold open ever:

So Rory and Paris are happily ensconced in Boyfriend Land, and Rory's even happier because of her Mitchum internship. I really don't like Rory this episode - she keeps gushing over Mitchum to Logan, and also pumping him for information, which makes it seem like she's with Logan for the wrong reasons. And then she's so stammery and ditzy at the internship, and the whole thing just grosses me out. Eventually she appears to impress Mitchum, but only by using the information she mined from Logan instead of by working hard and paying attention. Ugh.

Lorelai's trying her best to be excited about Rory's internship, but she's having a hard time with it. Richard, however, has no trouble showing enthusiasm about Lorelai's American Travel Magazine cover, which is apparently still happening even though Lorelai tried to squelch it. Richard calls to arrange a meeting between Lorelai and a major hotelier named Mike Armstrong. Armstrong is apparently interested in buying the Dragonfly and leaving Lorelai and Sookie to run it, while also flying them all over the world to consult. Luke seems stricken at the idea - especially considering Dean's speech last week - but he still supports Lorelai because he's the best. Sookie and Lorelai daydream about the idea for a little while, before Sookie brings them back down to earth: "But I can’t do that. I have Davey and little No-name here, and Jackson. Jackson wouldn’t want to go topless in France. My life is here. But you could go! Your kid’s in college. You’re young. You love to travel. You look amazing topless. You could go. I mean, what’s stopping you?" Lorelai looks introspective, and it better be because she's thinking the name LUKE.

When Lorelai hears that Richard and Emily invited Logan to dinner, she calls Emily and asks to be invited, because she wants to get to know Logan, too. Emily, still furious from the scene last week, tells her that if she shows up to this dinner, she'll have to show up to all of them. Yet she doesn't seem happy when Lorelai arrives, even though that means Emily won. Emily spends the entire evening diminishing Lorelai - intentionally forgetting her drink, coyly leaving her out of Yale-specific talk and doing everything she can to make Lorelai feel small. Lorelai keeps gamely trying to be a part of the conversation, but it's all kind of sad.

Then Logan pulls some Life & Death Brigade business - stealing one of Emily's knickknacks and replacing it with the knickknack of another rich person, because "Trust me. They never notice." Hey Logan, allow me to introduce you to Emily Gilmore, because of COURSE she notices within seconds and immediately tries to fire her maid for it. Lorelai, who saw Logan take the knickknack, gets it back from him and returns it to Emily under the guise of finding it behind the centerpiece. (After some A+ scowling that probably scared Logan witless.) It's worth mentioning here that neither Logan nor Rory speaks up when this poor maid is about to get fired for his dumb antics. Every time I start to like Logan, he has to dampen my spirits with some stupid Life & Death Brigade folly.

Logan and Rory leave - and Emily and Richard are practically falling all over themselves to compliment Logan on his way out the door, and to marry him off to Rory tout de suite - and as soon as they're gone, Lorelai loses her temper. She tells Emily and Richard about Shira and Mean Grandpa, about the knickknack, everything she can think to say to make them dislike Logan as much as she does, but of course they're just annoyed that Lorelai hates the first suitable boyfriend Rory's ever had.

The evening ends badly and honestly, this episode isn't very much fun, top to bottom. Except when Paris sings "Walking on Sunshine." That part was fun. Oh yeah, and the Roomba thing.

How many times do I have to drink?

14.

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

4.

Flirtation quota:

Luke has cooked this incredible meal (soft-shelled crabs amandine on a bed of wild rice) for Lorelai, just because, and that's why I love him. Logan is very charming with Richard and Emily, and Rory's pleased to see it, but I'm still annoyed with both of them.

Best/most dated pop culture reference:

Rory, on Happy and In Love Paris: "Do not mock or make fun, because when Paris is happy, the whole world is happy. But when she’s not happy, the whole world is Deadwood."

Sookie's best dish of the episode:

From the couch, she's training Manny, her best sous chef, to make something with lemons, parsley and snap peas.

Lorelai's craziest outfit:

This sheer shirt with snap buttons and gold thread, ick.

Outfit MVP:

Rory has so many pretty dresses this season.

Kirk insanity/Michel madness:

Nope.

Best Gilmore Gal witticism:

Lorelai keeps making Rory return clothes she bought at New Haven stores and then changing her mind and making Rory re-purchase them. Rory: "I’ve already returned the capri pants twice. I’ve tried to return a couple of your other items that were all sales final, which makes me look retail simple." I love the phrase "retail simple" so much.

Random observation:

Logan (and Rory!) were both really uncool about the knickknack, but Lorelai sure was chomping at the bit, looking for an excuse to hate him, don't you think? She jumps all over it - she acts gleefully vindicated at the prospect.

--

That's it for this week! Meet us back here next Wednesday morning for the final two episodes of Season 5: "Blame Booze and Melville" and "A House Is Not a Home." I'm nervous!

And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: how are you feeling about Rory this week? Does it seem to anyone else that her attitude and personality change drastically the second she's in a relationship with Logan? I think that explains Lorelai's disapproval, but I blame Rory for this, not Logan.

Welcome back to our series on midseason TV (a continuation of our fall TV series). We’re here to help you determine what you should watch a.s.a.p., what you can save for a three-day weekend marathon sesh, or what you don’t even need to bother with.

(Warning! Possible spoilers ahead.)

Star-Crossed

Premiered: Feb. 17 on The CW (Watch online.)

Elevator Pitch

Three writers have been tasked with coming up with the next big show. They sit around a meeting room, tossing pencils toward the ceiling and seeing who can get the most stuck in the acoustic tiles.

Writer One: “We could do another show about high school kids?”

Write Two: “Ugh. Another one?”

Writer One: “Yes, another one. That’s our target demographic.”

Writer Three: “But what would the hook be? No one wants to watch a show about normal high school kids. That’s boring.”

Writer One: “Is there a paranormal creature left that we haven’t sucked the life out of?”

Writer Two: “Uh … faeries?”

Writer Three snorts. “Faeries? I think that’s Disney’s territory.”

The room goes silent for a moment as they continue to think … and toss pencils at the ceiling tiles.

Writer Three’s phone beeps.

Writer One: “What’s that tone? It sounds familiar.”

Writer Three: “It’s from Star Trek.”

Writer Two shoots upright in his chair. “That’s it! A new Star Trek, but with teenagers.”

Writer Three scoffs. Writer One rolls his eyes, but under the table his fingers are furiously texting his boss one little word: ALIENS.

Familiar Faces

Jay Huguely as Ray Whitehill

Aimee Teegarden as Emery

Malese Jow as Julia

Matt Lanter as Roman

Brina Palencia as Laliari Sophia

Greg Finley as Drake

Victoria Platt as Gloria Valdez

Grey Damon as Grayson

Natalie Hall as Taylor

Jesse Luken as Eric

Susan Walters as Maia

Faces That Might Become Familiar (If You Keep Watching)

Andrea Frankle as Michelle Whitehill

Titus Makin Jr. as Lukas

Chelsea Gilligan as Teri

Redeeming Qualities

Emily: Um, can we just start with the double dose of Friday Night Lights action!? Julie Taylor and "the hot basketball player turned star wide receiver that you don't really remember because he's not Tim Riggins, but is still part of all the goodness that is FNL." I'm also a fan of the girl that plays Julia from her arc as Anna on The Vampire Diaries. And honestly, besides Matt Lanter (who isn't bad to look at) we didn't really get to know anyone else … and do we care to? Pilots are rough around the edges, so while there are definitely some not-so-finessed moments, I'm into the world that's being created. I love how the human students are being talked to through videos/projected images, and the aliens are being lectured by an actual person. Also, we only got a glimpse at how the aliens are different than the "normal folk" so there has to be more to be revealed there … the healing trick that saved Julia was super cool.

Mandy: Regardless of how bad a CW show sounds, you can pretty much count on the fact that if it’s even a little bit sci-fi or fantasy, I’m going to check it out. Star-Crossed definitely called my name, and loudly. I certainly enjoyed the pilot; it was just the right mix of angst and intrigue (a.k.a. the CW’s patented ridiculousness). I especially enjoyed the sassy dialogue, particularly from Roman. Plus: How ridiculously adorable was Little Roman?!

It's Not Me, It's You

Emily: Did anyone else notice how super skinny Julie Taylor is? Tami Taylor would definitely have something to say about this … though I get she's supposed to be semi-sickly. However, her first scene as a teenager has her running, so she's obviously not that sick. The side characters are all pretty stereotypically mediocre, and the adults are all pretty much there to fill up space (minus the death that I did NOT see coming). I'm also left wondering, what's up with the tattoos? Are they really there just so we can tell apart the aliens vs the humans? That's a little lame.

Mandy: This really isn’t a fault of the show’s, per se, but I have a very real fear that real-world humanity, were we faced with aliens crash-landing to Earth, would act as inhumanely and as horrifyingly stupid as the majority of the fictional humans in this show act. It makes me so angry and so sad at the same time, so I spent a large majority of the show with a grumble in the back of my brain. Also: How is it that 2024 looks exactly like 2014 with a little bit of “advanced” (a.k.a. flashy) technology slapped on?

Let's Do This Again

Emily: Let's be honest, it's a dramatic teen romance where one of the characters has superpowers, of course we're going to do this again. Though it's too soon to tell if it will fill the Roswell-size hole in my life, it's got to be really bad for me not to keep watching. And now that I think about … this might be the only show I have on my DVR where the main characters are still in high school. I need some teen romance in my life! *Fingers crossed this show succeeds.*

Mandy: As a huge fan of another CW-precursor Romeo and Juliet with aliens—Roswell—I’ve been excited about the premiere of Star-Crossed for what seems like forever. While it didn’t quite live up to my hopes, and I was left wanting more, it was enjoyably entertaining. I can only hope it gets better—a.k.a. even more CW-ey—as the season progresses. You can bet I’ll be keeping up with this one.

What did you think? Would anyone be interested in a weekly recap of this show? Let us know in the comments!

The color’s back this week, y’all, but that doesn’t mean that everything’s settled down in Rosewood.

THIS WEEK’S MVP

Aria. She didn’t let her new knowledge of Spencer’s new-old drug problem keep her from being at least OPEN to the possibility of Ezra being dangerous, and she even bucked up and went to investigate on her own.

(image via kissthemgoodbye)

THIS WEEK’S LVP

ARIA. We had to save up on awarding Aria this honor all these weeks because we knew, WE KNEW this day was coming. And it came. And she used it to trap herself ON A SKI LIFT with a POSSIBLE MURDERER and then drop ALL THE EVIDENCE DOWN THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN.

(image via kissthemgoodbye)

BIGGEST SHOCK/BEST REVEAL

Aria reading Ezra’s “true crime” story out loud, hearing even a tiny bit of his horrible actual relationship with Ali recounted in his horrible actual words.

BIGGEST NO-DUH

That Aria would expect Ezra’s password on Ezra’s friend’s cabin to be EZRA. If we didn’t know Ezra and his mad/creeper security skillz better, we’d have been right there with her.

****

PREVIOUSLY ON PRETTY LITTLE LIARS

Spence got herself drugged up. Toby cried over his mom. Ezra “forgot” the chickpeas then descended into his Super Villain Lair. The girls know, Ezra knows they know, EVERYONE KNOWS…BUT ARIA.

THIS WEEK

Just another normal day at Rosewood High
Spencer’s drug-crazed eye fills the frame as she wakes conked out over Ali’s journal on Ezra’s desk. The camera is all off-kilter, a creepy clock is creepy-ticking, and Spencer is dazed as Ezra walks in to ask wtf is going on. It’s about time to address The Issue, he says, isn't it? The path she’s been going down is very dangerous. Spencer is saved by the bell—she runs out and oh geez SHE IS IN HER ROBE. Rosewood High has literally the worst security.

Later, in the bathroom, Emily gently asks Spencer if she “had an…accident.” That’s because Spencer looks like this:

How long until Aria wears this and makes it look sort of cool?

(image via Alloy Entertainment)

Spencer, who had to dress for school out of her gym locker, did not have an accident. “Are you GONNA?” Hanna demands much less gently, getting the shudders just by being in the proximity of Spencer’s shower shoes. Emily, who’s glam outfit makes Spencer look even gankier, asks why Spence called her at 4 AM. This is also news to Spencer, but she doesn't have time to worry about her crumbling hold on reality: they NEED TO TELL ARIA NOW. The other girls still want to wait, but agree that Ezra makes their skin crawl. FIIIIINALLY.

Meanwhile, making our skin crawl, Ezra stops Aria in the hall to cross some gross teacher/student boundaries by offering to write her a late pass for history so they can have a private relationship chat. Then he slickly tiptoes up to Spencer’s addiction to amphetamines, and how he’s so worried. Aria thinks he’s crazy. And she’s wearing a silver spangled lab coat over a turtleneck dress covered in cartoon bones so she knows from crazy.

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAAAAAANNN

(image via kissthemgoodbye)

Ezra doesn’t want Aria caught by the shrapnel when the ticking time-bomb that is Spencer explodes. Oh, but he’s not trying to be the bad guy! Not Ezra! He shows Aria Spencer’s permanent record as proof that this is a continued problem, and Aria overlooks yet another boundary-crossing and keeps right on trusting.

Toby and his motorcycle are outside school waiting for Spencer, who is now wearing Hanna’s AMAZING ice cream treat pajamas. This episode is a "fashion" gift. Toby is worried she’s still mad at him for taking the Declodyne money, but she says she was never. Maybe a bit disappointed…but Toby thinks his mom wouldn’t have been disappointed, especially if he shared it with the people he loves. Anyway, Toby is perfect and has brought a picnic for the two of them, and asks if Spence wants to ride on his cool bike, but she declines because she doesn’t know anything about popes (context). Aw. We are glad Spencer has a Toby right now.

At lunch, Hanna ogles then steals Em’s string cheese. “I just get extra hungry when I’m nervous, all right??” Also sad, Emily says. Hanna just has a lot of feelings and cheese helps with those feelings, okay, Emily? Don’t judge. But Hanna’s not the only one freaking out—avoiding Aria has reached such extremes that Emily was forced to conjugate some Spanish verbs while sitting in a toilet. All for naught, though, because now they are just sitting at their regular lunch table and up walks Aria herself, muttering about cell phone reception and Spencer’s drug problem.

ALL of the Liars are in metallics this week…the better to set off Spencer’s crazy eyes/ensembles, of course.

(gif set via prettyilttleliarsquestions, and you should really check out the full thing for all the string cheese glory)

Emily and Hanna say it’s just normal Hastings Stress, but Aria whips out the permanent record folder to prove: she’s STRUNG OUT. And this isn’t the first time: two years ago (!!!), her parents had to ask the school for help with the same issue.

Speaking of Spencer, that girl looks bad, and won’t eat the delicious sandwich perfect-boyfriend Toby has brought her. He offers dinner later, and a massage if Spence is "good and finishes all her lasagna." Wait, we like lasagna—where do we sign up? They hug, and Toby sniffs her hair. He’s almost forgotten her smell.

Have you been gone for eight hundred years, Toby? DID YOU GO TO RAVENSWOOD TOO?

(gif via prettylittleliars-onabcfamily)

Liar intervention-ception (inception-vention?)

At House of Hastings, Spence is ready for ARIA’s intervention, but the rest are focused on the Adderall at hand, and they bring out the file.

Hanna Marin, marry us

(gif set via plldailly)

When Aria says that Ezra provided the intel, Spencer’s eyes almost bug out of her head. She’s been doing so much investigating, so many pills, so little sleeping, just to prove that Ezra is being horrible, and here he is delivering the evidence right into her hands! But the trouble is? The others DON’T BELIEVE HER. It’s a total A move! Spencer yells, and it IS perfect and no matter what she does she won’t be able to get out of it. She’s falling apart, and it is horrible and beautiful to watch. Troian is on fire.

Aria continues to defend Ezra, and Spencer shrieks: “This is the kind of deer in the headlights behavior that almost got you shot in the back of a nightclub!” Oh, Spencer. That was your crazy DREAM, honey. But Spencer knows she’s not crazy. She grabs her purse, and out falls Wren’s prescription pad. The others don’t believe her when she says she’s never seen it before. God, they care about her so much. They care SO MUCH and it is definitely going to get Aria killed.

Schemers who scheme
“I bet you were a very cute baby,” says a strange boy to Mona no wait IT’S MIKE WITH A MAN’S HAIRCUT and he wants Mona to say she gloves him. Shh, Mike, you’re twelve. They’re sitting in the Grill, and Mike is asking which entrée they should split because they are so in glove, but then Ezra walks in and gives Mona this LOOK. She goes over to tell him that she can’t help him anymore, it’s gotten too complicated. He counters that it’s ALWAYS been complicated, which is why she can’t back down now. He needs her help.

At Hanna’s, she and Emily are carbo-loading and talking about Spencer and Aria’s mutual drug problems (Aria’s drug of choice is Creepy Teachers). Spencer comes over to give them the last of her uppers. She knows they still don’t fully believe the EzrA thing, so like a good baby lawyer she pulls out the diary to build her case.

The color-coded tabs show how methodical and organized and totally not insane I am!

(image via kissthemgoodbye)

She repeats what she already explained in reality at the end of Shadow Play: A excised clues from the diary by changing important words. Ambrose Pavilion is a real place (where Ali used to meet Board Shorts), whereas Ambrose Pierson is pure invention. New scheme! A knows that Ali never got the money she needed (RIP Shana), so they will use it to lure him to Ambrose Pavilion on the pretext that Ali is meeting them.

At Spencer’s, VERONICA IS HOME. Amazing. She asks if Spencer can come to dinner, but Spence says she has plans with Toby. Actually, the Ambrose Pavilion game is on, so Spence calls Toby to call off THEIR plans on account of Veronica’s country club dinner and it is a GREAT LIE TRIANGLE.

Ezra pulls an Ali/MonA and threatens to tell the Hastingses about Spencer’s drug problem if Aria doesn’t do it first. He reminds Aria of Spencer's time at Radley, but she counters with how that time, Spence thought she saw Toby DEAD in the WOODS. Exactly! says EzraMonster: a helmet and a tattoo were enough to unravel her. "You’re right, you’re right," demurs Aria, "that’s totally—"

WAIT A PIXIE MINUTE. How do YOU know about the TATTOO??

There you go, Aria, there are the pieces falling into place.

WAIT—it's the Ambrose REPTILE Pavilion??
The game is afoot! At the Brew, Emily refills Ezra’s cup then conveniently breaks some mugs nearby. As she cleans, she takes a call and loud-whispers things about ALISON and MONEY and AMBROSE PAVILION, right where Ezra can hear. Cut to Spence and Han across the street with binoculars, spying and feeding Em lines. Way to scheme, schemers!

Buuuuuuut once back at home, Spencer looks grim. She nearly faints, then calls her doctor’s office again, posing as Veronica, to request a RX refill. Of course what happens later is that the doc’s office calls back once Spencer’s gone, and Absentee Mother of the Year is quite surprised to hear from them. HOORAH.

At the zoo, and Hanna is hilariously grossed out by all of the scaly things in the Ambrose REPTILE Pavilion as she and Emily wait for Spencer to get into position. "Leave it to Ali to think making out in a room full of snakes is sexy." The silhouette of a tall girl comes through the far door. Assuming it’s Spencer, Em plants the beans then scurries off to spy and wait for EzrA. Unfortunately, actual-Spencer barges through the near door a few minutes later, and uh-oh. If this is you…who was THAT? The Liars rush after the other girl, but the lights start flashing and all of the informational reptile facts start playing at once. It’s Hanna’s worst nightmare. As the hashtag on the screen helpfully informs us:

Aren’t the Liars #trapped like every episode now? We accept it as a normal condition of the show, ABC Family.

(image via prettylittleliars-onabcfamily)

The Liars eventually get un-trapped, but not before finding a blond wig dumped in a trash can.

Spencer returns home to find Toby, and he’s sad and mad. He’s smad. He gives her a jewelry box, and leaves, smadly. Absentee Mother appears like a dark ghost at the stairs, and is the actual worst by confronting Spencer about her new-old drug problem not with compassion or love but with annoyance at having to again “deal” with all Spencer's acting out again. UGGGHH stay out of town, Mama H. You’re doing no one any favors breathing Rosewood air.

Oh my god this is the first time a tTVv character has actually gotten jewelry that suits them perfectly and we also want. Spencer! Fix this!

(gif via twistedlittleliars)

In a cabin in the woods…
Suspicious Aria heads up to MURDER CABIN to check things out, earning her (temporary) MVP status. Ezra has installed a whoppingly ugly security system since the Liars last broke in, one that requires a password but luckily allows infinite attempts to guess said password. She has to cycle through all sorts of eye-rollingly literary possibilities (SONNET! WORDSWORTH!) before landing on “B26,” aka the jukebox number of the song that was playing when they met. This, surprisingly, works, and she walks in.

(Sidenote: Alexis has been convinced since rewatching the first two seasons after the Ezra reveal that B26 is ALI’s song, which he had put on in the bar the day he happened to meet Aria. No way that poem he had published could have been written, accepted, and printed by the time Aria comes across it a few eps later in ssn 1. Anyway.)

Aria quickly finds the trapdoor, but sadly Chickpea Murder Lair has been emptied of all giant portraits of Ali. In fact, there are no clues anywheeerrrreee in the cabin…Oh wait, is that a CARNIVORE’S DELIGHT grilling book, sitting super obviously on the table of Known Vegetarian Ezra Fitz? Well, kind of. It’s been hollowed out and filled with a manuscript about all about what a horrible liar/good kisser Alison was.

Gross gross gross gross gross gross grosssss

(gif set via plldailly)

Aria’s reading is interrupted by EZRA. Aria grabs the manuscript and skedaddles out a window, but unfortunately forgets her keys, which Ezra finds.

Yo, it got dark FAST outside. Show, you need to take some classes on how the sun moves in the real world. Since she can’t get into her car, Aria takes to the woods. Ezra calls after her that he knows she’s there, and why is she hiding from him? She hides around a tree and clamps her hands over her mouth, even silencing her ringer as Ezra tries to smoke her out by dialing her phone. She sees a sign for a nearby ski lift (where ARE they??) and bravely hoists her MVP trophy in the air before throwing it very, very deeply into an abyss from which it can never be retrieved.

Hey, Aria? Maybe don’t escape a potential killer by trapping yourself in a contraption that literally sends you flying through the air with nothing to keep you safe but a very sabotageable lap bar.

Ezra obviously finds her immediately and gets in her lift chair just as it takes off. Smart move Aria. At least you aren’t yanking the looseleaf manuscript out of your bag to wave around over the empty slopes OH WAIT. She is going to READ IT, dammit, because she wants to see “what was worth destroying everything we had for!!” Lucy Hale is really Acting a lot in this scene, yelling and yelling at Ezra that he betrayed her, that nothing they had was real, that he thought he got Alison pregnant and wanted her dead…

Let me explain, says established liar/manipulator Ezra Fitz, and he spins this tale: He met Alison while he was still in college; she lied about her age; they dated. When she disappeared, he decided to write a tell-all true crime novel about her case.

(gif set via plldailly)

So, although the entire basis of his relationship with Aria is a lie (i.e., HE KNEW SHE WAS 16 WHEN THEY MET), he never lied about his feelings, and that should make it all okay. Right?

Nope. And then Aria accidentally drops the manuscript and watches it flutter into a zillion pieces all over the mountain below. But it’s okay, at least she found this cool LVP plaque.

Back at the Montgomery house, Mona shows up late to her movie date with Mike. She’s so late she missed the whole movie, but he’s not mad. He’s in glove. A minute later, Aria walks in, dazed. Mona, evincing genuine concern, asks if she’s okay, but Aria just trudges by, silent.

In the dark, on the mountain, a black-gloved hand quietly gathers Ezra’s manuscript pages…

NEXT WEEK

SHE'S MAD, Y'ALL

At this point we wouldn’t be surprised if the whole next season takes place in Radley.

INSTITUTIONALIZE US PLEASE,

A (lexis and Catie)

When I visited the set of Divergent (stay tuned for my post!), I was blown away by the incredible charm of the cast. I have no doubt that their awesomeness will be captured on the screen, but now you've got a chance to experience their charisma in person! Start planning your outfits now, y'all.

Veronica Roth and the cast of Divergent will attend red carpet screenings in 14 cities in North America starting March 3. Each city will host a local red carpet screening which moviegoers are invited to attend, watch the arrivals and have a chance to be among the very first to see the highly anticipated film! Those who do not get a ticket to see the film are still welcome to attend and line the red carpet to see the stars of the film in person.

The DIVERGENT tour will visit the following cities over the course of four days and will be attended by the corresponding talent.

For more details regarding each event, send an email to the address listed for each respective city. (Hint: FYA Book Club leaders, get on this!)

Also, Dallas and Phoenix, do NOT miss your chance to meet your new fake boyfriend IN REAL LIFE.

March 3

Atlanta: Shailene Woodley & Theo James – DivergentATL@gmail.com
Orlando: Veronica Roth & Ansel Elgort – DivergentORL2014@alliedim.com
Washington DC: Maggie Q & Mekhi Phifer – DivergentDC2014@alliedtha.com
Denver: Ben Lloyd-Hughes & Christian Madsen – DivergentDEN2014@alliedim.com

March 4

Chicago: Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Ansel Elgort & Veronica Roth – DivergentCHI@gmail.com
Detroit: Maggie Q & Mekhi Phifer – DivergentDET2014@gmail.com
Dallas: Miles Teller & Jai Courtney – DivergentDAL2014@levensongroup.com
St. Louis: Ben Lloyd-Hughes & Christian Madsen – DivergentSTL2014@gmail.com

March 5

Toronto: Shailene Woodley & Theo James – DivergentTOR@eonefilmspromo.com
Minneapolis: Veronica Roth & Ansel Elgort – DivergentMSP2014@gmail.com
San Francisco: Maggie Q & Mekhi Phifer – DivergentSF2014@gmail.com
Phoenix: Miles Teller & Jai Courtney – DivergentPHX2014@gmail.com
Miami: Ben Lloyd-Hughes & Christian Madsen – DivergentMIA2014@alliedim.com

March 6

Seattle: Miles Teller & Jai Courtney – DivergentSEA2014@gmail.com

*Talent availability and dates subject to change.

Shameless Self-Promotion!

Check out our Divergent themed t- shirts!

BOOK REPORT for Mind Games and Perfect Lies (Mind Games #1 and #2) by Kiersten White

Cover Story: Mosaic-ish Big Faces
BFF Charm: Yay? and Yay
Swoonworthy Scale: 7
Talky Talk: She Said, She Said: Non-Chronological Edition
Bonus Factor: Shades of Fearless
Anti-Bonus Factor: Dangerous Codependency
Relationship Status: Roller Coaster Riders

Cover Story: Mosaic-ish Big Faces

We meet again, Big Face. At least this time, you’ve got a little bit more interest happening with the photo mosaic-ish overlays and that pretty fierce pink lipstick.

The Deal:

Fia and Annie are sisters with secrets … and special powers. (Fia has near-flawless instincts and Annie can see glimpses of the future.) When they were young, these powers caught the attention of a prestigious private school for “special” girls run by the Keane Foundation, a mysterious organization run by an equally mysterious man. The girls were given scholarships and trained to use their gifts, but soon came to realize that what they were being trained for weren’t the normal next steps of college and a good career.

BFF Charm: Yay? and Yay

Fia is a troubled girl. She’s forced into a life she never wanted and made to use her gift for things she knows is wrong. Because of this, throughout the two books, she spirals deeper and deeper into scary territory. She’s awesome, in that she’s willing to do almost anything to protect the people she loves, but she’s broken. So very, very badly. A person with Fia’s gifts and training who’s falling apart not so slowly at times would make for a scary friend.

Annie is kind of the flip side to Fia’s coin. She’s sweet and caring and a little bit too trusting. She has to be, though, in a very literal sense: She’s blind, and has been since birth. She doesn’t let this disability stop her, and she does as much as she can to be independent, which is a great quality in any person, blind or not. Additionally, she loves Fia more than anything in the world and would do pretty much anything for her. Loyalty is definitely high up on my list of good friend-making qualities.

Swoonworthy Scale: 7

Over the course of the story that runs through both Mind Games and Perfect Lies, both girls have run-ins with gents that are quite swoonworthy. I’m not going to say with whom they have these run-ins, to avoid spoilers, but at one point, Annie has a vision of her own future that is really lovely:

Someone reaches out and laces his fingers through mine and my world blossoms with color—inside the darkness. It’s color and light and life that I feel inside me instead of seeing outside. I’m wild with giddy joy, a warm heat flaring like something long dormant in my heart has finally been switched on.

Not gonna lie—I totally squeed out loud when I read this.

Talky Talk: She Said, She Said: Non-Chronological Edition

Kiersten White switches between Fia and Annie’s points of view with every two chapters of Mind Games (until the last three chapters) and with every other chapter in Perfect Lies, which, thankfully, isn’t that confusing due to the differences in Fia and Annie’s personalities. Over the course of the two books, Fia’s descent into near madness is almost palpable, and Annie’s growth as a strong woman is very apparent, too.

What is confusing, however, is that, in addition to switching POVs, White jumps back and forth in time with each chapter. In Mind Games, the jumps are mostly between “present day” and the distant past, which is not too hard to follow. In Perfect Lies, the jumps cause more issue, as they are between a few days “before” some unknown (at the beginning of the book) event and a few months “before.” By the end of the book, the timelines catch up with each other. White has found an interesting way to build tension in a story, but I found myself having to frequently check back to the start of each chapter to figure out “when” I was reading about.

Bonus Factor: Shades of Fearless

At the start, Fia reminds me a whole lot of one of my other favorite badass female characters: Gaia from Francine Pascal’s Fearless series. I read the crap out of these books when I was in high school. Both Fia and Gaia have serious issues and are forced into crappy situations, but they pretty much always come out on the other side stronger.

Anti-Bonus Factor: Dangerous Codependency

Fia’s guy of choice is not a good guy. Sure, he’s smokin’ hot, charming and powerful. But he’s also shady, smarmy and sets off warning bells in Fia’s mind, which she only halfheartedly tries to ignore. It’s so frustrating reading about her getting in too deep and not being able to yell some sense into her.

Casting Call:

Zoey Deutch as Fia

Emmy Rossum as Annie

Relationship Status: Roller Coaster Riders

Well, Books, that was certainly something. I don’t typically enjoy carnival rides, but in your case(s) I’m willing to make an exception. From the very start, you were off and racing, screaming around twists and turns with the occasional deceptive pause in the action. I’m a little worried about the state of your characters’ mental health, but I like to imagine that now that the ride has come to a stop, we can all go get funnel cakes and fresh-squeezed lemonade and enjoy them sitting on benches resting firmly on the ground.

FTC Full Disclosure: I purchased a copy of Mind Games and received a free review copy of Perfect Lies from HarperTeen. I received neither half-price Valentine’s candy nor money for this review. Both Mind Games and Perfect Lies are available now.

Title: I'm Reed Fish
Year: 2006
Fix: Stars Hollow

Netflix Summary:

A big fish in the little pond of Mud Meadows, Reed Fish has it all: He hosts a radio show with the mayor and is about to wed the town beauty. But when his high school crush resurfaces, he makes choices that throw his life into chaos.

FYA Summary:

In real life, small towns are probably suffocating to teenagers, but in the magical world of fiction, small towns are THE BEST. They're always charming and bustling with adorable little shops and eccentric characters who create drama that's never really that big of a deal.

In I'm Reed Fish, the town of Mud Meadows upholds this standard with a cast of quirky inhabitants, all of whom depend on Reed Fish to deliver the news via his daily radio show and weekly TV newscast. He also dishes out advice on everything from overgrown hedges to renegade chickens (although when it comes to his own wedding, he doesn't have much to say). Mud Meadows is Reed Fish's entire world... until the day that his old high school pal Jill returns from Austin (holla!) and exposes him to the promise of a much bigger life.

Familiar Faces:

Jay Baruchel as Reed Fish

Jay is ADORABLE in this movie, which is good, because Reed would be insufferable otherwise.

Alexis Bledel as Kate

It's funny to see Rory in a small town that's not Stars Hollow.

Schuyler Fisk as Jill

It's Kristy from the BSC! (And Sissy Spacek's daughter.) Schuyler is radiant in this movie, and I'm glad she gets to put her melodious voice to use!

Victor Rasuk as Frank Cortez

Victor has been in a ton of stuff, but I know him best from his role on How To Make It In America. He would easily be my favorite character in this movie if it weren't for...

DJ Qualls as Andrew

Andrew works at the local convenience store, worships Chuck Norris and is prone to high fiving. He is GREAT.

Couch-Sharing Capability: No City Slickers Allowed

Like Mud Meadows, the population of your couch should remain small for this film. It's a slow, sweet little gem, and you don't want the nuances to be ruined by a rowdy crowd.

Recommended Level of Inebriation: Bucket of Lone Stars

Reed and Victor hang out at the local bar, where they're served regular old beers--none of that fancy micro stuff- by the bartender, Chris Parnell. Don't get drunk, because you might fall asleep thanks to the meandering pace, but do keep it real with a couple of ice cold brewskis.

Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Pleasant Detour

This film won't change your life, nor will it leave an imprint on your soul. But it offers a lovely respite from city life, and the cast is incredibly warm and hospitable. It's nothing fancy, and it's certainly not complex, but it sure is delightful.

When then news broke this morning that Miles Teller, Kate Mara and Jaime Bell have likely joined Michael B. Jordan as the main characters of the upcoming Fantastic Four reboot, the reaction at FYAHQ went a little something like so:

"DAMN that cast is hot."

Miles is, after all, our latest Fake New Boyfriend, and there's no denying the smokin' looks (or talent!) of the other three.

We're taking the news with a grain of salt, however, since—according to IMDB—Kate has officially signed on for the film, but Jamie and Miles are "expected to get an offer"/still in talks, respectively.

The reboot, seemingly, has been "in the works" since like 2007 (when Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer was released). The script recently underwent a "polish" by producer Simon Kinberg, who's also worked on movies such as X-Men First Class and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. No real details for the plot of the movie have been revealed yet, but now that the main four are sort of official, we'll probably be hearing more soon.

The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness is the February 2014 pick for the FYA Book Club – I read it several years ago, got hooked, and immediately had to order the rest of the series. Among other compelling features, my favorite character was Manchee, the dog. When Mandy W. asked if I wanted to do a tie-in recipe or craft, I said “of course,” and knew immediately that there was only one way to go with this.  I needed to make cookies that would make Manchee proud.

If you haven’t read the book yet, Manchee is the sweetest dog imaginable, made all the more compelling by the fact that his owner, Todd, can hear his thoughts. Manchee is a simple sort of dog who likes things like squirrels, walks…and poo.

Well, I went there. I had to. 

But fear not, these actually taste great, and if you don’t WANT to eat poo cookies for some unimaginable reason, you can forego the, er, shaped ganache entirely or just slick a little on top. (I recommend icing most of them conservatively, just because the full-on poo effect requires a lot of chocolate.)  The brown-butter-pecan cookie base is just sweet and salty enough, with toasted pecans adding some crunch.  The chocolate ganache is spiked with a touch of bourbon because it’s not only delicious, but if you’ve read the book, you’re probably going to need a drink. 

If you’ve never browned butter before, don’t worry. I’ve added photos to show you what to look for. It’s not difficult, but it does require you to watch (and smell) very carefully. 

MANCHEE’S FAVORITE COOKIES

(BROWN BUTTER PECAN COOKIES WITH BOURBON CHOCOLATE GANACHE)

Cookie recipe slightly adapted from Center Cut Cook; ganache is my creation.  The ganache is semi-thin, so do chill thoroughly if you’re going to pipe it.  I found that it holds its shape after being piped, as long as the room is kept reasonably cool.

COOKIES

Makes about 3 dozen cookies.

- 2 sticks unsalted butter (16 tbsp or ½ lb)
-  1 and 1/3 cups packed brown sugar
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1 large egg + 1 egg yolk (room temperature is best)
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
- 2 and 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 3/4 teaspoon table salt
- 1 and 1/2 cups chopped roasted salted pecan halves (I like Trader Joe’s)

Equipment: saucepan, large mixing bowl, medium mixing bowl, parchment paper, and electric mixer (optional).

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

In a small saucepan, melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. The butter will foam, bubble, and eventually start turning clear (the milk solids are starting to brown).  When it smells nutty and you can see small brown flecks on the bottom and sides of the pan (see photos), take it off the heat  and pour into the large mixing bowl.  Let cool.

First, the butter will foam up...

Then it will start to appear clear...

When you see brown flecks at the edges like this, it's done. The camera makes these look darker, though -- if you wait until it's black, it will be burned and you'll have to start over.

In the smaller mixing bowl, combine flour, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.

To the brown butter, add in 1 and 1/3 cups packed brown sugar and 1/4 cup granulated sugar. Mix for several minutes until the butter and sugars are well combined. Add in egg and egg yolk, and vanilla, and mix well.

Slowly add the dry ingredients into the wet and mix until combined. Fold in chocolate chunks.

Line baking sheets with parchment paper and drop heaping tablespoonfuls of dough onto the parchment. (I like to use this NorPro tablespoon scoop thingy – it makes everything so much easier!)

Bake for 8-10 minutes, or until the edges of the cookies are just starting to brown. Immediately sprinkle the cookies with sea salt when they come out of the oven. Transfer the cookies to a wire rack or kitchen counter (with parchment) to let cool completely.

GANACHE

Enough to conservatively frost 3 dozen cookies; double recipe if you intend to go full Manchee.

- 6 oz (1 cup) semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 4 oz (half cup) heavy cream
- 1 oz (2 tbsp) softened unsalted butter
- 1 oz (2 tbsp) bourbon

Place the semi-sweet chocolate chips and the bourbon in a heat-proof bowl. 

In a saucepan, bring the heavy cream and butter to a simmer over medium heat. Remove from heat and pour over the chocolate chips. Let rest for about five minutes. Stir until smooth and well-combined.  

Place in the refrigerator for several hours until firm, stirring occasionally. 

Make sure the cookies are cooled completely. To pipe the ganache, place in Ziploc bag and seal, pressing as much air out as possible. Snip the end off one corner and gently pipe in concentric circles. (Bonus points if you can make it look like the poop emoji!)

Enjoy!

Want to join an FYA Book Club? We've got locations worldwide! Don't have one near you? Grab a cocktail, send us an email and start one today!

ZOMGGGGGG YOU GUYYYYYYYSSSSS!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!

The third and final season of Dance Academy is now streaming on Netflix!!!!! Commence with your happy (ballet) dance!!!!!

I've been waiting a year and a half for this moment, y'all. A YEAR AND A HALF. Like, I might be crying right now. (But not as much as the time [spoiler redacted].)

You better believe I'll be recapping Tara, Abigail and Christian's third year, so stay tuned.

In other news, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ANY WORK DONE NOW?

BOOK REPORT for Petra K. and the Blackhearts by M. Henderson Ellis

Cover Story: MechaGodzilla
BFF Charm: Nay
Swoonworthy Scale: 0
Talky Talk: Darkly Atmospheric
Bonus Factors: Dragons, Prague, Child Gangs
Anti-Bonus Factors: Boy King
Relationship Status: It’s Not Me, It’s You.

Cover Story: MechaGodzilla

You’re welcome for now having Godzilla’s cry in your head for the rest of the day. Not a bad cover but not one that necessarily appeals to its target audience either.

The Deal:

Pava is a re-imagined Prague, with an alchemical twist, ruled by a child king named Archibald the Precious and his army, The Boot. Petra K and her mother were once part of Pava’s elite, until her father disappeared/was killed and now they live in Jozseftown, ie The Wrong Side of the Tracks. Her mother is a selfish shut-in, having Petra K wait on her hand and foot while she does nothing but waste away in her bed drinking tea.

Miniature dragons (dragonka) have been bred and are shown in tournaments and kept by the upper classes, until they are outlawed after an outbreak of Dragonka Fever. After Luma, an abandoned dragonka, bonds to Petra K, an orphan gang called the Blackhearts befriend her so they all can mutually benefit from using him to compete in underground dragonka matches. The dragonka are being snatched away but no one knows for what purpose, so it’s up to Petra K and the Blackhearts to find out.

BFF Charm: Nay

Petra K never really comes together as a character for me. I couldn't see why she was making the choices she was, she just seemed like a giant plot device to bring together the many (and I mean MANY) plot twists. None of the characters are really fleshed out enough to sustain a connection with the reader, which makes this book really suffer.

Swoonworthy Scale: 0

While I thought there would be potential romance with one of the boys in the Blackhearts, none of them were given enough of a personality for me to invest in one way or another. Besides, these kids are quite young, topping out at around 13.

Talky Talk: Darkly Atmospheric

One thing I will say favorably is that this book is rich with atmosphere, really pulling you into a world of magic and darkness, of dragons and sorcery, but to the point that it overshadows everything else in the book. There are so many elements that could be incredible if they were fully explored (an exiled group of people living in the sewers, another race of people that have wings tied and bound to their backs, a retired sorceress who runs a boutique and has a LIZARDMAN for a doorman) but this book is barely over 200 pages long! It’s going to be part of a series and, well, I sort of wish it wasn’t. It could have been given so much more life, such better direction and flow, actual personalities for its characters if it had been written as epic fantasy for younger readers. Instead it comes off as simply trying too hard, leaving you lost in all of the disjointed details.

Bonus Factors: Dragons

Good or evil or somewhere inbetween, I will always love a good dragon story. Unfortunately even little Luma doesn’t get much page-time, and I never felt the intense bond that he and Petra K supposedly shared.

Bonus Factor: Prague

A city I have yet to visit but am endlessly fascinated by (mostly thanks to the incredible Laini Taylor!).

Bonus Factor: Child Gangs

Oliver Twist, Peter Pan - there isn’t a group of Lost Boys out there that I don’t want to scoop up, bring home and make grilled cheese for.

Anti-Bonus Factors: Boy King

I really wanted to post Justin Bieber’s smug mug shot because WE ALL KNOW WHERE THAT’S GOING, but Joffrey seemed more appropriate.  Archibald isn’t actually evil, but he is still very, very annoying. He’s referred to as Number One Playpal. Have I mentioned that the allusions to North Korea are a smidge on the obvious side?

Casting Call:

Bailee Madison as Petra K

This kid has great acting chops so she could definitely inject Petra K with a boost of personality serum.

Relationship Status: It’s Not Me, It’s You.

I wanted to get serious with you, Petra K. (Also, why are you called Petra K? Yet one more detail that isn’t fully explained. Argle bargle.) I love fantasy, and I’m a sucker for dragons and a rag-tag bunch of scrappy orphans who are trying to Fight the Power. This is a LITERARY CATNIP COCKTAIL for me and yet, we couldn’t make a connection. I hope that in future installments your choices make sense and that you and your fellow Blackhearts are shapened into the people you deserve to be.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a free review copy from Young Europe Books. I received neither cocktails nor money for this review (dammit!). Petra K. and the Blackhearts is available now.

When I decided to start this smutty books series, I knew it'd mean going way out of my comfort zone. And no, I'm no talking about the fondled flesh and the juice cannons (although obvs, those made me supes uncomfy, too). I mean the bodice-ripping, shirt-billowing rakes and Highlanders: the world of historical romance. 

I don't read a lot of historical fiction (which is weird, since I love actual history), so this is actually the very first historical romance I've ever read. (SPOILER ALERT: It does not go so well.)

LET'S GET IT ON with The Smuggler Wore Silk (Spy in the Ton Book 1) by Alyssa Alexander

First Impressions: 

Is that a gun in your hand, or are you just happy to see me? In any case, nineteenth-century couture is so not conducive to concealing weapons. You can't use side holsters, or even wear those standard-issue LadySpy sexy thigh holsters underneath a petticoat.

And do you really need your finger on the trigger when the only thing you can shoot is literally your own foot? But more distressing: looking over your shoulder when you're holding a gun behind your back. Element of surprise: you're doing it wrong.

Can I Buy You a Drink?:

As per the drinking game, 48 Lucilles, 54 Lizzes, and 14 Lorelais.

So hey, historical romance makes me want to barf far less! Although the trade-offs are words like 'bosom', which makes me think of Anne Shirley. Or Tom Hanks. Either way, it's not a name association I want with smutty books. (And now, let's take a moment to stop picturing Anne Shirley and Tom Hanks and bosoms together. Worst fan fic EVAR.)

But with my limiting vocab tolerance for flowery language, the eye rolls and judgmental glares are still plentiful, due to instances of: 

•  'Sensitive skin', 'sensitive flesh', or similar

•  Being a Travers, having Travers children (I had forgotten the characters' last names, so I was pretty confused as to why the name Travers was being invoked so dang much.)

•  'Belly' (I have no idea why these people couldn't just have stomachs.)

•  Quivering (with sexy anticipation, obvs.)

What's Your Type?: 

The spy who loved me, tragic backstory, ruined virtue, class clash, reformed/rehabilitating scoundrel.

Dating Profile:

Julian Travers, Earl of Langford, is a spy desperate for One!Last!Mission!. His identity has been compromised abroad, so his new mission is a broad (see what I did there?): to investigate Grace Hannah, tarnished doomed-to-be-spinster and suspected smuggler (who wears silk) of military intel to France. Loose lips may sink ships, but they're perfect for lov-ahs (blech).

Meet Cute:

It just so happens that Julian's family estate in Devon is only a few miles away from where Grace lives with her uncle -- how convenient!

When the prodigal son returns home for the first time in a score, he finds a fetching young woman helping the caretaker's wife in the kitchen.

Two derrieres bobbed side by side. [...] The second, however, had slimmer hips with a bottom that was lush and rounded, and clad in a light wool riding habit that pulled tantalizingly against the curves it covered. [...]

Yes, a fascinating view, thought Julian, eyeing the shapely bottom. 

And QUELLE COINCIDENCE: that (shudder) lush derriere belongs to Grace! (Side note: oldfangled language makes butt talk seem extra lecherous and gross.)

Foreplay:

After being caught together in a compromising position -- tongues "[darting] in, [stroking]"! -- Julian decides to salvage Grace's already low reputation by saying that they're engaged. But much like an STD epidemic, their fiery loins refuse to be contained; Julian and Grace give into their unbridled passion before their wedding night.

Are They Animals In the Sack?: 

Y'all, my favourite thing about historical romances just might be the absence of vulgar genital slang. Then again, it's replaced by things like hymen euphemisms: 

when he breached the barrier that proved she was yet a virgin

And P-in-V euphemisms: 

She was gasping, nearly undone when he finally slid into her. Wrapping her arms around him, she opened, took him in.

All that sliding into the promised land -- you know you don't have to take the baseball metaphor so literally, right? 

Dirty Talk:

Not only are there euphemisms aplenty, but there are innuendos. 

"I look forward to seeing your garden in its entirety."

And good to know that the cheesy pickup line isn't just a recent invention. 

"What did you ride?" he asked, turning smiling eyes towards her. "[...] Or did you use your own exquisite wings? For surely only an angel could be so beautiful."

Nor is role play, apparently. 

"Tell me of your fantasies, then. Where are the smuggling captain and his consort sailing now?"

"Today, she's not consort. She's a Scottish maid, tall and lithe and strong. High into the hills of Scotland he takes her, where the air is clear and sharp. [...] He would gather purple heather from the fields and make a bed under the trees."

(... although they seem more concerned with the furnishings than, y'know, the seckin'.)

"I don't believe I've met a lady that would ride a stallion."

"Such ladies are rare, I'm sure." She tilted her head, met his gaze. "But she only needs to know how best to handle the stallion."

Bish, please. You are so not the stallion who mounts the world.

Ms. Perky's Prize for Purplest Prose:

No joke, y'all -- I spent HOURS transcribing all the potential candidates for this illustrious honour. I had to cut most of it out, so just know there's plenty more where this came from.

The mission hung before him, plump and ripe and as easy to pluck as any red apple.

This is referring to an actual mission. See what I mean about everything sounding lascivious in Antique Speak?

His mouth was wild on hers, plundering, demanding.

HE'S A MOUTH PLUNDERER, Y'ALL.

He could see a shadowed figure flitting across the window, then back again. He grinned delightedly when the figure drew off a piece of clothing, revealing the outline of a womanly shape beneath. Regrettably, he was too far away to see clearly, but he glimpsed enough of the curves of breast and hip to know the lady's shape was pleasing.

And a Peeping Tom, too! (Form a line to the left, ladies!)

Here's the obligatory sexually-charged riding excerpt. (In the interest of brevity, I left out the ankle-leering portion. You're heartbroken, I know.) 

She slid forward until her front pressed against the pommel of the saddle. Even with the additional space, they were fitted together in the same position. She could feel him pressed intimately against her backside, his hard, muscular thighs aligned with hers. The earl's strong hands curled around her waist as a steadying hold, fingers splayed across her belly. Over it all was the knowledge that her legs were wide open, with his body straddling hers.

The earl leaned forward once more, hot breath tickling her ear. "Ride," he commanded. 

There's also a My Strange Obsession-level fixation with MAN SCENT and ALL THINGS MAN.

She felt the heat of him, and rising with it was the scent of man and leather and outdoors.

The feel of skin against skin was so unexpectedly delicious, the taste of him so utterly male.

But it was the scent that revealed her captor. Man, leather and soap.

He tasted hot and salty and male.

She moaned as the taste of him met her tongue. Man, outdoors, rain. And the essence that was Julian.

Eau de Julian: Regency-Era Axe Body Spray.

Her body still vibrated with pleasure at even the memory of their lovemaking and the sensations of flesh against flesh. 

Pardon me while I retch upon retch. 

Actually, she was starving. Apparently lovemaking -- not to mention a bit of espionage -- worked up an appetite.

And I have completely lost mine, after all these quotes.

Deal Breakers:

I know this is set in a different time, but HOLY SHIZZ. If I had to live back then, I'd probably be burned as a witch for all my Lady Rage. 

So Grace isn't in the best social standing because of a broken engagement -- something that her uncle never lets her forget.

"You're nothing." He snorted and tossed back the brandy. "Rather, you were nothing. Now you're a whore."

You best believe all the whore bombs got my blood BOILING. But at least the uncle is supposed to be a raging jackhole. Unlike, say, the love interest. Here's his touching proposal via letter.

Please seriously consider your reputation and the consequences of refusing to become my wife.

I would be honored if you would accept my offer of marriage.

Well, when you put it like that, HOW COULD SHE NOT?!

To be fair, Grace isn't cool with all of Julian's behaviour, either. But that doesn't erase all the asshole-y things he says.

"That's not an answer."

"It's the only answer you'll get."

"I don't understand -- "

"You don't need to." Julian strode to the door, looked back. "You only need to obey."

Right? FUCK THAT NOISE.

"His woman?" Fury leapt in her. She turned to Julian, pinned him with her gaze. "I am not his woman. I'm nothing more than a mistake."

"You're still my wife, Grace. I own you. Which means I have the final word."

Y'all, I really cannot handle this women-as-property bullshit,* even if it's intentionally awful. I especially can't handle overlooking that in the name of swoooooon. Ugh.

*I know; easy for me to say from my privileged, 21st-century, first-world perspective.

For an ugly moment, jealousy streaked through Julian. Was Grace cuckolding him? Was his wife of mere days already a cheat? He closed his eyes, forced himself to think past the pressure in his chest. No. He knew she was not. Certainly not with Jack Blackbourn.

He looked through the window and saw Blackbourn pull Grace into his arms.

The evidence was damning. And I'm just as damned, he thought as the jealousy swelled again.

Again: different times, different societal norms, I get that. But Mr. Paranoid and Possessive here? PASS, with a capital 'ASS'. No matter what his man scent is.

Vampire Diaries Role Play:

DON'T GET TOO EXCITED, Y'ALL; this is not an indication of hotness to be expected. I had my mind set on her, and he's so obviously the pick for a roguish Englishman.

Joseph Morgan and Candice Accola as Julian and Grace

... although I wouldn't have been above this pairing, since 1) she acts with an English accent, and 2) Klaus is unhealthily obsessed with his sister's sex life anyway.

Claire Holt and Joseph Morgan as Grace and Julian

Was It Good For You, Too?:

It was def. a first date fizzle for historical romance and me. Because no amount of hotness -- not that this was particularly steamy, though -- can make me stop GNASHING MY TEETH at the rampant misogyny, no matter how period-appropriate and negatively portrayed it is. But I'm not quite ready to write off an entire genre because of one iffy experience. So I'm open to suggestions for my next historical romance flirtation if y'all got 'em!

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my free review copy from Berkley. I received neither money nor froyo for writing this review (dammit!). The Smuggler Wore Silk is available now.

I know I’m supposed to be writing a lede right now for this post.  Buuuuut, I’m a little too busy watching Dance Academy in another browser tab.  Surely you forgive me!

Book Related Things

An interesting piece on the “John Green effect.”  (And how the NYT Bestseller list is stacked against women.)

J.K. Rowling is releasing another Robert Galbraith novel in June.

Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book is being turned into a graphic novel.  Check out those covers!

True Detective fans out there may find it interesting to learn all about The King In Yellow and its influence.

President’s Day was earlier this week for us good ol' Americans.  And you can celebrate by reading your favorite president’s favorite book.

In dumb things said on the internet, we have a children’s author on libraries and some folks in the SFF world didn't realize what you say on the internet isn’t private.

Movie Related Things

Veronica Mars fans in Canada and the UK, here are your movie locations!

Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy has released its first trailer.   Looks fun so far.

The new Fantastic Four reboot has its main cast.  Lots of good looking people.

New Divergent clip with Kate Winslet.

Brittany Snow has signed on for Pitch Perfect 2.  (But wasn’t she a senior?)

The Goosebumps movie has starting casting.  Apparently Jack Black is playing (wait for it)...R.L. Stine.  Whaaat?!

New information on the Runaways movie.

Another YA book gets a movie deal.  This time it’s John Corey Whaley’s Noggin.

The Women’s Media Center’s annual report is predictably depressing.

What would your fate be in The Hunger Games?  (Apparently I would win due to sheer cunning, which is so hilariously unlikely.)

Which Joss Whedon heroine are you?  (I love you Felicia Day, but I am not Penny.)

TV Related Things

Season 3 of Dance Academy is on Netflix.  Go get your (vicarious) dance on!

Showtime’s Penny Dreadful gets a trailer.  (Oh, Josh Hartnett, where have you been hiding for the last few years?)

BBC will be making a new Robin Hood TV show.  It is certainly taking some liberties with some of the, eh, characters.

Pushing Daisies - not dead yet!  It may be getting a film and a musical adaptation.

Crucifictorious is dead.  Long live Crucifictorious.  (On Parenthood, that is.)

No, this won’t get me to watch The Crazy Ones, but AWWWW Buffy reunion!  Speaking of Buffy, Alyson Hannigan has a new TV gig and it sounds...underwhemling.

Miscellaneous Things

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog will get a sequel!  In some format.  At some time.  How tantalizingly vague!

Marty McFlys’ self-lacing shoes will be a real thing.  Is it 2015 yet?

Check out these awesome Disney character themed cocktails.

That’s all for this week!  Share anything you found interesting or excited in the comments below.

BOOK REPORT for Bright Before Sunrise by Tiffany Schmidt

Cover Story: Double Take
BFF Charm: Roger Murtaugh
Swoonworthy Scale: 6
Talky Talk: He Said, She Said
Bonus Factor: Mysterious Loner Dude
Relationship Status: Flirtation

Cover Story: Double Take

When I first laid eyes on this cover, I assumed it was a new Jennifer E. Smith book because, well, it looks like a Jennifer E. Smith book.

Once I realized that was not the case, I began to wonder why the hell those two kids in silhouette were smooching instead of running for their lives because THE MOON IS ABOUT TO COLLIDE WITH THE EARTH. Obviously, they haven't seen Melancholia.

The Deal:

Brighton Waterford is one of those girls who defy high school cafeteria classification. She's hot enough to sit with the popular kids, she's sweet enough to be welcome at any table, and thanks to her no-dating policy, she remains sheltered from social politics. She's basically perfect, and she works hard at it-- not because she wants to be queen bee, but rather, because it would have made her father proud. As the anniversary of his death approaches, Brighton is only one person away from following in her dad's footsteps and achieving a 100% participation rate in her school's Key Club. Nothing will stop her from getting that one person to sign up for a community service project... except for that one person.

His name is Jonah Prentiss, and even though he transferred into school earlier in the year, he's made no effort to befriend anyone, especially not goody-goody Brighton. Thanks to his parents divorce and his mom's remarriage, Jonah was forced to move from his beloved blue collar neighborhood of Hamilton to the stuffy suburb of Cross Pointe, and he makes a point of hating everything about it.

So when crazy circumstances throw him together with Brighton for a night, things get ugly. But you know what Paula Abdul says about opposites...

BFF Charm: Roger Murtaugh

While well-meaning, Brighton is extremely uptight, but her grief over the death of her father adds some compelling shades to her character. Jonah's sweetness is a little more hidden, although his brutal honesty initially makes him more likable than Brighton and her forced peppiness. Both of them carry some serious baggage that affects their decisions, leading to some seriously stupid choices. 

I liked them, and I was definitely rooting for them to get together, but when I found myself repeatedly asking the Classic Parent Question, i.e. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" I realized I'm way too old for this shizz.

Swoonworthy Scale: 6

I am a sucker for good girl meets MLD, and the best part about this duo is that they're far more nuanced versions of those clichés. A star athlete at his old school, Jonah is only an MLD at Cross Pointe, while Brighton has the pain of loss to add some edge to her purity. They've also got a fair amount of enemistry sizzling between them, since Brighton is intent on winning Jonah over (so he'll sign up for community service), and he basically despises her. There's never any danger of a wildfire, but the slow burn of their romance is nice and toasty.

Talky Talk: He Said, She Said

Each chapter alternates between Jonah and Brighton's perspectives, and both of their voices are unique and relatively believable. Jonah feels like a boy, and Brighton is made much more sympathetic by the glimpses of her anxiety and insecurity. While the emotions of the characters dip into dark territory, Tiffany Schmidt still keeps things light with breezy dialogue and brisk pacing. The entire book takes place over the course of a night, and you'll need even less time to devour it.

Bonus Factor: Mysterious Loner Dude

It's always fun to get inside the brain of an MLD, especially one who isn't stoned or stupid. The reality of Jonah makes him slightly less dreamy, but his attractiveness doesn't diminish with his mysteriousness.

Casting Call:

Aimee Teegarden as Brighton

I couldn't resist putting Aimee with her FNL and Star-Crossed co-star.

Grey Damon as Jonah

Relationship Status: Flirtation

Book, you were cute, and I definitely got a few tingles during our interaction. You didn't pretend to be something you're not, which I appreciate, and your lighthearted demeanor made for a pleasant conversation. I'm not gonna ask for your number or anything, but if I pass you on the street, I'll certainly give you a wink and a smile.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received a free review copy from Walker Childrens. I received neither cocktails nor money for this review. Bright Before Sunrise is available now.

Now that the Olympics are over, it's almost time for the only tournament that matters*: it's the triumphant return of March Madness at FYA! Our brackets have already chosen the best YA book of 2011 and the greatest teen movie of all-time; this year, it's all about Teen TV Madness 2014. 

*JK obvs, because MOTHERCUSSIN' YES.

Y'all know how the rules go: 64 teen shows will face off in head-to-head match-ups until there's only one left standing. Votes will be placed, Sophie's Choices will be made, and tears... will probably not be shed. (Unless you'll be revisiting tearjerker eps of these shows. But I don't know your life.)

Similar to last year's teen movie bracket, the greatest challenge was figuring out what exactly is a teen show. Some of the ones that made our list might be borderline children's or family shows, but a main character at least starts off as a teen, and the show itself deals with teen themes. (Er, more or less. It's one of those 'you'll know when you see it' sitches.)

In building the Teen TV Madness bracket, we tried to consider every single teen show that we could think of. I even culled shows from all the obscure shizz that y'all like, but HA HA -- obscure shizz is too obscure to make the cut, and their inclusion only probably annoyed my fellow FYA writers, who had to unnecessarily rate 147 shows. (We were thorough, is what I'm saying.) These shows were ranked according to a convoluted* system of critic ratings, popularity, and preferences of FYA writers, and the top 63 were seeded and randomly assigned to the semi-arbitrarily named** division brackets you're about to see. 

*Don't make me show my work! You're not my calculus class!

**By a happy coincidence, the shows that inspired the names mostly ended up in their own brackets. But having a bracket named after a show isn't an indicator of how well we think it'll do. (Although: Buffy and Gilmore Girls.)

Interactive PDF bracket, with links to IMDB, Netflix streaming, Amazon Prime streaming, and past FYA posts, where applicable. (Thanks, Mandy C.!)

THE BRONZE

(1) Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs. (16) Bunheads
(8) 10 Things I Hate About You vs. (9) American Dreams
(5) Degrassi: The Next Generation vs. (12) Laguna Beach
(4) Smallville vs. (13) The Lying Game
(6) Sabrina the Teenage Witch vs. (11) 7th Heaven
(3) The Wonder Years vs. (14) Hey Dude
(7) Reign vs. (10) The Nine Lives of Chloe King
(2) Dance Academy vs. (15) Lizzie McGuire

PEACH PIT

(1) Freaks and Geeks vs. (16) Switched at Birth
(8) Gossip Girl vs. (9) Party of Five
(5) Saved by the Bell vs. (12) The Carrie Diaries
(4) The O.C. vs. (13) Clarissa Explains It All
(6) Beverly Hills, 90210 vs. (11) The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
(3) My So-Called Life vs. (14) The Facts of Life
(7) Awkward vs. (10) Teen Wolf
(2) Dawson's Creek vs. (15) Blossom

LUKE'S DINER

(1) Friday Night Lights vs. (16) Play-in winner
(8) Skins (UK) vs. (9) One Tree Hill
(5) The Vampire Diaries vs. (12) The Tomorrow People
(4) Roswell vs. (13) Pretty Little Liars
(6) Everwood vs. (11) Clueless
(3) Daria vs. (14) The Adventures of Pete & Pete
(7) Doogie Howser, MD vs. (10) Even Stevens
(2) Gilmore Girls vs. (15) Salute Your Shorts

THE MAX

(1) Veronica Mars vs. (16) Greek
(8) Glee vs. (9) Suburgatory
(5) Boy Meets World vs. (12) Malcolm in the Middle
(4) Undeclared vs. (13) Family Matters
(6) That '70s Show vs. (11) California Dreams
(3) Felicity vs. (14) The Secret World of Alex Mack
(7) Popular vs. (10) The Secret Circle
(2) Misfits vs. (15) Happy Days

"But what about the 16th seed in Luke's Diner? Is it just a pile of flannel shirts and baseball hats, because y'all think nothing will slow down Friday Night Lights (TEXAS FOREVER)?"

That's where y'all come in! This Friday, February 28th, there will be a play-in game for the final spot in our tournament. Put some teen TV shows that didn't make it in the comments, and one will have the honour of getting slaughtered by FNL earning the last spot in our bracket.

"Where's Supernatural? I don't see Supernatural. I WILL TORCH THE ENTIRE INTERNETS IF SUPERNATURAL ISN'T INCLUDED."

Y'all. Actual teens may watch that show, but Supernatural is in no way a teen show; these are grown-ass MEN (mmm hmm). And if there was a March Madness bracket for Mandy W.'s Fictional Boyfriends, then obvs Dean Winchester would be a top seed. But this is not that bracket, so please don't vote for Supernatural.* (If you decide to vote for Supernatural anyway: HAVE FUN, since it won't be counted.)

Here, have a pretty photo to placate yourselves.

*Same argument applies for Arrow, Charmed, etc. -- i.e. shows with predominately grownup casts that appeal to teens (read: on The WB or The CW). But those shows don't have Jensen Ackles.

So which teen show should be added to this tournament? Just one per comment, please, so that we're clear about which teen TV show you're talking about. Upvote and lobby for your favourites, and we’ll pick the top two for our play-in game Friday.

Welcome back to our series on midseason TV (a continuation of our fall TV series). We’re here to help you determine what you should watch as it airs, what you can save for later, or what you shouldn’t even mess with.

(Warning! Possible spoilers ahead.)

About a Boy

Premiered: Feb. 22 on ABC (Watch online.)

Elevator Pitch

Executive sits at his desk spinning circles in his chair. He looks from the shelves full of books to the film posters framed on his wall to the boxes of TV on DVD in the corner (that are covered in dust because who watches TV on DVD anymore?) as he tosses a football. He pauses as he looks at the football, daydreaming about the one story that worked perfectly as a book, movie, and TV show … Friday Night Lights. How could he create that again? And what would be the perfect book to do it with? He glances down to see the screener copy he just received of A Long Way Down that's about to hit theatres. Nick Hornby books have been turned into some pretty great movies. High Fidelity was amazing, and Fever Pitch was, well, it was enjoyable. What other books did he write that have been made into movies? About a Boy. Now that was a good adaptation! But who could make it into a TV show, keeping the same quality, yet, making it into a world we would want to live in for years to come? The exec taps the football while staring blankly at a framed Steve Martin movie poster. Who has had a successful career of making quality TV from movies? "Aha!" he says as his eyes travel back and forth from the 1989 Parenthood poster in front of him to the football in his hands. "There's only one man for this job. Secretary, get me Jason Katims on the phone!"

Familiar Faces

David Walton as Will

Al Madrigal as Andy

Leslie Bibb as Dakota

Minnie Driver as Fiona

Benjamin Stockham as Marcus

Phil Abrams as Principal Goldenrod

Redeeming Qualities

Emily: It's the perfect trifecta. One of my favorite books (by one of my favorite authors), made into one of my favorite movies, now being produced for television by one of my favorite show creators (Jason Katims of Friday Night Lights and Parenthood fame). I also find David Walton completely endearing. He was fantastic on New Girl and the cancelled-too-soon Bent. And Benjamin Stockham as Marcus is pretty fantastic. Plus, this "world" is the same as Parenthood, meaning there are rumors of some Braverman crossovers!

Mandy: Marcus is a precocious little dude who doesn’t seem to care about what people think of him, and I love that. When I eventually have kids, I want them to be like him. (Minus the whole being made fun of thing. Kids are brutal.) Will was also really sweet, pretty much from the get-go, which I like. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him be a total douche for the entire episode.

It's Not Me, It's You

Emily: Minnie Driver is a little of a weak link for me, but I'm going to allow her time to grow on me. As a fan of the book and movie, I did feel like I was watching them both on fast forward. It made the show seem a little spastic and rushed. But on the other hand, who wants to watch an entire season of a story they already know?

Mandy: Fiona is a terrible stereotype, and a more than a little bit of a mess. I can see myself liking her, but only if she becomes more of an actual person. On the other hand, the character development for Will was surprisingly quick, which made the episode feel a little too fast and/or wrapped up too nicely. (We didn’t need the entire plot of the movie version in the first 20 minutes of the series, did we?)

Let's Do This Again

Emily: I love everything about this show. The source material, the creatives, the lead. Even if the pilot was a super-condensed version of the movie/book, it was needed to get to the good stuff which I fully believe is coming. There aren't many people I trust with years of my life, but Jason Katims is one of them. I'm in for the long haul.

Mandy: About a Boy is a wonderful idea, and the pilot was super sweet, but there wasn’t that much about the show that made me immediately consider adding this one to my weekly schedule. I might check in on the weekend every couple of weeks when I have nothing better to watch, but I’ll need a little more plot to keep my attention.

What did you think? Let us know in the comments!

BOOK REPORT for Grandmaster by David Klass

Cover Story: Surprise Big Face
BFF Charm: Stuart Smalley
Swoonworthy Scale: 1
Talky Talk: A Little Bit Dramatic
Bonus Factors: Chess, Tournament, Fathers and Sons
Relationship Status: Clubs Week Pal

Cover Story: Surprise Big Face

It may not be a surprise to you, but I first saw this cover as a teeny, tiny thumbnail. So I thought, "Oh, cool -- chess! And it's all classy-like!" But that enthusiasm quickly evaporated when I finally had a copy in my grabby little hands. Why, Big Face, why?! Maybe if I do that farsighted thing and hold the book reeeeeally far away, I can fool myself into thinking it's the sleek cover I thought I fell in love with. Also, that sounds like a YA retelling of Mr. Magoo* waiting to happen.

*HOLD THE PHONE -- Jennifer Garner was in the live-action Mr. Magoo?! MIND. BLOWN.

The Deal:

At Daniel Pratzer's school, chess club reigns supreme. They're only the best chess team in all of New Jersey, so yeah -- they're kind of a big deal. But Daniel's just the lowly freshman noob on the team, flying under the radar. That is, until he and his dad get recruited for a father-son chess tournament. Unbeknownst to Daniel, his dad was a chess prodigy, having achieved the highest title of grandmaster as a teen. 

But there's a reason why Mr. Pratzer stepped away from the game, and participation in the tournament is putting his mental health at risk. As the book's omnimous tagline suggests, the price of victory -- and Daniel's acceptance from his teammates -- might be too high to pay. 

BFF Charm: Stuart Smalley

Daniel's a decent kid, if somewhat friendless; he could def. use a daily affirmation from S. Smalls. If Daniel could see that he's good enough and smart enough, then he might stop investing so much in player rankings and -- Old Alert -- start playing to his full potential, in and out of the game. And once he does, he'd be great BFF material.

Swoonworthy Scale: 1

There's groundwork for Daniel's first relationship, but kissyface really isn't the focus here. Still, the banter's cute, and the girl in question is a live wire.

Talky Talk: A Little Bit Dramatic

I have no idea what sordidness goes on in the chess world, but I found myself arching a disbelieving eyebrow early on anyway. Daniel's discovery of his father's past seemed like an overreaction -- as if lying about playing chess is the greatest deception ever told. But on second thought, I could totally buy it as believable behaviour for a kid so desperate to fit in. And given that author David Klass used to be a competitive chess player, he gets the benefit of the doubt in the realm of shrewd psyche-out tactics and psychological strains of the game.

Bonus Factor: Chess

Well, obvs. And as someone completely unversed in chess, I didn't get overwhelmed by the lingo -- which would be v. v. easy to do, with a game that intricate.

Bonus Factor: Tournament

Sighhhh, the Olympics just wrapped up, and I already miss them something fierce. So it should come as no surprise that I LOVE all things tournaments! The tight timetable, the heightened pressure, the potential for draaaaamz. If anyone wants to write a YA fictionalization of even the Jeopardy! Teen Tournament, I'd be there in a hummingbird heartbeat.

(Side note: I don't mean to be misleading with all these Harry Potter images, since there's absolutely no witchcraft nor wizardry in this book. But if I have a chance to make multiple HP references, I'mma do it every.single.time.)

Bonus Factor: Fathers and Sons

There's nothing I love more than books that grant me insight into things I'd never be able to personally experience; in this case, it's the exploration of the father-son relationship. Not just between the Pratzers, but a bit from Daniel's teammates and their fathers, too.

Then there are also the universally relatable feelings of wanting to take pride in your parents' accomplishments, and, on the parent end, being a hero in your child's eyes. Y'all, my own parents have had to work since their early teens. I'm so grateful for and in awe of all the hard work and sacrifice that went into building their lives and mine, but I haven't always felt that way.* So all that approval business kind of hit home.

*Kids can be dumbasses, you guys.

Casting Call:

Young Shia LaBeouf as Daniel

Journey back in time with me, if you will (and you will, since I'm the one driving this boat), to the days when Shia LaBeouf was only that goofy kid on that Disney show you never watched. Because that's exactly who I pictured.

Wallace Shawn as Daniel's dad, Morris  

And let's continue time travelling to cast Daniel's father, since the role would be a tad inconceivable for current-day Wallace Shawn.

Relationship Status: Clubs Week Pal

I'm always looking to expand my extracurricular activities, so I tagged along with this book to try out chess. Even though I still can't tell a knight from a bishop, I became immersed in this intense, hypercompetitive world. I've gained mad appreciation for the game, and for the book that introduced me to it.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my free review copy from Farrar Straus GIroux. I received neither money nor froyo for writing this review (dammit!). Grandmaster will be available on February 25th.

You spoke, and we listened*—welcome to the first official recap of Star-Crossed, the CW’s new Romeo and Juliet with aliens. (You can read a review of the pilot episode here.)

This second episode gave us a lot more information on Atrian culture. We learned that they’re a tribal people, and aren’t spiritual, but are big on ritual. We even learned some Atrian terms, which I’m sure I’ve massacred below. I’m no good at languages, and it’s worse when they’re fictional.

*OK, so, we likely would have recapped this show regardless of interest … it just has too much promise (i.e., high likelihood of utter ridiculousness, in true CDubs style) to ignore.

This episode started off with a bang—quite literally. A group of Atrian terrorists, the Trags, have determined that violent revenge is the only way to get back at the humans for the accidental killing of Nox in the pilot episode … that and threatening the family of the guard who shot Nox, which happens to include Emery. Roman is most definitely not a fan of this train of thought.

Emery’s dad steps down from the SEU for a while, passing the leadership on to Officer Jack Beaumont (played by Tahmoh Penikett, who is in everything). Officer Beaumont seems like a stand-up human, but he’s hiding a pretty huge secret.

Speaking of leadership, Roman is quasi-forced to take on leadership of his tribe, the Zwahan, so that his shady uncle Castor (Johnathon Schaech), who’s apparently prone to violence, won’t get the job. Pretty sure that this extracurricular that won’t allow much time for hanging out with his human soul mate, but it does give him plenty of opportunity to skulk around, looking brooding. Which Roman apparently realizes quite quickly, as he’s given the job of Iksen to his uncle. All of my instincts still say he’s wholly untrustworthy.

And speaking of untrustworthy, we got to meet a few more humans, too, including Robert Vartan (Marcus Hester), member of the Red Hawks and militant bigot/terrible human being. He’s obviously up to no good, and I see him definitely causing trouble in episodes to come.

The penultimate surprise came thanks to Julia’s veins lighting up after she touches Roman’s arm. She now has a pretty strong inkling that Roman was the one to cure her, her “blue angel.” I can’t help but roll my eyes at the hero worship that’s sure to follow.

Marshall High Student of the Week:

This week’s “You’re Awesome!” award goes to Grayson. 1. For being a friend to Emery, even though she’s obviously pining for Roman, and 2. For pulling a knife on Vartan when he threatens her. Sure, part of him just wants to get into her pants, but he’s a teenage boy. We can cut him some slack.

He also, however, gets the “Two-Faced Bastard!” award for the last few minutes of the episode.

Oh, The Humanity:

The biggest failure of humanity in this episode was by far Vartan, who started spewing Bible verses during the school board meeting. He paraphrased Genesis 1:26, which reads:

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."

I’m pretty sure that he was trying to insinuate that Atrians are different, but THEY LOOK JUST LIKE HUMANS, so his point was totally lost on me.

Atrian 101:

It’s official, Ciper, although it has the worst name ever, is an amazing plant. Combined with an Atrian’s blood, it creates a magical glowing serum that heals. Ground up, to release its energy, is used in Atrian funerals.

The Future is Now:

- Do you think the mason jar Grayson drank out of at the restaurant is an ironic statement, or just a nod to the fact that they live in the South? Side note: I’m SUPER glad that fried pickles are still on menus in 2024.

- Since when are school board meetings like bad talent shows? I kept expecting Gloria and the principal to burst into song, what with those wireless microphones and all the circling around each other they were doing.

First Kiss Watch:

Emery and Roman were thisclose to their first kiss in the pilot episode, but #becauseCW, they were separated right before their lips could touch. Sadly, they didn’t have much alone time this episode, since Roman was too worried about his troublesome people to focus on her, but they did have a seriously cheesy moment in the hallway at school:

“We’re from two different worlds, Emery. We can’t keep pretending like that doesn’t matter.”

“It only matters if we let it.”

I’m guessing it’ll be at least ten episodes before we see any lip-to-lip action. Just enough to keep viewers (yes, like me) caught up in the anticipation, but not enough to drive us over the edge into “don’t care anymore” territory.

So … Did you see those twists coming? What’s your guess on how many episodes before we’ll see a smooch? Are you still as perplexed by Roman’s ridiculous hair as I am? Let’s discuss below.

Welcome back to the YA Movie News Roundup! Let's do it.

The Lifetime Flowers in the Attic sequel has its new Cathy Dollanganger! Yes, Rose McIver will play the grown-up version of Kiernan Shipka in the upcoming Petals in the Wind adaptation. She looks like this:

I found a picture of her standing next to flowers in what very well could be an attic because JOURNALISM! Read Erin's hilarious review of Lifetime's Flowers in the Attic movie, if you haven't already.

Update!! Right after posting this I saw that Bunheads' Bailey Buntain will play Carrie Dollanganger! Dammit, now I have to watch. Bunheads' alum-follower for life.

The Veronica Mars movie news roundup (there's going to be a lot of this in the coming weeks): the film release plan is pretty groundbreaking, as it'll be available EVERYWHERE on March 14. Theaters, televisions and computer monitors worldwide. And here's a great writeup about Veronica Mars for the SXSW mag. And HERE's an interview with Rob Thomas.

Also, see the cover for the first Veronica Mars original mystery book: The Thousand Dollar Tan Line! I wish the cover were more old-school noir, like the Hard Case Crime books, and I don't love the title, but still. Exciting:

In Not YA But Relevant To Our Interests News: Buzzfeed offers a first look at the Heathers musical!

AND OMG LEIGHTON MEESTER AND ADAM BRODY GOT SECRET MARRIED. What do we think? I mean, she's no Lane Kim, but are we really going to complain about Seth Cohen marrying Blair Waldorf? 

That's it for this week! What do you have for me? Lay it on me downstairs!

BOOK REPORT for Uninvited (Uninvited #1) by Sophie Jordan

Cover Story: Wingardium Leviosa
BFF Charm: Natalie Imbruglia
Swoonworthy Scale: 8
Talky Talk: Near-Realism
Bonus Factors: Familiar Territory, Mysterious Loner Dude
Anti-Bonus Factors: Discrimination, Uncertain Time Period
Relationship Status: Sympathetic Noncarrier

If being Uninvited means not having to hang out with two-faced friends and crappy adults—even if it means being a carrier of the “kill gene”—then I’m all for not going.

Check out my full review over at our series on Kirkus.