BOOK REPORT for Open Road Summer by Emery Lord

Cover Story: Lazy
BFF Charm: Eventually
Swoonworthy Scale: 7
Talky Talk: Straight Up
Bonus Factors: Taylor Swift, Flirting
Relationship Status: Crush

Cover Story: Lazy

Never mind the fact that tour buses, not bikes, are the primary mode of transportation in this story. (There's not even a bicycle cameo!) This book is a romance, so obviously all you need for the cover is a stock photo of two teenagers kissing. And bonus, the guy is wearing a western sort of shirt, so he's instantly the country singer love interest of the heroine.

The designers took an early lunch the day they put together this cover, is what I'm saying.

The Deal:

When it comes to making good choices, Reagan O'Neill doesn't have a great track record. She's dated the wrong boys, tangled with the law and even landed herself on probation. In fact, the only wise decision she's ever made is sticking close to her best friend (and positive influence) Dee, known to the rest of the world as rising country star Lilah Montgomery.

Hoping to start clean after a close encounter with rock bottom, Reagan hits the road with Dee for her summer tour, which features opener Matt Finch, formerly of the Jonas Brothers Finch Four. Matt isn't just there to perform, he's also serving as Dee's rumored boyfriend to distract the press from a recent scandal. But away from the prying eyes of the media, the real sparks start flying between him and Reagan, who finds herself torn between this good, charming guy (so not her type) and the need to protect her heart, which is still bruised and battered by the life she left behind.

BFF Charm: Eventually

To say that Reagan is a little rough around the edges is an understatement. She's brash, bitchy and unapologetic about showing some skin. While I love me some sassy attitude, I wasn't initially drawn to this miniskirt-wearing, boob-flaunting gal who was trying just a little too hard to be tough. But she finally got over herself, and my eye rolls faded away, because underneath that push-up bra, Reagan is smart, and she's determined to turn things around for herself. I was also touched by her loyalty to Dee, a person she loves very much. By the end, as Reagan stood tall (figuratively and literally, because she's always in stilettos), I knew I would be lucky to call her a friend. Especially if she could teach me how to walk in heels.

Swoonworthy Scale: 7

One of the chief things I admire about Reagan is her newly learned restraint, because if I were her, I would be ALL OVER Matt Finch from the minute I laid eyes on his handsome face and easy smile. He's a Southern gentleman with a playful streak and a soulful gaze, and he's drawn to Reagan almost immediately.  Thankfully, she plays hard to get, which stretches the romantic tension to deliciously excruciating levels. More on that below, but yeah, the chemistry between these two is white hot, and I was more than happy to get a little singed.

Talky Talk: Straight Up

While the flirtatious fireworks and snappy dialogue cast a beachy glow on this book, Reagan's emotional journey insures that this story isn't just shallow fluff. Emery Lord gives her heroine a strong voice and a thoughtful narrative, and although some of her progression feels a little too cut and dry, Reagan's growth adds an empowering depth to the novel's themes.

Bonus Factor: Taylor Swift

As a major fan of Taylor Swift and obsessive follower of her Instagram, I like to pretend that we're friends. (Who am I kidding, we totally are.) So I had a blast living vicariously through Reagan and her bestiehood with Dee, who's like Taylor in her early stardom days (complete with songs that reference a former flame). From the photo shoots to the glittery wardrobe to the concerts with thousands of screaming fans, this book was like a backstage pass to the life of a burgeoning country star, and I relished getting the inside scoop.

Bonus Factor: Flirting

I realize that flirtation is a pretty necessary component to any literary romance, but the banter between Reagan and Matt is SO good, I had to award it a bonus factor. The barbs they trade are sharp with humor and laced with desire, which resulted in me looking like a complete idiot as I tore through the pages with blushed cheeks and a ridiculous grin.

Casting Call:

Lindsey Morgan as Reagan

Thanks to her role as Raven on The 100, I know Lindsey would nail Reagan's fierce attitude (and bangin' bod).

Taylor Swift as Dee

I mean, duh.

Matt Lauria as Matt

He's too old to play the part now, but when it comes to cowboy charmers, I can't help but picture Luke Cafferty.

Relationship Status: Crush

This book is a blast and a half, and I savored its lively company. It's not afraid to get serious, but it's unabashedly fun, inviting me to indulge in the stuff daydreams are made of. Sure, it didn't rock my world, but it definitely turned me on, and if I were Taylor Swift, I'd write a catchy song about how it left my pulse a-racing.

FTC Full Disclosure: I bought this book with my own money, y'all! Open Road Summer is available now.

Previously on Reign: Catherine’s murdered children are haunting her and threatening Claude, so Catherine poisons her.Kenna spies Bash carrying off the ill Claude. Conde confesses to Mary that he’s been branded by the Dark Riders. Conde’s older brother wants an update on his infiltration of the French court. Mary finds Conde’s love letter to her. She tells Francis that she blames him for what happened and wants them to live separate lives.

So glad this show is back! I missed it, and you guys, and Pastry Boy!

The Intrigue:

- Bash and Kenna are having some amorous time - or would be, if she could shut up about her Claude jealousy. But then they’re interrupted by a guard who wants Bash to come and see that all the dead traitors they’d strung up and left on display have been marked by the Dark Riders. The Cardinal thinks it’s a mark of some secret Protestant society and wants his cleric to investigate it, despite Bash’s assertion that he’s the king’s deputy and will take care of it.

- Francis brings wood for Mary’s chamber fire. Don’t they have servants for that? He’s been trying to ingratiate himself, and she just wants him to leave her alone. She wants to get away and visit their chateau, he wants to come along. Geez, Francis. Take a hint.

- Bash tells the Cardinal that he believes the mark was added to the Protestant prisoners after death, in order to fan the flames of hatred. The Cardinal has notices posted in the village, hoping neighbor will turn on neighbor. You know, just like in the good book. A noblewoman arrives to confess that she saw the mark on someone she sinned with. Uh oh. Two guesses who that might have been.

- A frazzled Lola is dealing with a screaming royal heir, but she’s unwilling to leave him with the nannies, since the attack on the castle. Poor Francis can feel guilty about that one, too.

- The Cardinal announces to Francis and Bash that the confessor accused Conde (Hot Cousin Louis) of wearing the brand, and if it’s true, Louis will hang. Mary overhears this, and grabs Greer, and plans to head straight for her carriage, with the new Captain of the Royal Guard who’s been charged with escorting her, Pastry Boy! Mary makes for Conde’s estate, and helps him escape out the window and to her carriage, before the Cardinal’s guards can take him.

- Catherine is still playing Ghost with the ghost of her dead husband, King Henry. He’s trying to convince her that she needs to poison Claude quicker, or the twins are going to take matters into their own hands.

- Kenna tells Bash that she thinks Catherine is poisoning Claude. He isn’t so sure, despite the fact that Catherine is acting oddly, and yes, has poisoned people before. He suggests that Kenna gather evidence.

This guy is the King of what now? Furry Vests?

- Mary, Greer, and Conde arrive at Conde’s brother’s house. King Antoine welcomes them and talks Mary into staying for the night, and attending his party as the guest of honor. Privately, Antoine demands to know why Conde isn’t spying on Francis, and Conde shows him the mark that left him no choice.

- Bash reports to Francis that Conde escaped in Mary’s carriage. Francis wonders where she’s taken him, while admiring Mary’s daring. Bash admits that Kenna confided in him, and he wants to know how Mary’s doing since the attack. Francis says everything has been his fault, and he wants to find a way to stand up to the Vatican, so that Mary will see him as the man she thought she married.

- Mary avoids Conde’s touch, but is still a bit flirty with him at Antoine’s party, which sly Antoine observes. Antoine tells Conde that he should seduce Mary, to gain influence with Francis. Antoine won’t listen to any objections about why that’s a bad idea, so Conde simply states that she’s too prudish for his taste. Which is easy to buy, given the buttoned-up gowns that Mary prefers now.

Mary's reaction face to this party is my new favorite thing.

- Leith (Pastry Boy) and Greer bump into each other at the party, and bless him for admitting aloud “Well, this is awkward.”

- Kenna takes cheese, croissants, and a book to minister to poor, sick, Claude. As if the girl hasn’t suffered enough.

- The Cardinal and his cleric share some pillow talk about their ambitions. I’ll admit, I didn’t see that coming. The cleric is attacked, after sneaking out of the Cardinal’s room, and branded with the mark of the Dark Riders. This was Bash’s big plan to help convince the Cardinal that not only Protestants bear the mark.

- Poor Conde is mauled by a noblewoman at Antoine’s scandalous party. He tells her his heart belongs to another, so she simply blindfolds him and tells him to pretend that’s who she is. He can work with that.

- Greer assumes that Mary is upset by the improper party they’ve left, but she’s not over everything that happened to her, and can’t stand even a simple courteous touch from a man. Greer promises she’s strong, and she’ll recover. Mary feels like she’s sleepwalking.

- Claude is back to feeling like her hideous brat self, since Kenna has been bringing her meals and “accidentally” knocking over the soups from Catherine. Kenna has to spell it out for the little wench, that her mother is poisoning her. But Kenna’s pity is the worst part for Claude, and she screams about Bash having been her lover.

- Conde comes to Mary to say goodbye, as she’ll be leaving for her chateau. He tries to talk her out of returning to France, since her husband’s decisions have endangered her. She tells him she doesn’t trust his advice on the matter, since she found his letter. AWKWARD. They part, expecting to maybe see each other from a distance, at some court gathering.

- Kenna confronts Bash over his sister/lover. They were young, drunk, and she lied to him about their parentage. Kenna is angry at all of the perceived lying, but Bash tells her he kills, and lies when he has to, that’s just who he is. And suddenly, I find Bash ten times more attractive.

- The Cardinal has tearily administered last rites to his cleric in the dungeon, before discovering Bash is injured on his arm, where the cleric said he wounded his attacker.

- The Cardinal’s guards arrive at King Antoine’s estate, for Conde. Mary decides that they need to burn off the mark of the Dark Riders in order to create enough doubt to have Conde arrested and taken back to court, where she’s certain that Francis will intercede on his behalf. Conde is less than sure, but he gives in to her pleas. Leith heats the sword, while the guards are at the door. He burns the mark, and Mary grabs Conde’s hand and offers comfort, while he screams his poor head off.

- Shirtless and bloody Conde appears before the Cardinal’s guards (I am so sorry that I wasn't able to locate an image), flanked by Mary, Greer, and Leith. Mary claims it was a wound that had to be cauterized after a drunken sparring match with the captain of her guard. Pastry Boy dutifully concurs.

- Mary and Greer head back to court with the Vatican transport, so that Mary can keep fighting for Conde. She tells Greer that she was able to touch someone and connect and doesn’t want to be distant anymore, including from Francis.

- Francis tells the Cardinal that his cleric lover can live, if he gives up on his demands for Conde’s head, and leaves France. The Cardinal’s love for the cleric forces him to give in and agree.

- Bash welcomes Conde back to court, a free man, and tells Mary that she’ll be proud of Francis when she hears what he did.

- Greer asks Leith if he enjoyed Antoine’s party and if he went off with any of the ladies. He tells her she has to put aside her jealousy because it only gives him hope, when he’s trying to respect her wish to wait for Castleroy. Such an honorable guy, that Pastry Boy.

- Claude tears apart Catherine’s chambers, searching for poison. Catherine tells her that she murdered her baby sisters as a child. But Catherine can’t go through with making Claude pay for that with death, despite the menacing presence of ghost Henry and the twins.

- Francis finally goes to take a turn with his screaming baby and Lola promptly passes out from exhaustion. Mary goes looking for Francis, and finds him asleep on a nursery bed, with his son and Lola. She leaves without waking him.

History According to Reign:

“Your sister, Claude, told me you were lovers!” “Half-sister.” Hi, Kenna. Welcome to royal family life.

Conde visits Mary in her chambers, where she receives him in her dressing gown. Srsly, show?

The Cardinal and his lover being the worst kept secret in France, I can buy. But Francis and Bash’s blasé attitude about it was harder to believe.

Number of Times I Forgot I Wasn’t Watching Gossip Girl: 3

“I’ve missed the way you mix garlic with arsenic.” It takes a certain kind of man to appreciate his lady’s evil deeds.

“Not everything is about your ass, Kenna.”

Conde’s pimpin’ fox fur stole. The matriarchs of the Upper East Side weep with envy.

Next week:

Francis tells Mary that he knows Conde has feelings for her. Francis and Conde mock duel at a banquet, but seem to forget the “mock” part.

Hey gang! Mandy C. here, filling in for Amanda, who’s recovering from a broken leg. (I told you, girl, leave the crime-fighting to the professionals!) Do forgive the lack of commentary on the comics/news; that’s more Amanda’s wheelhouse.

Speedy Synopses:
   
Gotham 1x12: What the Little Bird Told Him

Gotham PD was on high alert this week: Jack Gruber, a.k.a. The Electrocutioner, was on the loose and looking for vengeance against Don Maroni, who screwed him over in the past. Jim "sweet-talked" the (current) Commissioner, and bet his badge on the fact that he and Harvey could catch Gruber in a day. WIth a little help from the very pretty Dr. Leslie Thompkins (who turns out to be more than just a friend by the end of the episode—*bow-chicka-wow-wow*), they catch him, and so Jim returns to GPD.

Elsewhere in the city, Penguin almost ruins his double-crossing position after getting (literally) shocked by Gruber, and Fish makes her move against Don Falcone—and loses, pretty dramatically.

(Side note: This episode of Gotham was one of the best, by far. It actually grabbed—and kept—my attention.)

The Flash 1x10: Revenge of the Rogues

Leonard Snart returns to Central City, and brings with him his new partner, Mick—a guy who likes fire a little too much for anyone's good. Together, Captain Cold and Heat Wave (another excellent Cisco nickname) terrorize the police force and steal a priceless painting, but they're really only looking to break out of prison take out The Flash. Barry catches them, of course, but the end of the episode finds them greeting Snart's mysterious sister from the back of a stopped prison transport van.

Meanwhile, Iris spends much of the episode moving into Eddie's apartment and Caitlin investigates F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. (or, The World's Longest Acronym).

Arrow 3x10: Left Behind

In Starling City, the crew (Felicity, Diggle and Roy) try to keep up appearances while Oliver's away, but after a few days of hearing nothing from Ollie, everyone begins to worry. Malcolm Merlyn, ever the ray of sunshine, plants the seed of doubt in everyone's mind that he's dead—and brings them a sword covered in Ollie's blood that might just prove it. They keep themselves busy, however, by tracking a group of criminals led by a guy named Brick, who are out to un-do much of Team Arrow's hard work (i.e., taking down the scum of Starling). Without their leader, however, they fail, and Felicity can't quite deal with it all.

The episode ends with not one, but two reveals: Laurel's taken on the mantle of Black Canary, and Ollie's not so dead after all. (Uh, duh.)

Hero of the Week: Jim Gordon

All of a sudden, Jim is no longer a milquetoast. I mean, he threatened the Commissioner. Twice. Finally we’re getting a glimpse of the cranky, no-nonsense Commissioner Gordon we all know and love.

OK, sure, so he verged a little into anti-hero territory with the whole “so why place nice?” bit, but still.

Villains of the Week: Captain Cold and Heat Wave

The plotting. The thirst for vengeance. The monologuing. Out of all the superhero shows on right now, The Flash really does kick it old school with their villains. Part of me expects to see the 60s Batman graphics pop up on screen during the fight scenes.

Troy Barnes Award for Evoking The Feelz:

Basically every scene with Felicity in this week’s episode of Arrow was pure heartbreak. Like this one:

And this one:

And especially this one:

(GIFs via queensarrow)

Clark Kent Moment of Duh:

LOVED the beginning of Arrow in which the bad guys were confused by Roy on Ollie’s motorcycle. The whole “I thought he was green?” bit? Priceless. And it got even better when “the green one” appeared … and it was Dig in Ollie’s gear.

(GIF via starlingcitygifs)

Ab-tastic:

So it’s not exactly what we were hoping for, but I suppose we’ll have to take what we can get?

(GIF via pintasfun)

Plus, the whole fact that he’s alive is certainly a good thing. He’ll need to recuperate, and then work on getting his fitness back, which means … SALMON LADDER.

Right in the Kisser:

- Gotham: I am so excited to see Jim moving on from Barbara (even though I know it’s short-lived). Dr. Thompkins is way less of a drag than Barbara. Plus, their kiss was H-O-T hot, and that look that Jim gives the cop that intruded on it makes me think he thought so too.

- The Flash: Poor Barry. Even after spilling his soul, Iris is still moving in with Eddie. There was a moment near the end of the episode that I thought Eddie might bite it, but, sadly*, Barry saved him.

*I swear I’m not this cold-hearted normally. Just with ships.

- Arrow: There’s no time for romance with Ollie is missing!

Biff! Bam! Pow!

You tell ‘em, Jim!

(GIF via pintasfun)

Comic Pages:

Out this week:

Lumberjanes #10

Red Sonja Vol. 2 #14

Rocket Salvage #2

News and Notes:

- Stephen Amell has denied that Oliver Queen’s resurrection happens via the Lazarus Pit, and Colton Haynes talks about Arsenal stepping up in his absence. (More from Haynes here.)

- Robbie Amell and Victor Garber recently discussed Firestorm.

- Marvel/Netflix show Jessica Jones has its first villain ... and it could be a terrible rapist. Great.

So what did you guys think of this week’s shows? Anyone else LOL at the Mick casting? Let us know below.

Readers have been falling in love with Natalie Babbitt's Tuck Everlasting for 40 years. In Tuck Everlasting, ten-year-old Winnie Foster discovers the Tuck family's secret of eternal life, and she has the chance to become immortal herself.

To celebrate Tuck Everlasting's milestone anniversary, the 40 Days for 40 Years blog tour is asking bloggers the question posed by the book: "What if you could live forever?"

If there's one thing I wish I had more of -- one thing that I never have enough of -- it'd be time. Well, OK -- I could always use more money, books, shirtless news, or a myriad of other things, too. But time is such an uncertain commodity. We all only have a finite amount of time, and there's no way of knowing how much of it that we even have. No matter what the SkyMall countdown timer says. (Heck, even that couldn't predict its own demise.)

The scarce nature of time should be an impetus to dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today, and to live your one wild and precious life to the fullest. But if I had the opportunity for literally all the time in the world? At the risk of aligning myself with many a supervillain, I totally get the appeal of eternal life. As long as it's through drinking from a spring, like the Tucks, and not by creating Horcruxes, I mean. I do rather like having a nose. And not murdering. I probably should have said 'not murdering' first.

ANYWAY. There's just so much world to see and do. Think of all the places you could visit. All the books you could finally, finally read. It's impossible to fit everything into one lifetime, so imagine what could be accomplished with infinite lifetimes. Sure, pop culture vampires always seem to grow weary and jaded from being alive for so long. But it's, like, really? You know all there is to know, and there's nothing new that you could possibly learn? Bish, please. 

Not to equate quantity of life with quality -- although I certainly hope this group has had plenty of happiness as well as longevity -- but consider the longest living humans, especially the ones born around the turn of the 20^th century. Yes, they've seen terrible wars and great tragedies unfold -- and continue to unfold -- in their lifetimes. But also immense change and progress, socially, politically, and technologically. If humanity can advance so much in the past century, what could we do over the next one? The next fifty? We've come a long way, but, as we're reminded time and time again, we still have so much further to go. To be living history is to see how it all plays out. Or, as predicted by a multitude of YA trilogies, if we're doomed to a dystopian future. 

On the altruistic side, imagine all the good that immortality could do, too. Like completing dangerous tasks that'd be super risky for someone with a normal lifespan (adamantium skeleton optional). Not to mention the medical implications for finding cures to diseases. Unlocking the key to eternal life should help with that, right? 

But immortality doesn't mean immunity to pain. And it definitely doesn't mean people won't try to exploit your condition, much like the Man in the Yellow Suit from Tuck Everlasting tries to do. Becoming a lab rat is certainly no way to spend eternity. (Or any amount of time, for that matter.)

Neither is having to work forever. Short of winning the lottery and making hella smart investments, I literally would not be able to quit my day job. I'd probably switch up careers every handful of decades, but I'd still need money just to live forever. At least vampires can manipulate their way into endless funds; I'd still have to earn my money the old-fashioned way.

On the subject of things that would never end: WAIT, would this mean I'd have to menstruate forever?! No joke, y'all; this might be my breaking point.

But OK -- reproductive system aside, there's an even bigger setback to immortality. Assuming the very worst case -- that no one else I know can be granted eternal life -- I'd have to outlive everyone I love, over and over again. And if I think meeting new friends now is difficult, what's that going to be like ad infinitum?

Then there's the romantical side. Y'all, I'm already a little over the whole dating thing. But to do that forever? And to continually fall in love Wooderson style, i.e. I get older, but they stay the same age? It sounds a little masochistic to condemn yourself to this lonely fate. And even if others could join you: family and friends are one thing, but to choose someone to spend actual forever with? That kind of monogamy is a huge-assed decision. No wonder vampires are perpetually single. 

And, really -- do I want to go down with the ship? What's going to happen to my immortal self when Earth ends first? Am I going to be like that poor third astronaut in Gravity, body exposed to the vacuum of outer space, except I'd still be alive and endlessly suffering? (Um -- hello, new nightmare.)

Good thing I'll never have to find out.

So, dear readers: would you drink from the spring for eternal life? What would you do if you could live forever? 

The 40th Anniversary Edition of Tuck Everlasting, with a foreword from Gregory Maguire (Wicked), is available now.

BOOK REPORT for Unmade (Entangled #2) by Amy Rose Capetta

Cover Story: Stellar
BFF Charm: Platinum Edition
Swoonworthy Scale: 10
Talky Talk:  Don’t Panic!
Bonus Factors: Fenchurch & Arthur Dent
Anti-Bonus Factor: The Long, Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
Relationship Status: And Another Thing...

Cover Story: Stellar
Yes, this cover is awesome. I like it even more than I liked the last one - this one's trippy, unusual, and kinda pretty. It looks like the cover of a sci-fi book that could possibly be YA. NAILED IT!

The Deal:

Spoiler alert warning: if you haven't read Entangled, a) you should! b) I'm about to reveal some stuff, so you've been warned!

Cade and the whole gang are back - well, almost all of them, because Xan didn’t make it. Cade is determined to leave Xan and his choice to die behind her, and focus on what she now knows is important: her own life, her friends, and the fate of the human race.

Cade, Lee, Ayumi, & Rennick are in a race across the galaxy to save Cade’s mother, but it quickly becomes apparent that unless they do something - and fast - the entire human race is going to be exterminated by the Unmakers. Cade has to choose between the safety of her best friends and the fate of all the humans in the universe - but with her new-found musical abilities to reach out and connect, she just might be able to save them all...if she doesn’t get everyone killed first, of course.

BFF Charm: Platinum Edition

Ohhhh guys. Guys. I love these characters. I just...I love them. I’m doing that thing where you are sad that they aren’t real. First of all, Cade has actually come a really long way. She’s still the Cade we know and love from Entangled - she’s gritty, she’s take-no-prisoners, and most of all, she’s funny. But now, instead of doing that whole Tough Girl don’t-let-people-in-because-it-hurts act, she’s making a conscious effort to open up her heart and take care of her friends. It feels real, and it makes me want to hug her. You also get a chance to see Cade’s friendships with Lee the spunky Outlaw and soft-hearted, history-loving Ayumi grow and deepen into something that feels really real, with both ups and downs and then more downs and then impossible ups. Ugh. I love these guys.

Swoonworthy Scale: 10

UM. YOU GUYS. So much swoonage!

First of all, Cade and Rennick. Holy cow. What started as a sweet, shy, maybe-maybe-not romance has, shall we say, DEVELOPED. And now, Cade loves Rennick, Rennick is still really good at hiding his feelings (because let’s face it, he’s Rennick, it’s what he does), but they emerge through each and every adventure together, and caring about each other more and more. And Cade is like my romantic hero - no waiting around to be kissed for her! No sir! She thinks there should be some kissing? She will instigate the kissing! And it is H - O - T. And also? Really, really sweet. This is Twue Wove, guys. Lovely.

And then! Lee and Ayumi! I love it when two of my favorite characters get together - especially when you are left breathless at their adorable, overwhelming love for each other. These two are funny, sweet, and will make you believe in Love - anywhere in the Universe. And the swoon is, shall we say, nothing to sneeze at.

Happy sigh.

Talky Talk: Don’t Panic!

I will be honest - this book does not have the same beautiful, lyrical language of the first book - but you know what? It’s appropriate - because where the last book was about growing and developing, this book is about ACTION. Cade and her friends are racing across the universe to save what’s left of humanity, and fighting a war in the middle of everything - a war where they’re hopelessly outgunned, outmanned, and outplanned. Yikes. This is an action book, make no mistake, but I loved every minute of it. And don’t worry, Amy Rose Capetta still had plenty of writing moments that left you feeling punched in the gut with the truth of something (even if that something was occurring on a spaceship light years away).

Bonus Factors: Fenchurch & Arthur Dent

I love happy couples - I loved the ups and downs of Cade & Rennick, and I loved the sweet sincerity of Lee & Ayumi. True love, when you come across it, is so uplifting. It’s part of what makes me love these books - a reminder that in the face of total obliteration, humans (and maybe some aliens!) are capable of something truly beautiful.

But even more than that, I love the friendships that we get to see in this book. This time, Cade and the gang face every possible challenge - no easy friendship could withstand these trials, and every time they proved that they could handle it, I cheered.

Which got me some funny looks from my dogs.

Anti-Bonus Factors: The Long, Dark Tea-Time of the Soul (i.e., TEABS)

Goodreads says this is the “page-turning conclusion,” and now I am RACKED with a serious case of the TEABS. NO! IT CAN’T BE OVER! I NEED MORE! PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE!!!! [sobbing].

Ok. I’m going to pick up the pieces and get my life together...probably by re-reading.

Relationship Status: And Another Thing…

Book, what can I say. I’m pretty sure we were made for each other. Whether you were making me laugh out loud or getting me teary eyed over the beauty that humans are capable of, I was with you to the end. And now I’m going to try my damndest to make sure everyone reads you.

FTC Full Disclosure: I recieved my review copy from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. I recieved neither money nor a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster for this review, unfortunately. Unmade is available now. 

Welcome back to our TV Preview series! We’re back to check out TV’s midseason offerings (which we highlighted in our TV Preview: Midseason Shows post) and voice our opinions on what’s good, what’s bad, what’s meh, and what you can avoid at all costs.

Warning! Possible spoilers ahead.

Backstrom

Premiered: Jan. 22 on Fox (Watch online.)

Twitter Pitch

Cranky older white guy with health issues solves cases … only this time they’re police cases rather than medical ones. #nothouse #evenworsehumanbeing #dejavu

Familiar Faces

Rainn Wilson as Everett Backstrom

Rizwan Manji as Dr. Deb Chaman

Dennis Haysbert as Det. Sgt. John Almond

Kristoffer Polaha as Sgt. Peter Niedermayer

Jarod Joseph as Charles Turner

Kyle Secor as Sen. Tobias Percival

Samantha Ferris as Rebecca Forrester

Thomas Dekker as Gregory Valentine

Faces That Might Become Familiar (If You Keep Watching)

Page Kennedy as Officer Frank Moto

Genevieve Angelson as Det. Nicole Gravely

Beatrice Rosen as Nadia Paquet

Redeeming Qualities

Emily: There's a nice ensemble here with seemingly complicated relationships. I love that Backstrom houses/looks after his ex-gf's gay son, and I think that the fact his prescription is to "make a friend" is also a nice layer. I was entertained by the pilot, and there were some nice twists and turns in solving the murder that I didn't see coming.

Mandy: Well … it takes place in Portland, which is a city near and dear to my heart. (It’s where I got married, and is home to some of my favorite people.) Other than that, I honestly didn’t find much about this show that appealed to me.

It's Not Me, It's You

Emily: It's another network crime solving procedural. While the cast is likable, there's nothing that stands out against the rest. There is nothing wrong with this show, and if that's your genre, you'll probably even enjoy it. It's just not mine, and there's not enough of a spark to hook me despite that.

Mandy: Backstrom features a wide variety of characters, but most of them either didn’t strike me as interesting, or really bothered me. Very few of them seemed like real people, either; they seemed more like flat stereotypes. The case of the week was kind of boring, too, and Backstrom’s “I’m a …” shtick didn’t seem fresh.

Let's Do This Again

Emily: Probably not. I loved Dwight Schrute. He will always hold a special place in my heart, but I just don't know if I want to watch week after week of a drunken, angry version of him. However, I was entertained enough that if someone (I trusted) told me I needed to go back and really give it a chance, I would watch a few more, but no DVR series record for the moment.

Mandy: I’m typically a fan of the crime procedural, and for a while enjoyed the persnickety nature of Dr. House. But the combination of the two apparently do not a great show make. I’m sure it has the possibility of becoming an interesting show, if they got into more interesting cases, but right now I’m really not willing to give it another go.

Did you watch Backstrom? If so, let us know your thoughts below!

The Road So Far

Welcome back, superfans. Many! Exciting! Things! happen in week nine of the rewatch project. Papa pops up in the grizzled flesh to have a hug-filled reunion with the scions of House Winchester. Meg is back (hiss). The internet conjures a monster. All of these things are well and truly interesting, but none can compare to the prank war Sam and Dean wage on one another. It marks the first time the show tries its hand at comedy, and darlings, it succeeds with aplomb.

Cheers to mixing up the format!

THE OFFICIAL FYA SUPERNATURAL DRINKING GAME

Take a drink every time:

•  Dean or Sam flashes a badge and passes for federal law enforcement despite being clad in denim and/or flannel

•  A demon possesses some hapless schmuck

•  The camera gives tight artistic focus to blood being splattered

•  Dean enjoys a cheeseburger crams his face full of junk food

•  Sam purses his lips passive aggressively

•  Either brother picks a lock

•  Someone employs a Titan of Classic Rock as an alias

•  The Glorious and Faithful Impala is damaged in the line of duty

1x16: Shadow

Monster of the Week: Daeva/Meg

A young woman wears headphones as she walks alone into a dark Chicago alley. I assume she’s a monster/superpowered because that’s what it would take for me to do the same. But it turns out she’s our victim of the week, stalked by a shadowy thing that follows her into her apartment.

I hope she splurged on craft beer. No one should die drinking Bud.

Sam and Dean show up to work the case wearing ADORABLE alarm security company coveralls. Dean protests the wearing of said “high school drama dork” costumes. Considering that every time Dean tries to convince a civilian of anything, he fails and fail creepily, maybe he should listen to his people-person brother.

As Sam predicted, the uniforms are a success and they’re able to examine the victim’s apartment. On a whim, Dean plays connect the dots with duct tape and splattered blood, and finds the outline of a Zorastrian symbol that is used to summon nasty shadow demons called daevas. Nice job, buddy!

Even Dexter’s impressed.

While sussing out the bar where the victim works, Sam runs into Meg. She seems very pleased to see him. Not so much to see Dean, who she gets quite sassy with, telling him to stop dragging his brother all over God’s green earth. Awkward.

Ugh, this bish. Hey Dean, get one for the rest of us too, yeah?

In a pleasantly surprising move, Sam is more suspicious than pleased by the reappearance of his almost-hook-up. He trails her to a warehouse where he sees her bowing before a creepy alter and using her blood goblet mobile to call her demon daddy.

That’s a dealbreaker.

The brothers discover Meg’s been sending the daeva after people from Lawrence, KS. Convinced this has something to do with the demon who killed Mama/Jess, the boys leave a message for Papa and stake out the warehouse. Meg arrives and begins reciting Latin, which is never good, over the altar. The brothers try to sneak up on her, but she catches them and sends the daeva for them. It slashes Sam’s beautiful face, and I will no longer hold back my hissing, Meg, because you are the WORST.

How dare you, Madam?

Once the boys are subdued, she villain monologues about how she’d planned this all along, they’re just bait for Papa Winchester. Seeing Sam all tied up, she can’t resist trying to make out with him. Sam? Is not into it.

No means no, lady.

He promptly headbutts her, freeing himself, and turning over the altar. The daeva, who likes Meg about as much as the fandom, comes for her, flinging her out a three-story window.

Sam and Dean arrive at their motel only to see a shadowy figure fleeing toward the window. But it’s not the daeva.

Those dimples, tho.

Papa! After a brief reunion, Meg who should be dead but somehow is not, returns with the daeva. The Winchesters shadowbox the best they can until Sam lights a flare, banishing the shadows. They stumble out into the night, all injured and agree to part ways.

Brotherly Angst Quotient: High.

Sam mentions that after they vanquish the demon who killed Mama/Jess, he plans on going back to the normal life he carved out for himself at Stanford. This absolutely guts Dean, who’d hoped that the road trip would continue indefinitely. He wants to be a family again. Sam, gently but firmly tells Dean that he’d do anything for him, but things are never going to be how they were before. What’s more, he doesn’t want them to be. Dean has to let him go.

He makes this face a lot. Which makes me want to punch Sam a lot.

The Winchesters’ reunion with Papa was touching, even if it only happened because the boys happened upon John just as he was trying to once again skip out on them.

See, I told you there would be hugging.

John even brings up the fight he and Sam had just before Stanford, and there is regret on both sides. Still, Sam is gutted that after all they’ve been through to find him, John wants to go after the demon who killed Mama and Jess alone.

Before this is resolved, the daeva show up to rip everyone to shreds, because Supernatural. But after it’s all over, the angst picks right back up, this time with a focus on Dean. As much as it is clear that John is the sun/moon/stars to Dean, he says that he can’t come with him and Sam. The incident with Meg proves that they make Papa vulnerable. He won’t be responsible for getting his father killed, even if that means he has to let him go. Maybe this is the baby step he needs to let Sam go too.

Where in the World is Papa Winchester?: Chicago! At least until he leaves again.

How Drunk Are We?: Crying into our (2) beers.

Soundtrack: “You Got Your Hooks in Me” by Little Charlie and the Nightcats.

The Quotable Winchesters:  “Hey Sam? Next time you wanna get laid, find a girl that's not so buckets of crazy, huh?” –Dean, with some good advice for everyone

Moment Most Likely to Inspire Troubling Fan-Fic:

The brothers find themselves tied up. Again. This is starting to feel like Fifty Shades of Wut.

Notable Cameo: None.

1x17: Hell House

Monster of the Week: A website (no, really)

A gang of teens in Texas investigated a dilapidated country house in search of a ghost rumored to hang any young woman who enters. They don’t find a ghost, but they do find a young woman hanged in the cellar. Quelle surprise!

Sam finds out about the case at hellhouselair.com. Dean is not impressed, believing it all to be bunk. The wildly varying accounts the kids give don’t help his impression. They investigate the house which has strange painted sigils all over the walls. While there, they run into two doofs named Ed Zeddmore and Harry Spengler (Ghostbusters shout out!) that call themselves GhostFacers.

These guys got a spinoff web series. On the real.

They’ve never actually seen a ghost. But they are there with EMF and cameras and ready to mansplain to the Winchesters about ghost-hunting.

Meanwhile, the story is blowing up on hellhouselair.com. More teens go to the house for a game of truth or dare. A young woman is killed. The Winchesters investigate run into the actual ghost who nearly takes Dean’s head off with an axe.

All Texan ghosts wear cowboy hats.

The boys figure out that one of the sigils is some Tibetan thing that focuses thought. Since all these people are reading the website and staring at the picture and thinking about the ghost story, it is coming to life as they imagine. They come up with some plan about rewriting the website that gives them a way to kill the demon. When that doesn’t work, Dean just burns the house to the ground, reasoning the ghost can’t haunt a house that doesn’t exist. I wonder that this solution is not employed more often. Haunted Asylum? Burn it to the ground. Haunted Factory? BURN IT.

Brotherly Angst Quotient: Pranktastic.

After some fairly heavy familial angst last episode, this episode seems bound and determined to have a little fun. Or at least Dean does.

What happens when he turns the music up?

Prankwar. Sam protests they aren’t starting this again. It’s stupid and it always escalates. Since this sentence pretty much describes the entirety of my life, I’m immediately enthralled. For his part, Sam recruits the Impala, turning all the lights, wipers, and stereo on full blast.

Pretty lame. But I love how pleased he is with himself.

Later, Dean employs a tried and true dime store trick: itching power, which results in several amazing faces.

But Sam knows how to hit where it hurts, exploiting Dean’s love for beer.

He did.

They prank the cops. They prank the Ghostfacers. Generally, they just tear around Texas having fun with only one teen’s death to spoil it, which makes this one Tammy Taylor-sized glass of Chardonnay away from Friday Night Lights.

Where in the World is Papa Winchester?: Not here to rain on anyone’s parade.

How Drunk Are We?: Take two drinks and keep your wits about you lest you also be pranked!

Soundtrack: Burnin’ for You by Blue Oyster Cult

The Quotable Winchesters: In an episode chock full of good quotes, there is a tie, and surprisingly neither comes from a Winchester. Ghostfacer Ed Zeddmore has the best self-calming strategy. “OK, be brave, OK. W.W.B.D. What would Buffy do?” And even more surprisingly, one of the dumbass Texas teens earns my love forever with his scoffing, “Oooh, look. It's an evil root cellar, where Satan cans all of his vegetables.”

Moment Most Likely to Inspire Troubling Fan-Fic: I’d like to think the entirety of this episode is would inspire fan fic. But also, this happened.

You’re welcome.

Notable Cameo:

A.J. Buckley, of Justified plays Ghostfacer Ed Zeddmore.

Next week: The Colt that can kill anything!

BOOK REPORT for Geek Girl (Book 1) by Holly Smale

Cover Story: Le Geek, C'est Chic
BFF Charm: Big Sister
Swoonworthy Scale: 4
Talky Talk: Talk Nerdy to Me
Bonus Factors: Modelling, Kickass Parents, Nasim Pedrad's Arianna Huffington
Relationship Status: Truly Madly Deeply

Cover Story: Le Geek, C'est Chic

This cover is way cute, and it kind of make me think Geek Girl is a superhero. And now I think Geek Girl should be a superhero.

I also prefer the U.S. version to its lip-biting Big Face U.K. cousin. 

Wicked face tats, bro. 

The Deal:

Being fifteen is weird and awkward enough on its own, but compounding that with being a geek definitely doesn't make life easier for Harriet Manners. So when she's scouted by a modelling agent, fashion-illiterate Harriet sees this as an opportunity to shed her geeky label. Easy peasy, right? 

BFF Charm: Big Sister

Harriet is a girl after my own heart: fervent list-maker, spouter of rando trivia, and all-around geek. She might not care for that label, but I'd like to teach her to wear that baby like a badge of honour, because it's super cool to feel geniune passion for your interests. Heck, that's why they should be your interests in the first place!

Harriet can be a bit too smart for her own good, and she sometimes reminds me of how very young she still is. But I've reserved a platinum BFF charm with her name on it, and I'm hoping she'll finally claim it when we meet again. 

And a bonus BFF charm for Harriet's bestie, Nat! These two might not have a lot in common, but Nat's as loyal as they come. Pro-tip: DO NOT talk shizz about Harriet when Nat's around.

Swoonworthy Scale: 4

Nick is a quick-witted Mysterious Loner Dude who -- OH YEAH -- happens to be a gorgeous model. His razor-sharp comebacks and Harriet's penchant to blurt the first thing on her mind makes for mucho cuteness.

And then there's Toby, Harriet's geeky classmate and total stalker. No, really. Toby is obsessed and in love with her, to the point of wearing down a spot outside of her home from years of stalking. Harriet constantly tells her (harmless) stalker off, but it's still a little baffling that no one else does anything about this kid's complete lack of boundaries, regardless of how innocent his intentions are.

Talky Talk: Talk Nerdy to Me

Harriet's voice is bursting with personality and wit. In fact, most of the characters are kind of larger than life, but they exist in the kind of hyper version of reality that I find so entertaining -- which includes Harriet occasionally breaking the fourth wall. (Who are all those first-person narrators talking to anyway, if they're not journaling or addressing a reader that they're aware of?)

Bonus Factor: Modelling

OBVIOUSLY. The implausibilities of Harriet's sitch would fit right with any Disney Channel classic (and I mean that in the best way possible): a teenager is plucked from obscurity to be the face of a major fashion house, which includes walking in a runway show without any prior coaching. Realistic or not, Holly Smale still has total cred, 'cause she was actually recruited by a modelling agency at 15, WHAT WHAT. (So yeah, she's hilarious AND gorgeous.)

Bonus Factor: Kickass Parents

Harriet's dad and stepmom are awesome for v. different reasons. Richard's flighty and fun, always game for spontaneity, whereas Annabel rationally looks out for Harriet's best interests above all else. When it comes to parenting, they're both a little clueless in their own ways, but their clashing personalities are perfect complements. Especially when they team up to (lovingly) tease Harriet in such a parent way. 

And THANK G'NESS there isn't a bratty, clichéd "You're not my REAL mom" conflict between Harriet and Annabel. Only love.

Bonus Factor: Nasim Pedrad's Arianna Huffington

Wilbur is the modelling agent that discovers Harriet. He's over-the-top and outrageous and I ADORE HIM. Wilbur also has a habit of addressing everybody with a ridic term of endearment, a trait he shares with one of my fave Weekend Update guests.*

* Related: why does a comprehensive list of SNL Arianna's nicknames not yet exist!? You fail me, internet!

Casting Call:

How is this not a beloved British teen comedy already!? (Apparently, I am in impatient want of many things.)

Georgie Henley as Harriet

OK, I should be picking someone more freckled and fifteen, but I'm at a serious loss when it comes to English teen actresses. 

Ryan Potter as Nick

Likewise, Nick should have curly hair and probably not be American, but I've been looking for an opportunity to cast the seriously handsome Hiro Hamada. Hellooooo, opportunity.

Sophie Turner as Nat

The model-esque girl who's pretty dang fierce? Sounds about right. (And also why I was actually picturing a ginger Maisie Williams for Harriet.)

Iwan Rheon as Toby

He's way too old, but he def. has experience with making a creepy weirdo likeable.

Damian Lewis as Richard, Harriet's dad

He might not seem like a natural pick for such a whimsical character, but the short-lived show Life clearly shows he has comedic chops.

Rosamund Pike as Annabel, Harriet's stepmom

Annabel's no Amazing Amy, but she is amazing. As is Rosamund Pike, who'd totally nail both Annabel's stern, straight-laced demeanour and sneaky humourous side.

Alan Cumming as Wilbur

Wilbur (with a -bur, not a -liam, baby panda) has Dr. Frank N. Furter sass and Gilderoy Lockhart style. Oh yes, Alan Cumming will do just fine.

Naoko Mori as designer Yuka Ito

She's at least a decade too young for this, but 1) she's Japanese and she lives in England, and 2) SHE'S NICOLA FROM SPICE WORLD OMG.

Nicole Kidman as Nat's mom

She might not have the sense of humour about herself for this minor (and not Australian) role, but I only pictured her as Nat's Botox-loving mom. #NoDisrespectToNicoleKidman

Relationship Status: Truly Madly Deeply

I fell fast and hard for this book; it won me over from the start, it had me laughing until the end, and it even warmed the cockles of my cold, dark heart in between. I can't wait until we're reunited again; the next two/soon-to-be three books are already available in the U.K. (and my Canadian library, HOLLA), so I'll probably skip the U.S. releases and get them ASAP because I desperately need more Geek Girl in my life.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my free review copy from HarperTeen. I received neither money nor froyo for writing this review (dammit!). Geek Girl will be available January 27th.

Photo credit: Michael Chin/The Strand

Last month, Strand Book Store hosted a conversation between authors Liz Maccie (Lessons I Never Learned at Meadowbrook Academy) and Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower), and the Manhattan FYA Book Club was lucky enough to be in attendance. Here's #FYANYC's Leah Stecher with the scoop, as edited by fellow #FYANYC-er Danielle K.!

Last month, FYA’s NYC book club took a trip to The Strand for a talk by Liz Maccie and Stephen Chbosky.  We went in with high expectations (Raise your hand if you’re not obsessed with Perks of Being a Wallflower. No one? That’s what we thought.), and this literary power couple did not disappoint. Liz and Stephen were charming, funny, and extraordinarily generous with their time as they read from their respective books and took questions from the audience.

Photo credit: Michael Chin/The Strand

Stephen and Liz, if you didn’t already know, are married, and have an adorable meet-cute story: Liz was introduced to Stephen though a mutual friend, who thought she might like to pick his brain about young adult writing. On the car ride home, Liz’s friend called to ask her how the meeting had gone and Liz remembers blurting out “I’m going to marry him.” And, like the boss she is, she did. But Stephen assures us that his blurb on the jacket of Lessons I Never Learned at Meadowbrook Academy was written long before they were together!

(Before we go any further, it’s important to note that Stephen was the co-creator of the criminally underrated television program Jericho. This information is not exactly relevant, but to the four people out there whose brains just exploded I KNOW, RIGHT?)

Photo credits: Michael Chin/The Strand

Stephen kicked things off by reading his favorite passage from Perks—the Secret Santa scene, where Sam first kisses Charlie. If you’re like most people, this scene is equally memorable for the haunting poem that Charlie reads to Patrick as it is for the kiss. That poem, the suicide note poem, is actually Stephen’s favorite poem as well as Charlie’s, and he shared its extraordinary origins with us.

While writing Perks, Stephen kept a copy of the poem pinned to the wall of his New York apartment for inspiration. Stephen found the poem both beautiful and sad, and he wasn’t sure who had written it. Much like Charlie, he thought that perhaps it had been a real suicide note, though he truly hoped that wasn’t the case. The time came to find out when he decided to include the poem in Perks and needed to acquire a license for the poem from its author. So Stephen began some serious (pre-Google) sleuthing, and called his sister, who had first introduced him to the poem. She called the friend who had sent it to her, etc etc all the way back to youth group leaflet in a box in a garage that identified a Dr. Earl Reum of the Chicago Public School System as an editor. Stephen called the school system, but was told that Dr. Reum had retired years ago. He left his number with a helpful receptionist and kept his fingers crossed that somehow his message would get through.

Several days later, the phone rings. It’s Dr. Reum, who not only identified himself as the original author of the poem and gave Stephen permission to use it in his book, but proved to be an extraordinary man and educator who had written the poem as a way to reach out to struggling adolescents. Perks has been published in sixteen countries and thirteen languages, reaching readers across the globe. While Dr. Reum has since passed away, the inclusion of his poem in Perks ensures that his mission continues. And that is, quite frankly, one of the most lovely things we’d heard in a while.

Photo credit: Michael Chin/The Strand

Liz then read the opening scene of her new novel, Lessons I Never Learned at Meadowbrook Academy. Liz’s (second) favorite movie is The Breakfast Club, because she loves the idea of encapsulating a story in a single day. As she put it, life can change in one day, especially as a teenager. One day can capture that magical and/or traumatizing moment when you go from a child to an adult. In this spirit, Lessons also takes place over the course of one day--Roberta’s first day at her new private school. And, from what Liz read, it sounds like Roberta is having a serious Breakfast Club day. It was engaging and unique and we can’t wait to read the whole thing. 2015 book club selection, perhaps?

Stephen and Liz were happy to discuss the writing process, and they eagerly dispensed advice and encouragement. For any writers out there, we’ve compiled a list of their words of wisdom here:

1)  Stephen took over five years to complete Perks, and it took Liz eight to write and publish Lessons. When Liz was first pitching Lessons to agents, the YA world was deep in the thrall of vampires and werewolves and no one was willing to take a chance on the character-driven story of a lost girl named Roberta. But the YA world moves in cycles, and Liz finally found a home for Lessons once the paranormal craze had died down. To all aspiring authors out there: don’t give up! Your time will come.

2)  Stephen was in the middle of writing a completely different novel when Perks was born. He was on page 70 of this other manuscript when one of his characters said something like “well, that’s one of the perks of being a wallflower.” Stephen knew immediately that his book wasn’t about this other guy at all--it was about the wallflower. And thus Charlie was born. Writers: don’t worry if your work takes an abrupt left turn every now and then. That thing you think your book is about might actually be the Trojan horse that allows the real story to sneak in.

3)  Writers block: Liz struggles with it, Stephen does not. But for both of them, Stephen’s advice rang true: if you’re struggling with writer's block, you’re probably editing too fast, i.e. as you are writing. Just get the words down, no matter how stupid you think they are, and edit later.

4) Liz has been dying to write a story based on her neighbor’s extraordinary life, but every time she sits down to do a draft, it’s like pulling teeth. So her neighbor’s story is shelved...but only for now. Liz believes that you have to write the story that you’re in the correct place to write right now. And someday, she’ll be in the right place to write about her neighbor. It’s okay to put things aside. They aren’t going anywhere.

5)  Stuck trying to figure out what you want to write?  Stephen says: Write everything down. Every single idea you have, no matter how half-baked. That plotline might fit into another story you have going on months or years later, just waiting to be tied together.

After the event, Stephen and Liz signed copies of their books and, again, were incredibly generous with their time. They were happy to talk to all of the attendees, and were genuinely interested in discussing our film projects or book ideas (or young adult blogs). Amazing people, and amazing authors. Buy their books, y’all!

Thanks for stopping by, Leah and Danielle! You can find the Manhattan FYA Book Club on Facebook, send them an email, or just show up at their next meeting!

Want to join an FYA Book Club? We've got locations worldwide! Don't have one near you? Grab a cocktail, send us an email, and start one today!

Welcome back to the YA Movie News Roundup. Let's get to it!

Beauty and the Beast is following in the footsteps of Maleficent and Alice in Wonderland with a live-action film slated to start filming later this year, and Emma Watson will play our beloved bookworm Belle! The film will be directed by Twilight's Bill Condon and penned by Watson's Perks of Being a Wallflower director Stephen Chbosky, so this movie has all sorts of YA cred already.

Jennifer Lawrence is magic! This is the second year in a row one of her Hunger Games films has become the top-grossing movie of the year. Last year was the first time a female-led film won the year's box office since 1973's The Exorcist, and now she's done it twice! And anyway, does The Exorcist really count? We all know Satan was the star of that movie.

The Sundance reviews are rolling in for Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, and they're good! Read Brian's FYA review here.

The DUFF has one last trailer to win you over: 

Here's a piece on The 100's first queer character, Lexa, and why her sexuality both does and doesn't matter. Follow FYA's The 100 reviews here - and watch this show if you aren't already!!

Ernest Cline is writing a sequel for Ready Player One, a book that's in the process of being developed for a sure-to-be crazy popular film. Here's the FYA review.

John Oliver auditions as Christian Grey and wins all of our hearts. 

Not quite YA but relevant to our interests:

The Leslie Knope wisdom generator!

Lauren Graham on the abrupt ending of Gilmore Girls. I wasn't aware that she didn't know the S7 finale would be the series finale! It's a wonderful ending point for the series, regardless. Follow my recaps of all seven seasons here.

Previously on The Originals: Hayley and Jackson are getting hitched, the vampires and werewolves are locked in the compound together, and Rebekah is haunted by the ghost of her sister Freya.

"Talk to the hand 'cause the Finn ain't listening."

The Original Dysfunctional Family Drama

FLASHBACK TIME: in 1918, Marcel puts on his very best Sexy Soldier uniform and fights, much against the will of Klaus, in WWI. Klaus says a lot of words about betrayal and prodigal sons in a shouty voice, but it’s hard to focus with that uniform beckoning us to reach out and touch someone.  Marcel, fighting against the Germans, meets Record Store Joe, who notices Marcel never seems to die. The all-black unit, whom the leader calls “the brotherhood of the damned” because they’re only there to stall the enemy, needs a new leader, and Marcel is ready to step up.

Klaus arrives at the battlefield with a two course lady meal and the instruction to return home, but Marcel isn’t having it. “Family are the people who you will fight for, and those who will fight for you. I am with family,” he shouts. And what better way to show family that you care, but by turning them all into vampire super soldiers? No one ever mentioned this in undergrad, man -- it’s like they’re trying to keep the truth of WWI from us.

In the vampire compound, Marcel’s trying to keep everyone from killing Kol (because that face! That voice!) while suffering the werewolf-bite-induced hallucinations. He tries to rally his modern troops into beating the hunger, but Josh and Gia notice the werewolf bite.

Meanwhile, Klaus is trying to get Davina to find Rebekah, but she’s mostly interested in saving Kol. Once she locates Finn, Klaus swoons into a heap.

Elijah is still stuck in the safe house with Cami, namedropping Freud to get her to shut up with the psychobabble already. It doesn’t work; she starts prying about Elijah’s red door hallucinations. He, too, collapses under the weight of Finn’s machinations. Similarly, Kol collapses in front of Marcel and his crew.

IN FINN’S DREAMWORLD: the brothers’ minds have become trapped in a “chamber de chasse,” or a “witch hunting room.” Each brother is represented by an animal head: the big bad wolf (Klaus), the noble stag (Elijah), the sly fox (Kol), and the boar (Finn). Finncent's villain speeches are more than should be boarne, am I right? But at least he recognizes that Koleb's new body is totally foxy. (I'll show myself out.) This gives Finn the captive audience he needs to whine about the 900 years he spent in a coffin, again. Finn wants to take the city away from Klaus, mistakenly thinking that’s the thing he loves the most; he thinks he’ll accomplish this by dropping the barrier spell and unleashing the vampires onto a tourist parade. (Traditional New Orleans Parades are the new High School Dance.) He lets Kol go, who promptly warns Marcel about the sundown barrier drop.

Oops! Finn is onto Klaus after he taunts his brothers enough: he doesn’t hold New Orleans, Rebekah, Elijah, or his real father above all. What, or who could it be, Finn wonders. It turns out that the repsentational magic he’s using to entrap the brothers doesn’t work if someone is misrepresented – so Elijah confesses to Klaus that he killed Tatia. Since this was a noble thing to do, the spell holds. However, when Klaus forgives (!) Elijah, rhapsodizing once more about the importance of family, the spell collapses. It’s a great moment that shows the overarching character growth Klaus has undergone since the beginning of the show.

Out in the bayou, Hayley and Jackson are getting ready for their mystical wedding. They need moonlight rings, an elder, some trials, and, oh, some psychotropic drugs in a peace pipe. Seems legit. They meet up with Jackson’s grandmother, who lets them know that they’re going to have to smoke some magical root that will make sure there are no lies between them. In fairness, that’d certainly be one hell of a way to find out that your new fiancée’s baby wasn’t actually murdered in a ritual.

Jackson runs out after Hayley, begging her to participate in the ritual. He growl-vows to take her secrets and demons as her own, and fight them with her – with a speech like that (and a mane like that), it’s no wonder Hayley is into it. Klaus, however, catches wind of this, and is not pleased whatsoever.

Finally, when the barrier spell is dropped, Marcel rallies his troops and they walk through the parade, fighting the hunger. Apparently there are no back entrances or other roads in the French Quarter. Davina finds Kol (and totally makes out with his pretty, pretty face); Marcel gets Klaus’ blood in time to give Gia a pat on the back and face off with Finn. Will Finn be able to rip the secret of Hope out of Marcel?

"This decor is so Viking-derelicte-chic."

The Original Mythology

- Finn is channeling his parents and using representational magic. If anyone is misrepresented by the spell-caster in the vision, the vision crumbles.

The Original Body Count

- Thanks to some ill-begotten blood bags, no one dies.

The Original Elegant Uncle Elijah Ruined Suit Count: 4

- Elijah remains as fresh as a daisy. 11 episodes and only 4 ruined suits? Writers, what’s up? What do you have against supporting laundromats?

The Original WTF

- “Hate the war, love the hats.” Oh Klaus.

- Davina sure wears her sassy pants a lot these days.

The Original Joseph Morgan Award For Tortured Hot People

I'm going to have to give it to Marcel (oh I'll give it to him, she leers) because THAT UNIFORM. We've seen him in it before, and if the writers want to keep weaving 1918 threads (pun fully intended) into this season, I am here for it.

Next episode: Finn tortures Marcel for information, and Klaus goes down to the bayou to offer his blessing.

What did we think? To the comments!

Allow us to introduce you to your favorite movie of 2015:

You're welcome! Really, no need to thank us! It's an honor to spread the word about this wonderfully authentic and compelling gem of a film. (Although if your gratitude is that excessive, we do accept champ cans by mail.)

Seriously, though, Amira & Sam is SO GREAT YOU GUYS, and we're thrilled that it's opening in theaters and on VOD this Friday, January 30th so that everyone can finally experience its charm.

Look for our official review tomorrow, but in the meantime, we're giving away a poster signed by actors Paul Wesley and Dina Shihabi and director Sean Mullin. WHAT WHAT. And the icing on the cake? A pair of tickets to see the movie at one of these participating Alamo Drafthouse locations:

Austin, TX: Alamo Drafthouse South Lamar

Dallas, TX: Alamo Drafthouse Richardson

Denver, CO: Alamo Drafthouse Litttleton

Houston, TX: Alamo Drafthouse Vintage Park

Kansas City, MO: Alamo Drafthouse Mainstreet

To enter this giveaway, leave a comment with your favorite "unlikely couple" from cinema. Because as Amira and Sam make perfectly clear, opposites attract!

We'll be choosing a winner on Thursday. Until then, you can bide your time learning how not to be a dickhead:

BOOK REPORT for I Was Here by Gayle Forman

Cover Story: I Walk Alone
BFF Charm: Let Me Love You
Swoonworthy Scale: 7
Talky Talk: Straight Up With a Twist of Sadness
Bonus Factors: Road Trip, Hot Musician
Relationship Status: I’ll Be There

Ready to roll? Head on over to our series at Kirkus to find out more!

Want to make your own I Was Here image to share with the world? Check out this nifty photo tool.

Paleyfest tickets went on sale to the public today! Jane the Virgin's panel is Sunday afternoon (March 16). If you are in LA and have cash to burn, you should go. We can have a party!

THIS WEEK'S MVP(arent)

This was a week for dads, as far as I'm concerned. Both Ro and Raf really shone in their paternal roles throughout the episode–Ro procuring the internship for Jane, listening to her valid concerns at his judgment errors, and giving his honest but supportive feedback on her scene; Raf doing his best both to smooth the waters with Xo and to convince Jane to stop spreading herself too thin, for hers and the peach's sake. 

Ultimately, though, almost all of Ro's efforts to be a good parent stemmed from misguided meddling, whereas Raf's came from his penthouse-view pureheartedness, so my award goes to Raf.

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I will accept arguments for Ro in the comments, however.

BEST TELENOVELA TWIST

For the show within a show that we don't even get to watch but still somehow know what tracks and what doesn't: Santos the PRIEST making out with the NUN. For our real show, however: Nicolas' betrayal for SURE. Dios mio! 

BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT

Every dress Jane wore from open to close.

Also on point: writer dude's mustache game.

The JtV costumers are, to use Jane's terminology, crushing it with the subtle ways they are highlighting the progress of Jane's pregnancy so well that the script never has to refer to her physical changes directly, while also keeping to Jane's fancy-casual style. This is the synergy of television storytelling, friends. This is it.

PREVIOUSLY ON JANE THE VIRGIN

At the Voice of God's request, we are ignoring the whole (boring) pregnant virgin thing, and instead focusing on the REAL stories: Xiomara took a vow of chastity despite her burgeoning rekindled relationship with Rogelio the telenovela star/Jane's dad; Jane broke off her engagement and is taking a real shot at a life with HER baby's dad, Rafael; Michael is investigating Rafael as Sin Rostro while Rafael, at Rose's behest, is investigating his father Emilio as Sin Rostro; Petra is blanacing at the edge of mania now that she and Raf are really divorced, her Natalia secret is out, Ivan the hostage has escaped, and Miloš is likely hot on her & Magda's posh hotel trail.

THIS WEEK

Teen Jane flashback time! Not that it's a surprise, but Jane has basically zero tolerance for confrontation of any sort. As such, she spent her youth falsifying letters of apology from Xiomara to Alba to slip under Alba's door on the nights of their worst fights.

This is insidious, people. I mean, I know that the twist at the end of this episode is that Alba was the one most in the wrong for lying to Xiomara about precisely when she woke up from her stairfall coma, all to serve her own agenda to meddle in her daughter's sex life and force her into a misguided vow of chastity (SPOILER), but Xiomara has spent the past twenty years actually never once having to apologize for anything, expecting Alba to do the under-rug-sweeping for her.

Talk about poor relationship conditioning.

And speaking of Xiomara's poor handling of relationships…

Remember When Michael Said He Was Happy to Represent the Male Perspective at the Villanueva Family Meeting?

Well—Rafael's first Villanueva family experience goes even worse, and this despite Jane making him flash cards and practice tests in preparation.

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Lord they are adorable.

The cards are stacked against him from the start (despite the couple's wise decision to color coordinate their outfits), what with Xo both still being on Team Michael and also thinking that Raf's character is poor and unchangeable. At first Xo is pleasantly surprised to find Rafael supporting her in advising Jane to follow her dream of writing over the practicality of teaching the catholic high school, but then Raf takes his argument that one unthinking rich boy step further and declares that of course he will support the baby—and Jane—financially in any way they need, so money shouldn't even figure into her decision making!

Ohhh, you were doing so well, Raf! …well, no. No you weren't. Xo was going to write you out of Jane's future either way (you're not the father of her baby BY CHOICE! after all). But you didn't have to hand her the pen with which to do so.

(Unsurprisingly, Xo's later attempt to apologize and Raf's attempt to win her approval for good does not go well, framed as it is by the multimillion dollar penthouse view he at least has the grace to be slightly chagrined over. KEEP TRYING, GUYS.)

Chastity Looks Good on Xo

Or at least that is what Alba and Rogelio both think—although for very different reasons. 

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Considering that God's supernatural power, Alba's judgment, and Rogelio in that shirt with that face are all bearing down on Xiomara this week, she should perhaps be forgiven for falling so far behind in her ability to support Jane and Raf as a legitimate, effort-making couple. And given everything we have learned about Xiomara as a person since the show started, the amount of energy she must be putting into putting Ro off would drain the brainpower of the world's greatest thinkers. But her vow of chastity saved Alba! So put Ro off she must.

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Question: is their ship name #Zorro? IT SHOULD BE.

It takes her the entirety of the episode to come clean to Rogelio about why she is keeping her pelvis away from his pelvis (his words)—because, as she admits to Alba, she likes him too much and is afraid that losing access to her "charms" will scare him off—but when she does, he tells her what we all already know: he is in it for the long haul. 

Of course, the comfort of this revelation is pretty cold when faced with the truth of Alba's early consciousness, which Xo figures out after Alba accidentally quotes Xo's vow to God word for word. 

I guess the question now is, will Xo keep her vow? (I don't think that is really a question.)

The Family Business(es)

Remember Rogelio's twin teen stepdaughters? I barely did. I missed them! Jane, apparently, hasn't, as she has had them in her student teaching gig all semester, which is now (in the logic of television time) just wrapping up. Jane is appropriately nerdy in her speech to them about how they should go forth and be good citizens of the world; the twins are appropriately eye-rolly and admiring as they hand her a gift from the whole class as a thank you for being their best teacher ever, while simultaneously disparaging her interest in "sensible shoes" (air quotes included) and admonishing her not to cry.

Okay yeah sure this is adorable and all but "sensible shoes"??? TIME OUT:

I posted this on tumblr way back after Chapter Eight, mostly to comment about HOW WEIRD (but great) this Catholic school is. Sensible shoes my pregnant virgin miracle coin.

Anyway, Jane and her sensible shoes are not only adored by snarky teens, but also by the faculty, who want to bring her on full time—complete with very cleverly planned out maternity leave plans. Shocking no one, Jane has received the highest student evaluations EVER (maybe not ever; I was too busy thinking about how great Jane was to pay attention to details like that).

This is not the only life-changing shock Jane gets that day! After school, Jane heads to the Passions of Santos set to hang out with Rogelio, who stops production of a very intriguing Priest Santos makeout scene to gather the entire cast and crew around him and Jane.  

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And this daughter? She's joining the family business as the new writing intern on the show! HOORAAAAAAAAAAAY!

At first Jane is ambivalent about the offer, because she a) didn't ask for it, b) has never thought about writing telenovelas, and c) was just offered a full-time teaching gig so really just won't have the time. It doesn't help that one of the nun actresses turns into an hallucination of the Mother Superior, who starts arguing with an hallucination of Santos from a poster behind Rogelio's head about what plan Jane's future will best be served by. And since Jane is terrible with confrontation, she declares she will just do it ALL.

As the VoG narrator—and Rafael, and Xiomara…repeatedly—tell us: this will not end well.

Spy vs Spy

Speaking of family businesses, while Jane is working her way through Rogelio's (getting false positive feedback from the writers for her early Santos ideas at Rogelio's behest, then getting cold hard truth feedback from Ro himself after she demands he not treat her with kid gloves), Rafael is fighting against the tide that is Rose's suspicion that Emilio (Solano, Sr., who just took off to Croatia with tens of millions of dollars) might be Sin Rostro. 

"I went over every inch of the hotel floorplans with my dad and the contractors!" Raf declares, trying to convince Rose that going to the police now, before they have any hard evidence, could ruin Emilio's and the entire hotel chain's reputation. "SO GET SOME," Rose declares right back, threatening to call the cops if Raf doesn't have something soon.

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As tumblr would say, goals af

Time for a poll, I think. ROSE IS DEFINITELY SIN ROSTRO: 

And so Raf turns detective, meeting first with the contractor, who has no idea what Raf is talking about, and recognizes the bathtub tunnel entrance work as not from his company, then with the subcontractor that some random grunt outside the real contractor's office tells him about. Raf does this in complete stealth, refusing to tell the bear of a subcontractor his name, using what is probably untraceable cash as a(n ineffective) bribe…driving his completely recognizable bright red sports car.

All this, and Michael, who has been tailing Rafael despite direct orders from his superior not to, is still the Worst Detective. Mostly because he gets caught and beat down trying to get the last number called from the subcontractor's phone ("it was the plastic surgery place!" he exclaims to Nadine, whose entire cache of lines this episode revolve around telling Michael what an idiot he is), but also because when he examines his interactions with Jane, who is still his emergency contact and thus comes to see him after she finds out they are both in the hospital at the same time, he still concludes hope.

As Nadine would say, Michael: you're an idiot.

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Last week 72% of you were convinced Michael will die by the end of the season, 18% that he wouldn't (and 10% of you agreed with the write in that one can only hope). Well, his obstinacy put him in the hospital this week, Janesters, and it doesn't seemed to have made him stop and think even a little. DARK SKIES. Especially considering Nadine dimes him and his secret Rafael obsession investigation out to their boss.

Petra: LEAVE MIAMI

Speaking of even more parallels and also DARK SKIES, you know Petra's been broken by the events of the past weeks/her fear of Milos when the tulip story she lays at "we will never trust each other" Lachlan's feet the moment he walks in the Marbella door turns out to be bog's honest truth, and not a pre-divorce-Petra-style machination meant to trap Lachlan into revealing himself as friend or foe. Which is too bad, as Lachlan absolutely uses her showing of weakness as an opportunity to mess with her head, leaving a bouquet of yellow tulips next to her bath after making a show of being a White Knight by taking her and Magda in to his own penthouse suite.

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I really can't imagine to what end Lachlan is doing what he's doing—maybe fear-conditioning her into thinking he is her best hope at a life of safety and comfort?—but the fact that this is the second time that Petra's attempts at complete honesty have burned her bodes ill for her permanently reforming her ways.

(Sidenote: the source for those gifs  is a VERY GOOD comparison of the character parallels between Michael and Petra this episode, and one of the two characters in general…so good that I am willing to link to them even though the tumblr handle is "viva-la-fitz" and you should all know by know the fiery extreme to which I hate Ezra Fitzgerald [or President Fitz, if SCANDAL is the less likely reference]. But you should ALSO all know by know how sincerely I love and obsess over the dozens of plot, dialogue, and cinematographic parallels that are woven into each JtV ep. So. Go look!)

Jane's Choice…and Nicolas' BETRAYAL

So, after spending all episode spreading herself thin in a desperate attempt to avoid making a difficult and life-course-altering decision, Jane's exhaustion finally catches up with her, and she sleep drives her way into a minor fender bender on the way home from the Passions of Santos set. At the hospital, the new (and refreshingly behavior-appropriate, although that could just be a function of the more or less traditional family configuration surrounding Jane at the moment) doctor reassures Jane, Raf, and Xo that the baby is perfectly healthy, and that oh yeah, those butterflies Jane's been feeling when writing Santos scenes all week? Kicking baby!

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Considering that those telenovela-writing butterflies weren't actually real, Jane makes the hard but good decision to take the Mother Superior's teaching job offer. And then, after she goes to the Santos set to inform Rogelio of this decision and has a confidence-boosting run-in with the writing team, she changes her mind and decides that now is her last best chance to chase her lifelong writing dream. (Whether or not that is true is debatable; but it is the reasoning she gives.)

Hooray! Jane's going meta! 

Meanwhile, Rogelio's super-loyal assistant Nicolas is across the lot, flinging open the door to the writers' room to ask Dina if the plan worked and Jane is on board. Yes, Dina assures him, before making out with his face. She is…and Rogelio will never see their evil plan coming.

NEXT WEEK

Jane kills Rogelio! For ART.

​<--Jane the Virgin 1x10: Chapter Ten

Jane the Virgin 1x12: Chapter Twelve-->

Last week, on The O.C.

Follow the whole rewatch here!

Welcome to this week's installment of The O.C. Rewatch Project! Last week, Meredith asked me if, while watching the first season live during its initial run, I was aware of all the Valley in-jokes. Here's the thing: I didn't start watching until season 3, so I was a bit behind the times, but I did totally understand all the fun, meta references. I was also very much aware that Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson were dating in real life, which was bittersweet for me as I have a major crush on Adam Brody, so I want him for myself, but it was also pretty delightful that they were together for real. Until she left him for Hayden Christensen. Who dates Hayden Christensen?! That's such a Marissa move.

Let's drink to deal with that!

The O.C. Drinking Game

Drink Once every time:

The ladies have a convo while primping in front of a mirror

Seth makes a nerdy reference

Someone says "Chino"

Anyone plays a video game

Summer says "ew"

Anyone eats a bagel

Anyone references The Valley

Drink Twice every time:

Someone says "Newpsie"

Fisticuffs occur (three times for pool fights!)

Someone grabs a cup of coffee

Ryan and Seth read comic books

Someone reminds us that Kaitlin Cooper exists

Onto the episodes!

1.23 "The Nana"

I absolutely love the Nana, and I love "The Nana"... well, half of it, anyway. Nana Cohen is coming to visit for Passover, which means Sandy Cohen is super Jewish all of a sudden, and he's committed their home for Seder. And while everyone is terrified of the Nana, she surprises them all by being incredibly warm and kind, gushing over each person as she hugs them hello and even admiring the beautiful California sunshine.

But her sunny demeanor is merely hiding the truth: she has lung cancer, and she's decided to forgo the chemotherapy to save herself some pain. The stuff with the Nana in "The Nana" is the absolute best, and involves some real mature and touching conversations about death and family between the Nana and the Cohens. Ultimately, forgoing chemo is her decision and hers alone, but I love the way this episode approaches the effect these sorts of decisions have on families, and how it asks someone who is already suffering to be selfless and reward those who love them the most with more time... even if it will be painful.

Getting to know the Nana also helps us get to know Sandy a bit more and understand where he comes from, and what drives him to make decisions like bringing Ryan Atwood home - he took the beautiful generosity and social ideals of his mother, but abandoned the staunch, narrow dedication which kept her focused more on other people's children than her own.

And since the Nana is around, Summer is trying her best to impress by learning some fancy Seder talk, and how to do all those very important Hebrew guttural sounds. As Seth points out, Summer is a very good huuuugggch-er.

Meanwhile, Marissa has run away from home (ugh, again) after learning of Julie's affair with Luke, which means Ryan gets to spend the entire episode hunting her down and trying to convince her to come home. Of all the places she could go, Marissa is hanging out over at Theresa's... on the day of the party to celebrate her engagement to Eddie and his dumb satan goatee. Obviously this leads to some fisticuffs when Eddie demands that Ryan leave them alone. And it also leads to a string of dramas centered around trying to get Marissa to leave (she actually thinks she can play grown-up and stay with Theresa), which leads to a run-in with Eddie, a whiny fight with a stubborn Marissa, and even a confrontation with Luke, who shows up to join in on the Drama Party.

The entire time this was playing out, all I could think of was how rude these kids are being, which totally speaks to my elderly sensibilities (I think the Nana and I would get along quite well). It's Theresa's engagement party! Take that nonsense somewhere else and quit ruining all the backyard cake fun. To Theresa's credit, she handles this very gracefully, although I do believe her suggestion that Marissa could live in Chino and get a job is laughable, at best. She has good intentions, though.

Eventually Marissa goes back home, where Julie's selfishness trumps her mothering instincts, so when she demands that Marissa stay and visit a mental institution, Marissa snaps back with a suggestion that they call Jimmy and Caleb and explain why Marissa ran away yet again. Julie's pride simply won't allow her to do the right thing, which would be to take responsibility for what she did with Luke. Instead, she shrinks back and coldly tells Marissa to pack her crap and go.

And meanwhile, Jimmy and Hayley have a little drama of their own when Jimmy thinks it might be a bad idea for them to start a relationship, while Hayley (rightfully) believes that Jimmy has feelings for her and they should see where it goes. I kind of love these two messy adults being together. They're pretty cute.

How many times did I have to drink? 10

The social event of the week: Seder! Gotta love Passover, you guys. More like Pass Over some of that brisket. L'chaim!

Most unintentionally creepy line: Julie coldly tells Ryan that she'd love to stay and chat, but she has to find her daughter. After she walks out, Ryan dramatically stares after her and says, aloud, to himself, "Not if I find her first." Calm down, stalker.

Most recognizable song: "Float On" by Modest Mouse playing at Theresa's party. I can't be the only one stoked that we're finally getting a new Modest Mouse album this year, right?

Cutest nickname ever: Sethela! The Nana calls Seth "Sethela" and it is just the cutest. Those Jewish Nanas are fantastic.

Worst outfit:Marissa, NO. That's two weeks in a row now. We should put her on fashion probation.

Sandy Cohen burn: When the Nana fondly recalls how Sandy was basically raised by the neighborhood because she was so absorbed in her work, Sandy doesn't miss a beat: "Somebody had to."

Best pop culture reference: Seth, snapping awake shouts, "No! It's my Precious! You can't have it!"

Best Seth Cohen line: "How do you know that? Don't assume that. They have Jews in Chino. Why do you think they want a P.F. Chang's?"

1.24 "The Proposal"

"The Proposal" is like 45 minutes of people overreacting. Except for Sandy and Jimmy. And Seth and Summer. Those are the reasonable people here. But everyone else is acting absolutely insane. Luke wants to apologize to Marissa and explain so he can move to Portland with his dad without this weight on this chest, but Marissa and the gang catch him in a secret meeting with Julie at the mall (seriously, how small is the O.C.?), so that's not happening anytime soon.

As Jimmy and Sandy prepare to open their restaurant, there's just one hiccup: the new liquor license commissioner is an old client of Jimmy's with a grudge, and he's not giving them the liquor license they desperately need as long as Jimmy is involved. Can't someone explain to this guy that Jimmy can't begin to pay back the money he siphoned without a steady income? Nope, apparently not. So Jimmy and Sandy enlist the help of Caleb, whose solution for every problem is throwing money at it.

At the big pre-opening restaurant event with all their friends and family, Caleb decides to propose to Julie, which elicits some amazing WTF reaction faces. Everyone seems pretty devastated by the engagement - especially Kiki, who has taken to guzzling champagne, and Luke, who shows up drunk and drives away to drink more and endanger his life and the lives of others. Marissa refuses to talk to Luke, and Luke refused to take Ryan's advice and write a letter (as if writing a letter is the most ridiculous concept in the world), and Ryan is somehow the most mature person in this equation - Marissa is so immature and stubborn, and Luke is so juvenile and obnoxious. I really think those two deserve each other more than anyone else. On the one hand, it's understandable that Marissa doesn't want to talk to Luke, but on the other, she's forcing Ryan to choose sides and refusing to give up her car so Ryan can prevent a drunk Luke from possibly killing himself or someone else. I rolled my eyes so hard at Marissa this week that I think I sprained something in there.

And although everyone is overreacting about the engagement of Julie and Caleb, I did enjoy Kirsten's hilariously dramatic assessment of the situation:

Meanwhile, Seth and Summer are our lovely respite from the melodrama, as they decide to surprise Marissa by giving her cluttered, boring bedroom at Jimmy's a makeover. Naturally, Summer does most of the work because Seth is utterly useless around power tools. But he does paint a lovely mural! This is a nice hint of Seth's artistic talents, which (spoiler!) will be explored a bit more in the near future. The cute banter between Seth and Summer is so natural and fun - contrasted with Ryan and Marissa, it makes you feel like those two really are unnatural.

Of course, Luke crashes his truck (after trying and failing to beat it up with his foot) and ends up in the hospital, which is finally enough to get Marissa to talk to and forgive him. This is just how you have to appeal to Marissa: you must center your whole life around her, and if you upset her in any way, you either need to gravely injure yourself or leave the city ASAP. Luke admits that he's moving with his dad to give Marissa a chance at a normal life. Um, Luke, you are not Marissa's problem. How Marissa chooses to handle upsetting events in her life is Marissa's problem. The idea that someone would move to a different city just to make life easier for Marissa is absurd.

But there's one person who is not making life easier for Marissa: Caleb Nichol. Yes, Caleb is a bit dastardly, but I take some pleasure out of watching him manipulate Marissa. Here's one person who is not even about to tolerate her BS, and he swiftly makes that known. I guess the real bummer here is that Marissa has to move back in with Julie, and Seth and Summer did all that hard work on her bedroom for nothing.

How many times did I have to drink? 11

The social event of the week: Sandy and Jimmy are holding a grand opening party for their restaurant. It makes me want to try Nana Cohen's meatloaf.

How we know it's 2004: Julie had to block Luke from her Buddy List. AIM!

Most recognizable song: That's Bob Seger's "Night Moves" playing again as Luke drinks on the hood of his truck. We first heard it in the Valentine's Day episode.

Most melodramatic line: Marissa, commenting on the union between Julie and Caleb: "If my mom marries him, she's gonna be the most powerful woman in Newport." While this line serves to highlight the way we view our parents as larger than life figures, it's also just mentally insane.

Best Julie Cooper bitchery: She knows how much Kiki loves that sauce.

Seth and Summer 4Ever: I could watch an entire episode about these two just hanging out and being all cute and goofy together. It's so pleasant.

--

That's it for this week! And now a question for you guys: what do you think about Marissa and Ryan getting back together? Yes, it was inevitable, of course. But it's almost annoying how Ryan is drawn to troubled, dramatic women and loves to get sucked up in all their problems, particularly since he comes from such a troubled background. You'd think he would want some semblance of normalcy.

And a question for Meredith: along similar lines, how do you feel about Marissa's behavior this week? Is it more insane than normal, or par for the course? My empathy for her is wearing thin real quick.

We'll see you guys back here next week when Meredith covers "The Shower" and "The Strip"! Just three more episodes left in season 1!

(All photos courtesy of Drafthouse Films)

Back in November, I was part of the lucky Forever Fest audience that saw a preview screening of Amira & Sam. In a story centred on an undocumented immigrant and an army veteran, the heart of the film is a sweet and intimate portrayal of two outsiders finding their way -- their anchors, their constants -- in this often messed up world. Oh, and it's funny, too. Take a look at the trailer and just try to resist this movie's charm. (Nope, CAN'T BE DONE.)

After his return from a lengthy tour, former Green Beret Sam is adjusting back to civilian life, working while pursuing his life-long dream of stand-up comedy. The niece of Sam's translator back when they were in Iraq, Amira is untrusting of all soldiers, having experienced family tragedy by their hands. When Amira runs into immigration trouble, she reluctantly accepts Sam's help. It's a funny, uplifting, swoonworthy movie -- and one that's surely not to be missed.

The idea of defying expectations -- about immigrants, about vets, about romantic comedies themselves -- is as entrenched in the story as it is in the casting. Fans of Martin Starr and Paul Wesley will see both actors in a different light: Starr as the noble romantic hero, Sam; and Wesley as Sam's cousin, the slick and opportunistic Charlie. Newcomer Dina Shihabi is radiant as the headstrong Amira; she's a true find, and the chemistry between her and Starr is electric.

At a brisk but never rushed 89 minutes, Amira & Sam makes every second count, packing each moment with unflinching honesty. This movie is so, so beautiful, you guys. It might not be a tearjerker, but I def. shed my share of tears because it's just so darn lovely.

During Forever Fest, I had the chance to speak with director and writer Sean Mullin, and actors Dina Shihabi and Martin Starr. 

On what inspired the story: 

SEAN MULLIN: It's not autobiographical, but you still write what you know. I was in the military; I went to West Point for my undergraduate, I was on active duty in Germany during peacetime, transferred to New York National Guard, and I was a first responder on September 11th. I was down working at Ground Zero during the day, but I was doing stand-up comedy at an improv theatre at nights and rubbing elbows with Wall Street guys, so some of the seeds were planted then.

And then I went to grad school, and I made a few short films and they were all kind of military themed. I was thinking about all my friends, I have some very close friends who did multiple tours overseas. I think I felt a little guilty that I wasn't over there with them, and I wanted to tell their stories. I also wanted to use my comedy background and make it funny and hopefully fresh and unique.

It took a while to come up with the idea. Once I wrote the script, I rewrote it and rewrote it a ton of times until I got it to where it was actually presentable. I was also fascinated by displaced Iraqis who had been helping the Americans over there. And with the soldier angle: every soldier-coming-home-from-war movie is about a veteran who's grappling with post-traumatic stress. So I tried to flip it on its head and say, "What if the veteran is fine, but the country has PTSD?"

On preparing for the role of Sam: 

MARTIN STARR: I talked to Sean a great deal, but also one of his close friends, Brian Anthony [the film's military advisor], who went to West Point.

SM: And Patrick Callahan, who's our co-executive producer and an investor in the film, and is a veteran who's done multiple tours.

MS: I spent a long day with him when we visited West Point. Patrick and I talked for hours about his experiences. And he actually went off again, didn't he? Did he go on another tour?

SM: No, what ended up happening is he did a bunch of tours and then he got out. But then he joined a contracting company that sells anti-mine vehicles back to the government of Afghanistan. So he goes to Afghanistan, he's in the Middle East all the time. He met with Karzai [the former president of Afghanistan], so he's a high-level guy but he's one of our EPs. That's the cool thing about this story, too. A lot of the investors were veterans, and I'm a veteran.

On preparing for the role of Amira: 

DINA SHIHABI: I speak Arabic fluently, and I grew up in Dubai. What's great about Dubai is that you grow up around so many people from all around the world. I grew up being very good at picking up accents and mimicking them. So learning [an Iraqi accent] was really, I just had to write it down and then work on it. But it wasn't too difficult to pick it up; it was challenging not to want to answer in the Arabic that I speak. To just stick to the script, as opposed to wanting to add lines in Arabic that I would say that wouldn't be Iraqi Arabic.

On the language barrier (or lack thereof):

SM: I wrote [the Arabic scenes] in English, and then I just worked with the actors. The actor who plays [Amira's uncle] Bassam is Laith Nakli, a very good friend of mine who was the lead actor in my thesis film from graduate school, so I knew him. I worked with both Leith and Dina and said, "OK, here's what we're looking to do." It's a sign of a good project when you can write a scene and the actors just went off on their own. They rehearsed it, they worked on the dialect, and they brought it in.

DS: We worked with the same person so that we would speak the same way. The same kind of Iraqi Arabic, so it sounded like we came from the same family. 

SM: That authenticity was important to me. [Directing is] all about emotions and beats anyway, and I trust them. If they messed up a line, they'd tell me. Laith was really hard on himself, I remember. So just trust your actors and watch them. As you always do as a director, you're just looking for any false note and any sort of inauthenticity that's just not working.

More often than not, I won't have the answers. Sometimes I'll have the answer on how to fix it, but more often than not, I won't have the answer but I'll know there's a problem. So I'll say, "This beat's just not working, so let's get to the bottom of it. How can we fix it?" And then they usually come up with the answer because they're great actors. I'm like, "Yeah! That's good, let's try that."

On the defining shot of the movie:

SM: As a screenwriting tool, you do everything you can in the first act to build empathy for your characters. [...] The idea is, you get the audience rooting for them, rooting for her. And by the time you build up to the long bed scene, which is the most important scene of the film. Now the audience is rooting for them. It's the movie, really. We did twelve takes, and that was the ninth take that we used. 

[Re: improv] Absolutely. The script is the most important thing until it's not. 

MS: There's a lot of little moments that changed every take.

SM: And that was hands down the best, though. Little stuff, like when to start kissing and when to stop kissing. And, "Oh, I put my hand on the hijab but that's too much and that pulls me back." [Dina] draping your arm across his chest was an issue early, it wasn't working.

Sometimes directing is really -- if it's just something like that, it's not these huge sweeping action shots. It's literally just those details. By take six, seven, it was really coming out great. I think after nine, we all kind of knew it. But then we did ten, which hit a peak. We came down from ten, and eleven was worse. I don't think we even finished twelve? I think halfway through, we were like, "We got this three takes ago."

Pay extra attention to this scene, 'cause it's AMAZE.

On the reception that the film has received: 

SM: I think the thing I'm most proud of the film is how it plays with veterans. Every veteran that's seen it is like, "Gosh, this is so refreshing." The chief public affairs officer of the army, Lieutenant Colonel Cole, I showed him the movie and he flipped out. He loves it, so he's doing everything he can within his scope of power to help us get the word out there about the movie.

It portrays veterans in a positive light. A lot of these veteran movies: the vets come home, they get drunk, they beat their wife. Which is stuff that does happen, but I wasn't interested in any of that. I was interested in flipping the script a little bit.

MS: Yeah, especially coming from a veteran who didn't have those experiences. This is coming from his experiences. This isn't some false portrayal; it's coming from a good source, which makes it really easy to bring that to life.

Amira & Sam will be available in theatres and on VOD on January 30th. (See it, see it, see it!) 

Psst! If you or someone you know is a service member, Drafthouse Films is offering a military date night for the opening weekend of Amira & Sam! Check out the list of participating theatres here. 

For more on Amira & Sam, check out Badass Digest's coverage of the movie. And there's still time to enter our Amira & Sam giveaway here!

BOOK REPORT for Fairest (The Lunar Chronicles #3.5) by Marissa Meyer

Cover Story: Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody ...
BFF Charm: Nay
Swoonworthy Scale: -3
Talky Talk: No Excuses
Bonus Factors: MOAR Lunar Chronicles, Hello <New Character’s Name>
Anti-Bonus Factor: Manipulation
Relationship Status: Still a Revolutionary

Danger, Will Robinson! Fairest is part of the Lunar Chronicles series. Although there aren’t major spoilers to the rest of the series in this book (because it’s a prequel) you might not want to read it until you’ve read the first three books in the series–Cinder, Scarlet, and Cress–as it does hint at some pretty major plot reveals of the main storyline. If you have read the first three books, however, feel free to continue below. I will refrain from major spoilers in my review, but there might be hints at plot points and details about the series.

Cover Story: Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody ...

This cover is seriously freaky, you guys. It’s perfect for the story within, but man, I would not want this starting up at me from a nightstand. (Or at me from out of a mirror.)

The Deal:

Queen Levana has not always been the maniacal and ruthless leader we’ve come to know and love to hate. At one point, she was merely a lonely child with a vicious sister and a confused heart. But even the worst upbringings do not always beget terrible people. In Levana’s case, sadly, the opposite is true.

BFF Charm: Nay

Although getting to know the young woman who eventually grew to become the hateful Queen Levana was interesting, even when she was younger, she was kind of terrible. There are reasons for her personality traits, but they’re not something someone with a moral compass that tends more toward the good wouldn’t be able to overcome. Levana is a woman who is used to getting her way, no matter the cost. I just don’t think I’d be comfortable having to be on tiptoes around her all the time.

Swoonworthy Scale: -3

Levana did have a relationship when she was younger, and truly believed that she was in love. However, her partner in said relationship was never on the same page as her (more on that in a bit). Reading about their involvement was uncomfortable, to say the least.

Talky Talk: No Excuses

In the Lunar Chronicles, Marissa Meyer has created a complex world (universe?) full of complex characters. And even when she’s just being the Evil Queen, Levana is one of the most complex. This short novel goes a long way toward expanding her character, but it never makes me completely understanding of her faults. Yes, she was horribly mistreated as a child. Yes, she had awful parental figures. But none of that forced her to be as awful as she was. None of that forced her to keep becoming more and more awful as she got older. I don’t think Meyer’s intention with this novel was to illicit sympathy, however. It seems to me that it was more to expand on a great (albeit evil) character who simply hasn’t gotten enough air time.

Bonus Factor: MOAR Lunar Chronicles

I am totally in love with the Lunar Chronicles books, and I will be so sad when they finally come to an end. I am already dreading the release of the final book in the series, Winter, as much as I am excited for it, so anything that I can get my grabby little hands that expands the universe is a bonus in my book.

Bonus Factor: Hello <New Character’s Name>

I’m not going to spoil things for you, but there’s a new character introduced in Fairest that will certainly come into play in the final book. It was fun reading his/her origin story.

Anti-Bonus Factor: Manipulation

If you’ve read the rest of the Lunar Chronicles, you know that Levana is gifted with the ability to mentally manipulate her appearance and the thoughts and feelings of those surrounding her. Fairest tells the story of her earliest—and I think, absolute worst—manipulation. There are some things (i.e., affairs of the heart) that no one should mess with.

Casting Call:

Thandie Newton as Levana

(Check out the Book Reports for Cinder, Scarlet, and Cress for the casting of other characters in this series.)

Relationship Status: Still a Revolutionary

You tried your hardest, Book, to get me to side with Queen Levana. She’s had a hard life, you said. She’s misunderstood, you said. I say, nay! I’m sticking with Cinder et al. They’re much less likely to make me throw myself off a cliff for the slightest perceived insult. You were a great date, though, regardless of the hard sell.

FTC Full Disclosure: I bought a copy of this book with my own money, and I received neither a private dance party with Tom Hiddleston nor money in exchange for this review. Fairest is available now.

Catie was off at her hippie new age doctor seminar this week, but no worries—Rosemary is officially our third recapper! Hooray!!

THIS WEEK'S MVP

Emily!

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We mean, probably “whack the thing” is not always the best course of action when approaching the only available control mechanism for a highly sophisticated box of potential death, but at least you weren’t dumb enough to get yourself locked in said death box in the first place, so. Have a trophy.

THIS WEEK'S LVP

It is just so easy to hand this award to Aria “oh did we lose cell service? well we should prolly split up then” Montgomery, but Hanna DID let NuA rile her enough to make a detailed and possibly felonious plan right out in the view of any old hackable laptop, so…sorry, Hann. You’re at the bottom of the heap this week.

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Runner up trophy to Spencer, who is prepared enough apparently to have bolt cutters in her car at all times, and yet who walked into the Bozo’s Ice Cream Factory of Doom with nothing but the screen of her phone for a flashlight. (Although, considering that she just picked the other two dummies up off the side of the road, probably it is they who didn’t come prepared with heavy duty torches, and thus they who had to borrow Spencer’s pair as the Scoobied their way into trouble.)

BIGGEST SHOCK/BEST SURPRISE

Ezra trying to break up with Aria! Loathe as we are to give him any credit for any good decision regarding any teenage girl (and suspicious as Alexis is of this being yet another, even subtler attempt at gaslighting Aria into being the perfect victim--whether he knows he is doing it or not), SOMEONE taking Aria’s very truthful words at face value and pressing her to react reasonably to them is something we never thought we’d see the show do.

Now, to make it stick.

BIGGEST NO-DUH

They still won't show us what's in the barrel.

THAT'S ALI, FOLKS

No Ali again this week. Variously evil quintuplets should be getting a lot more screen time, in our opinion, but oh well. Can’t have everything. Here: have a bonus Ali+Mona scene instead.

PREVIOUSLY ON PRETTY LITTLE LIARS

Spencer had a truly terrible plan to prove Ali killed Mona in order to prove that Spencer didn’t kill Bethany Young; Emily had a truly terrible plan to plant DNA evidence at the scene of Mona's murder to do just that; Aria had a truly terrible plan to “lie” to Ezra’s ex Jackie Molina about how Ezra ruined her life in order to get accepted to even just one school; Caleb had a truly terrible plan to steal and destroy planted murder evidence; Spencer and Caleb together had the truly terrible plan to gatecrash NuA's storage locker of Mona murder evidence without bringing even gloves; Toby had a truly terrible plan to join the least effective police department on the Eastern Seaboard and NOT come clean to his superiors about the Liars’ last two years of hell; Ashley had a truly terrible plan to let Jason seduce her in Pastor Ted’s absence; Hanna was an angel among mortals.

THIS WEEK

Liars Summit

Speaking of angels, Hanna’s screwed. As Caleb discovered at the end of last week's episode, the storage unit full of bloody evidence bags and also probably Mona’s body in a barrel is in Hanna's name. "Payback for Hanna confronting Ali in jail!" Aria declares.

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“Whoa whoa whoa—you saw Ali?!?!” Spencer and Emily exclaim, pissed that Hanna’d do something so "dangerous" without consulting them, but Caleb tells them to chillax: the storage unit was rented in Hanna’s name the day before Mona was murdered, so framing Hanna must have been Ali/Holbrook/NuA's plan all along. That bloody knife he almost died trying to destroy? Probably had Hanna's prints allllll over it.

Caleb and Spencer mentally high-five for having the forethought to get rid of it, but Hanna isn't satisfied. "Do you think that walk-in kiln is big enough to shove a whole storage bin inside? Because for real that's Top Priority Numero One." Despite the textbook idiotic things literally everyone else in the room except Hanna has done since 5B began, the others immediately jump up and down in their frenzy to convince Hanna how crazy her plan sounds. "Touching anything in that room is tampering with evidence that could convict Ali!" exclaims Emily Who Tried to Plant DNA Evidence at a Murder Scene Once Like Four Seconds Ago. 

“It could convict ME!” Hanna shouts back. Caleb tries to convince her that she does have an alibi for Thanksgiving because they were together, but Hanna knows (like we know) that Tanner won’t buy that for a second. Caleb tries another tactic, pointing out that they are at least one step ahead of Holbrook, who couldn't possible know they’ve traced Mona’s laptop to the storage unit. They’ve got time for Caleb to do his deep web hacker shit, corrupt some files, and get Hanna’s name off that lease! Then they’ll tell Tanner they traced Mona’s laptop there and she’ll realize once and for all that randomly shady Holbrook is behind EVERYTHING (Liar Logic™).

Spencer assures Hanna it’s the safest plan they’ve got, but the crazy glint in Hanna’s eye promises trouble.

Something Inappropriate’s a’Brewing (Catie would be so proud of this pun)

At New Brew the next morning, Emily is visibly wilting. She couldn’t sleep. “Thinking about Mona in that barrel gave me nightmares,” she shudders. “I know, right?” Aria says. “But also and more importantly I am getting shudders from all of my own personal problems and how NuA is using them against me and and how they might for really real this time ruin things with Ezra.” It’s like Aria has never once had an experience being a tiny brunette trapped in an even tinier space filled with death with which she might empathize with Mona. Oh, Aria.

After Aria drifts away to be angsty about Ezra/Talmadge some more, Emily turns around to find Talia tying a thousand bows around the pecan pie she baked as a honeypot for Em thank you for Ezra. "Um, sorry, Talia, but Ezra is the opposite of available," she spits, trying to save Aria's creepy relationship when really she should be making every effort to steer Ezra down any appropriately-aged-romance path.

“Sorry if I stepped on your turf,” Talia says, physically stepping back. "Well my turf is empty of all men, so, you're not," Emily rejoins. 

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Clear eyes, gay heart, can't lose.

Later, after Emily has endured her thorough shitshow of a day and is back at New Brew for a breather/to try yet again to get ahold of Hanna, who (for reasons we'll see in a bit) hasn't been picking up all day, she walks in on Talia and "her apples" alone in the kitchen. For reasons we will never see ever, Talia asks Em if she wants to take over stirring the apples so Talia can do the cleaning up Em just told her she was there to do. She patronizingly shows Emily how to hold a spoon, then picks leaves from her hair and laughs about what wacky shenanigans!! Em must have been up to to get leaves there in the first place.

As Emily stirs the apples she finally gets a text from Hanna, and it is so engrossing that Emily’s unwatched and unstirred apples spontaneously catch fire. Because that’s totally what always happens when you check a text while cooking. Don’t worry girlfriend, it happens to the best of us (and by the best of us, we mean Rosemary's best friend from college who tried to cook bacon in the toaster once) (and also Spencer, who can't hold an egg and read a text at the same time).

Anyway, Emily abandons the apple fire and Talia's irritatingly chill soothing words and goes to call Spencer. “But why would Holbrook be willing to kill for Allison?” she finally alone among the Liars thinks to ask. Neither she nor we get to hear what response Spencer might have come up with though, as just then Talia returns, bearing a neatly wrapped plate of comfort food, and whether it is the mashed potatoes or Em's exhaustion finally catching up to her, she apologizes to Talia for being such a neurotic basket case since the moment they met.

"Girl, it's cool," Talia says, sidling closer on the couch. "I've got a confession, too: I only commented on Ezra's rear view because I was categorically UNinterested in it."

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Literally everyone with eyes called it.

Then she bolts. AS SHE SHOULD, being the creepy adult with the inappropriate crush that she is.

Ted Talks

At Marin Mansion, Hanna asks Ashley if she’s given Pastor Ted an answer to his proposal. Ashley says she has talked to Ted but not about Jason, and she ain’t gonna, because it would just cause him unnecessary pain. And he’ll never find out, she says, because the only people who know are Hanna and Jason, and Ashley trusts that they will keep it quiet because apparently Ashley’s hair dye has fried her brain cells/memory and she’s forgotten the omniscient cyber bully that has haunted their town/her daughter for the last three years.

Ashley meets Jason for lunch to quit her job/him. Jason is surprised—he thought it was an unexpected but good thing that happened between them, but Ashley admits her relaishe with Ted is serious and that he even proposed to her. What happened with Jason was a mistake—Ted had been gone for three months doing the good Lord’s work, and mama has NEEDS, Jason. Jason is understanding, and tells her to come clean out her desk that night.

Later, after Ashley has cleaned out her desk and Jason has super classily commented on her visible lack of an engagement ring, she and Jason have a final heart-to-heart on the only sidewalk in Rosewood. He apologizes for “crossing a line” (we get your innuendo, Jason) and is just sad that now he has to work alone with his dad, who we forgot exists because he hasn’t been present for two seasons even though his wife was murdered and his daughter who he thought was dead but is actually alive is now in jail. Ashley gives him the wise advise to stop living in the past, then goes in for a hug, at which point Jason kisses her and she’s like “OMG, DUDE GET A GRIP” then gets in her sporty-yet-luxurious Toyota™ and peaces.

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LOL Toby's a Cop: Six Second Edition

Cop Toby is going over Ali/Mona files at the very public police station when Spencer shows up to have a very private chat about Hanna, who Spence is pretty sure is going to do something stupid. Before Toby can go into very explicit detail as to why both Spencer’s presence at the station and her looming request for his help are inappropriate, though, Tanner appears throwing shade just every which way, demanding to know why Spencer and her terrific jumpsuit aren’t in school. FINALLY, SOMEONE ASKING THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

After Spencer leaves, Tanner asks why Toby’s looking at Ali’s files. “Just brushing up before the trial!” he promises. “But also maybe do you think that someone in the RPD, like maybe someone with a significant amount of power, like maybe someone with the specific initials G.H. and a father who is by the way not at all sick after all, is putting his tongue down teen girls’ throats and tampering with their polygraph results? You know…just maybe?”

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Tanner: “You have been a cop for all of six seconds and you have the nerve to question the morals of your adult male superior as regards a bunch of teenage girls? YOUR BADGE, SIR.”

Actually she just scoffs patronizingly at Toby’s own teen girlfriend and tells Toby to rein her—and his own suspicions—in. Oh, Tanner. We were hoping that you at least might consider the possibility that most of your problems could be solved if you just took two seconds to respect a teenage girl. Alas.

Ezria’s Regret

Recalling how much easier life with any A around is when you just come clean with your minor omissions of truth, Aria calls Ezra over to her family home to kiss his adult face and also tell him the truth about Talmadge/the "fake" letter. Before she can get to the second half of her confession, however, Ezra does what he does best and steamrolls right over her. "That’s great! Jackie must not review all the application letters after all! But hey, I g2g exert authority over your teenage best friend at New Brew right now, tho, so let’s talk later!"

His dumb face almost makes her back down from insisting on telling the truth, but then she remembers being stuffed in a box with Garrett Reynolds and maybe HOPEFULLY also how Ezra stalked and manipulated and gaslighted her, and hands over the letter she sent for him to read with his own eyes. She is almost trembling, anticipating his poor reaction, but after he finishes reading Ezra fjust smiles and pats Aria’s head and tells her what a clever poppet she is and how Jackie must have lapped that nonsense right up. And hey, no real harm done! And then he does jet, letter in hand.

At a mini-Liars Summit later that afternoon, Emily shares Aria's bafflement over Ezra's super chill reaction. "I can’t believe you told Ezra and lived to talk about it!" she exclaims. "Like, literally. How did he let you live? He is a crazy man who stalked us for months and one time physically knocked Spencer out cold with a garden tool, and now he has read his exact psychological crimes against you laid out in SAT-level persuasive prose. You should just not be alive."

They are half-right in their bafflement: presently the camera cuts to a shot of Ezra reading the letter alone in his New Brew office, looking like the real life equivalent of the single tear emoji. The actual lyrics of song playing as he reads? Bones shake/it’s lonely/it’s late/footsteps echo/glimmers of hate… 

Remember that time a Police song swelled high as Aria threw Ezra down for gunshot-wound forgiveness sex? Ah, show. Your music does more justice to your worst storylines than anything else.

Later, after her harrowing ice cream factory experience, Aria changes into softpants (we feel you, girlfriend) and eats takeout with Ezra, who gives her a "spontaneous" gift that you know he had made like the day before they met and has just been waiting for the perfect chance to hand over: a monogrammed, leather bound journal. He doesn’t want her to miss out on college the way she missed out on high school because of him. This hilarious exchange follows:

Ezra: That letter rang true for a reason.

Aria: Uh, yeah, because I’m a good writer.

Ezra: ……..

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

Aria swears she doesn’t regret their being together but Ezra has realized that his girlfriend is just a child (Mmmhmm) and she needs life experiences (Mmmhmmm) and he might be holding her back (Mmmhmmmmmm). He thinks she’ll grow to resent him (MMMM HMMM) but if she takes this time for herself, there will be no regrets. He makes her promise to at least think about it.

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And in an ironic emoji-inspired twist, a single tear falls down Aria’s cheek.

Later, Aria pulls out her ROSEWOOD HIGH BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE junior yearbook and starts skimming through her classmates’ pictures.
“Dead. Dead. Almost died. In a coma. Probably dead. Super dead. I think I have literally never seen anyone else on this page ever in my life. Oh, and Aria Montgomery: Not Pictured (missed too many photography club meetings).” That’s the long and short of it, kiddo.

Spencer is worried about Hanna, guys

Just as Emily is exclaiming to Aria over the shock that Ezra let her send that letter to Jackie and live to tell about it, Spencer screeches up in her fashionably utilitarian Toyota Highlander™ brandishing Mona’s moving laptop’s GPS signal. 

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But it IS an amazing jumpsuit.

She explains that Hanna wasn’t in school that day (literally how would any of the rest of you know that?) and that Hanna is a proven idiot who hasn’t at all been the most successful investigator these past two seasons, so she must be doing something stupid and reckless that Spencer WOULD NEVER DO like attempting to move Mona’s laptop on her own. The girls hop into the Toyota Highlander’s™ roomy, comfortable interior and book it.

The GPS leads them to a creepy, graffiti covered factory, and because these idiots STILL think GPS systems aren't more likely to lead them to death than not. They also still think it’s Hanna and Caleb who have the laptop, and don’t understand why Haleb would lead them all the way out to this super dangerous place in the middle of nowhere that doesn’t have cell service or electricity or people nearby. WHAT ARE THOSE CRAZY KIDS UP TO?!

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Aria: “Where’s the laptop?”

Spencer: “No idea, lost cell service.”

Aria: “Well good, because I was worried something like the possibility of safety or calling for rescue if needed might get in the way of my plan for us to split up and search this gigantic abandoned warehouse full of huge rusty machines each on our own.”

Spencer: “Yeah, no, we’re good.”

Aria: “K. See ya never I guess.”

Spencer: “Yeah, RIP.”

Emily: *crickets*

::cue Rosemary beating her head against the wall::

Creeping through the dark, Spencer hears Caleb and Hanna’s voices echoing around the place. Emily approaches a MOVING CURTAIN and pulls it back: a cat screeches, a rat falls, and freeze dried almonds (?) appear. Spencer follows the voices to a back room where she finds a laptop playing a looped video featuring Hanna and Caleb in Hanna’s kitchen as she explains her plan to him, because someone was filming them without their knowledge! FINALLY one of these goons realize it wasn’t Haleb that led them to this creepy dark place filled with potential weapons and death traps.

Speaking of death traps, Spencer learned a little something from her walk-in kiln misadventure with Caleb like two days ago and grabs a gigantic CLUE-sized wrench to wedge in between the door and the doorframe so she can go and just stare at the incriminating Haleb vine for like ten hours, until Aria joins her and they both stare at it for another ten hours, giving NuA more than ample time to yank the wrench through the crack in the door and very thoroughly lock team Sparia inside.

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Man too bad there was just really no way at all to see this coming.

Outside, NuA turns on the LIQUID NITROGEN?! What the EFF are they in?! It’s the opposite of the kiln! THE OPPOSITE OF THE KILN!!!

Emily finds them pressed against the glass screaming at her, and she attempts to turn the Opposite Kiln off by banging it with the huge wrench until there’s an explosion, sparks fly. Unsurprisingly, that doesn't work. After she regains consciousness and sees literal icicles forming in Aria's hair (cue next week's jewelry of choice), she takes the wrench to a steam-speawing wheel on the other side of the door. Destroying that (somehow) opens the door.

“Why is it that every time there’s a weird walk-in thing that either burns you to death or freezes you to death, these idiots walk right into it? Maybe they should stop getting locked into rooms that can kill you.” – Rosemary’s husband

Good day of investigation, girls. At least you have that laptop (maybe Mona's? If so, NuA already hacked it and is just leaving it behind for them out of spite.).

Hanna and Caleb, partners in crime and LOVE

Caleb shows up at Hanna’s. He successfully corrupted the files so Hanna’s name is no longer on the lease and asks her if she plans on telling the others. Not yet, Hanna says; Ali and Holbrook could have planted her DNA anywhere in that storage unit, so Hanna is gonna get rid of it using all the science knowledge she used to ace the SAT and get into a bunch of colleges. She exhaustively lists all the tools she’s packing up on the kitchen counter, right next to her open laptop: power tools, bottles of bleach, gloves. Ya know, SCIENCE STUFF.

Caleb is…unconvinced. But Hanna isn't backing down—this is just like when Caleb found that knife. He had to do something about that; she has to do something about this. She has a jeweler's drill; she rented a van and a dolly; she knows not to drive on dirt roads when she dumps the body barrel in the woods. SHE’S GOT THIS.

Recognizing the immovable force that is his girlfriend's will, Caleb agrees to be her dumb (though camera hacking—you forgot that one, Hann) muscle. 

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Our bandits break the lock and sneak in, only to find the unit/bin completely empty of everything except the barrel. Always #OneStepBehind as ABCFamily pathetically prompts us. All the evidence that could possibly be damning to them is gone, but the barrel looms ominously in the corner, probably because "Holbrook" couldn’t lift it himself. Either way, Hanna’s got a dolly and they’re getting it out of there! As they head out to retrieve said dolly, however, they are caught glove-handed by Cop Toby and Detective Tanner, who have just arrived on the scene thanks to a very friendly anonymous tip.

Tanner obvs demands to know what they’re doing there, so Caleb weaves a tale about how he’s checking out the size of the units so he can store all his Raven5wood ghost belongings. Hanna weaves a tale about having to pee. 

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Hanna’s always so cool.

Somehow, both explanations work, and Tanner and Toby leave Haleb to skedaddle into some new flavor of trouble.

Out of danger (for now), Hanna rages over to the Hastings Manor to rip into Spencer for telling Toby about the storage unit. Spencer swears she didn’t! She recounts to Hanna how Holbrook/NuA used Hanna's own open laptop to make a vine about her and Caleb talking about their plan—Holbrook (not Holbrook) did this! "Then why didn’t Toby warn us, huh? Why??" Hanna demands. He knew one of them was being set up! Since when did his job become more important than his friends? (Ohhh burn!) But Spencer, tears of frustration filling her eyes, knows she is right, even if Hanna doesn't believe her. “We told you not to go! You screwed over yourself…and you screwed over Caleb, too.”
 
Hanna leaves Spencer’s and heads straight to Ezra's Caleb’s to tell him about the secret video from her kitchen. Caleb thinks Holbrook set them up, but Hanna doesn’t care about any of that. Now she’s touched the barrel, her DNA is in that room, and she won’t bring Caleb down any further. She’ll tell the cops that she forced him to go with her. She’s dangerous to be around and wants Caleb to keep his distance, but we all know Caleb loves Hanna too much for that nonsense. If she's going down, he'll go right down with her.

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Epic ballad plays! #HalebForever flashes in the corner! Hugs! Tears!

SMDH…Toby's a Cop

After Tanner lets Haleb go, she and Toby round the corner of the Bin of Sin's hall, only to find the security cameras have been deactivated. Slopy work, hacker muscle! In the storage unit, we think that maybe – just maybe – we’ll find out what’s in the freaking barrel (“What if it’s just baked beans?” – Rosemary’s husband), but the smell that hits them the moment they crack the lid prompts her to send Toby to call for a Hazmat team. After he leaves, she lifts the lid high enough to get a good look inside, but the face she makes in response is impossible to read. She drops the lid, then spies several droplets of blood on the floor nearby, a faux pas that A would never be so careless to commit (on accident, at least).

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Back at the station, Tanner lays out the facts: They know someone helped Allison. Okay—fact. She reminds Toby of his “oath” as a “police officer” and the “blood” in the “storage unit” (sorry got carried away with alleged facts there) and how withholding information of any sort is not an option, and that if that blood is Mona’s, Toby’s friends are the first people Tanner will be bringing in for questioning. So if there’s anything she needs to know, he better tell her now. Toby looks torn.

On the one hand: Toby! Don’t bury yourself! You don’t know what A has hiding in the wings/police database to corrupt anything you say! On the other hand: Toby! Don’t waste this opportunity to lay out A’s entire history of torture and terrorism and get real help from the inside!

As we are not allowed to know what's in the barrel, neither are we allowed to know how Toby answers. The next we hear from him, he is sitting forlornly on the steps of the precinct, calling Spencer. She accosts him with questions about his run-in with Hanna at the storage unit. Why was he there? Why didn’t he call her and give her a heads up that he was headed there? What was in the barrel? But Toby’s lips are sealed by the law (so we guess that is a partial answer as to which side of things Toby will be taking from now on). He won’t talk about it, so Spencer asks him to come over when he gets off work, but he says he’ll be working late and can’t. He hangs up on her as Spencer cries/continues to act circles around the other girls. Toby, not working late at all, gets into his truck and drives off into the night.

A Tag

Discordant ice cream truck music plays, making us all think back to our childhoods and shudder. Mona’s bloody evidence bags are lined up neatly on a new set of shelves, evidently at the clown ice cream factory, as when the locker door closes, A’s blacklight flashlight reveals it to be the very same door Emily, Spencer, and Aria put their paw prints all over just before splitting up like dummies. 

via

Nicely done, A. Nicely done.

NEXT WEEK

Holbrook’s back, so we can finally tell him how disappointed we are that he failed to live up to our expectations of “Normal Adult Male.” Also maybe we’ll find out what’s in that damn barrel.

<-- Pretty Little Liars 5x16: Over a Barrel

Pretty Little Liars 5x18: Oh, What Hard Luck Stories They All Hand Me -->

Title: In Your Eyes
Year: 2014
Fix: Magical Realism Romance (as Written by Joss Whedon)

Netflix Summary:

Two strangers on opposite ends of the country have a telepathic bond that lets each one see what the other sees, a deep connection that leads to love.

FYA Summary:

Rebecca and Dylan live thousands of miles apart, but that doesn’t stop them from making a deep connection—through a unexplained telepathic bond. At first, the two seem like they’re from two different worlds, but they forge a bond that goes beyond just being able to hear each other inside their heads.

Life’s not always easy when you’re watching someone else live it, however, especially when you want nothing more to be there for the other person, but it’s practically impossible to do so.

Familiar Faces:

Michael Stahl-David as Dylan Kershaw

I’m not really familiar with Michael’s other roles, but I did watch Cloverfield again lately, and so his face is fresh in my mind. According to these two roles, he plays a really good “regular guy” and more than decent boyfriend.

Steve Harris as Giddons

Steve plays a parole officer in In Your Eyes. It seems like he frequently plays this sort of role, so perhaps it’s typecasting, but I really like him as the stern authority figure.

Mark Feuerstein as Phillip Porter

I’m sure I’ve seen Mark in loads of other things before, but—to be quite honest—he’s not that memorable. Also, I kind of feel bad for Phillip, but Mark plays him in a way that made me dislike him from the start, so I don’t mind that he kind of gets screwed over in the end.

Steve Howey as Bo Soames

It seems like Steve always plays the kind of stupid, kind of douchey character, and Bo is no exception. I would like to see him in a different role. (Has he ever played a different role?)

David Gallagher as Lyle Soames

It took me until the end credits to realize that Lyle was played by David. So I suppose that means he plays the quasi-redneck, white-trashy younger brother role really well.

Jennifer Grey as Diane

Jennifer’s not in the movie very long, but I can say that the role of Diane—an older, wealthy woman who enjoys snarky gossip—is a far cry from Dirty Dancing’s Baby Houseman and Ferris’ sister.

Nikki Reed as Donna

The character of Donna is a sweet girl, and Nikki plays her well. Her attempt at a southern-ish accent leaves something to be desired, however.

Cress Williams as Jake

I saw you Cress! You thought you’d just sneak by in your tiny role as Dylan’s boss at the car wash, but I spotted you. Don’t be such a jerk next time, though.

Richard Riehle as Mr. Padgham

Richard was in the movie for all of a minute, so there’s not much to compare to his other roles. But he’s definitely a familiar face.

Couch-Sharing Capability: Medium

In Your Eyes is a quiet, sweet movie, but it never lost my attention. There’s also a really hot, really swoony scene, so I’d suggest watching this with people you’re comfortable watching that sort of scene around (i.e., not your parents or your children).

Recommended Level of Inebriation: Bring Out the Champ Cans

In Your Eyes would be a great movie to watch during a girl’s night in. It’s not one to get sloshed to, but would be great paired with a few cans of champers and a cheese plate. (I did not have either of those things while I was watching, but I now wish I had.)

Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Great

Honestly, the main reason I keep my Netflix account is to find movies like this one, movies I might never have heard of otherwise. In Your Eyes has a really unique—if a little morally questionable—story, and two leads who aren’t well known, but really do their roles justice. They also have fabulous chemistry, even though they spend most of the movie in two different states. In Your Eyes made my heart happy. (Plus, the movie was written and produced by Joss Whedon, so that’s a huge check mark in the pros column from the get-go.)

Previously on The 100, the Mt. Weather kids craft an SOS signal but Monty gets caged, while the alliance between the Sky People and the Grounders is threatened by some Grounder mutiny. Oh yeah, and love is weakness.

REAL TALK, y'all. Even the most amazing shows have weak episodes. The important thing to remember is that those episodes are still a thousand times better than most of the drivel on TV. So yeah, maybe this wasn't The 100's strongest hour. Perhaps a maniac gorilla and shimsham CGI were regrettable decisions. But like Matthew McConaughey with a nasty mustache or Taylor Kitsch with a man bun, the hotness of The 100 perseveres in spite of the occasional bad choice.

In other words, I'd still hit that!

In the forest:

Lincoln and Bellamy are being hot badasses together, en route to Mt. Weather. Lincoln stops to... cut a dead deer. Dude, is that really necessary? Then he smears deer blood on his face. I repeat, IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY? Just when you think a character on this show might get clean, they douse themselves in blood. TYPICAL. Lincoln tells Bellamy that, after he was captured, he was tagged as Cerberus, and Bellamy, who apparently aced his Mythology 101 class, notes that it's the same name as the three-headed dog who guards the underworld. They share a Moment when Bellamy admits that Lincoln has been good for Octavia, and Lincoln talks about how, as a child, he discovered a human who fell to earth in a ship (apparently an attempted suicide). He wanted to learn the man's language, and because of that, his father forced him to murder the human. File that under Grounder Parenting Tips!

Eventually, the duo reaches the entrance to one of the Mt. Weather tunnels, and Bellamy must pretend to be Lincoln's prisoner. But when a Raider party shows up, Lincoln FREAKS, and Bellamy can barely get him to keep up the act. The head Raider tells Lincoln to put his captive "on the log," and then Bellamy gets blindfolded and I DON'T LIKE THIS. I DON'T LIKE THIS ONE BIT. The creepy Mt. Weather scientists come out to sort people (and not in the Hogwarts way), and is it wrong to be happy that this terrible predicament gives us an excuse to see Bells (pet name alert!) in his underwear? The syringes make their appearance, and instead of launching the attack, Lincoln acts like a druggie in withdrawal and sinks down, seemingly eager to accept his shot. So Bellamy, tagged as "harvest," gets carted away and I AM NOT HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

Also in the forest:

Clarke is Dr. Professional, talking strategy with a bunch of hulking Grounders and trying to figure out how to take Mt. Weather. Quint, a particularly aggressive dude, wants to take it by storm, but Clarke insists on waiting for Bellamy to get inside and lower the defenses. Lexa says the latter is a prayer, not a plan, and Clarke storms out. Suddenly, amidst the trees, Quint begins taunting her and shooting arrows like a wannabe Katniss. She runs away, then spies Lady Guard WHO IS MISSING AN ARM OMG GROSS. Quint catches up to Clarke and almost kills her, but Lexa and her guard step in, giving Clarke the chance to kill her would-be murderer. She hesitates, and in that moment, they hear a monstrous roar. Obviously, something else killed Lady Guard. In a stone cold move, Lexa slashes Quint's legs so he can't run and then they take off. Lots of CGI trees move and then something attacks Quint.

That something turns out to be KING KONG. What the? Really? Seriously? A giant, bloodthirsty gorilla is really how you want to go, show? Well, at least Clarke and Lexa get to be totally fierce as they try to kill it and then escape into some kind of large holding pen.

On the way, Lexa breaks her arm, but Clarke refuses to leave her, causing Lexa to condemn her as weak. A few hours later, Clarke gets the genius idea to trap Mr. Kong inside the pen, and once they break free, Lexa apologizes by saying that Clarke's heart shows no sign of weakness. Damn, Lexa, you couldn't have said that before Clarke sent Bellamy to certain doom? But Clarke isn't done with her epiphanies. What if, she wonders, Bellamy frees the Grounders imprisoned inside of Mt. Weather? (Shhh, nobody tell her that those poor fools are weak from blood loss and mind control. Also, BELLS IS CAPTURED AND I AM REALLY NERVOUS)

At Camp Jaha:

Indra marches in with a group of warriors to begin training with the Sky People so they can eventually take Mt. Weather. Jaha, recently released, is all Mr. Gloomy Pants about it. And hey, it's Malfoy! I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's good to see you! And there's Octavia, looking clean! (Let's enjoy it while it lasts). One of the Grounders from the village (where Finn shot people) gives Malfoy a hard time, but then Malfoy gets blamed for trying to start something. It's not fair, so it's extra satisfying when he throws a punch after the Grounder says that Malfoy will burn like his friend Finn. Everyone starts fighting, leading me to question the value of the internet because seriously, there's not a gif of "FIIIIIGHT!" from Now & Then, nor a gif from Joey's "Ewww, fight!" in 10 Things I Hate About You? World wide web, more like WORTHLESS wide web.

Somehow, everyone ends up back outside doing fight exercises. Octavia reeeeally wants to join in, while Malfoy watches from inside with Jaha, who apparently got him off work detail. (How a recent prisoner can get a future prisoner out of trouble is beyond me.) I smell an an alliance! He gets Malfoy to take him to the drop ship to visit Wells' grave, and then, while Jaha grieves over his son's buried body, Malfoy tells him the truth about how Wells died, i.e. a little girl killed him because she couldn't kill his dad. ALL ABOARD FOR A GUILT TRIP! Their heart to heart continues late into the night, with Jaha telling him about the City of Light, "a place where everyone is accepted." He swears that, "Once I find it, I'm gonna come back and lead my people home." Call Christian Bale Charlton Heston because somebody just stole his part as Moses! The next morning, a group of Jaha disciples show up, ready to head to the City of Light. And Malfoy decides to drink the Kool-Aid!

Meanwhile, at training camp, Kane offers to show the Grounders how to shoot a gun, and Indra adamantly refuses. Octavia says they're scared of guns-- legend has it that if a Grounder picks up a gun, Mt. Weather will wipe out their entire village. Legend also has it that legends can be conveniently made up in the writers room.

That night, Octavia challenges Indra to a fight. In the rain. Just like in all of the best music videos/dance movie sequences. But Indra commands a HUGE dude to take on Octavia (which really isn't cool), and consequently, she takes a BEATING. And then she gets up. MORE BEATING. And then she gets up again. Uh, internal bleeding much? Girl, STAY DOWN. Thankfully, Indra stops the dude from flat out pummeling her to death, then tells Octavia that she fought like a child. OUCH! (I mean that literally and figuratively). I'd like to take a moment and commend the make-up team for giving Octavia that radiant "bruised" look. Indra throws her a bone by offering to make her a warrior, a.k.a. her "second." What are her motives?! We don't know, because the first lesson is, "Don't question me." Dammit, Indra, you got us this time! Then the Grounders make BBQ for everyone, and Kane asks Octavia to be a spy, and WHO CAN SHE TRUST? The truth is out there, Octavia.

Grounder 101:

Leaders are chosen by reincarnation! Which, honestly, sounds just a smidge more ridiculous than our current campaign finance system.

Death Toll: 3

Lady Guard, Quint and nameless Lexa guard, your deaths were not in vain.*

*Just kidding. Getting killed by a CGI gorilla is EMBARRASSING.

Say What:

Clarke: I'm sorry, have I done something to offend you?

Quint: Yes, you burned my brother alive in a ring of fire.

Touché!

Malfoy to Jaha: I'm nobody's son. You made sure of that.

OH SNAP.

Octavia: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Burning Questions:

- Is it sad that I got SUCH a thrill out of Clarke saying that she had faith in Bellamy?

- Bellamy got captured, which means he has to get all hosed off and decontaminated. So... do we finally get to see his clean face?

- Where the eff was Abby in this episode? Or Raven?

- That reminds me-- I know Raven needs time to grieve for Finn but WHEN WILL WE GET MORE WICKEN?

- WHERE IS SLOTH THE MUTANT? Writers, you're such a tease.

Fellow Sky People, join me in the comments for a dissection of every little detail!